History Funny / TheITCrowd

** Note that before moments finding the gun, Douglas had been told he needed to stay out of trouble before a conference call the next morning, and that he should just stay in the office.

--->"Oh wow! A gun!"\\

** Roy uses a toilet for disabled people and accidentally pushes the emergency button. He cannot explain it, and all he can say is "I'm disabled!" and make things up as to how it happened.

** Cue [[SuicideAsComedy Denholm falling past the window]] [[FunnyBackgroundEvent behind him]] and people in the office freaking out. Soon afterwards, Moss comes back downstairs, still ranting about the firewall, only to be interrupted by Jen telling them that Denholm's dead. Moss, with no change in tone at all, adds, "Oh yes, and Denholm is dead."
** The suicide itself deserves mention due to its absolute casualness. As soon as Denholm's told the police are there, he calmly orders to invite them in, then just walks calmly to the window without pause and flings himself out with a tiny hop before anyone can even realize what the hell is happening.

--->"You wouldn't shoot a policeman, and then steal his helmet! You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet, and then, send it to the policeman's grieving widow. And then steal it again!"

** When Douglas is caught by the aforementioned nun, priest, and rabbit with his pants literally down and Moss working on them, instead of even ''trying'' to [[NotWhatItLooksLike explain himself]] he just yells at them to "FUCK OFF!"

-->'''Moss:''' ''(picks up the clearly disconnected) phone, turning it over)'' But ''how''?!

--> '''Moss:''' I'll just put this over here with the rest of the fire.

--> ''"Fire! Fire! Help me! 123 Cavendon Road. Looking forward to hearing from you. Yours truly, Maurice Moss."''
*** For one final bit of hilarity, the episode ends with the Fire Department arriving, saying that they got his email.

--> "''Subject: Fire. Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to inform you of a fire that has broken out on the premises of 123 Cavendon Road...'' Nope, that's way too formal."

--> '''Denholm:''' Nice screensaver!
** He sees it a second time, admiring how the flames rise above th screen.

--> '''Moss:''' (reading) "I'm going to murder you! You bloody woman!"
--> '''Roy:''' "You might be playing a bit too hard to get."

--> '''Moss:''' "If you were a murderer, what would your nickname be? Mine would be The Gardener, because I'd always leave a rose at the scene of the crime."
--> '''Roy:''' "What would your murder weapon be?"
--> '''Moss:''' (beat) "A hammer."

--> '''Moss:''' "Roy's stuck under a desk."
--> '''Jen:''' "Roy's ''stuck under a desk?''"
--> '''Moss:''' "Yes, it's not just me, it is an unusual text, isn't it?"

-->'''Moss:''' Night Millie. You be good!\\

-->'''Moss''': "Thank you, some attention please. I know you don't think it's "important" or "cool" but there is a ruddy good reason why we put up anti-virus software and firewalls. It's because there are a lot of dangerous things out there."

-->'''Jen:''' Just say you're sorry and move on.
-->'''Roy:''' [to Denholm's widow] Sorry for your loss. Move on.

-->'''Derek''': You do know we are burying a ''great man'' today?!
-->'''Roy''': What, did someone else die?
-->'''Derek''': I MEAN MR. REYNHOLM!

--> '''''[[AccentOnTheWrongSyllable Fa-THEEER!]]'''''
--> '''''Speak, priest!'''''
--> '''''Quiet, woman!'''''

-->'''Jen''': I am too tired for revolution. And we've walked for [[SoundEffectBleep fucking]] miles.

-->"You wouldn't shoot a policeman, and then steal his helmet! You wouldn't go to the toilet in his helmet, and then, send it to the policeman's grieving widow. And then steal it again!"

-->'''Johann:''' ''[As the DVD anti-piracy video starts; in disgust]'' Oh, these ''piracy warnings''!

-->'''Jen''': "My tits! My tits are on fire!"

--> '''Jessica''': Oh! Look at me, "having an orgasm"!

-->'''Jen''': What are you doing?!
-->'''Roy''': Well, um... not that it's any of your business, but I ''was'' [[TooMuchInformation planning to have a little poo.]]

-->'''Moss:''' You're embarrassing yourself!\\

-->'''Douglas:''' Good God.
-->'''Jen:''' Mr Reynholm?
-->'''Douglas:''' You looked exactly like Melissa there.
-->'''Jen:''' Melissa?
-->'''Douglas:''' My wife. She died.
-->'''Jen:''' Oh, poor you. That's terrible.
-->'''Douglas:''' There's not a day goes past that I don't think of her. I'll never forget our final moments.
-->'''Woman's voice in Douglas' head:''' Help me! My husband's trying to kill me!

--> "Oh wow! A gun!"
-->[[TemptingFate "I wonder if it's loaded?"]] ''(Puts gun in mouth and [[TooDumbToLive pulls trigger ''five times'']])'' [[IdiotHoudini "Nope"]]

--> '''Douglas''': GOD DAMN THESE [[ItMakesSenseInContext ELECTRIC SEX PANTS!]]\\
'''Douglas''': They feel like being tased in the balls. [[TooKinkyToTorture Except painful.]]

-->"I like the way he says 'Ohh, yes.'"

--> "You'd better put seat belts on your ears, Roy, because I'm about to take them for the ride of their lives!"

-->'''Jen:''' What kind of man would want to take pictures of beautiful women with their clothes off?!
-->'''Roy:''' The kind of man who wants to ''help people, Jen!

--> '''Moss:''' It's like someone broke up with [[UsefulNotes/JosefStalin Stalin!]]

-->'''Moss''': (''long {{beat}}'') A ''fire''?\\
'''Roy''': That's right. At the sea lion show, apparently.\\
'''Jen''': Aren't those shows usually out in the open?\\
'''Roy''': Well, yeah. Yeah, that's what I would've... yeah.\\
'''Jen''': Lots of water everywhere.\\
'''Roy''': Yeah, I mean, I would imagine the whales need a lot of water. I don't think you can ''have'' whales in a place where there isn't a ''huge'' amount of water!\\
'''Jen''': It just seems like a weird place to go on fire.\\
'''Roy''': (''Almost sounding relieved that he's not crazy'') It's a ''very'' weird place to go on fire!

-->'''Moss''': Roy, when I was on holiday, I ''lived'' at Sea Parks! It's the funnest, wettest, most splish-splashy place in the world!\\
'''Roy''': Okay, did you go and see the sea lion show?\\
'''Moss''': Three times a day for two weeks!\\
'''Roy''': And did they have pla-\\
'''Moss''': No, it's all stone steps.\\
'''Roy''': ''Then what went on fire?!''

---> '''Julia''': What are you doing?\\

'''Roy''': Masturbating.

---> '''Roy''': Look! Look at this! Look at how long its taking to go on fire. And this is made of ''matches''!

-->''"These toys may smell of wee come the morn."''

--> '''Moss:''' What operating system does it use?
--> '''Bomb Squad Tech:''' It's uhh...Vista!
--> '''Moss:''' ''(panicking)'' [[TakeThat We're going to die!]]

--> '''Richmond''': I worked at Reynholm Industries for seven years.
--> '''Douglas''': And what did you do there?
--> '''Richmond''': I don't know.

--> '''Douglas:''' ...and of course, there are all the rumours that I murdered my first wife...
--> '''Jen:''' ''(sotto voce)'' No-one... no-one's mentioned that...

---> '''Douglas:''' I've had enough of you! You're fired!
---> '''Lawyer:''' Mr. Reynholm, I don't work for you. I'm representing your ex-wife.
---> '''Douglas:''' PISS OFF!

---->'''Douglas''': Look at her. Cold as ice. But I tell you this: behind those shades, she’s terrified.
---->'''Victoria''': [''pause, sound of snoring'']