History Funny / TheGoldenGirls

7th Jul '17 12:46:23 PM GarrulousTiger
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-->'''Dorothy:''' Chew it carefully, Ma. Like they taught you at SHADY PINES.
1st Jul '17 5:05:46 PM GarrulousTiger
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* Despite the serious nature of the main storyline in [[VerySpecialEpisode "High Anxiety"], the episode features a number of laugh-out-loud hilarious moments, notably the scene in which Rose introduces the girls to St. Olaf's version of Monopoly, "Gugenspritzer."

to:

* Despite the serious nature of the main storyline in [[VerySpecialEpisode "High Anxiety"], Anxiety"]], the episode features a number of laugh-out-loud hilarious moments, notably the scene in which Rose introduces the girls to St. Olaf's version of Monopoly, "Gugenspritzer."




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** And Sophia and Dorothy filming a commercial for a local pizzeria. First off, there's another trademark Sophia zinger...
-->'''Dorothy:''' Do I look at Ma or do I look at the camera [when I say my line]?
-->'''Sy:''' Look at the camera. And here's a tip: look at it like you're making love to it.
-->''[Cue "smoldering look" from Dorothy - another example of how BeaArthur could induce belly laughs using just her face]''
-->'''Sophia:''' ''[to Sy]'' It might help if you give her a reference she's more familiar with.
** Then there's Dorothy's hilariously lousy acting. Then, there's Dorothy's trying to rewrite the script to fix a grammatical error, and as a result being demoted from the role of Sophia's daughter to the role of waitress (and slamming the pizza down on the table when she serves it). But the real kicker is...
-->'''Sophia:''' ''[tasting the pizza]'' Mmmm... that's a mighty... that's a mighty LOUSY PIZZA! ''[spits it out into a napkin]''
-->'''Dorothy:''' Ma, you never tasted it before?
-->'''Sophia:''' No, and I never will again!
-->'''Sy:''' What the HELL are you doing?!
-->'''Sophia:''' Sorry, Sy! You can't pay me to endorse that slime on a shingle!
-->'''Dorothy:''' Ma, this is a national commercial! There's a lot of money at stake here!
-->'''Sophia:''' Sorry, Dorothy. There are two things a Sicilian won't do: lie about pizza, and file a tax return.
1st Jul '17 4:52:18 PM GarrulousTiger
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to:

* Despite the serious nature of the main storyline in [[VerySpecialEpisode "High Anxiety"], the episode features a number of laugh-out-loud hilarious moments, notably the scene in which Rose introduces the girls to St. Olaf's version of Monopoly, "Gugenspritzer."
-->'''Dorothy:''' How odd... I can either buy the library or the phone booth in the center of town. I think I'll buy the library.
-->'''Rose:''' If I were you, I'd buy the phone booth.
-->'''Dorothy:''' Why?
-->'''Rose:''' People ''use'' the phone booth!
** Or the time Blanche recalls the time she tried giving up something crucial to her very identity after her husband died...
-->'''Blanche:''' SEX, Dorothy! I tried quittin' sex.
-->'''Dorothy:''' Obviously, you fell off the wagon.
-->'''Sophia:''' And onto a naval base.



-->'''Dorothy''': ''[talking to Kevin, the basketball player]'' Oh, a student works hard and gets good grades - does that make him a geek?\\

to:

-->'''Dorothy''': ''[talking to Kevin, the basketball player]'' athlete]'' Oh, a student works hard and gets good grades - does that make him a geek?\\
17th Jun '17 3:38:21 PM GarrulousTiger
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'''Rose''': I'm sorry. It's just that I was so excited - I think I might have stumbled on something that could change the face of plumbing as we know it!

to:

'''Rose''': I'm sorry. It's just that I was so excited - I think I might have stumbled on something that could change the face of plumbing as we know it!it!\\
17th Jun '17 3:37:31 PM GarrulousTiger
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-->'''Rose:''' What do you mean?
-->'''Dorothy:''' He had a big floppy pancreas, Rose.

to:

-->'''Rose:''' '''Rose:''' What do you mean?
-->'''Dorothy:'''
mean?\\
'''Dorothy:'''
He had a big floppy pancreas, Rose.



** Dorothy's flashback is one of her worst birthdays ever. Rose decided to take her to "[[SuckECheeses Mr. Ha-Ha's Hot Dog Hacienda.]]" Dorothy is obviously miserable, which isn't helped by her having to lead a Birthday Parade. After she has to make a wish and blow out her candle, Mr. Ha-Ha says, "I hope everybody gets what they wished for." Dorothy gets a gleam in her eye, picks up her hot fudge cake in throwing position and says, "Do you really, Mr. Ha-ha?" Mr. Ha-Ha warns her that A) his musician's brother is a lawyer, and B) that's not a very mature thing to do. Dorothy agrees, and puts her cake down. However, a little boy named Bobby walks up behind Ha-Ha, gets his attention, and when Ha-Ha turns around, '''he''' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAzkm46mNnQ pies him in the face.]] Then, with a big toothy grin he says, "Happy Birthday, Dorothy." It's hilarious, a little heartwarming, and even the normally deadpan Dorothy lets out a big belly laugh.

to:

** Dorothy's flashback is one of her worst birthdays ever. Rose decided to take her to "[[SuckECheeses Mr. Ha-Ha's Hot Dog Hacienda.]]" Dorothy is obviously miserable, which isn't helped by her having to lead a Birthday Parade. After she has to make a wish and blow out her candle, Mr. Ha-Ha says, "I hope everybody gets what they wished for." Dorothy gets a gleam in her eye, picks up her hot fudge cake in throwing position and says, "Do you really, Mr. Ha-ha?" Mr. Ha-Ha warns her that A) his musician's brother is a lawyer, and B) that's not a very mature thing to do. Dorothy agrees, and puts her cake down. However, a little boy named Bobby walks up behind Ha-Ha, gets his attention, and when Ha-Ha turns around, '''he''' [[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAzkm46mNnQ pies hits him in the face.face with the hot fudge cake.]] Then, with a big toothy grin he says, "Happy Birthday, Dorothy." It's hilarious, a little heartwarming, and even the normally deadpan Dorothy lets out a big belly laugh.



'''Dorothy''': ''[to Sophia, who is opening her mouth to speak]'' One word out of you and I cut off your supply of Metamucil.

to:

'''Dorothy''': ''[to Sophia, who is gleefully opening her mouth to speak]'' One word out of you and I cut off your supply of Metamucil.
17th Jun '17 3:35:28 PM GarrulousTiger
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-->'''Rose:''' A lateral fusion pipe.\\
-->'''Dorothy:''' Uh-huh. And do you know what's on the other side of that lateral fusion pipe?\\
-->'''Rose:''' No...\\
-->'''Dorothy:''' MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!\\
-->'''Rose''': I'm sorry. It's just that I was so excited - I think I might have stumbled on something that could change the face of plumbing as we know it!
-->'''Dorothy:''' Great, Rose. Call the Ty-D-Bol man. He'll jump in his boat and spread the news.

to:

-->'''Rose:''' '''Rose:''' A lateral fusion pipe.\\
-->'''Dorothy:''' '''Dorothy:''' Uh-huh. And do you know what's on the other side of that lateral fusion pipe?\\
-->'''Rose:''' '''Rose:''' No...\\
-->'''Dorothy:''' '''Dorothy:''' MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!\\
-->'''Rose''': '''Rose''': I'm sorry. It's just that I was so excited - I think I might have stumbled on something that could change the face of plumbing as we know it!
-->'''Dorothy:''' '''Dorothy:''' Great, Rose. Call the Ty-D-Bol man. He'll jump in his boat and spread the news.



** And later on...
-->'''Dorothy''': ''[talking to Kevin, the basketball player]'' Oh, a student works hard and gets good grades - does that make him a geek?\\
'''Kevin''': No, that makes him a ''dork''. A geek is more like, you know, someone with no friends, stays home every Saturday night, nose always buried in a book.\\
'''Dorothy''': ''[to Sophia, who is opening her mouth to speak]'' One word out of you and I cut off your supply of Metamucil.



* Rose is trying to give Sophia a pep-talk about why she should support Dorothy and Stan's re-marriage, which goes about as well as you'd expect. (Rose tells her this: "If you hold the bird gently, it'll stay; but if you squeeze the bird... his eyes'll bug out.") Blanche decides to intervene:

to:

* Rose is trying to give Sophia a pep-talk about why she should support Dorothy and Stan's re-marriage, which goes about as well as you'd expect. (Rose tells her this: "If you hold the bird gently, it'll stay; but if you squeeze the bird... his eyes'll bug out. And then Mr. Pet Store Owner gets upset and won't let you touch the birds anymore...") Blanche decides to intervene:
17th Jun '17 3:30:32 PM GarrulousTiger
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** Earlier in that episode, when Rose wakes up Dorothy with her pounding on the bathroom wall (which happens to be on the other side of Dorothy's room):
-->'''Dorothy:''' Honey, do you know what's behind that, ah, wall that you're banging on?\\
-->'''Rose:''' A lateral fusion pipe.\\
-->'''Dorothy:''' Uh-huh. And do you know what's on the other side of that lateral fusion pipe?\\
-->'''Rose:''' No...\\
-->'''Dorothy:''' MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!\\
-->'''Rose''': I'm sorry. It's just that I was so excited - I think I might have stumbled on something that could change the face of plumbing as we know it!
-->'''Dorothy:''' Great, Rose. Call the Ty-D-Bol man. He'll jump in his boat and spread the news.
17th Jun '17 3:26:23 PM GarrulousTiger
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** Dorothy comes in from the pouring rain as a hurricane threatens Miami:
-->'''Dorothy''': Whew! It is really coming down!\\
'''Rose''': What's coming down?\\
'''Dorothy''': ''[pauses, then responds crossly]'' The Liberace marquee at Caesar's Palace!


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** Blanche tells the girls about an old boyfriend who had big ears.
-->'''Blanche:''' By the way... did you know that the size of a man's ears is directly proportional to the size of his other... bodily organs?\\
-->'''Rose:''' What do you mean?
-->'''Dorothy:''' He had a big floppy pancreas, Rose.
8th Mar '17 9:40:20 PM RainbowPhoenix
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-->'''Dorothy:''' I'm so nervous. Have you ever given a eulogy?
-->'''Rose:''' You mean at a funeral?
-->'''Dorothy:''' No, Rose, at a pie eating contest!

to:

-->'''Dorothy:''' I'm so nervous. Have you ever given a eulogy?
-->'''Rose:'''
eulogy?\\
'''Rose:'''
You mean at a funeral?
-->'''Dorothy:'''
funeral?\\
'''Dorothy:'''
No, Rose, at a pie eating contest!



-->'''Dorothy''': It turned up three days later.
-->(''long {{beat}} as Blanche, and the audience, laugh'',)
-->'''Rose''': Where'd it turn up, Dorothy?
-->(''long {{beat}}, more laughter'')
-->'''Dorothy''': On the Home Shopping Network.

to:

-->'''Dorothy''': It turned up three days later. \n-->(''long \\
(''long
{{beat}} as Blanche, and the audience, laugh'',)
-->'''Rose''':
laugh'',)\\
'''Rose''':
Where'd it turn up, Dorothy?
-->(''long
Dorothy?\\
(''long
{{beat}}, more laughter'')
-->'''Dorothy''':
laughter'')\\
'''Dorothy''':
On the Home Shopping Network.



-->'''Blanche''': We brought dinner.
-->'''Rose''': What did you get?
-->'''Dorothy''': A bucket of chicken. I hope you like it extra flat and crispy.

to:

-->'''Blanche''': We brought dinner.
-->'''Rose''':
dinner.\\
'''Rose''':
What did you get?
-->'''Dorothy''':
get?\\
'''Dorothy''':
A bucket of chicken. I hope you like it extra flat and crispy.\\
'''Blanch:''': It's a pizza, Rose.\\
'''Rose''': I know that, I just meant what kind.\\
'''Blanch''': Did you really?\\
'''Rose''': No, but I thought I could cover.



-->'''Rose''': What kind of a movie is this, Dorothy?
-->'''Character on screen''': Rip his throat out!
-->'''Dorothy''': It's a musical Rose.

to:

-->'''Rose''': What kind of a movie is this, Dorothy?
-->'''Character
Dorothy?\\
'''Character
on screen''': Rip his throat out!
-->'''Dorothy''':
out!\\
'''Dorothy''':
It's a musical Rose.
28th Feb '17 10:21:23 AM TheTrailblazerCritic
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* Also, when Uncle Angelo visits, having been led to believe Dorothy and Stan were still married by Sophia who feared he'd disapprove of their divorce. After just finishing his confession that he actually was not a priest:
-->'''Angelo:''' Can you ever forgive me?
-->'''Dorothy:''' Oh of course, Uncle Angelo. Actually, we've all been deceitful too; Stanley and I are divorced. I hope you're not disappointed.
-->'''Angelo:''' No, I'm thrilled! I never liked him, he's a ''yutz''.
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http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/article_history.php?article=Funny.TheGoldenGirls