History Funny / TheAmericanPresident

20th Jan '16 2:56:25 PM LaurelHS
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* Lewis is talking on the phone with a Senator who was initially going to support the energy bill and then changed his mind. He goes into a tirade that ends with him yelling, "Just vote your conscience, you chicken-shit lame-ass!" and hanging up.
-->'''Lewis:''' We lost Jarrett.
-->'''Leon:''' I hope so. 'Cause, you know, if that was an "undecided" then we need to work on our people skills.
5th Jul '15 3:13:27 PM dmcreif
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* Shepherd develops a liking for Sydney Ellen Wade when she has several foot-in-mouth moments during the first day they meet, including a TheExitIsThatWay in the Oval Office, not to mention starting off with a priceless RightBehindMe moment as he comes in while she's in the midst of delivering a tirade about him:

to:

* Shepherd develops a liking for Sydney Ellen Wade when she has several foot-in-mouth [[OpenMouthInsertFoot foot-in-mouth]] moments during the first day they meet, including a TheExitIsThatWay in the Oval Office, not to mention starting off with a priceless RightBehindMe moment as he comes in while she's in the midst of delivering a tirade about him:



-->''[Sydney emerges from the bathroom wearing nothing but one of his shirts]''
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' Perhaps I didn't properly explain the fundamentals of the slowdown plan.

to:

-->''[Sydney emerges from the bathroom wearing nothing but [[SexyShirtSwitch one of his shirts]''
shirts]]]''
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' Shepherd:''' ...Perhaps I didn't properly explain the fundamentals of the slowdown plan.
4th Jul '15 3:19:53 PM dmcreif
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-->'''President Shepherd:''' I want a plain, ordinary, non-bullet-proof vehicle!

to:

-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' I want a plain, ordinary, non-bullet-proof vehicle!



-->'''President Shepherd:''' Well, I haven't worked that out yet. But I suspect groveling will be involved.

to:

-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' Well, I haven't worked that out yet. But I suspect groveling will be involved.



-->'''Sydney:''' If he honestly thinks that the environmental community is going to whistle a happy tune, while rallying support around this pitifully lame mockery of environmental leadership, just because he's a nice guy and he's done better than his predecessors, then your boss is the Chief Executive of Fantasyland!

to:

-->'''Sydney:''' -->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' If he honestly thinks that the environmental community is going to whistle a happy tune, while rallying support around this pitifully lame mockery of environmental leadership, just because he's a nice guy and he's done better than his predecessors, then your boss is the Chief Executive of Fantasyland!



-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' I'm calling the Organization of the United Brotherhood of It's None of Your Damn Business, Lewis. I'll be with you in a minute.
** ...And when he finally manages to make the call to the florist, the sales person hangs up when he says that he is the President of the United States. He finally does get her flowers -- from the White House Rose Garden.

to:

-->'''Lewis Rothschild:''' Who're we calling, sir?
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' I'm calling the Organization of the United Brotherhood of It's None of Your Damn Business, Lewis. I'll be with you in a minute.second.
** ...And when he finally manages to make the call to the florist, he has more problems: one, the florist apparently doesn't know what the state flower of Virginia is, forcing him to go through his aides to learn it (the dogwood), then finds that they don't have the dogwood, and tries asking for roses. Then the sales person hangs up when he says that he is the President of the United States. He finally does get her flowers -- from the White House Rose Garden.



-->'''President Shepherd:''' Yep, she remembered.

to:

-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' Yep, she remembered.



-->'''Shepherd''': ''You're raising your voice to the President?''

to:

-->'''Shepherd''': -->'''President Andrew Shepherd''': ''You're raising your voice to the President?''



-->'''Andrew''': I'm sorry, we'll do this better next time.
-->'''Sydney''': I'm no expert, but I thought we did it pretty good this time.

to:

-->'''Andrew''': -->'''President Andrew Shepherd''': I'm sorry, we'll do this better next time.
-->'''Sydney''': -->'''Sydney Ellen Wade''': I'm no expert, but I thought we did it pretty good this time.



-->'''Shepherd''': Are you nervous?
-->'''Sydney''': No.
-->'''Shepherd''': Good. My nervousness exists on... several levels. Number one, and this is in no particular order, I haven't done this in a pretty long time. Number two, uh, any expectations that you might have, given the fact that I'm... you know...
-->'''Sydney''': [approaching seductively] The most powerful man in the world?
-->'''Shepherd''': Exactly, thank you. I think it's important you remember that's a political distinction that comes with the office. I mean, if, uh, Eisenhower were here instead of me, [[{{Metaphorgotten}} he'd be dead by now]]... and number three...

to:

-->'''Shepherd''': Are -->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' You're attracted to me, but the idea of physical intimacy is uncomfortable because you nervous?
-->'''Sydney''': No.
only know me as the President. But it's not always going to be that way, and the reason I know that is there was a moment last night when you were with ME, not the President. And I know what a big step that was for you. So, Sydney, I'm in no rush. Here's my plan. We're going to slow down, and when you're comfortable, that's when it's going to happen.
-->'''Shepherd''': -->''[Sydney emerges from the bathroom wearing nothing but one of his shirts]''
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' Perhaps I didn't properly explain the fundamentals of the slowdown plan.
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' ''[feeling the bed]'' No, you explained it great.
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd''': Are you nervous?
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade''': No.
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd''':
Good. My nervousness exists on... several levels. Number one, and this is in no particular order, I haven't done this in a pretty long time. Number two, uh, any expectations that you might have, given the fact that I'm... you know...
-->'''Sydney''': [approaching seductively] -->'''Sydney Ellen Wade''': ''[approaching seductively]'' The most powerful man in the world?
-->'''Shepherd''': -->'''President Andrew Shepherd''': Exactly, thank you. I think it's important you remember that's a political distinction that comes with the office. I mean, if, uh, Eisenhower were here instead of me, [[{{Metaphorgotten}} he'd be dead by now]]... and number three...



-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Oh. Your father's on the phone with his dentist?
-->'''Lucy Shepherd:''' No, he ''told'' me to tell you he's on the phone with his dentist. He wants you to think he's a regular guy.

to:

-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Oh.Hmm. Your father's on the phone with his dentist?
-->'''Lucy Shepherd:''' No, he ''told'' told me to tell ''tell'' you he's on the phone with his dentist. He wants you to think he's a regular guy.



-->'''Lucy Shepherd:''' The prime minister of Israel.

to:

-->'''Lucy Shepherd:''' The prime minister Prime Minister of Israel.



-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' You have a short-range weapon system outside Tel Aviv.

to:

-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' You have a short-range weapon weapons system outside Tel Aviv.



* Sydney's phone call with Shepherd, which goes downhill when Sydney thinks she's talking to Richard Reynolds, who happens to do a good Shepherd impression:

to:

* Sydney's phone call with Shepherd, which goes downhill when Sydney thinks she's talking to Richard Reynolds, a colleague who happens to do does a good Shepherd impression:
3rd Jul '15 10:42:00 PM dmcreif
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-->'''Lucy Shepherd:''' I hope not. ''[Shepherd comes back]''

to:

-->'''Lucy Shepherd:''' I hope not. ''[Shepherd
**When Shepherd
comes back]''back:
3rd Jul '15 10:41:07 PM dmcreif
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-->'''Sydney:''' Your boss is the chief executive of fantasy land!

to:

-->'''Sydney:''' Your If he honestly thinks that the environmental community is going to whistle a happy tune, while rallying support around this pitifully lame mockery of environmental leadership, just because he's a nice guy and he's done better than his predecessors, then your boss is the chief executive Chief Executive of fantasy land! Fantasyland!



* Shepherd attempts to order flowers for Sydney himself to the confusion of his staff. A big giant ball of HilarityEnsues. To elaborate:
** First, his personal aide becomes rather worried that it is a reflection on her work performance that the president wants to send the flowers himself, rather than make her do it. Lewis tries to nose in on who the president is calling, for which Shepherd shoos him out of the office, telling him, "I'm calling the Organization of the United Brotherhood of It's None of Your Damn Business, Lewis. I'll be with you in a minute". And when he finally manages to make the call to the florist, the sales person hangs up when he says that he is the President of the United States. He finally does get her flowers -- from the White House Rose Garden.

to:

* Shepherd attempts to order flowers for Sydney himself to the confusion of his staff. A big giant ball of HilarityEnsues. To elaborate:
And fails:
** First, his personal aide becomes rather worried that it is a reflection on her work performance that the president wants to send the flowers himself, rather than make her do it. Lewis tries to nose in on who the president is calling, for which Shepherd shoos him out of the office, telling him, "I'm office with this one-liner:
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' I'm
calling the Organization of the United Brotherhood of It's None of Your Damn Business, Lewis. I'll be with you in a minute". minute.
**...
And when he finally manages to make the call to the florist, the sales person hangs up when he says that he is the President of the United States. He finally does get her flowers -- from the White House Rose Garden.



* When President Shepherd asks Sydney to the formal dinner and she can only stare in confusion:

to:

* When President Shepherd asks Sydney to the formal dinner and she can only stare in confusion:




to:

* Sydney's phone call with Shepherd, which goes downhill when Sydney thinks she's talking to Richard Reynolds, who happens to do a good Shepherd impression:
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Hello?
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' Yeah, hi, is this Sydney?
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Leo?
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' No, this is Andrew Shepherd.
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Oh! It's Andrew Shepherd! Yeah, you're hilarious, Richard, you're just a regular riot!
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' No, this isn't Richard, this is Andrew Shepherd.
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Oh! Well, I'm so glad you called, because I forgot to tell you today what a nice ass you have. I'm also impressed that you were able to get my phone number given the fact that I don't have a phone. Good night, Richard.
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' Uh, this isn't Richard- ''[Sydney hangs up]'' This used to be easier.
**What sells it is Shepherd's OhCrap face at the "nice ass" remark. Or, once he's convinced her to contact him through the White House operator, she asks how he found out where she was:
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' What did you mean when you said that you didn't have a phone?
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Oh, I just moved to Washington over the weekend, and my apartment isn't ready yet, this is my sister's apartment... come to think of it, how did you get this number?
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' How did I get the number, that's a good question. Um... I don't know, probably the FBI.
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Oh the FBI. Sure! Cause... If you wanna find someone and you're the President, that's who you'd call!
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' You know who else is good at that.
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Uh... CIA?
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' Well yeah, but I was thinking of the Internal Revenue Service; they have these computer files that, uh... Well, I should stop stalling.
3rd Jul '15 7:02:54 PM dmcreif
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-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Oh. They're probably not discussing his teeth.
-->'''Lucy Shepherd:''' I hope not. ''[Shepherd comes back]''
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' OK! Let Meatloaf Night begin! Hi.
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Hi. How's everything with your teeth?
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' My teeth?
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' The dentist.
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' Oh! Right, right right, yeah I got a, cavity in my upper bicuspid region.
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' You have a short-range weapon system outside Tel Aviv.
-->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' ''[grabs Lucy playfully]'' I think somebody told on me!



-->'''Shepherd:''' Sydney? [beat] ...Sydney, congress doesn't take this long.

to:

-->'''Shepherd:''' Sydney? [beat] ...Sydney, congress Congress doesn't take this long.
16th Mar '15 4:26:27 PM dmcreif
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* Sydney meets Andy's daughter:
-->'''Lucy Shepherd:''' My Dad told me to tell you that he's on the phone with his dentist, and that I should behave myself and entertain you until he gets back.
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Oh. Your father's on the phone with his dentist?
-->'''Lucy Shepherd:''' No, he ''told'' me to tell you he's on the phone with his dentist. He wants you to think he's a regular guy.
-->'''Sydney Ellen Wade:''' Oh. Well, who's he on the phone with?
-->'''Lucy Shepherd:''' The prime minister of Israel.
9th Sep '14 12:39:03 AM HarryLovesHermione
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** When she accepts it, she's so flustered that she says she's honored and won't let him down; he replies that it's just a state dinner, not espionage.
29th Jul '14 9:28:59 AM dmcreif
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* Shepherd develops a liking for Sydney when she has several foot-in-mouth moments during the first day they meet, including a TheExitIsThatWay in the Oval Office, not to mention starting off with a priceless RightBehindMe moment as he comes in while she's in the midst of delivering a tirade about him:

to:

* Shepherd develops a liking for Sydney Ellen Wade when she has several foot-in-mouth moments during the first day they meet, including a TheExitIsThatWay in the Oval Office, not to mention starting off with a priceless RightBehindMe moment as he comes in while she's in the midst of delivering a tirade about him:



-->'''Shepherd:''' Well, let's take him out back and beat the shit out of him!

to:

-->'''Shepherd:''' -->'''President Andrew Shepherd:''' Well, let's take him out back and beat the shit out of him!



** First, his personal aide becomes rather worried that it is a reflection on her work performance that the president wants to send the flowers himself, rather than make her do it. Lewis tries to nose in on who the president is calling, for which Shepherd shoos him out of the office. And when he finally manages to make the call the the florist, the sales person hangs up when he says that he is the President of the United States. He finally does get her flowers -- from the White House Rose Garden.

to:

** First, his personal aide becomes rather worried that it is a reflection on her work performance that the president wants to send the flowers himself, rather than make her do it. Lewis tries to nose in on who the president is calling, for which Shepherd shoos him out of the office. office, telling him, "I'm calling the Organization of the United Brotherhood of It's None of Your Damn Business, Lewis. I'll be with you in a minute". And when he finally manages to make the call the to the florist, the sales person hangs up when he says that he is the President of the United States. He finally does get her flowers -- from the White House Rose Garden.
28th Nov '13 7:02:17 PM ztlawton
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* When President Shepherd asks Sydney to the formal dinner and she can only stare in confusion:
-->'''Shepherd:''' Sydney? [beat] ...Sydney, congress doesn't take this long.
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