History Funny / PiratesOfTheCaribbeanTheCurseOfTheBlackPearl

[{{Beat}} as Barbossa gives him a confused stare]\\

* When Norrington declares, "The ship is ours," after the pirates become mortal again, all the soldiers start cheering, "Huzzah!" Governor Swann joins in and as he does so, he wags his finger at a pirate and then mimes punching him.

** The [[LongList list of Jack's crimes]] includes "impersonating a cleric of the Church of England", which elicits a wry grin from a reminiscing Jack. He then looks at the executioner with the same expression, as if expecting him to join in.

** The list of Jack's crimes includes "impersonating a cleric of the Church of England", which elicits a wry grin from a reminiscing Jack. He then looks at the executioner with the same expression, as if expecting him to join in.

---->'''Jack:''' The French. Latin-based, of course. Inventors of mayonnaise.\\

'''Jack:''' [[Film/BennyAndJoon Obsessed with raisins. Humiliated grapes, really.]] Think about it! ''(makes odd gesture)''\\

'''Jack:''' Seen a bit of the French. ''(whistles)'' Eunuchs, all of 'em.\\

* When Jack the monkey tries to scare Elizabeth for the second time, she is less than amused.

-->'''Jack:''' ''[Jack has just been ordered to explain why he's aboard the ''Interceptor'' and not to lie]'' Very well, I confess. It is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weaselly black guts out.
-->'''Murtogg:''' I said no lies!
-->'''Mullroy:''' I think he's telling the truth.
-->'''Murtogg:''' If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us!
-->'''Jack:''' [[RefugeInAudacity Unless he knew you wouldn't believe the truth, even if he told it to you.]]

-->'''Jack''': ...[[NoodleIncident "...and then they made me ]][[OrphanedPunchline their chief."]]

--->'''Norrington''': Good work, Mr. Brown. You've assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive.\\
'''Brown''': Just doing my civic duty, sir.

-->'''Jacoby:''' Hello! ''[Throws a bomb on the ground. It fails to explode. The pirate looks dejected. Will happily reaches for his sword. A second pirate runs past him.]''
-->'''Pirate 2:''' Outta my way, scum! ''[clubs Will on the head, knocking him out cold]''

--> '''Elizabeth:''' Captain Barbossa, I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal.
--> '''Barbossa:''' There are a lot of long words in there, miss--we're naught but humble pirates. What is it that you want?
--> '''Elizabeth:''' I want you to leave and never come back.
--> '''Barbossa:''' [[HiddenDepths I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request]].
--> '''Elizabeth:''' ''(StunnedSilence)''
--> '''Barbossa:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Means "no"]].

-->'''Jack''': Everyone stay calm, we're taking over the ship!
-->'''Will''': Aye, avast! (''everyone in the'' Interceptor ''laughs. DisapprovingLook by Jack.'')

-->'''Jack''': Scarlett!\\

'''Jack''': I'm not sure I deserved that...\\
'''Jack''': Giselle!\\
'''Giselle''': Who was she?\\
'''Jack''': What?\\

'''Jack''': I ''may'' have deserved that...

--->'''Jack''': Anamaria!\\

'''Will''': I suppose you didn't deserve that one either?\\
'''Jack''': No, ''that'' one I deserved.\\

--> '''Gibbs''': Blast, I'm already awake!
--> '''Will''': That was for the smell.
--> ''Jack looks at Will approvingly. Gibbs looks furious before instantly transitioning to a "Yeah, fair enough" expression and gesture.''
-->'''Jack Sparrow:''' Mr. Cotton! Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain ''death''?! ''[Cotton is silent]'' '''Mr. Cotton!''' Answer, man!
-->'''Gibbs:''' He's a mute, sir; poor devil got his tongue cut out! So he's trained [[VoiceForTheVoiceless the parrot to talk for him]]. ''[beat]'' No one's yet figured ''how''...
-->'''Jack Sparrow:''' Mr. Cotton's... parrot! Same question.
-->'''Cotton's Parrot:''' ''Awk!'' Wind in yer sails, wind in yer sails.
-->'''Gibbs:''' Mostly we figure that means "yes".
-->'''Jack Sparrow:''' Of course it does! (to Will) Satisfied?
-->'''Will:''' You've proved they're mad.

-->'''Bo'sun''': Did it work?\\
'''Ragetti''': I don't feel no different.\\
'''Pintel''': How do we tell?\\

'''Bo'sun''': [[CaptainObvious You're not dead!]]\\
'''Pintel''': ''(chuckles)'' No! ''({{Beat}}, and [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness his face goes from happy to annoyed]])'' ''He shot me!''

-->'''Pintel:''' ''[lightly]'' Course it was only after that [[LaserGuidedKarma we found out that we needed his blood to end the curse.]]
-->'''Ragetti:''' That's what you call ironic.
-->'''Pintel:''' ''[[[ActuallyPrettyFunny chuckles]]]''

-->'''Barbossa''': So what now, Jack Sparrow? Are we to be two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgment Day and trumpets sound, hm?
-->'''Jack''': Or you could surrender.

--> '''Jack:''' Well, I'm actually feeling rather good about this.
--> [''Gets very close to Governor Swann who retches from the smell of Jack's breath'']
--> '''Jack:''' I think we've all arrived at a very special place, eh? Spiritually...ecumenically...grammatically...
--> '''Jack:''' [''walks up close to Norrington''] I want you to know that I was rooting for you, mate. Know that.
--> '''Jack:''' [''looks at Elizabeth solemnly''] Elizabeth...It would never have worked between us, darling. I'm sorry. [''She looks offended and confused'']
--> '''Jack:''' Will... [''shrugs''] Nice hat.

--> "Friends! This is the day that you will always remember as the day that--" ''[slips and falls over the ledge]''

--->'''Jack''': ...[[NoodleIncident "...and then they made me ]][[OrphanedPunchline their chief."]]

---> '''Barbossa:''' So you expect to leave me standing on some beach with nothing but a name and your word it's the one I need and watch you sail away on my ship?
---> '''Jack:''' No. I expect to leave you standing on some beach with absolutely no name at all, watching me sail away on ''my'' ship, and then I'll shout the name back to you. Savvy?

--->'''Elizabeth:''' So that's it, then. ''That's'' the secret, ''grand'' adventure of the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow. You spent ''three days'' lying on a beach, drinking rum.\\

--> '''Jack:''' [''looks at Elizabeth solemnly''] Elizabeth...It would never have worked between us, darling. I'm sorry''' [''She looks offended and confused'']

* Jack Sparrow's [[EstablishingCharacterMoment entrance into Port Royal]], standing proudly atop the mast of his ship [[RevealShot which is just a dinghy that is mostly underwater as he enters the port]], and sinks completely just as he casually walks on the dock.

** And, immediately afterwards, "Hold up there, you! It's a shilling to tie your boat up at the dock!" (cut to mast sticking out of the water next to the dock)

* During Jack's execution, the herald announces him as "Jack Sparrow!" and Jack sighs and mutters "Captain! ''Captain'' Jack Sparrow!"

--> '''Jack:''' I think we've all arrived at a very special place, eh? Spiritually...ecumenically... grammatically...
--> '''Jack:''' [''walks close to Norrington''] I want you to know that I was rooting for you, mate. Know that.

--> [''gets very close to Governor Swann who retches from the smell of Jack's breath'']

--> '''Jack:''' [''walks up to Norrington and points at him''] I want you to know that I was rooting for you, mate. Know that.'''

* Jack's final speeches to each character after Norrington before he escapes:

* "You will always remember this as the day that you almost caught Ca--" ''[slips]''
* Jack tries to end on his dramatic line, but half way, he trips and falls off the ledge. He still was planning on escaping anyway. But that wasn't part of the plan. The fact that his face takes on an "Ohhh, shit!" look as he topples off the battlements.

--->'''Jack''': ...[[NoodleIncident "...and then they made me]][[OrphanedPunchline their chief."]]

* Jack Sparrow's [[EstablishingCharacterMoment entrance into Port Royal]], standing proudly atop the mast of his ship [[RevealShot which is mostly underwater as he enters the port]], and sinks completely just as he casually walks on the dock.

** Even better is that the audience is led on to thinking he's standing proudly on an actual ship, only to be revealed to be a dinghy with a sail that's got a leak. That honestly further accentuates the sinking moment above.

* When Jack arrives at the treasure cave as Barbossa prepares to kill Will, the pirates are cheering. Then they slowly fall into silence as Jack (who Barbossa dumped on a desert island to die just the previous day) politely pushes his way to the front, and Barbossa is left staring.
-->'''Barbossa:''' It's not possible! \\
'''Jack:''' Not ''probable''.
** When Jack tells Barbossa he doesn't want to kill Will and then mutters "your funeral" and steps back, Barbossa rolls his eyes before asking what he means. It's an expression that says "I know I'm going to regret asking, but I have to"
** Before Jack starts to explain he slaps the hand of a pirate holding his shoulder.
** Jack attempts to negotiate giving Barbossa Will's name in exchange for The Black Pearl:
---> '''Barbossa:''' So you expect to leave me standing on some beach with nothing but a name and your word it's the one I need and watch you sail away on my ship?
---> '''Jack:''' No. I expect to leave you standing on some beach with absolutely no name at all, watching me sail away on ''my'' ship, and then I'll shout the name back to you. Savvy?
** Jack convinces Barbossa to ally with him by promising to give him twenty-five percent of his plunder. (And a really big hat.) It seems to be the thought of a really big hat that wins Barbossa over.
* During the final battle on Isla de Muerta, Will and Elizabeth skewer three undead pirates together, stuff a lit bomb into the middle one's empty ribcage, then push the three out of the moonlight, effectively trapping the bomb within the pirate's newly reformed flesh. The unfortunate fellow's whimper of "No fair!", followed by the ensuing explosion, was magnificent.
** From the same scene:
--->'''Elizabeth:''' Whose side is Jack on?\\
'''Will:''' At the moment?
* The very beginning of the above scene: Jack and Barbossa are fighting in Isla de Muerta, Barbossa knocks Jack down and says "You can't beat me, Jack!". Jack then runs Barbossa through with his sword. Barbossa stabs Jack, who (unbeknownst to Barbossa) is cursed, and turns into a skeleton.
-->'''Jack:''' ''[in skeleton form, examining his own hand]'' That's interesting. ''[starts walking the medallion across his fingers and grins at Barbossa]'' Couldn't resist, mate.
* Barbossa [[LampshadeHanging lampshades]] he and Jack sword-fighting when neither of them are vulnerable to each other's blade:
-->'''Barbossa''': So what now, Jack Sparrow? Are we to be two immortals locked in an epic battle until Judgment Day and trumpets sound, hm?
-->'''Jack''': Or you could surrender.
* And a few more blink-and-you'll-miss-it moments from that fight: Barbossa, pursuing Jack, slams face-first into a wall; Jack yells "Sorry!"
* When Jack's crew steals the ''Pearl'' in the final battle.
-->'''Ragetti:''' Is it supposed to be doing that?\\
'''Pintel:''' They're stealing our ship!\\
'''Ragetti:''' '''''BLOODY PIRATES!'''''
** Especially hilarious since in the shot just prior, Elizabeth used the same phrase while muttering angrily about the very same crew.
* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTi40w0nLgo "BUT WHY IS THE RUM GONE?!?!"]]
** The best part of the above is when Jack picks up his pistol--the one with the single shot that he was saving for Barbossa for ''ten years'' and ''almost'' shoots Elizabeth.
** And before that:
--->'''Elizabeth:''' So that's it, then. ''That's'' the secret, ''grand'' adventure of the infamous Captain Jack Sparrow. You spent ''three days'' lying on a beach, drinking rum.\\
'''Jack:''' Welcome to the Caribbean, love.
** Johnny Depp's dry response to Elizabeth suggesting they escape the island - "unless you have a rudder and a lot of sails hidden in that bodice" - which is even funnier if you go meta and know that Keira Knightley openly jokes about how much they padded her bra and airbrushed cleavage. On the DVD commentary, she also points out the one scene she wasn't padded.
** Elizabeth faking drunk to pull off her plan. Keira Knightley looks like she's having a ball.
---> "Mr Sparrow, I'm not sure I've had nearly enough rum to allow that kind of talk."
** "'Must have been terrible for you to be trapped here, Jack. Must have been terrible for you'--WELL IT BLOODY IS NOW!"
** When Jack sees the ''Dauntless'' anchored off the island, having been attracted by the signal fire as Elizabeth claimed.
--->'''Jack:''' There'll be no living with her after this.
* On the ''Dauntless'' Jack first shows his propensity for adverbs:
-->'''Norrington:''' You will provide these fine men with the exact location of the Isla de Muerta. You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all possible interpretations of the phrase "silent as the grave". Do I make myself clear?
-->'''Jack:''' Inescapably clear.
* This exchange, as Will is pulling a StopOrIShootMyself:
-->'''Barbossa:''' Name your terms, Mr. Turner. \\
'''Will:''' Elizabeth goes free!\\
'''Barbossa:''' Yes. We know ''that'' one. Anything ''else?''
* This exchange:

* "Say goodbye!" *falling shop sign to the face* "...Goodbye."
* "You will always remember this as the day that you almost caught Ca--" ''[slips]''
* In the attack on Port Royal, Will is confronted by a pirate:
-->'''Jacoby:''' Hello! ''[Throws a bomb on the ground. It fails to explode. The pirate looks dejected. Will happily reaches for his sword. A second pirate runs past him.]''
-->'''Pirate 2:''' Outta my way, scum! ''[clubs Will on the head, knocking him out cold]''

* Jack meeting Murtogg and Mullroy
-->'''Jack:''' ''[Jack has just been ordered to explain why he's aboard the ''Interceptor'' and not to lie]'' Very well, I confess. It is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weaselly black guts out.
-->'''Murtogg:''' I said no lies!
-->'''Mullroy:''' I think he's telling the truth.
-->'''Murtogg:''' If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us!
-->'''Jack:''' [[RefugeInAudacity Unless he knew you wouldn't believe the truth, even if he told it to you.]]
** The next time we see them, the three are sitting down on the deck of the ''Interceptor'', Murtogg and Mullroy listening in rapt attention as Jack tells them the story of one of his adventures. We don't see how the situation got to this point, making it funnier.
--->'''Jack''': ...and then they made me their chief.
* The following:
-->'''Barbossa:''' Why thank ye, Jack.\\
'''Jack Sparrow:''' You're welcome.\\
'''Barbossa:''' Not you. {{We named the monkey Jack}}.\\
'''Monkey!Jack:''' :D
** The way Barbossa says "WE" named the monkey implies that it wasn't just Barbossa who wanted to insult Jack, everyone on The Black Pearl approved of the name. Which cues a look from Jack that either says "Of course you did" or "You son of a bitch".
** Another funny bit is that when a monkey shows their teeth, it's actually a sign of aggression and not happiness or playfulness like humans. So Jack the monkey showing his teeth after Barbossa says his name and reveals the origin of the name is the equivalent of saying "Yeah! Screw You!" in the scene.
* During Jack's execution, the herald announces him as "Jack Sparrow!" and Jack sighs and mutters "Captain! ''Captain'' Jack Sparrow!"
** The list of Jack's crimes includes "impersonating a cleric of the Church of England", which elicits a wry grin from a reminiscing Jack. He then looks at the executioner with the same expression, as if expecting him to join in.
* "STOP BLOWIN' HOLES IN MY SHIP!" Made even better by the fact that he's locked in the brig of "his" ship.
* Will accidentally pulling one of the candle fixtures free, and quickly having to hide it when Governor Swann comes to see him.
* After Will fumbles the romantic moment between him and Elizabeth after the battle is over:
-->'''Jack Sparrow:''' If you were waiting for the opportune moment... that was it.
* Governor Swann's fight with the skeleton arm--after he smashes it with a hammer for trying to steal his wig.
* The Black Pearl crew back on Isla de Muerta the second time, getting all chanty, until Jack politely makes his way through the crowd, derailing what had been a dramatic moment the first time around.
* Even better is the pirate's reaction to Jack being alive when they find him after Will knocked him out, leaving him even less focussed than usual.

* Pintel and Ragetti inform Elizabeth that if she doesn't agree to have dinner with Barbossa, she'll instead eat with the crew, naked. Intimidating on paper, but what makes it funny is they clearly think this might actually happen, and are sorely disappointed when she doesn't go for it.
* Jack's response to Will's query about Elizabeth and basically summing up everyone's positions near the end of the movie:
-->'''Captain Jack Sparrow:''' She's safe, just like I promised. She's all set to marry Norrington, just like ''she'' promised, and you get to die for her, just like ''you'' promised. So we're all men of our word, really. ''[{{beat}}]'' Except for Elizabeth, [[CaptainObvious who is, in fact, a woman]].
* Elizabeth pulls a knife on Barbossa during dinner and stabs him in the chest with it. Barbossa (who is, at this point, immortal) calmly pulls it out, and then asks what Elizabeth was thinking doing such a thing.
-->'''Barbossa:''' I'm curious. After killin' me, [[AndThenWhat what was it you were plannin' on doin' next?]]
* One scene in the movie has the heroes, out of cannon balls, loading their guns with bits and pieces of whatever they had at hand, including forks and knives. This was a RealLife practice, and such AbnormalAmmo was known as Langrage, used as a sort of [[ImprovisedWeapon improvised canister or grape shot.]]

* When Norrington declares, "The ship is ours," after the pirates become mortal again, all the soldiers start cheering, "Huzzah!" Governor Swann joins in and as he does so, he wags his finger at a pirate and then mimes punching him.
* [[NoodleIncident "...And then they made me]] [[OrphanedPunchline their chief."]]
** Bonus points for how entranced the guards seem in his story.
* Barbossa chucking the apple Jack handed him before being sent to the brig.

* When Will is defending his attempt to save Jack from being hanged, Jack casually points to himself as he looks at the other guards, and smugly mouths the words 'that's me!'
* After slicing Elizabeth's hand to try and lift the Aztec curse, Barbossa and his men wait a few seconds and then...nothing. The crew wonders what just happened and if it worked. Barbossa's solution? ''Whip out his pistol and shoot Pintel with it''. Unsurprisingly, the other members of the crew [[{{Irony}} attempt to mutiny against Barbossa because of his failure.]]
-->'''Bo'sun''': Did it work?\\
'''Ragetti''': I don't feel no different.\\
'''Pintel''': How do we tell?\\
''[Barbossa rolls his eyes and shoots Pintel where his heart should be; nothing happens]''\\
'''Bo'sun''': [[CaptainObvious You're not dead!]]\\
'''Pintel''': ''(chuckles)'' No! ''({{Beat}}, and [[OOCIsSeriousBusiness his face goes from happy to annoyed]])'' ''He shot me!''
** And of course after building up that Elizabeth will be a blood sacrifice, Barbossa makes just one small cut on the palm of her hand. Elizabeth almost sounds disappointed.
--->'''Elizabeth:''' That's ''it''?\\
'''Barbossa:''' Waste not.

* Jack tries to end on his dramatic line, but half way, he trips and falls off the ledge. He still was planning on escaping anyway. But that wasn't part of the plan. The fact that his face takes on an "Ohhh, shit!" look as he topples off the battlements.
* When Elizabeth is having dinner with Barbossa, she tries to eat eloquently but when Barbossa tells her that she doesn't need to do that because there isn't anyone to impress. Elizabeth promptly drops her knife and fork and then gorges herself, while Barbossa looks on in surprise.
* This exchange near the beginning:
--> '''Elizabeth:''' Captain Barbossa, I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilities against Port Royal.
--> '''Barbossa:''' There are a lot of long words in there, miss--we're naught but humble pirates. What is it that you want?
--> '''Elizabeth:''' I want you to leave and never come back.
--> '''Barbossa:''' [[HiddenDepths I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request]].
--> '''Elizabeth:''' ''(StunnedSilence)''
--> '''Barbossa:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Means "no"]].

* Jack getting hit with a bottle after his big sword fight with Will, by the blacksmith John Brown who had [[HeavySleeper slept through the entire fight]]. As Johnny Depp keeps the same straight face when he falls over.
** Norrington and some Marines burst in immediately after this and credit said blacksmith for stopping Jack, while Will gets no acknowledgment whatsoever for his heroism.
--->'''Norrington''': Good work, Mr. Brown. You've assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive.\\
'''Brown''': Just doing my civic duty, sir.

** Will defends Jack by calling Jack a good man, while Jack smiles smugly at the guards and points to himself.
* Jack and Will invading the ''Interceptor''
-->'''Jack''': Everyone stay calm, we're taking over the ship!
-->'''Will''': Aye, avast! (''everyone in the'' Interceptor ''laughs. DisapprovingLook by Jack.'')
* During Jack's hanging at the end of the movie, Will spots Cotton's parrot and decides he's going to do some crazy shit. Elizabeth, after Will tells her he loves her and leaves into the crowd spots the parrot herself and we see the expression on her face as she ''realises that Will is about to do some crazy shit!'' She then proceeds to help by ''weaponizing'' fainting in a corset, calling back to the start of the film.

--> '''Barbossa:''' So you expect to leave me standing on some beach with nothing but a name and your word it's the one I need and watch you sail away on my ship?
--> '''Jack:''' No. I expect to leave you standing on some beach with absolutely no name at all, watching me sail away on ''my'' ship, and then I'll shout the name back to you. Savvy?

-->'''Norrington:''' You will provide these fine men with the exact location of the Isla de Muerta. You will then spend the rest of the voyage contemplating all possible interpretions of the phrase "silent as the grave". Do I make myself clear?

* When Jack and Will retrieve a sleeping Gibbs, Will tosses a bucket of water on him. After a brief exchange, Will throws ''another'' full bucket on him.
-->'''Gibbs''': BLAST! I'm already awake!\\
'''Will''': That was for the smell.
** Then Gibbs just nods his head like "Okay, that's fair."

--> '''Elizabeth:''' Captain Barbossa, I am here to negotiate the cessation of hostilties against Port Royal.

** The next time we see them, the three are sitting down on the deck of the ''Interceptor'', Murtogg and Mullroy listening in rapt attention as Jack tells them the story of one of his adventures. We don't see how the situation got to this point, which just makes it funnier.

* During Jack's hanging at the end of the movie, Will spots Cotton's parrot and decides he's going to do some crazy shit. Elizabeth, after Will tells her he loves her and leaves into the crowd spots the parrot herself and we see the expression on her face as she ''realises that Will is about to do some crazy shit!''

* During Jack's hanging at the end of the movie, Will spots Cotton's parrot and decides he's going to do some crazy shit. Elizabeth, after Will tells her he loves her and leaves into the crowd spots the parrot herself ''and realises that Will is about to do some crazy shit!''

-->'''Pirate:''' You're s'posed to be ''dead!''\\

'''Pirate:''' That's not right.\\

-->'''Jack''': ...and then they made me their chief.