History Funny / Nier

'''Weiss''': ''(gets up; hopping forward like a tired old man with a walking stick)'' It seems some headstrong idiot immediately bids him good luck in the most cheerfully not-giving-a-shit tone imaginable, which can quickly become funny if you don't find it loathsome.]]

** Later on, she calls another boss a "shithog", which causes Weiss to protest that it's not even a real word. Emil also calls the said boss the same thing...despite ''not even being present when she said it''.

-->'''Nier (Father)''': "Oh '''''dear'''''!?" '''''"What?!"''''' "Dammit! Some help '''''you''''' turned out to be!"

-->'''Nier (Father)''': "Oh '''''dear'''''!?" ... '''''"What?!"''''' "Dammit! Some help '''''you''''' turned out to be!"
-->'''Nier (Brother)''': "Oh dear?" ... '''''"Are you for real!?"''''' "You are not nearly as helpful as you claimed to be!"

-->'''Kainé''': What in the... Oh, are you fucking kidding me? Lemme go, LEMME... Oooo, I'm gonna KILL YOU when I get outta here!\\

'''Weiss''': ''(gets up; hopping forward like a tired old man with a walking stick)'' It seems some headstrong idiot has decided to push me beyond my limits... I should have taken that job as a cookbook when I had the chance. ''(starts floating again)''\\
'''Nier''': Weiss, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I...\\
'''Weiss''': ''(turning to face Nier)'' Only joking. I hate cookbooks.]]
* In the otherwise somber [[spoiler:Ending C/D junction, Tyrann lists off the two ways Nier can save Kainé: either via killing her or by sacrificing his existence for her own health.]] Right after, [[spoiler:Tyrann immediately bids him good luck in the most cheerfully not-giving-a-shit tone imaginable, which can quickly become funny if you don't find it loathsome.]]

* A FreezeFrameBonus one on the Ending E path: [[spoiler: when Emil swoops in to [[BigDamnHeroes save Kainé]] from her robotic clones, he has four arms. When he faces Kainé, you can briefly see her confusedly counting them before he helps her up!]]

-->[[spoiler:'''Weiss''': ''(flops to the floor)'' Oh, bother... One moment, please...\\

'''Weiss''': ''(gets up; hopping forward like a tired old man with a walking stick)'' It seems that some headstrong idiot has decided to push me to my limits... I should've taken that job as a cookbook when I had the chance. ''(starts floating again)''\\
'''Nier''': Weiss, I'm sorry. I...\\

-->'''Lighthouse Lady:''' How can you juat ignore an old woman in need?! Oh, I weep for this generation. The children of this age are nothing but selfish, heartless cads!

-->'''Kainé''': Weiss! You dumbass! Start making sense, you rotten book, or you're gonna be sorry! Maybe I'll rip your pages out one by one, or maybe I'll put you in the goddamn furnace! How can someone with such a big smart brain get hypnotized like a little bitch, huh?! ''(mocking Weiss)'' "Oh, Shadowlord! I love you Shadowlord! Come over here and give Weiss a big sloppy kiss, Shadowlord!" NOW PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR '''GODDAMN''' ASS AND '''START [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] HELPING US!'''

-->'''Kainé''': Weiss! You dumbass! Start making sense, you rotten book, or you're gonna be sorry! Maybe I'll rip your pages out one by one, or maybe I'll put you in the goddamn furnace! How can someone with such a big smart brain get hypnotized like a little bitch, huh?! ''(mocking Weiss)'' "Oh, Shadowlord! I love you Shadowlord! Come over here and give Weiss a big sloppy kiss, Shadowlord!" NOW PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR '''GODDAMN''' ASS AND ''START [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] HELPING US!''

-->'''Kaine''': Weiss! You dumbass! Start making sense, you rotten book, or you're gonna be sorry! Maybe I'll rip your pages out one by one, or maybe I'll put you in the goddamn furnace! How can someone with such a big smart brain get hypnotized like a little bitch, huh?! ''(mocking Weiss)'' "Oh, Shadowlord! I love you Shadowlord! Come over here and give Weiss a big sloppy kiss, Shadowlord!" NOW PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR '''GODDAMN''' ASS AND ''START [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] HELPING US!''

** Nier's...unique method of landing sharks and other big fish, specifically yanking them out of the water so hard, ''they go flying'', to the point it looks like said fish actually got away.
* When you first meet Weiss and add him to your party, he acts extremely pompous, demands Nier calls him by his full name, finally taunts the shades that they will meet his thunderous wrath... And after a brief silence, he just lets out a limp "...oh, dear", due to all the attacking Nier gave to his seal when he saw Yonah trapped behind it, causing the book to forget all of his spells. Nier is understandably bewildered.

'''Weiss''': Fine, just fine! ''({{Beat}})'' ...all right, [[BrutalHonesty no, I'm not]].\\

** Nier's...unique method of landing sharks and other big fish, specifically yanking them out of the water so hard, ''they go flying''.

--> Weiss! You dumbass! Start making sense, you rotten book, or you're gonna be sorry! Maybe I'll rip your pages out one by one, or maybe I'll put you in the goddamn furnace! How can someone with such a big smart brain get hypnotized like a little bitch, huh?! ''(mocking Weiss)'' "Oh, Shadowlord! I love you Shadowlord! Come over here and give Weiss a big sloppy kiss, Shadowlord!" NOW PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR '''GODDAMN''' ASS AND ''START [[PrecisionFStrike FUCKING]] HELPING US!''

-->'''Nier (Brother):''' Great. Yonah's got a boyfriend...\\

* [[spoiler: In Ending E, while playing as Kaine if you keep positioning the camera towards Kainé’s crotch she will kill the player causing an instant game over.]]

-->'''Weiss''': I suppose we'll have to find her as well?\\

* When Yonah asks Nier to help her pen pal, Nier is a little bothered to find out that her pen pal is a boy.
-->'''Nier:''' Great. My kid's got a boyfriend.\\

'''Nier:''' Weiss! We are NOT discussing this!

* While Weiss [[spoiler:getting his powers burnt out by Devola]] near the end of the game is a dramatic and sad moment, Liam O'Brian's slurred reading of Weiss's lines sounds like he is piss-drunk.

* In the otherwise somber [[spoiler:Ending C/D junction, Tyrann lists off the two ways Nier can save Kaine: either via killing her or by sacrificing his existence for her own health.]] Right after, [[spoiler:Tyrann immediately bids him good luck in the most cheerfully not-giving-a-shit tone imaginable, which can quickly become funny if you don't find it loathsome.]]

-->"Oh '''''dear"?!''''' ... "What?!" "Dammit! Some help you turned out to be!"

* When Yonah asks Nier to help her penpal. He starts freaking out when he finds out her penpal is male and immediately jumps to the conclusion that the penpal is her boyfriend.

* In one sidequest, Nier is sent out to investigate the cause of a child's illness. He finds several berries that appear poisonous, but Kainé tries some, and says they're delicious. Nier tries one, ''aaaaaand'' promptly keels over in pain. Weiss later comments thatKainé's stomach must be as foul as her mouth for her to be able to enjoy such dangerous berries.

* "The Runaway Son" is funny, but mostly because it's quite an impressive bit of game design trolling. What else do you call dashing around the world map to almost every location to find a runaway kid, only to discover (after the fact) that [[spoiler:he wants to escape his family's life of crime, and you just tracked him down to help with the family business? [[UngratefulBastard Also, you're not going to get paid.]]]] It's so completely over-the-top that it spins around from being frustrating and becomes hilarious.
* [[spoiler:TheStinger of Ending B combines this with SugarWiki/HeartwarmingMoments. Emil is just so nonchalant about his HeroicSacrifice against Popola--[[ReluctantSacrifice the sacrifice he'd been scared to go through with]]--leaving him as just a head.]]
* In one sidequest, Nier is sent out to investigate the cause of a child's illness. He finds several berries that appear poisonous, but Kainé tries some, and says they're delicious. Nier tries one, and promptly keels over in pain.

* While Weiss [[spoiler:getting his powers burnt out by Devola]] near the end of the game is a dramatic and sad moment, Liam O'Brian's slurred reading of Weiss's lines sounds like he is piss drunk.

-->'''[[spoiler:Tyrann]]''': [[spoiler:The other way...is to make her a normal human being again. But to make ''that'' happen, you gotta trade your own existence for hers...''[[MoodWhiplash Well]]'', there you go! Good luck with that!~]]