History Funny / MyCousinVinny

* "Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along; you get thirsty. You spot a brook. You put your little deer lips down to the cool, clear water... '''''[[MoodWhiplash BAM!]]''''' A fuckin' bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are lying on the ground in little bloody pieces! Now I ask you: would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?"

--->'''Vinny:''' (Under his breath) [[SarcasmMode Oh, there's a fuckin' surprise.]]
--->'''Haller:''' What did you say?

--->'''Haller:''' What did you say?

* The public attorney's {{speech impediment}}, which is so bad it makes Elmer Fudd sound like the most eloquent character ever conceived, and his client gives him the boot.

%%* "What is a 'yoot'?"
%%** Excuse me. Two ''youths''.

-->'''Stan:''' You know what happens in these places?
-->'''Bill:''' Yeah, I know what happens in these places.
-->'''Stan:''' There's always a big guy named Bubba, nobody wants to tangle with him, and he'll protect you, but then you gotta be his sex slave and do whatever he wants you to do.
-->'''Bill:''' Stan? Shut up.
-->'''Stan:''' Okay.

-->'''Vinny:''' Your Honor, may I have permission to treat Ms. Vito as a hostile witness?
-->'''Lisa:''' You think I'm hostile now, wait 'til you see me tonight.
-->'''Haller:''' Do you two know each other?
-->'''Vinny:''' Yeah, she's my fiancée.
-->'''Haller:''' [[AwfulWeddedLife Well, that would certainly explain the hostility]].

* "What is a 'yoot'?"
** Excuse me. Two ''youths''.

* "Dead-on-balls accurate?" "It's an industry term."

* The public attorney's {{speech impediment}}, which is so bad it makes Elmer Fudd sound like the most eloquent character ever conceived.
** It's so bad that his client gives him the boot.
--->'''Stan''': You're fired! (to Judge) I want [Vinny]!

* After Judge Haller is incensed that Vinny showed up at court improperly attired, Vinny's simple response is, "You was serious about that?" Cue GilliganCut to him heading to jail for contempt.

-->'''Judge''': "Let the record show the counsel is holding up two fingers."\\
'''Vinny''' (in a 'what the hell?' voice): "Your honor, please!"\\

* Stan loudly babbling to Bill in the Sheriff's office about how corrupt, racist, and backward the people of the South supposedly are... [[YouKnowImBlackRight while surrounded by the sheriff, his deputies, staff, and local residents there on business]] (all three categories include black people).

*** From a meta persepective, Joe Pesci's improvisation of the "and only Mrs. Reilly" aside.

-->'''Vinny:''' It was either wear the leather jacket, which I ''know'' you hate, or this. So I wore this ''ridiculous'' thing for ''you.''
-->'''Haller:''' (beat) Are you on drugs?
-->'''Vinny:''' Drugs? No. I don't take drugs.
-->'''Haller:''' I don't like your attitude.
-->'''Vinny:''' So, what else is new?
-->'''Haller:''' I'm holding you in contempt of this court.
-->'''Vinny:''' (Under his breath) [[SarcasmMode Oh, there's a fuckin' surprise.]]
-->'''Haller:''' What did you say?
-->'''Vinny:''' What?
-->'''Haller:''' What did you say?
-->'''Vinny:''' What? What did I say?
* The public attorney's speech impediment, which is so bad it makes Elmer Fudd sound like the most eloquent character ever conceived.

-->'''Stan''': You're fired! (to Judge) I want [Vinny]!
** Stan's HeadDesk was actually because Mitchell Whitfield couldn't stop cracking up.

* When Vinny and Lisa arrive in Alabama, he points out how much she stands out in her leather jacket and short-skirt (he's also dressed in leather).

** Also amusing that Vinny [[WrongGenreSavvy would think that cowboy boot would be appropriate attire for rural Alabama]].

** The best part is when the judge calls Vinny into his chambers having found out this information, he's clearly planning to spring a trap on Vinny. However, Vinny has had been alerted to the fact that Gallo is deceased, so has been anticipating this conversation; so when the judge knowingly asks Vinny what Vinny thinks the judge found out after he inquired into the current dealings of Jerry Gallo, Vinny just casually replies "Jerry ''Gallo''? He's dead!", thus completely stealing the judge's thunder.

-->'''Vinny:''' "Your Honor, may I have permission to treat Ms. Vito as a hostile witness?"
-->'''Lisa:''' "You think I'm hostile now, wait 'til you see me tonight."
-->'''Haller:''' "Do you two know each other?"
-->'''Vinny:''' "Yeah, she's my fiancée."
-->'''Haller:''' "[[AwfulWeddedLife Well, that would certainly explain the hostility]]."

* After Judge Haller is incensed that Vinny showed up at court improperly attired, Vince's simple response is, "You was serious about that?" Cue GilliganCut to him heading to jail for contempt.

-->'''Vinny:''' "It was either wear the leather jacket, which I ''know'' you hate, or this. So I wore this ''ridiculous'' thing for ''you.''"

* Stan loudly babbling to Bill in the Sheriff's office about how corrupt, racist, and backward the people of the South supposedly are, ''[[YouKnowImBlackRight while surrounded by the sheriff, his deputies, staff, and local residents there on business]] (all three categories include black people)'':
-->'''Stan:''' The Klan's here! They're inbred! They sleep with their sisters!!!

* Everywhere Vinny tries to find lodgings, a loud noise wakes him up at five in the morning. The first motel he tries, he's woken up by a steam whistle from a local factory. The next motel is adjacent to a pig farm, and he's disturbed by the sounds of pigs being loaded onto trucks. The third motel is next to train tracks, and a freight train rolls by and shakes the whole room. The clerk assures him that it's rare for a freight train to come by at five in the morning, but the same thing happens again the next night. When Vinny complains to the clerk, the clerk clarifies that the train is supposed to go by at four, not five. The district attorney then offers Vinny his hunting cabin in the woods, and he's driven crazy by a screech owl. He gives up and tries sleeping in his car - a convertible - and gets caught in a thunderstorm. Finally, he asks his fiancée not to pay his bail for contempt of court, figuring that sleeping in the prison can't be any worse than any of the other places he's tried. In the very next scene, Vinny is in a prison cell sleeping perfectly to the background sound of alarms and a prison riot. Ah, the sounds of home...

** Followed up when circumstances force him to wear a c. 1920s era red suit and a bowtie to court. Vinny (truthfully) explains with a long diatribe about the series of events leading to his current attire, concluding with:

-->'''Haller:''' I'm holding in comtempt of this court.

** The best part is when the judge calls Vinny into his chambers having found out this information, he's clearly planning to spring a trap on Vinny. However, Vinny has had time to prepare for this; so when the judge knowingly asks Vinny what Vinny thinks the judge found out after he inquired into the current dealings of Jerry Gallo, Vinny just cockily replies "Jerry Gallo? He's dead!", thus completely stealing the judge's thunder.

* After the judge approves Vinny for the trial, he finds out that there's no record of a "Vincent Gambini" at trial in New York, so Vinny bluffs that he had actually changed his name to Jerry Gallo -- Jerry Gallo being a prominent, well-known attorney. In the next scene, Lisa points out that Jerry Gallo is dead; when the judge finds out, Vinny again [[BlatantLies bluffs his ass off]] that he actually said Jerry '''C'''allo.

* After the judge approves Vinny for the trial, he finds out that there's no record of a "Vincent Gambini" at trial in New York, so Vinny bluffs that he had actually changed his name to Jerry Gallo -- Jerry Callo being a prominent, well-known attorney. In the next scene, Lisa points out that Jerry Gallo is dead; when the judge finds out, Vinny again [[BlatantLies bluffs his ass off]] that he actually said Jerry '''C'''allo.

* At one point, Vinny bluffs his way out of a tricky situation with Judge Haller by citing Judge Jerry Callow, a judge in New York he has a passing knowledge of, as a character reference, only to learn from Lisa that Callow died some time previously. Later, after Haller does some research, he summons Vinny into chambers and asks Vinny to guess what surprising fact he's just learned about Jerry Callow... only for Vinny to cockily retort "Jerry ''Callow''? He's dead!" like Vinny knew all along.

** The judge's smirk is what sells it.

* Everywhere Vinny tries to find lodgings, a loud noise wakes him up at five in the morning. The first motel he tries, he's woken up by a steam whistle from a local factory. The next motel is adjacent to a pig farm, and he's disturbed by the sounds of pigs being loaded onto trucks. The third motel is next to train tracks, and a freight train rolls by and shakes the whole room. The clerk assures him that it's rare for a freight train to come by at five in the morning, but the same thing happens again the next night. When Vinny complains to the clerk, the clerk clarifies that the train is supposed to go by at four, not five. The district attorney then offers Vinny his hunting cabin in the woods, and he's driven crazy by a screech owl. He gives up and tries sleeping in his car - a convertible - and gets caught in a thunderstorm. Finally, he asks his fiancée not to pay his bail for contempt of court, figuring that sleeping in the prison can't be any worse than any of the other places he's tried. In the very next scene, Vinny is in a prison cell sleeping perfectly to the background sound of alarms blaring and prison riot. Ah, the sounds of home...

* Anytime Vinny refers to grits in the singular form, e.g. "A grit".

* Vinny's opening statement.

* Everywhere Vinny tries to find lodgings, a loud noise wakes him up at five in the morning. The first motel he tries, he's woken up by a steam whistle from a local factory. The next motel is adjacent to a pig farm, and he's disturbed by the sounds of pigs being loaded onto trucks. The third motel is next to train tracks, and a freight train rolls by and shakes the whole room. The clerk assures him that it's rare for a freight train to come by at five in the morning, but the same thing happens again the next night. When Vinny complains to the clerk, the clerk clarifies that the train is supposed to go by at four, not five. The district attorney then offers Vinny his hunting cabin in the woods, and he's driven crazy by a screech owl. He gives up and tries sleeping in his car - a convertible - and gets caught in a thunderstorm. Finally, he asks his fiancée not to pay his bail for contempt of court, figuring that sleeping in the prison can't be any worse than any of the other places he's tried. In the very next scene, Vinny is in a prison cell, with alarms blaring and the chaos of a prison riot being heard in the distance... and he's sleeping like a baby. Ah, the sounds of home...

* After Judge Haller is incensed that Vinny showed up again in court without proper attire, Vince's simple response is, "You was serious about that?" Cue GilliganCut to him heading to jail for contempt.
** Followed up when circumstances force him to wear a c. 1920s era red suit to court. Vinny (truthfully) explains with a long diatribe about the series of events leading to his current attire, concluding with:

* Everywhere Vinny tries to find lodgings, a loud noise wakes him up at five in the morning. The first motel he tries, he's woken up by a steam whistle from a local factory. The next motel is adjacent to a pig farm, and he's disturbed by the sounds of pigs being loaded onto trucks. The third motel is next to train tracks, and a freight train rolls by and shakes the whole room. The clerk assures him that it's rare for a freight train to come by at five in the morning, but the same thing happens again the next night. When Vinny complains to the clerk, the clerk clarifies that the train is supposed to go by at four, not five. The district attorney then offers Vinny his hunting cabin in the woods, and he's driven crazy by a hooting owl. He gives up and tries sleeping in his car - a convertible - and gets caught in a thunderstorm. Finally, he asks his fiancée not to pay his bail for contempt of court, figuring that sleeping in the prison can't be any worse than any of the other places he's tried. In the very next scene, Vinny is in a prison cell, with alarms blaring and the chaos of a prison riot being heard in the distance... and he's sleeping like a baby. Ah, the sounds of home...

* Everywhere Vinny tries to find lodgings, a loud noise wakes him up at five in the morning. The first motel he tries, he's woken up by a steam whistle from a local factory. The next motel is adjacent to a pig farm, and he's disturbed by the sounds of pigs being loaded onto trucks. The third motel is next to train tracks, and a freight train rolls by and shakes the whole room. The clerk assures him that it's rare for a freight train to come by at five in the morning, but the same thing happens again the next night. When Vinny complains to the clerk, the clerk clarifies that the train is supposed to go by at four, not five. The district attorney then offers Vinny his hunting cabin in the woods, and he's driven crazy by a hooting owl. He gives up and tries sleeping in his car - a convertible - and gets caught in a thunderstorm. Finally, he asks his fiance not to pay his bail for contempt of court, figuring that sleeping in the prison can't be any worse than any of the other places he's tried. In the very next scene, Vinny is in a prison cell, with alarms blaring and the chaos of a prison riot being heard in the distance... and he's sleeping like a baby. Ah, the sounds of home...

* Everywhere Vinny tries to find lodgings, a loud noise wakes him up at five in the morning. The first motel he tries, he's woken up by a a steam whistle from a local factory. The next motel is adjacent to a pig farm, and he's disturbed by the sounds of pigs being loaded onto trucks. The third motel is next to train tracks, and a freight train rolls by and shakes the whole room. The clerk assures him that it's rare for a freight train to come by at five in the morning, but the same thing happens again the next night. When Vinny complains to the clerk, the clerk clarifies that the train is supposed to go by at four, not five. The district attorney then offers Vinny his hunting cabin in the woods, and he's driven crazy by a hooting owl. He gives up and tries sleeping in his car - a convertible - and gets caught in a thunderstorm. Finally, he asks his fiance not to pay his bail for contempt of court, figuring that sleeping in the prison can't be any worse than any of the other places he's tried. In the very next scene, Vinny is in a prison cell, with alarms blaring and the chaos of a prison riot being heard in the distance... and he's sleeping like a baby. Ah, the sounds of home...

-->'''Haller:''' "Well, that would certainly explain the hostility."

* Stan loudly babbling to Bill in the Sheriff's office about how corrupt, racist, and backward the people of the South supposedly are, ''while surrounded by the sheriff, his deputies, staff, and local residents there on business (all three categories include black people)'':

-->'''Vinny:''' What?s