History Funny / JeevesandWooster

--> "[[CatchPhrase What ho!]]" I said.

!!Series 1

[[folder: Jeeves Takes Charge]]
* The opening scene sets the tone for the rest of the show.
--> '''Judge:''' This is one of the most shameful cases ever to come before this bench! In all my years as a magistrate, I have seldom heard a tale of such heinous iniquity.
--> ''[Bertie, looking rather hungover, tries to speak]''
--> '''Judge:''' Be quiet! This parasite can think of no better way to end an evening's hooliganism, on the night of the university boat-race! Can our seats of learning produce barbarians so lost to decency that their highest ambition is [[FelonyMisdemeanor to steal a hard-working police constable's helmet and make off with it?]]
* Bertie goes to the bar and finds a statue of an elk blocking the door. To get in he has to climb under it, and he gets stuck in the process.
--> '''Bertie:''' Well! Novel, that!
--> '''Rodgers:''' It's not right, Mr. Wooster. I'm the one the committee's going to blame for this, you know. They can't abide mooses, the committee can't!
--> '''Bertie:''' Oh, I think it adds a certain what's-it.
** Bertie tells Claude and Eustace he met "someone called Rainsby in the hall with a moose". The twins tell him it's a statue of an ''elk'', not a moose. Then they reveal they stole it from "some big museum".
* Barmy says he's never been to Kensington.
--> '''Bertie:''' Yes, you have. Your mother lives there.
--> '''Barmy:''' Oh, ''that'' Kensington!
* Bertie says he has to have lunch with Aunt Agatha. Cut to him sitting at a table with Aunt Agatha and her dog. (Yes, the dog has its own chair.)
--> '''Aunt Agatha:''' Bertie. It is young men like you who make a person with the future of the human race at heart ''despair''.
* Aunt Agatha saying that Honoria Glossop is the perfect wife for Bertie because "she will mould you".
--> '''Bertie:''' I don't want to be moulded! I'm not a jelly!
--> '''Aunt Agatha:''' That is a matter of opinion.
* Bertie insists he won't change his suit, and scoffs when Jeeves suggests a brown suit instead. [[GilliganCut Cut to him at the railway station wearing the suit Jeeves suggested.]]
* Bingo says Honoria sometimes has a look in her eye.
--> '''Bertie:''' Yes, I know that look. Like a sergeant major. ''[shudders]''
* Jeeves expresses his doubts about Bertie's plan.
--> '''Jeeves:''' Any undertaking that requires the presence of four people in one place at the same time, while two of them are unaware of the fact, is fraught with the possibility of mishap, sir.
* "Well, [Honoria] didn't phone ''me'', exactly. I mean, I picked the phone up because I was standing beside it." "What did she say?" "She said, 'Let me talk to someone with a brain'. But it was friendly, the way she said it!"
* Honoria praises Bertie to Aunt Agatha while Bertie tries to stop her.
--> '''Honoria:''' I shall be able to make something of him, I'm sure.
--> '''Aunt Agatha:''' Well, he's led a completely wasted life up to the present.
--> '''Bertie:''' I say!
--> '''Aunt Agatha:''' Be quiet, Bertie.
--> '''Honoria:''' But there's a lot of good in him.
--> '''Bertie:''' No, there isn't, actually.
--> '''Honoria:''' It simply wants bringing out. It's time I took you in hand, Bertie-wertie. ''[Bertie looks appalled]''
* The twins and Rainsby go to visit Bertie and are confused when Jeeves opens the door.
--> '''Claude:''' [[CaptainObvious You're not Bertie.]]
--> '''Eustace:''' He's better-looking than Bertie.
--> '''Jeeves:''' It's very kind of you to say so, sir.
* One of Bertie's cousins says that Barmy "has the [=IQ=] of a backward clam". Jeeves replies, "It's my understanding that amongst his fellow members of the Drones Club he is considered something of a dangerous intellectual."
* The twins and Rainsby ask if they can leave some things in Bertie's rooms -- specifically a top hat, a fish, and a couple of cats.
* When [[ItMakesSenseInContext the cats run out of Bertie's bedroom]], the Glossops jump up on the furniture to get away from them.
* Bertie trying to enlist Jeeves to sing "Minnie the Moocher" with him.
-->'''Jeeves''': Hoo-dee hoo-dee hoo, sir.
* Rainsby asks if he can borrow £10 from Bertie, because he has to go and bail out the twins.
--> '''Rainsby:''' They got a little bit above themselves, I'm afraid. Tried to pinch a bus.
** Bertie refuses at first, then realises that thanks to the twins there's no chance of Honoria marrying him. So he gives Rainsby £20 instead.
--> '''Bertie:''' Bail them out and buy them a drink before you pour them onto the train.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Tuppy and the Terrier]]
* Jeeves' comments about the possibility of Bertie marrying Bobbie. "Whenever I see Miss Wickham, I know that trouble cannot be far behind. In order to qualify as Miss Wickham's husband, a gentleman should be possessed of a commanding personality and considerable strength of character."
--> '''Bertie:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Exactly, Jeeves! Condemned out of your own mouth.]]
* The look on Jeeves' face as he takes Macintosh (Aunt Agatha's dog) for a walk.
* "I was on my way there, when something happened! I can't remember what exactly."
* Barmy boasts about a new golfing gadget he's got that buzzes to tell him when to start the downswing. Then, when he tests it for the first time, it doesn't work. Turns out he forgot to wind it up.
* Bertie's first golfing attempt, which is always interrupted by Macintosh's barking. He finally hits the ball... and, thanks to Macintosh, sends it flying into a group of people, hitting one of them.
** Then a little later, he hits the ball then ducks as [[EpicFail it bounces off several trees and ends up back at his feet.]]
* Macintosh steals Bertie's golf-ball and buries it in a sand-trap.
--> '''Bertie:''' If you ask me, Jeeves, that animal is in the pay of the Fotheringay-Phippses!
* The "menu" Bobbie sends Bertie: roly-poly pudding, with lots of jam, oysters, ice cream and plenty of chocolate.
--> '''Bertie:''' She must be on some sort of diet.
* "[Blumenfield] says an eight-year-old child's intelligence is exactly equal to a Broadway audience's."
* When Bertie goes to retrieve Aunt Agatha's dog, at least three other dogs follow him into the hotel where Macintosh was taken [[ItMakesSenseInContext because of the aniseed on his trousers]].
* "Tell me, Jeeves, were you always like this or did it come on suddenly? [...] Were you an outstandingly brilliant child?" "My mother thought me intelligent, sir." "Well, you can't go by that. My mother thought ''me'' intelligent."
* Bertie diving behind the couch when Mr. Blumenfield comes to call. Also, his reactions when Jeeves convinces Blumenfield that Bertie's a dangerous lunatic.
* Aunt Agatha arrives just after Blumenfield left with (what Bertie thinks is) Macintosh. Bertie frantically tries to stop her, then is absolutely flabbergasted when Jeeves hands Macintosh to her.
* Tuppy asks Bertie if he thinks an opera singer is wonderful.
--> '''Bertie:''' Stunning, stunning. Reminds me of a chap I used to play rugby with.
* "I want you to back me up. Let her know I've got a serious mind, and so forth." "I didn't know you had any sort of mind."
* Tuppy says he's going to sing about angels being lonely.
--> '''Bertie:''' ''[bemused]'' Angels being lonely? ''[dawning horror]'' You're not going to sing... Sonny Boy?
--> '''Tuppy:''' I jolly well am!
--> ''[Tuppy walks off singing. Bertie looks utterly disgusted.]''
* Aunt Dahlia's complaints about Tuppy.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' Up until about three weeks ago, that blasted Glossop was all over my daughter. Haunting the house, lapping up daily lunches, dancing with her half the night, and so on. Naturally the poor kid imagined that it was only a question of time before he suggested they feed for life out of the same bucket.
* "Jeeves, you are a marvel." "Jeeves, you are an ass!"
* "You know, Jeeves, I had the rummiest phone call in a lifetime of rummy phone calls last night."
* Jeeves says he saw Miss Bellinger strike Tuppy in the eye.
--> '''Bertie:''' What on earth did she do that for?
--> '''Jeeves:''' I fancy she was upset, sir, at the vigour with which the audience expressed their disapproval of her choice of song.
[[/folder]]

[[folder: The Purity of the Turf]]
* "I mean, fancy writing a song about saying good night to a whole city. I mean, you might as well say, 'Good afternoon, Manchester' or 'Fancy bumping into you, Basingstoke'. Or 'I didn't see you at the club last night, Cleethorpes'."
* Uncle George says he doesn't eat much at lunchtime, [[HypocriticalHumour while his plate is piled high with food]].
* Uncle George sends Bertie a message telling him to come and see him, and it's urgent.
--> '''Bertie:''' I got a message that it was urgent.
--> '''Uncle George:''' Oh, it is, yes, it is. Yes, yes, yes. What I wanted to ask you was, where do you get those ties you wear?
--> '''Bertie:''' ''Ties''?
* "Great Scott, Uncle George! You're not thinking about getting married?" "Yes, confound you, I am thinking about getting married. And if your Aunt Agatha comes sticking her oar in, I'll... well, I'll know what to do about it."
* Bertie's reaction when he hears Uncle George is going to marry a much younger woman: "The old fathead!"
--> '''Jeeves:''' Yes, sir. The expression is one which I would of course not employ myself, sir, but I confess to thinking his Lordship ill-advised.
* Jeeves reveals that Uncle George's intended, Miss Platt, is a waitress.
--> '''Bertie:''' Good Lord, well, how is Aunt Agatha going to take to this?
* Jeeves corrects one of Bertie's mis-quotations, to Bertie's annoyance.
--> '''Bertie:''' Never mind the poet [[Creator/RobertBurns Burns]], Jeeves. Expunge the poet Burns from your mind.
--> '''Jeeves:''' I have already done so, sir.
* Aunt Agatha hears the news.
--> '''Aunt Agatha:''' ''[to Bertie]'' I'm sorry to have to tell you that my brother has gone mad.
* Bertie has a rare attack of [[GenreSavvy genre savviness]] when Aunt Agatha suggests bribing Miss Platt not to marry Uncle George.
--> '''Bertie:''' Whenever people do that in books the girl gets the sympathy every time....
--> '''Aunt Agatha:''' What trash you do read, Bertie. I sometimes despair of you.
--> '''Bertie:''' Well, I just think you're going to find it dashed embarrassing, offering this girl money.
--> '''Aunt Agatha:''' ''I'' am not proposing to do any such thing. ''You'' will undertake the negotiations.
* "If it's not troubling you too much, Bertie, I should be greatly obliged if you would stop driveling!"
* "I lost my nerve. Could have happened to anyone." "Not to anyone with a spine!"
* After Uncle George switches his affections from Miss Platt to her aunt Mrs. Wilberforce, he decides to take Mrs. Wilberforce to meet Aunt Agatha. Jeeves promptly starts packing.
--> '''Jeeves:''' Now, perhaps you would like to change before the journey, sir. I thought you would drive down after lunch while I take the baggage by train.
--> '''Bertie:''' What train? What journey? Why are we packing?
--> '''Jeeves:''' Your uncle has taken Mrs. Wilberforce to meet Mrs. Gregson this afternoon, sir.
--> '''Bertie:''' [[OhCrap He's taken her to meet Aunt Agatha]]?
--> '''Jeeves:''' I think perhaps if we were to leave the metropolis for a while, it might be expedient, sir.
* Bingo says his last girlfriend was a passing fancy and youthful folly.
--> '''Bertie:''' It was only a week and a half ago.
* "I'm going inside. This fresh air's getting into my lungs."
* Lady Cynthia says she heard Bertie and his friends are forming a syndicate.
--> '''Bertie:''' What rot!
--> '''Lady Cynthia:''' Can I join?
--> '''Bertie:''' Absolutely!
* Bertie doesn't believe Harold could win a race because "he's practically circular!" Then Jeeves explains how he knows how fast Harold can run.
--> '''Jeeves:''' I happened to be pursuing him this morning with a view to fetching him a clip on the side of the head.
--> '''Bertie:''' Great Scott, Jeeves! ''You''?
--> '''Jeeves:''' The lad is of an outspoken disposition, sir, and had made an opprobrious remark respecting my appearance.
--> '''Bertie:''' What did he say about your appearance?
--> '''Jeeves:''' I do not recall, sir. But it was opprobrious.
** While Bertie and his friends wait to see Harold run they hear something shatter, leading Jeeves to snark, "That sounds like the "Off" now, sir."
** Jeeves's excuse for why Bertie and co. are all sitting on the grass: "The young gentlemen had expressed an interest in horticulture, my lady. I was enlightening them as to the life-cycle of the earthworm." Then he gets them to pretend to examine an earthworm until Lady Wickhammersley leaves.
* While playing golf Bertie sends his ball into a tree.
--> '''Jeeves:''' I fancy that our next stroke may pose us some small difficulty.
--> '''Bertie:''' What a ridiculous place to leave a tree!
* Bingo talks about a book where someone puts a cobra in a racehorse's stall, and his friends reflect on the possibility of Steggles using that trick on Harold.
--> '''Freddie:''' What are the chances of a cobra biting Harold, do you think?
--> '''Bertie:''' Well, from the look of Harold, it's the snake I'd be worried about.
* Lord Wickhammersley falls asleep during the sermon. His wife elbows him, making him wake up so abruptly that his monocle falls out.
** A minute later a boy puts an insect into Harold's clothes. Harold immediately starts yelling, to the vicar's displeasure. Then he runs out during the hymn, still yelling.
** The vicar fires Harold from the choir in-between shaking hands with the church-goers as they leave.
--> '''Vicar:''' ''[angrily]'' Go! ''[turns to shake hands and smile pleasantly; turns back to Harold]'' Miserable boy! ''[shakes hands and smiles again]''
* Jeeves describes Steggles as "a most ingenious young gentleman".
--> '''Bertie:''' Bally swindler, you mean.
* Bertie gets Bingo to enter a race for "mature gentlemen".
--> '''Jeeves:''' If I may say so, sir, I think that when the organisers use the word "mature" they are in fact using it as a euphemism for "elderly".
--> '''Bertie:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Quite. So he'll obviously start as favourite.]]
** Sure enough, the other competitors are very old.
--> '''Bertie:''' ''[trying to cheer up Bingo]'' You can't possibly lose. Your youngest competitor is sixty-five and his bunions were playing him up this morning.
** And then Bingo loses. To a man Bertie describes as "old enough to give Bingo's grandmother the glad-eye".
* "Faint heart never won ''[beat]'' lots of money."
* Jeeves' expression after Bertie announces he's going to bet £100 on Bingo. It's the closest he ever gets to a visible OhCrap.
** At the end Jeeves reveals he didn't bet the £100 after all, and instead betted on the man who actually won.
--> '''Jeeves:''' A further safeguard, of course, was to collect our winnings before I informed Lady Wickhammersley of Mr. Steggles' activities.
* Bertie finds Uncle George and Maud hiding on the fairground. They went to see Aunt Agatha, [[NothingIsFunnier which sadly isn't seen]], and are terrified of meeting her before they can have the banns read.
* Lady Wickhammersley catches Steggles betting and tells him to get out.
--> '''Lady Wickhammersley:''' As for your ill-gotten gains, they will go towards the new church roof.
--> ''[Steggles gets mobbed by a horde of angry gamblers]''
[[/folder]]

[[folder: The Hunger Strike]]
* Jeeves wakes [[NotAMorningPerson Bertie]].
--> '''Bertie:''' ''Ten past nine''? Is the building on fire?
** "Jeeves! I'm not yet awake, I've not yet had my tea, and yet you bring me Fink-Nottles? Is this a time for Fink or any other kind of Nottle?"
** Then Aunt Dahlia arrives, and Jeeves claims Bertie is still asleep because he was at a business meeting the night before.
* "You've heard of Market Snodsbury Grammar School?" "Never." "[[CaptainObvious It's a grammar school. In Market Snodsbury]]."
** Aunt Dahlia's reaction to Bertie laughing: "Don't start gargling now. This is serious."
--> '''Bertie:''' I was laughing! Derisively!
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' Well, don't!
* "You remember [[NoodleIncident me losing all that money at baccarat in Cannes]]?" "Don't I just! The casino wanted to put up a plaque."
* Bertie says he didn't know Gussie knew Madeline. Gussie says he didn't, "[[CaptainObvious not until I met her]]".
* "Life would be so much simpler if we were newts!" "...Yes. Well. [[BlatantLies I've said the same thing myself a hundred times]]."
* The Newt Dance. To whit: Bertie visits Gussie at the Drones Club, where Gussie's in a funk about romance. He tells Bertie how the average newt proposes to a female newt; they bend back in a semi-circle and vibrate, which Gussie then tries to demonstrate as much as a human can. Two nearby Drones catch sight of this and think it's a dance. By the time Bertie and Gussie leave, it's managed to turn into a conga line.
* Bertie and Gussie playing badminton... by hitting the shuttlecock into the air, where it lands in the chandelier.
* Bertie casually mentions he's gotten engaged three times at Brinkley Court.
* Bertie decides it'd be good if Gussie pretends to be pining for Madeline, so he sends a message telling him not to eat too many sausages.
* Jeeves's opinion of Bertie's white dinner jacket. "I assumed it had got into your wardrobe by mistake, sir, or else that it had been placed there by your enemies."
--> '''Bertie:''' I will have you know, Jeeves, that I bought this in Cannes!
--> '''Jeeves:''' And wore it, sir?
--> '''Bertie:''' Every night. At the casino. Beautiful women used to try and catch my eye.
--> '''Jeeves:''' Presumably they thought you were a waiter, sir.
** Jeeves refusing to pack the jacket, only to be foiled when Bertie packs it instead. The look on Jeeves's face when Bertie reveals this is ''priceless''. And when he fetches it from the wardrobe he's visibly reluctant to even touch it!
** While wearing the jacket Bertie walks past a portrait on his way to the dining room, and the camera angle makes it look like the people in the portrait are staring at him judgementally.
** Aunt Dahlia's face when Bertie walks in.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' What ''do'' you think you're made up as? You look like one of the chorus in act two of a touring musical company.
--> '''Bertie:''' Tut!
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' What did you say?
--> '''Bertie:''' I said tut!
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' Say it again and I'll biff you where you stand.
* Tuppy calls Angela a little blighter, then says he loves her passionately immediately afterward. ''Then'' he says what she needs most is a kick in the pants, to Bertie's horror. (Note that [[SeparatedByACommonLanguage this is considerably ruder in Britain than it sounds to American audiences]] -- "pants" means "underwear", not "trousers". Hence Bertie's scandalised reaction.)
** Tuppy complains Angela told him he's getting a double chin. Bertie reminds him he told her that her new hat makes her look like a Pekingese.
--> '''Tuppy:''' It ''did'' make her look like a Pekingese. But that wasn't vulgar abuse; just sound constructive criticism.
** "Push away a dinner cooked by [[SupremeChef Anatole]]? Pretty extreme, that." "The extremer the better."
* "Jeeves, I'm sure that nothing is further from your mind, but you know, you have a way of saying, 'Indeed, sir' which gives the impression it is only a feudal sense of what is fitting which prevents you from substituting the words 'Says you'!"
* "I say, Jeeves. I've just had another thought!" "Oh, I ''am'' relieved, sir."
* Aunt Dahlia walks in on Uncle Tom loading a gun, and is justly horrified.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' I forbid you to play around with that gun. [...] You know you always shoot the wrong people.
* "My dear old aunt, your troubles are over! The Wooster brain has shifted smoothly into top gear once more." "Oh no. What have I done to deserve this?"
* Aunt Dahlia's reaction to Bertie's impression of herself and Uncle Tom: "These Traverses sound a pretty soppy couple of blighters to me."
* The dinner scene. Uncle Tom rants about the state of the country while Aunt Dahlia, Tuppy and Gussie stare at the food longingly, and Anatole becomes increasingly offended at the amount of food being returned untouched. Finally Anatole explodes in rage and throws things around the kitchen.
* Bertie says Gussie wooing Madeline will be like "leaping on a moving bus".
--> '''Gussie:''' The last time I leapt on a moving bus, Bertie, I hurt myself rather badly.
--> '''Bertie:''' That was more sort of... in front of a bus, wasn't it, Gussie?
** Bertie suggests Gussie says he's often thought the stars are God's daisy chain.
--> '''Gussie:''' ''God's daisy chain''? ''[Beat]'' Do you mind if I take some notes?
** Then Bertie tells Gussie to "intimate how you pace the meadows with a heavy tread" every evening.
--> '''Gussie:''' I generally sit indoors and listen to the wireless.
* Bertie tries to find Gussie, then gets a shock when Gussie jumps up right beside him. ''Then'' he shoves Gussie back down into the grass so Madeline won't see him.
* "This is a nasty jar for one and all." "The only nasty jar there is, is the one I'm going to put your remains in!"
* Gussie's reaction when he messes up his chance to propose: "I wish the world was a newt!"
* The mayhem of the last few minutes. Tuppy sneaks down to the kitchen and steals food, then narrows escapes being caught by Anatole. Anatole starts sorting out his knives. Aunt Dahlia walks in, jumps to conclusions, and screams. Tuppy drops the plates of food. Uncle Tom wakes up and runs out holding a gun. Everyone else in the house comes to see what's happening. Then Uncle Tom hands the gun to Gussie, who panics and hands it to Bertie, who accidentally fires it.
** Bertie's perfectly innocent "Me? W-what have I done?" after he accidentally ''shot the chandelier from its ceiling rose with a hunting rifle.''
[[/folder]]

[[folder: Will Anatole Return to Brinkley Court?]]
* The beginning of the episode, which shows Bertie trying to make tea while consulting a book on household management. Then the phone rings, the kettle starts whistling, and someone rings the doorbell, all within seconds of each other. Then the person at the door (Cyril "Barmy" Fotheringjay-Phipps) says he knows Bertie is in there because he can hear him whistling (it's actually the kettle). Bertie pretends to be Jeeves and asks who it is. When he hears who it is, he says, "Barmy!"
--> '''Barmy:''' ''[startled; still thinking he's speaking to Jeeves]'' Steady on, Jeeves!
** Then, when Bertie lets Barmy in, the latter says, "Most extraordinary thing! I was talking to your man Jeeves a second ago."
--> '''Bertie:''' No. No, it was me.
--> '''Barmy:''' But he said he was Jeeves.
--> '''Bertie:''' No, it was me. I was ''pretending'' to be Jeeves!
* The phone rings again. Bertie thinks it's Aunt Dahlia and tells Barmy not to answer it. Bemused, Barmy says, "I wasn't going to." Then Bertie tells Barmy to answer it after all and pretend to be Jeeves.
--> '''Barmy:''' Mr. Wooster's residence. Where is Mr. Wooster? ''[Looks at Bertie, who frantically waves his hands]'' He's not at home, sir. I'm Jeeves. ''[Beat]'' What do you mean, you think not? Oh! ''[Hangs up]''
--> '''Bertie:''' Who was it?
--> '''Barmy:''' [[ConfrontingYourImposter Jeeves]]!
* Bertie says Jeeves was sent as an emissary.
--> '''Barmy:''' What's an emissary?
--> '''Bertie:''' It's... something that's sent.
* Bertie tries to lift the kettle, but it's so hot he burns his hand. After a minute's thought he takes a pot and uses its handle to lift the kettle instead.
* Bertie asks Jeeves for help deciphering the cookbook's instructions.
--> '''Bertie:''' It says here it's best to use soft water, but after boiling it may then become hard. Well, I mean, that's ''ice'' isn't it? And it says here that "one teaspoonful [of tea] per person and one for the pot". [[ComicallyMissingThePoint Why does the pot get one]]?
* Bertie's comments on Brinkley Court.
--> '''Bertie:''' Same old emotion quagmire down there, I suppose? Tuppy grinding his teeth, Angela aloof, Uncle Tom off his feed, Madeline off her head, and Fink-Nottle trembling at the thought of this prize-giving.
* Bertie saying he won't be persuaded to go to Brinkley, then being offended when it turns out Aunt Dahlia isn't even ''trying'' to persuade him.
* The RunningGag of Bertie's various friends coming to have a smoke at his house. Barmy starts it because he and Oofy Prosser made a bet on how long they can go without smoking. Since he can't smoke at the Drones without Oofy finding out, he decides to cheat by coming to Bertie's house. Then, as Bertie leaves, he meets Oofy himself who ''also'' wants to smoke in secret. Bertie obligingly tells Oofy to make himself at home... while Barmy is still there.
** For added hilarity it's left ambiguous if Bertie simply forgot Barmy was there, or (as implied by his expression) he knew perfectly well and [[TheGadfly thought it would be funny]].
* Tuppy decides Angela has transferred her affections to "some foul blister" she met at Cannes.
--> '''Tuppy:''' If ever I find this smily snake in the grass, I propose to take him by his beastly neck, shake him till he froths, and then pull him inside out and make him swallow himself.
** Bertie unwisely admits that while in Cannes he and Angela were practically inseparable, and [[DiggingYourselfDeeper makes it worse]] by saying he's always been devoted to Angela and she used to call him her sweetheart. [[ImaginaryLoveTriangle Tuppy jumps to the conclusion that Angela is in love with]] ''[[ImaginaryLoveTriangle Bertie]]''.
* Aunt Dahlia's reaction to seeing Bertie. "I didn't know your master was back, Jeeves. Has he no mercy?"
* Bertie comes up with a unique way to introduce his latest plan.
--> '''Bertie:''' Suppose that you were strolling through the illimitable jungle, and you happened to meet a tiger cub.
--> '''Jeeves:''' The contingency is a remote one, sir.
--> '''Bertie:''' [...] Let us know suppose that you biffed that tiger cub. And let us further suppose that word reached its mother that you'd done so. Now, what would you expect the attitude of that mother to be?
--> '''Jeeves:''' In the circumstances, I should anticipate a certain show of disapprobation, sir.
** Then Bertie says he's going to insult Tuppy in front of Angela, "giving it as my opinion that in all the essentials he is more akin to a warthog than an ex-member of the fine old school".
--> '''Bertie:''' [[TemptingFate And what will ensue?]]
--> '''Jeeves:''' What indeed, sir?
--> '''Bertie:''' No, Jeeves, no. That was one of those... whatsit questions.
** Bertie recounts the time he agreed with a young woman who said her boyfriend's legs looked ridiculous.
--> '''Bertie:''' And guess what happened next!
--> '''Jeeves:''' I am agog to learn, sir.
--> '''Bertie:''' A ''cyclone'' is what happened next, Jeeves. Emanating from this girl.
** Then Bertie describes her reaction: she insulted his manners, morals "[[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and method of eating asparagus]]".
--> '''Bertie:''' By the time she'd finished, the best that could be said about poor old Bertram was that, so far as was known, he hadn't actually burnt down an orphanage.
* Bertie puts his plan into action and insults Tuppy. Then he's horrified when Angela, instead of being offended, agrees with everything he says about Tuppy. Naturally, Tuppy overhears everything and thinks Bertie meant all his insults.
--> '''Bertie:''' Eavesdropping, some people might call it. A bit un-English, Tuppy, I think you must admit.
--> '''Tuppy:''' [[ComicallyMissingThePoint I'm Scotch!]]
--> '''Bertie:''' Really? I didn't know that.
--> ''[Tuppy tries to attack him]''
** Bertie hopping back and forth over a wall to get away from Tuppy.
** Bertie explains he wasn't in love with Angela because he was in love with someone else.
--> '''Tuppy:''' Well, who was she?
--> '''Bertie:''' My dear Tuppy, does one bandy a woman's name?
--> '''Tuppy:''' One does if one doesn't want one's ruddy head pulled off!
** Then Bertie claims the woman he loves is... ''Madeline Bassett''.
--> '''Tuppy:''' You're in love with that weird God-help-us Bassett?
--> '''Bertie:''' Well, I don't think you should call her a weird God-help-us, Tuppy. Odd in some of her views, perhaps. One does not quite see eye-to-eye with her in the matter of stars and bunny rabbits.
* Tuppy [[ItMakesSenseInContext kicks a plate of food]]... then has to limp away [[SurprisinglyRealisticOutcome because the plate hurt his foot]].
* Jeeves tries to advise Bertie against his "alcohol-in-orange-juice" plan, citing the case of a parrot.
--> '''Bertie:''' There's a flaw here, Jeeves. [...] Gussie isn't a parrot.
* Bertie says Gussie will "[[TemptingFate hold that Market Snodsbury audience spell-bound]]". Well... [[AlcoholInducedIdiocy he's not wrong...]]
* Bertie puts some whiskey in Gussie's orange juice to help calm his nerves before he gives a speech. Then he finds out Jeeves ''also'' did it, and they both look forward with identical OhCrap expressions.
* Gussie's drunken speech has been somewhat toned down and shortened compared to the truly epic moment of silliness it was in the book, but it's still one of the funniest moments in the episode.
--> "I should say, Fink-Nottle."
--> "Well, of course you should, you silly ass!"
* Tuppy threatens to kill Gussie for stealing Angela. A confused Bertie objects, "But Gussie loves Madeline Bassett!", forgetting that Tuppy still thinks ''Bertie'' loves Madeline.
--> '''Tuppy:''' You can't ''all'' love this blasted Bassett! It astonishes me how ''anybody'' could love her.
* Bertie learns Angela and Gussie are engaged and tries to talk Angela out of it.
--> '''Bertie:''' Gussie's a splendid chap in many ways. If you've got a sick newt on your hands, well, Gussie's just the fellow to tell you what to do until the doctor comes. But honestly, old thing, you could fling bricks by the half-hour in England's most densely-populated districts without hitting one girl willing to become Mrs. Fink-Nottle without a general anaesthetic.
* Bertie tells Jeeves to go and look for Gussie. Jeeves reveals that Gussie is hiding under Bertie's bed. Then Tuppy arrives, and Gussie runs around in a panic searching for somewhere to hide. Jeeves closes him into the wardrobe and Bertie lets Tuppy in.
--> '''Tuppy:''' Why was that door locked?
--> '''Bertie:''' Is one to have no privacy, Glossop? I instructed Jeeves to shut the door, because ''[beat as he tries to find an excuse]'' I was about to disrobe. ''[Takes off his jacket]'' There, you see.
* Tuppy deduces Gussie is hiding in a wardrobe, but he chooses the wrong one and finds nothing but Bertie's clothes. Bertie mocks him for this, then [[OhCrap stops laughing very quickly]] when the other wardrobe door opens and reveals Gussie.
* "What does Madeline Bassett want to write to me for?" "Open the damn thing and see."
** Bertie reads the letter and cries out in horror, to Aunt Dahlia's annoyance.
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' Will you stop that?
--> '''Bertie:''' You don't understand! Madeline Bassett says she's going to marry ''me''!
--> '''Aunt Dahlia:''' Well, I hope it keeps fine for both of you.
* Jeeves says the situation may call for drastic measures.
--> '''Bertie:''' Oh, drastic away, Jeeves. The prospect of being united for life with a woman who talks about "little baby bunnies" fills me with an unnamed dread.
* "It is thought to be the instinct of everyone upon the alarm of fire to save the object dearest to them." "Seems to me there's a grave danger of seeing [[BigEater Tuppy]] come out carrying a steak-and-kidney pie."
* After Bertie rings the fire-alarm, Aunt Dahlia beckons him over with [[https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/aunt_dahlia.png an expression that must be seen to be believed]].
[[/folder]]

!!Series 3

[[folder: Comrade Bingo]]
* Bertie, Jeeves, Aunt Dahlia and Spode need to stage a break-in in a stately home, to make it look as if someone outside person has stolen two paintings that they themselves have either stolen or destroyed. Bertie is ''not'' keen on the part of the plan that requires him to be knocked unconscious; Spode, who suffers from a RunningGag of getting hit in/on the head (and has ''already'' had it happen to him this episode) is positively giddy with delight at getting to do it to someone else for a change, and wallops Bertie with a lampstand. ''"Ba-doing!"'' Then when Bertie wakes up before they're ready to raise the alarm, Spode repeats the walloping with a heavy vase.
[[/folder]]

!!Series 4

[[folder: Trouble at Totleigh Towers]]
* Gussie finally [[spoiler: liberates himself from Madeleine Bassett, who's been making him eat a vegetarian diet.]]
--> '''Gussie:''' In that case, I am going to eat a ''ham sandwich!''
[[/folder]]

!!In general:
* Whenever [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYf5YPNnfRY Jeeves shows disapproval]] on any of Bertie's (or Bertie's friends) crazy fashion statements. From a white Mess jacket with brass buttons to a tie with horseshoes on it to Bertie's mustache. Made even funnier with Stephen Fry's wonderful facial expressions.
** Particularly the moment where Rocky reveals that he "dresses" by throwing on a sweater over his pajamas:
--->'''Bertie:''' Don't listen, Jeeves!\\
'''Jeeves:''' [anguished sob]
* Jeeves convinces [[EvilMatriarch Aunt Agatha]] that she's seeing ghosts. 'Nuff said.
* The RunningGag where Stilton Cheesewright threatens to break Bertie's "rotten spine in three (then four, then five, then ''six'') places!"
* Anytime they take the piss out of [[TheComicallySerious Roderick Spode]] and his "blackshorts".
* The first time we see Bertie kiss a girl, he basically just grabs her and starts making out with her cheek. And then her dad sees them...
* The show's first genuine slice of HoYay which comes completely out of nowhere, spoken by ''Jeeves'' DisguisedInDrag:
-->'''Jeeves:''' Why are you men holding hands like that? Is that some sort of English custom?

* Tuppy thinks Gussie has stolen Angela from him. A confused Bertie objects, "But Gussie loves Madeline Bassett!", forgetting that Tuppy still thinks ''Bertie'' loves Madeline.
--> '''Tuppy:''' You can't all love this blasted Bassett!

* Jeeves tries to advise Bertie against his "alcohol-in-orange-juice" plan, citing the case of a parrot.
--> '''Bertie:''' There's a flaw here, Jeeves. [...] Gussie isn't a parrot.

* Bertie describes a girl insulting someone's manners, morals "[[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and method of eating asparagus]]", and saying the only thing to his credit was that, as far as she knew, he'd never burnt down an orphanage.

** Bertie unwisely admits that while in Cannes he and Angela were practically inseparable, and makes it worse by saying he's always been devoted to Angela and she used to call him her sweetheart. Tuppy jumps to the conclusion that Angela is in love with ''Bertie''.

* The RunningGag of Bertie's various friends coming to have a smoke at his house.

* Bertie saying he won't be persuaded to go to Brinkley, then being offended when it turns out Aunt Dahlia isn't even ''trying'' to persuade him.

** Then, when Bertie lets Barmy in, the latter says, "Most extraordinary thing! I was talking to your man Jeeves a moment ago."
--> '''Bertie:''' Oh no, that was me.

--> '''Bertie:''' That was me ''pretending'' to be Jeeves!

* Bertie's perfectly innocent "Me? W-what have I done?" a few moments after he'd accidentally ''shot a chandelier from its ceiling rose with a hunting rifle.''