History Funny / DanganronpaAbridgedThing

-->'''Ishimaru:''' ''(shoving in front of Yamada)'' Do not listen to such poison! Games are not welcome in a school environment! This is a place of grave seriousness! Do you not agree, classmate?!
-->'''Naegi:''' ''(staring at Ishimaru's finger in his face)'' ... you're scaring me.
-->'''Ishimaru:''' Fear is not welcome in a school environment!

-->'''Oowada:''' Hell with that! Those iron walls don't scare me! I'm sure if I hit 'em a bunch, it'll solve our problems, and ''yes'', that is my answer to everything!

-->'''Naegi:''' At this moment, I was aware of how adorable this girl was and how me wanting to hit that was totally acceptable and something I'd never regret.

-->'''Celes:''' ''(Celestia Ludenberg: Super Duper High School Hellspawn)'' Oh there's no need to bother with such trifles. We should simply make ourselves comfortable and '''''I will watch you burn!''''' adapt to our new environment. '''''Your days are numbered!''''' Don't you agree?
-->''Naegi stares in abject horror.''
-->'''Celes:''' Ahaha!

-->'''Asahina:''' Hiiii, I'm Aoi Asahina. I like sports, and donuts, and... that's it!\\

-->'''Ishimaru (sounding incredibly flustered on the last word):''' YES! BY ALL MEANS, CONTINUE DEBATING! Please.

-->'''Ishimaru:''' [[GeekyTurnOn This debate was very much welcome]] in my pants environment.

-->'''Naegi:''' ''(shrieking)'' She did ''what''? In ''my room?!''
-->'''Hagakure:''' Haha, sucks to be you, man--''[[EyeScream AAGH!! VISHNU, WHAT WAS THAT FOR?]]''

-->'''Byakuya (still debating):''' Only one of you destitute layabouts could've [[MondegreenGag done it]].
-->'''[[TranquilFury Aoi]]:''' [[BerserkButton Bitch, what did you say about donuts?]]

-->'''Byakuya:''' What is he even saying?
-->'''[[DeadpanSnarker Celestia:]]''' I think he's broken.

-->'''Naegi:''' Not your slave Togami.
-->'''Togami:''' We'll see about that.

-->'''Naegi:''' Oh my god, would you two just [[GetARoom get a room already?!]]

-->'''Togami:''' As if I would associate with someone whose hair resembles a corncob.
-->'''Oowada (enraged, & cracking his knuckles):''' HEY! This is a ''[[InsistentTerminology baguette]]'', you son of a bitch! ''(Leaps at him)''

-->'''Naegi:''' You guys ''are'' aware of [[MistakenForGay how this looks]], right?

-->'''Oowada:''' I got new respect for this crazy SOB now!
-->'''Ishimaru:''' Yes! I am an SOB!

-->'''Naegi:''' Well, seriously, there was some moaning and--
-->'''Ishimaru:''' '''FORGET, FORGET, FORGET BEEEEAAAAAMMMM!!!!'''
-->'''Naegi:''' ... Something about it [[CatchPhrase being very much welcome in a school envir]]--
-->'''Ishimaru:''' '''[[MotorMouth FORGETFORGETFORGETBEEEEAAAAMMM!!!]]'''
-->'''Naegi:''' ... Okay then.

-->'''Asahina:''' After all the junk-swinging between those guys, I'd actually ''welcome'' [[BrainBleach amnesia.]]

-->'' '''Makoto Naegi's Browsing History'''\\

--> '''Naegi''': EEYYAAAAAAAAAA--
--> '''Togami''': This is the work of a twisted SerialKiller known as 'Genocider Syo'. Look familiar?
--> '''Naegi''': --AAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGHHH!!!
--> '''Togami''': Stop that.
--> '''Naegi''': Gee, thanks for the trauma!

--> '''Togami:''' Come along, Naegi.
--> '''Naegi:''' What're we gonna do now, dissect a puppy?
--> '''Togami (smiling):''' Worse.
--> '' '''Cut to outside Fukawa's room with Asahina there''' ''
--> '''Asahina:''' Hey Fukawa, Togami's here to talk to you.
--> '''Naegi:''' Oh god, you weren't kidding.

-->'''Naegi:''' This is going exactly where I think it is, huh?
-->'''Togami (smiling):''' Yup.

-->'''Yamada:''' Miss Fukawa is a serial killer? What an exciting hobby!
-->'''Asahina:''' 'Kawa, is it true?! Did you stab holes in those victims just like ''delicious donuts''?

-->'''Togami:''' Go on, off you pop.
-->''Fukawa shrieks and passes out.''
-->'''Togami:''' And, three, two, one.
-->''Fukawa pops right back up, now with Genocider Syo in full control, tongue lolling out like an idiot.''

-->'''[[DeadpanSnarker Naegi:]]''' [[ThisIsGonnaSuck Well, she's gonna be a blast.]]

-->'''Genocider Syo:''' Because what's a Genocider? Who fucking knows?

-->'''Genocider Syo:''' Ugh! I don't know why, but I can just feel my other self chomping at the bit to write an angry blog post about this.
-->'''Kirigiri:''' Well, she can get over it.

-->'''Naegi:''' Uh, Hina, this is a ''laptop.'' Is technology that frightening to you?
-->'''Asahina:''' No, no, no, it was ''on'' the laptop!
-->'''Naegi:''' Is this porn related? Because, I got my fill of that last time.

-->''Ishimaru somehow [[MakesJustAsMuchSenseInContext goes Super-Saiyan.]]''
-->'''Naegi:''' Ishimaru... [[LampshadeHanging How are you doing that?]]
-->'''Ishimaru:''' I AM NO LONGER ISHIMARU! [[ThatManIsDead I AM THE ME WHO HAS ABANDONED FEELINGS!]] I'M FREAKIN' MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! ''(Runs screaming from the room like a nutcase.)''
-->'''[[DeadpanSnarker Naegi:]]''' [[ThisIsGonnaSuck Well]], [[SarcasmMode I'm glad we established that.]]
-->''Kirigiri types "Do not speak to anyone else" into the computer.''
-->'''Alter Ego:''' Oh, okay. Wari wari.

-->'''"Oowada":''' Heya, broski, the fuck are you doing?
-->'''Ishimaru:''' Bro! You did not get turned into butter after all!
-->'''"Oowada":''' Nah, man, that was real! And you gotta deal with it!
-->'''Ishimaru:''' I have yet to understand how that even ''happened'' so ''how can I do that?!''
-->'''"Oowada":''' Listen, brofree, now's the time to be a ''man!'' And the only way to do that is to bury those feelings of yours! Ignore 'em! Pretend they're not there! Real men don't feel! They punch! They dominate! They ''devour!''
-->'''Naegi:''' This simulation is a little too accurate.

-->'''Celes:''' I do believe I've suffered a case of the vapors.
-->'''Naegi:''' And now your accent's changed. What is even going on?!

-->'''Togami:''' [[LackOfEmpathy He better be a bloody corpse this time!]]
-->'''Celes:''' Quickly, we must help Yamada!
-->'''Naegi:''' Who ''are'' you?!

--> '''Yamada (Weakly):''' That was sick brah.

-->'''Kirigiri''': I saw through literally everything else, because that ''made sense''. Naegi, kindly explain this [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] nonsense.

-->'''Monokuma:''' Just bear in mind that if you pick the wrong one, the real perp goes free and you all get axed! Maybe even literally...

* Kirigiri's making everyone shut up when they all try to blame Naegi from the get go.

'''Yukizome:''' Of course not! I'm a [[IncrediblyLamePun Mommy Sue]]!\\

-->'''Hellspawn Celes:''' (eyes [[RedEyesTakeWarning briefly flash red]])'''''[[VoiceOfTheLegion YOUR INTESTINES WILL BE DEVOURED BY CERBERUS HIMSELF!!!]]'''''

** Also, accompanying's Yamada's death is the ''VideoGame/SuperMarioBros'' death jingle.

* Naegi's commenting on Togami and Celes' UnholyMatrimony and Asahina's saying she ships it and Fukawa immediately asking her not to.

-->'''Fukawa:''' [[StalkerWithACrush CAN YOU NOT?!]]

-->'''[[DeadpanSnarker Naegi]]:''' You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everyone else's misery! So seriously, when's the wedding?
-->'''[[ShipperOnDeck Aoi]]:''' .........I ship it.
-->'''[[StalkerWithACrush Fukawa]]:''' CAN YOU NOT?!

-->'''[[ShipperOnDeck Aoi]]:'''.........I ship it.

-->'''Monokuma:''' Oh, finally. Just one sec. Ahem! ''(dub voice)'' Now then, I prepared a very special punishment for the ultimate hellspawn, Celestia Ludenberg!

-->'''Monokuma:''' Let's give it everything we've got. It's punishment time!

-->'''Celes:''' What thing ? I have absolutely no idea what you're saying, none.
-->'''Naegi:''' You're just gonna do it any second-
-->'''Hellspawn Celes:''' '''''[[VoiceOfTheLegion YOUR INTESTINES WILL BE DEVOURED BY CERBERUS HIMSELF!!!]]'''''

-->'''Celes:''' Yes, Naegi. Explain to me precisely how I'm full of shit, as you so eloquently put it.
-->'''Naegi:''' Oh my god, you're so full of shit.

-->'''Hellspawn Celes:''' '''''[[VoiceOfTheLegion Alright, bitch, spell it out!]]'''''

** The "Bum-Bum-Bum" turns out to be [[spoiler: Celestia's]] true identity as [[spoiler: The Bumphor]].

-->'''Maizono:''' *flashback* Get away from me, you [[BerserkButton big weenie! WEENIE!!]]
-->'''Kuwata:''' *present* '''[[NobodyCallsMeChicken NOBODY CALLS ME A WEENIE!!!]]'''

'''Asahina:'' Like a donut?!\\

* Asahina's EstablishingCharacterMoment, full stop.

-->'''Byakuya (still debating):''' Only one of you destitute layabouts could've [[{{Mondegreen}} done it]].

-->'''Hinata''': You know this situation I'm in right now? I have no idea how I'm supposed to [[{{Mondegreen}} cope]].