History BadassBoast / REALLIFE

* Speaking of Ottoman sultans, the letter of Sultan Mahmud IV to the Zaporogian Cossacks. And, topping that, the [[http://www.thescreamonline.com/art/art7-1/repin/repin.html Cossacks' reply]].

* The [=McPherson=] clan motto, "Touch not the cat but a glove", refers to [=McPherson=] as a wildcat. When its claws are unsheathed, (without the glove), well... tomfoolery will not be met with kindness.
** Most Scottish Clan mottoes pretty much boil down to, "Oi! You think you're hard enough?" in Latin or Scots Gaelic. My own family's motto, "Gang Warily", roughly translates as, "Watch your step", and only partly refers to us introducing the caltrop to Scottish warfare.
** My family's motto is "Audentes Fortuna Juvat." The translation is "Fortune favors the bold."

* In 1990, 18-year-old Hugh Gallagher wrote [[http://www.hughgallagher.net/neurofuzzy/essay.html his college application essay]], which is one long, massive (and slightly surreal) BadassBoast. It reads in part:

** [[http://www.thedropzone.org/europe/bulge/kinnard.html Here's the story]]: the German Commander sent him a long letter detailing his position in a haughty manner and demanding surrender. The letter was "To the American Commander," and signed, "The German Commander." [=McAuliffe=] read it and blurted out "Nuts!" When he and his men tried to compose a reply, they came to the conclusion nothing was better than that, so the full text of the reply was, "To the German Commander: Nuts! The American Commander."

*** Then they asked what "Nuts" meant. One of the more hot-tempered officers suggested "Go take a flying S---!". The translator considered this for a moment, then decided on the more tactful "You can go to Hell."

* At the [[UsefulNotes/WorldWarI First Battle of the Marne,]] [[FourStarBadass Ferdinand Foch's]] counterattack was preceded by the now-famous BadassBoast: "[[LastStand Hard pressed on my right. My centre is yielding.]] [[DarkestHour Impossible to manoeuvre.]] [[RefugeInAudacity Situation excellent.]] [[AttackAttackAttack I attack.]]"
** Origin of the line "The center cannot hold" (depending on translation).

* This [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhahiQJhfTo Royal Marines Commando advert]]: "I am your worse nightmare. I have conquered fear. I have come to terms with terror, and pain is my best friend. I am a Royal Marines Commando. I will come from the sea. I will disappear without trace. My brothers will lay down their lives for me, as I will for them."
** 99.99% Need not apply

** [[http://themetapicture.com/shoot-twice/ This story is also attributed to the Kaiser and the first war.]]

* Kubla Khan issued his emissaries diplomatic passports made of simple metal disks with nothing but [[https://www.passport-collector.com/genghis-khan-the-inventor-of-the-diplomatic-passport/ this]] on them:

** The Russian Chess master Efim Bogoljubov (1889-1952) liked to say "When I am White I win because I am White. When I am Black I win because I am Bogoljubov" [[note]] Also a StealthPun -- Bogoljubov means "beloved by God" in Russian.[[/note]]

** He then proceeded to win [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Myeongnyang a 13 vs. 133 (plus 200+ transports) naval battle]], [[CurbstompBattle/RealLife losing only two sailors]] -- not ships, ''sailors'' -- to combat action.

* [[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yi_Sun-sin Admiral Yi Sun-Sin]] of Korea, after being ordered to disband the Navy due to his successor/predecessor's [[CurbstompBattle/RealLife miserable loss]] to the Japanese Navy, replied to King Seonjo with a letter.

* Calling a weapon the Peacemaker is already fairly boastful, and possibly makes it a [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast Name To Run Away From Really Fast]], but the [[CoolGun Colt .45]] [[RevolversAreJustBetter Single Action Army]] spawned a particularly badass boast, reportedly engraved onto at least one cylinder:

-->'''Philip:''' If its walls were iron, yet would I [[StormTheCastle take it]]!\\

* Freddie Mercury, while dying of AIDS, was told while recording his last song that it would be almost impossible for him to do in his condition. The story goes that Mercury downed a measure of vodka, snapped, "I'll [[PrecisionFStrike fucking]] do it, darling," and nailed the song ''in one take''.

** That reply is probably a fake, though.

** This is also the first documented case of shawarma being used in an effective threat.

** Another was from Captain Philip Sheridan, a Union officer whose entry took place at the Battle of Missionary Ridge. It would normally be enough that he stood in plain view of the Confederate position on the ridge, took out a flask, raised it towards them, and toasted, "Here's at you." But in anger at the mocking display, the Confederates fired a volley at Sheridan and his entrenched troops, missing him but disrupting his drink. [[BerserkButton A mistake, as it turned out.]]

** Sheridan's men interpreted this ''as an order'', and charged the Confederate line along with their captain. The Confederates, despite their superior position, fled in panic, and the equally off-guard Union troops who weren't under Sheridan's immediate command (including Ulysses S. Grant) hastily mounted their own offensive and won the battle. Bear in mind that the Battle of Missionary Ridge was what led largely to the Confederate defeat in the West, which in turn led to Grant being made overall general of the Union army.

* Many armed forces have a battle cry they use to psych themselves up (and scare the enemy) in case they have to end up stabbing some poor bastard to death with their bayonet. For example, the 506th P.I.R of the 101st Airborne's battle cry was "Currahee!" a Cherokee word which literally means "stand alone". Even today, it is still used by the 101st as a morale booster.

-->''"And on the seventh day, we rested."''

* The American Civil War had a few:

* Suleiman the Lawgiver, the tenth sultan of the Ottoman Empire, signed his letters by titling himself

-->"{{Detroit}}. Where the weak are killed and eaten."

* [[http://www.badassoftheweek.com/york.html US Army]] [[http://acacia.pair.com/Acacia.Vignettes/The.Diary.of.Alvin.York.html#October%208th%201918 Corporal]] [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alvin_York Alvin]] [[ImplacableMan York]] had this to say about the battle in which he, alone, took fire from [[MoreDakka thirty-two German machine guns and over 100 riflemen]] [[NighInvulnerable without receiving a scratch]] and returned rifle fire to kill 28 Germans [[ImprobableAimingSkills without missing even one shot:]]

-->''As long as my head isn't on the ground, your majesty need not worry.\\

While we were marching through Georgia.''

* [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTHyVWCoJdg This]] video by Website/{{Youtube}} user "[=TheThinkingAtheist=]" in response to Pastor Mike Stahl, who compared atheists to ex-convicts, sex offenders, and the KKK, and [[IdiotPlot suggested they should be registered on a list]], [[{{Jerkass}} so that they could be shunned and avoided]], and their businesses boycotted. Needless to say, [=TheThinkingAtheist=] was most displeased, leading to a BadassBoast demonstrating the sheer size of the atheist demographic today and yesterday.

-->'''Philip''': If its walls were iron, yet would I [[StormTheCastle take it]]!
-->'''Richard''': If these walls were butter, yet would I [[TheSiege hold them]]!

-->''Southern emperors dwell in these Southern lands, mountains, and rivers,''
-->''It was clearly allotted thus in heavens' books.''
-->''How dare enemies trespass?''
-->''You will be completely routed!''

‘Cause the washing day is here."''

-->''"Whether the weather may be wet or fine,\\

--->''Never, never and never again shall it be that this beautiful land will again experience the oppression of one by another and suffer the indignity of being the skunk of the world.''
--->''Let freedom reign!''
--->''The sun shall never set on so glorious a human achievement!''
--->''God bless Africa!''

--->Then you have to aim well, ''because that soldier will be me!''

* UsefulNotes/YuriGagarin made one on his return to Earth when he was first discovered and mistaken for an alien.
-->'''Stunned farmer''': Can it be that you have come from outer space?
-->'''Gagarin''': As a matter of fact, yes.

--->''I s'pose you've read it in the prints''
--->''How Pakenham attempted''
--->''To make Old Hickory Jackson wince''
--->''But his scheme soon repented''
--->''For he with rifle ready cocked''
--->''Thought such occasion lucky''
--->''And soon around Old Jackson flocked''
--->''The hunters of Kentucky!''

-->''So we made a thoroughfare for freedom and her train,''
-->''Sixty miles in latitude, three hundred to the main,''
-->''Treason fled before us for resistance was in vain,''
-->''While we were marching through Georgia.''

---> '''(Unnamed) Marine Colonel''': "The Chinese are ahead of us, behind us, and on both flanks. They outnumber us 20 to 1. ''And they can't get away from us now!''"

----> "Good. Now we can fire in any direction!"
----> "We've been looking for the enemy for some time now. We've finally found him. We're surrounded. That simplifies things."

--->"Hey there [[InterserviceRivalry Army]]! / Get in your tanks and follow me! / I am Marine Corps infantry!

---> "My grandmamma was 92! / She could [[TrainingFromHell PT]] better than you!

-->''The lord of the realms of the Romans, and the Persians and the Arabs, hero of all that is, pride of the arena of earth and time!''
-->''Of the Mediterranean and the Black Sea;''
-->''Of the glorified Kaaba and the illuminated Medina, the noble Jerusalem and the throne of Egypt, that rarity of the age;''
-->''Of the province of Yemen, and Aden and Sana, and of Baghdad the abode of rectitude, and Basra and al-Hasa and the Cities of Nushirivan;''
-->''Of the lands of Algiers and Azerbaijan, the steppes of the Kipchak and the lands of Tartars;''
-->''Of Kurdistan and Luristan, and of the countries of Rumelia and Anatolia and Karaman and Wallachia and Moldavia and Hungary all together, and of many more worthy kingdoms of countries.''
-->''Sultan and Padishah.''

-->''His Sacred and Imperial Majesty Sultan Suleiman Khan,\\

-->'''General''': Mister Cortez, it is a great victory for you to capture me.
-->'''Cortez''': [[ButForMeItWasTuesday Capturing you is the least of everything I've done in this land]].

---> '''Ali''': I am... still... the greatest... I am... ''still''... the champ...

-->'''German General''': ''"If there were 50 million Finns we would share the world together with you."''
-->'''Finnish General Paavo Talvela''': ''"If there were 50 million Finns... what makes you think '''we''' would share anything with '''you'''?"''

-->'''Khrushchev''': ''"Dear Brother what do you say about finally removing the border between out nations as proof of our friendship?"''
-->'''Kekkonen''': ''"Unfortunately i must say no dear Brother. I cannot possibly govern a country that big."''

--> "Forward! Remember that from those monuments yonder forty centuries look down upon you."

-->[[PrecisionFStrike Merde]]!

-->Occasionally I tread water for three days in a row. I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

-->'''Hope:''' Are you the Corps of Engineers, the guys who build the runways the planes land on?
-->'''Audience Member:''' Hell no! We're the [[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seabee Seabees]]! We build the roads the Japs retreat on!

---> [[DangerDeadpan The war has already begun!]]

--> '''York:''' I [[FunetikAksent jes]] couldn't miss a German's head or body at that distance. [[BoomHeadshot And I didn't.]] Besides, it weren't no time to miss nohow.

--> '''Major:''' How many men ''have'' you got?
--> '''York:''' [[OneManArmy I have got a'plenty.]] *''pointing pistol at major all the while''*

--> "{{Detroit}}. Where the weak are killed and eaten."

---> "Come back to Saginaw, we missed you last time."

-->'''Rome''': "If you knew that the chances of making it were only 50/50, why did you do it? Why did you jump?"
-->'''Knievel''': (Beat) "Know who the hell I am?"

--> '''Gen. William T. Sherman''': ''You cannot qualify war in harsher terms than I will. War is cruelty, and you cannot refine it; and those who brought war into our country deserve all the curses and maledictions a people can pour out...you might as well appeal against the thunder-storm...''

--> '''Gen. William T. Sherman:''' I can make this march and '''I will make Georgia ''howl''!'''

-->''If they want eternal war, well and good; we accept the issue, and will dispossess them and put our friends in their place. I know thousands and millions of good people who at simple notice would come to North Alabama and accept the elegant houses and plantations there. If the people of Huntsville think different, let them persist in war three years longer, and then they will not be consulted. Three years ago by a little reflection and patience they could have had a hundred years of peace and prosperity, but they preferred war; very well. Last year they could have saved their slaves, but now it is too late.''

-->''You people of the South don't know what you are doing. This country will be drenched in blood, and God only knows how it will end. It is all folly, madness, a crime against civilization! You people speak so lightly of war; you don't know what you're talking about. War is a terrible thing! You mistake, too, the people of the North. They are a peaceable people but an earnest people, and they will fight, too. They are not going to let this country be destroyed without a mighty effort to save it … Besides, where are your men and appliances of war to contend against them? The North can make a steam engine, locomotive, or railway car; hardly a yard of cloth or pair of shoes can you make. You are rushing into war with one of the most powerful, ingeniously mechanical, and determined people on Earth — right at your doors. You are bound to fail. Only in your spirit and determination are you prepared for war. In all else, you are totally unprepared - and with a bad cause to start with.''

--->'''Captain Philip Sheridan''': ''That was ungenerous. I'll take your guns for that!''

--->'''General Jackson:''' "Captain, my religious belief teaches me to feel as safe in battle as in bed. God has fixed the time for my death. I do not concern myself about that, but to be always ready, no matter when it may overtake me. That is the way all men should live, and then all would be equally brave."

----> '''General Jackson:''' "Who could not conquer with such troops as these?"

---> '''President Davis:''' "The time for compromise has now passed, and the South is determined to maintain her position, and make all who oppose her smell Southern powder and feel Southern steel."

----> '''President Davis:''' "The war...must go on till the last man of this generation falls in his tracks...unless you acknowledge our right to self-government. We are not fighting for slavery. We are fighting for independence, and that, or extermination, we WILL have."

--> '''Nazi Ambassador''': But sir, what if you were invaded by an army numbering one million troops?\\
'''Swiss Representative''': Then, sir, we would shoot twice and go home.

--> My past is littered with the bones of men who were foolish enough to think I was someone they could sleep on.
* According to some records of the Second World War in a small village in Twente (in the Netherlands) a man hid 15 Jews in his house. When the Germans came searching for Jews to round up, they asked him at gunpoint: “Do you have any Jews hidden here?” to which he replied [[SarcasticConfession “Yes, fifteen!”]]. [[RefugeInAudacity The Germans scoffed at this and left without searching the house]].

-->"Gentlemen, I have arrived. There will be no withdrawals without written orders. ''These orders will never be issued''."

-->"You have received three (gunshot wounds) at this age. When I was your age, I took nine, and now look, I am commander in chief of the Indian army."

-->"If anyone tells you that he is never afraid, he is either a liar, or a Gurkha."

--> I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But [[DontMakeMeDestroyYou I’m pleading with you]], [[ManlyTears with tears in my eyes]]: If you [[PrecisionFStrike fuck]] with me, I’ll kill you all.

--> "Nothing. I keep other people awake at night."

--> ''"For what fortress, what city, in the wide extent of the Roman Empire, can hope to exist, secure and impregnable, if it is our wish that it be erased from the earth?"''

--> ''"With you, I will become the Lord of this whole wide world, I shall tread upon peoples, nations shall tremble, "Hammer of the World" and "Scourge of God", wherever the earth bears man upon its back, shall I be named."''[[note]]"E kerek világnak Ura leszek véled, népeket tapodok, országok reszketnek, «Világ pörölyé»-nek, «Isten ostorá»-nak, merre embert hord a föld háta, neveznek."[[/note]]

--> ''"Of the love or hatred God has for the English, I know nothing, but I do know that they will all be thrown out of France, except those who die here."''

--> ''"Everyone, Republican or otherwise, has their own particular role to play. [[DefiantToTheEnd Our revenge will be the laughter of our children]]."''

--> ''"This is going to be a fighting ship. I intend to go in harm's way, and anyone who doesn't want to go along had better get off right now."''

--> ''“To the enemy we answer—[[ThisMeansWar you have unsheathed the sword]], and by it you shall '''die'''!"''

** The Russian Chess master Efim Bogoljubov (1889-1952) liked to say "When I am White I win because I am White. When I am Black I win because I am Bogoljubov" [[note]] Also a StealthPun - Bogoljubov means "beloved by God" in Russian.[[/note]]

--> ''There are two kinds of cryptography in this world: cryptography that will stop your kid sister from reading your files, and cryptography that will stop major governments from reading your files. This book is about the latter.''

--> ''If I can shoot rabbits, I can shoot facists.''

* In the fall of 1966 [[UsefulNotes/DeutscheBahn Deutsche Bundesbahn]] of UsefulNotes/WestGermany started one of the most influential and enduring [[https://www.google.de/search?q=alle+reden+vom+wetter+wir+nicht&client=ubuntu&hs=cOl&channel=fs&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi4nLXF96DMAhUCKcAKHXqbC1cQsAQIIQ&biw=1301&bih=673 ad campaigns]] in the history of German language ads. So enduring in fact, Wiki/ThatOtherWiki has [[http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alle_reden_vom_Wetter._Wir_nicht an article]] on it "Alle reden vom Wetter (line break) Wir nicht." [[note]]Everybody talks about the weather - we don't[[/note]]. Six words, a CoolTrain and a railway had written a check it is still accused five decades later of not making good on whenever something weather related throws a wrench into the smooth operation of trains. The slogan itself has become so iconic that there is a reasonable chance most Germans will know it (if not necessarily its origin) and variations have made its way into popular culture, e.g. the same slogan only with images of Marx, Engels and Lenin or a similar slogan "Alle reden von Deutschland, wir reden vom Wetter" [[note]]Everybody is talking about Germany (referring to the then current reunification), we are talking about the weather (referring to global warming, the Ozone hole and similar problems)[[/note]] by the [[UsefulNotes/PoliticiansAndPartiesOfGermany Greens]] in their (ultimately disastrous) 1990 election campaign. It is fair to say the slogan has become a meme in its own right in Germany.