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[001] Wyldchyld Current Version

26th Nov '19 at 11:05:52 AM

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Okay, just to clarify (because I haven\'t been clear on this point): when I say a post is complaining and I\'m not saying that the troper who made the post has a valid concern to raise. I\'m saying that the way it\'s been expressed is coming across as complaining. I can work on being much clearer about that intention in future.

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Okay, looking through what I\\\'ve said to you I think I need to clarify something because I can see I haven\\\'t explained myself at all on that subject, and I apologise for that confusion: when I say a post is complaining, I\\\'m not saying that the troper who made the post has no valid concern to raise. I\\\'m saying that the way it\\\'s been expressed is coming across as complaining. Sometimes I\\\'ll have an additional issue with the trope that\\\'s been chosen, but that doesn\\\'t mean I think there\\\'s no reason for fans to be complaining about something (hell, sometimes I even agree with the complaint). I tend to be working from the Administrivia advice that we shouldn\\\'t word tropes in a complaining way -- and I am guilty of that, too.

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I can make sure I\\\'m much clearer in future about this.

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As far as I\'m concerned, this part is fine. It\'s factual and I don\'t have a problem with the content of it here.

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As far as I\\\'m concerned, this part is fine. It\\\'s representative of how the show unfolded and I don\\\'t have a problem with the content of it here.

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This sentence is mostly fine to here:

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The part of the sentence that\\\'s fine is this:

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The small remainder \

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The small remainder \\\"...both of which had little bearing down the line.\\\" creates the impression that the Vale situation is still directly relevant to the current plot line for us to know it\\\'s had \\\'little bearing\\\'. It\\\'s not well explained.

This bit below is where the timeline of your entry becomes inaccurate and is where the entry comes across as complaining.

* Beacon Tower still fell, the petrified Wyvern serves as a magnet for more Grimm to attack Beacon, and Cinder\\\\\\\'s lost arm was easily replaced with a more powerful Grimm arm, meaning in the end, Pyrrha\\\\\\\'s death accomplished nothing.

The reason it comes across as an inaccurate timeline is because the tower had already fallen even before Cinder and Pyrrha had finished fighting. Now, if you want to argue that all that does is prove that Pyrrha\\\'s sacrifice was senseless because Ozpin told her the tower must not fall and she couldn\\\'t even stop it from falling while she was still alive then I\\\'m with you 100%. But the way the entry is written makes it seem like all the Ruby stuff came before the tower fell. Also, the section suffers from the same current relevancy issue that the other sentence has, which is that Vale just isn\\\'t relevant right now and Pyrrha\\\'s death was very Beacon-specific. The whole part of this section therefore just doesn\\\'t come across well.

What I would suggest is to revamp the second half of the entry. You don\\\'t have to use this at all (and I don\\\'t think I\\\'m conveying this as well as I would like to either), I\\\'m just putting this together to give you an example of what I\\\'m thinking and what I\\\'m trying to express in the whole post I\\\'ve made:

* SenselessSacrifice: In the grand scheme of things, her Heroic Sacrifice doesn\\\'t amount to much. After Cinder successfully kills Ozpin and attempts to destroy Beacon Tower, Pyrrha sends Jaune away and tries to take on Cinder herself despite the clear power difference. She only lasts several minutes before the tower is destroyed and she is shot through the heart and immolated. While in that time Ruby did manage to make it to the top of Beacon Tower and Pyrrha\\\'s death served as a Traumatic Superpower Awakening for Ruby\\\'s Silver Eyes, the most that did was petrify the Grimm Wyvern and maim Cinder. While the petrified Grimm serves as a magnet for more Grimm to attack Beacon, the plot line moved away from Vale and has been exploring the rest of the world ever since. Having removed the relevancy of the dragon\\\'s petrification, and with Cinder quickly gaining a more powerful replacement Grimm arm, Pyrrha\\\'s death therefore accomplished nothing.

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