Romance

You're not alone. We'll be here.

I needed several of those during my breakup. Feel free to let yourself grieve as necessary.

Sorry to hear that

Thanks.

No problem. Anytime.

Admittedly, though, while breakups are always tough to go through whether you're the dumper or the dumpee, this is probably the most upset I've gotten about one. I think I fell for this guy too hard.

Oh dear. That hurts. He sounds like a good one.

Oh, he was. He was sweet, intimate, funny, caring... all that good stuff.

Honestly, though, the loss of romantic feelings on his end came right out of the blue, at least for me.

That is some bad fallout of emotions. I'm sorry that happened. At least, you had good times.

Yeah...

If there's anything I can learn from this, though, it's to not, y'know, invest yourself too much in all those dreams of meeting up and getting married and having a happy future until it can actually happen.

But then, I can't keep anyone romantically interested in me for even a year, so...

I fell too hard for my ex too, and our relationship was...well, a disaster to put it bluntly. I have some pretty big self-esteem issues, so the fact that she payed me any mind against all expectations really messed with me. I was completely broken when it was over, mostly because I felt I'd given way too much of myself to her and in the end she was going to be ok and I wasn't.

In retrospect I don't think it's true since she's even more messed up emotionally than I am.

It IS important not to invest too much right away, but sometimes I don't think it can go any other way because well...it's a very special feeling. And Love Makes You Stupid.

My relationship with the guy was actually really, really good, and we barely had any problems - then suddenly, bam, he got into a really "meh" mood and the next day he told me he no longer loved me.

It's like I was happily falling in an amazing kind of love and I couldn't see the ground until I crashed into it.

My last relationship was not good for me mentally at all and had a lot of red flags I should have noticed, and that's all I'll say.

Disclaimer:Not badmouthing the other person at all, it was mostly on my part anyway.

I was in a relationship but I wasn't into it. Poor girl.

I've been in four relationships previously, including the one with Darkness. First time, I got dumped because the boyfriend at the time was preoccupied with RL/not ready for a relationship. Second time, I was the victim of that thing where you lose romantic feelings but don't bother telling your partner until the last minute for the sake of sparing their feelings. Third time, I wasn't into it and dumped the other person due to loss of romantic feelings. Fourth time, I was the victim of that very thing.

I see a running theme here. :/

You know, there's a story of some elderly married couple that were asked on a very significant anniversary why their marriage had lasted so long, and their answer was "we were never both out of love at the same time".

Now, there's a whole lot of factors that's simplified out that may have made it easier for love to return (emotional intimacy is much easier with physical proximity for one), and it doesn't quite account for each other's personal agency, and marriage is a higher commitment level than the early stages of dating.

But I think that part of making a commitment to another person is committing to make a good faith effort to find your way back to love before casting them loose, and asking for your partner's help getting there, or at least making the situation known and being open to their efforts to rectify it. If you've made that effort, your obligation to the other person is fulfilled, and no one should stay in a relationship they're certain is a waste of time.

edited 29th Dec '16 8:47:49 PM by TParadox

Hm... now that's food for thought.

I'm looking at troper couples who've been together for a year or more and I can't help but wonder why and how they manage to stay in love with one another. In the case of Darkness and I, his stressed state of mind may be a pretty big factor against it.

Yeah I imagine that one of the issues people run into here is that a lot of folks here are rather younge and as such haven't had the chance to get their life stable yet, a stable life can help a lot with a relationship.

My ex "fell out of love" with me, but honestly I think that was more a realisation on her part that she'd never truly been in love with me, infatuated with me sure, committed to me yes, attached to me certainly, but in love? Nah, she was never in love with me and I was never in love with her, regardless of what we said to each other.

Love isn't something you fall into, it's something you build, it's not a pit, it's a shelter.

Hmm... yeah, I feel like it'd be for the best that I just stay out of this whole romance business for the next couple years or so. I have a lot of shit to sort out by then, so...

I stopped caring about getting into a relationship because no one is crazy enough to date me. Also, I have to get my shit together.

My shit has never been as "not together" as it is presently, my family situation is pretty horrid so romance is the last thing on my mind :p

The shit I need to get together is essentially me evolving from a teen to an adult, really. I've got my senior years of high school and some kind of future to work on.

I have a job yet I can't enter a relationship because fuck people sometimes.

For me and Rae, a big part is open communication. We talk about everything that's going on in our lives, and when issues come up, we talk about them and make sure to resolve them.

One thing I've heard is the phrase "never go to bed angry at your partner", and I think it's very true. You have to make sure you don't feel resentful or angry at them that long.

With long distance especially, you need to be very open, and you have to work for it much harder than dating in the flesh.

I am just getting through college right now so no relationships for me at this very moment