Corrupt-a-wish.

The genie doesn't know how to grant it since you didn't add any prepositions but presumes it means would never exist in any capacity

I wish the land of Ooo was real, nuclear war and all

Granted. The Mushroom bomb that will bring calamity to Earth will be going off by the time you finish reading this messa...

---

I wish for the next troper to receive a great hug.

Granted. The hug is from some random stranger, and was completely unasked for.

---

I wish i was as good a writer as stephen king.

"You and i are a team. Nothing is more valuble than our friendship."

Granted. The resulting books wouldn't sell well.

I wish to speak any language

One thing I have learned in pledging my life to this quest is that I have been betrayed again and again. And again. And again.

granted. you can speak every language, but you can't choose which one you speak. every word you say is from a different language, messed up grammar and all. people will think you're speaking simlish.

---

i wish that

from here on out, it's all bee puns and 16th century humor without historical context

The genie had no idea what to do with just "I wish that"

I wish that there were more great tower defense games

Granted. However, the gaming landscape is now so overloaded with tower defense games that people grow resentful towards the medium as a whole.

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I wish that Dr. Seuss was still alive.

Currently Reading: N/A

Granted. He's incredibly old now, so his work is much harder to comprehend, and when it can be comprehended, it's full of rants against modern trends.

I wish my laptop had infinite battery power.

I do some cleanup and then I enjoy shows you probably think are cringe.

Granted, it now also has infinite mass, and everything gets sucked into a black hole.

I wish the genie had and has a nice-looking lamp that is safe for those around it and comfortable inside.

Edited by Idunnowhattoputhere on Mar 22nd 2024 at 9:48:36 AM

Granted. He turns you into his new lamp.

I wish I could watch the version of The Owl House where it was allowed to have a full third season, without erasing the version we did get in case I still prefer the ending we got.

Granted. Since the Genie has no knowledge about the Owl House whatsoever, said third season is a chaotic mess full of Non Sequiturs, Big-Lipped Alligator moments and plot holes, and it features way too many title drops. But hey, it’s still entertaining to watch.

I wish I knew statistics.

"What I don‘t like about measure theory is that you have to say 'almost everywhere' almost everywhere." - Attributed to Kurt Friedrichs

Granted, false statistics

I wish the genie stopped being ungrateful when people wished him nice things by twisting their wishes

granted. he hits you with testicular torsion and twists your balls instead. just you specifically

---

i wish to enjoy a mildly satisfactory bowl of soup

from here on out, it's all bee puns and 16th century humor without historical context

Granted. However "enjoyng it" doesn't mean it was actually healthy for you. You get food poisoning from the soup soon afterwards.

I wish I had better eyesight.

Granted, you can now see 1.0000001 times better

I wish I could beat the genie up

Granted. The genie purposely powers himself up so you cannot just injure him, and he whacks you easily.

I wish that I had a neverending supply of water

One thing I have learned in pledging my life to this quest is that I have been betrayed again and again. And again. And again.

Granted: all the water is generated from inside your own body, constantly. You have to constantly projectile vomit water or swell up and burst.

I wish to know why the genie is such an asshole.

Edited by Cordite-455 on Mar 22nd 2024 at 9:56:33 PM

i did a bad thing / i regret the thing i did / and you're wondering what it is / tell you what i did / i did a bad thing

Granted. The genie implants the knowledge of exactly why they're an asshole straight into your thoughts.

It's a horrifying, outlook-changing revelation of knowledge that mortal minds were not meant to know.

You finally understand, to your dread: If you couldn't scratch your own intangible nose to deal with the itch that's been bothering you for the last five millenia, you'd probably become an asshole, too.

---

I wish that all my favourite shows that got cancelled too soon got at least one more season.

Papa needs a 3rd season of W.I.T.C.H. :P

Crane your neck and you shall see, the outside of reality.

Granted, the genie makes the seasons of relatively good quality

I wish the genie could scratch his nose

Granted. But as he touches his nose, it crumbles to dust from the eons of no use. The Genie is so pissed, he makes you nose-less as well.

I wish I could find my soulmate.

For a guy nicknamed Blondie, he is not the tiniest bit blond!

Granted. Your sould mates absolutelty hates your guts

I wish I could see wildlife in Africa.

Granted, you're thrown straight to them, killing you and the hapless animals in the vicinity

I wish for a sandwich I like

You get a sandwich that smells and looks awful… but as soon as you put it in your mouth, it’s exactly the taste you like. That is, if you decide to put it in your mouth.

I wish 2 Mello wrote more blog posts on his music production process.

"What I don‘t like about measure theory is that you have to say 'almost everywhere' almost everywhere." - Attributed to Kurt Friedrichs

Granted, they use their posts to insult a dox you.

I wish for a Cuphead sequel based on 40/50s cartoons.

Mankind is unloveable. No more kindness!

Granted, enjoy Synchro-Vox and the stilted animation

I wish for a punch bowl full of nachos

I've got spurs, that jingle-jangle-jingle!