Self-published a novel

Long time troper first time poster, and so on, and so forth (Not strictly true - I think I ventured in here once or twice on my old account, but you get the idea) So, I self-published a novel on Amazon, and I was wondering if I could get some tropers' opinions on it. It's under 'Cog in the Machine' in Amazon ebooks.

The damn thing dragged me for fifty pages longer than I was expected, and I can't say I'm ecstatic with the end result, but I wasn't really enthralled with the initial result either. But, having about two dozen stories cluttering my desktop, finishing one feels... good.

If anyone could offer criticism, if you have the time, it'd be much appreciated. And don't hold back. =p

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FM6EIRI

edited 8th Oct '13 5:19:23 AM by DVV1

Give us a linky. That'll make finding it easier.

It says I can't post external links on account of being a new member, sadly.

edited 7th Oct '13 8:12:19 PM by DVV1

Ah. Well then wait a tick I guess, I'll check it out when you can post a link.

www.amazon .com/Cog-in-the-Machine-ebook/ dp/B 00 FM 6 EIRI/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF 8&qid=1380990606&sr=8-10&keywords=cog+in+the+machine

If you take out the spaces, this should work.

edited 7th Oct '13 8:54:23 PM by DVV1

This link should work.

Thanks a lot, friend.

Any opinions at all?

Well, it'll be free for the next few days, so if anyone wants to give it a look over, this would be a good opportunity to check it out.

I can start by critiquing your description:

In a time of change and struggle, one man finds himself struggling with himself.

(Two redundancies in the first sentence.)

The world moves past him, and he wonders if he can change.

(Put simply this isn't saying much. The world moving past him could mean several things, so this is pretty vague. He's not accomplishing anything here because the action is 'wonder'.)

Uncertainty and doubt plague him as he searches for a peace the world is determined to not let him have.

(Uncertainty and doubt cover the same thing. You have no details in this sentence. There are a thousand things one could do to search for peace. Name one.)

Conspiracies, upstart officers, and pitiless tyrants all face William Sheridan in this Industrial Fantasy tale.

(Lists are bad in descriptions. Especially if they're regarding a character I don't know anything about.)

(This is completely made up... but notice how it tell specific details)

Thirty two year old detective William Sheridan's faces the death of his wife, losing his job and home in the process.

His partner of ten years stabs him in the back, taking every cent he has to his name. William is determined to get a fresh start without relying on anyone. He won't resort to revenge.

But when his attempts at redemption only push him deeper into debt, he realizes the people running the city have a target painted on him. He pushes aside his doubts and uncovers a conspiracy ten years in the making— the same one that took the life of his wife.

Hope this helps.

Heh, I've never been much good at short descriptions. I just went for an imitation of the blurbs I'd seen on properly published books. Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely have to change it up now that you've pointed some of this out.

How's the updated blurb?