Tenth in line for the throne
"I mean sure, it's a bit hard to actualy find a good place to start in the thing, but apart from that, the puzzles ain't all that hard for Zelda standards.
You see, the water temple is a bit like a wiki for some nerdy garbage, like Warsickle or whatever it's called. By the point you've found your very own point of entry and branched out, it becomes easier as you go along."
Viva la je!
"Okay, enough about the Zeldas, let's talk about the games themselves. So you know the Water Temple in OOT? Well, I didn't have a problem with it at all! Totally a breeze, you guys are just too wimpy to make it through! And by the way, the Dark Link battle SUCKS ASS!"
"No way, I call bullshit! You're no hotshot. I bet you got lost in that place like the rest of us!" Joshua said nothing, but looked off into the distance as if to say, "all of us except for him and me."
"I mean sure, it's a bit hard to actualy find a good place to start in the thing, but apart from that, the puzzles ain't all that hard for Zelda standards. You see, the water temple is a bit like a wiki for some nerdy garbage, like Warsickle or whatever it's called. By the point you've found your very own point of entry and branched out, it becomes easier as you go along."
"No it's not! That allegory doesn't even make any fucking sense!"
"He does kinda have a point, though." Joshua murmured.
"WHAT!?!?"
"Yeah, once you learn where everything is, getting through the Water Temple isn't as hard as it looks."
"I bet that's because you used a guide!"
"Look, just admit you never got past the Water Temple and move on. It's not that hard!"
"Fuck you!" Ben shoved Joshua in the chest, and Josh retaliated by shoving Ben back. Next thing you knew, the two were engaged in a full on Wimp Fight, weakly slapping the shit out of each other like petty children. Someone Pass the Popcorn, this was getting good.
- Current Time: 10:35 AM
- Current Goals:
- Go to Mitch Fuller's house and learn his hacker ways.
- Browse the Game Hut.
- Current Inventory: Phone, Wallet, Notepad and Pen, Screwdriver, Phone Charging Cable, Protein Bar (birthday cake flavor), Rust Buckets concert ticket, The Dork of House Fyodor, The Trap, Dune (shoplifted), Wrapping paper (technically paid for?), Vicarious, Garfield Kart (in Cooking Mama Sweet Shop case)
- Funds: $22.00 (loose change), however much is left on your credit card
Tenth in line for the throne
Record the slap fight, this is the stuff.
The good stuff.
Viva la je!
Braids From S286 Not Included
> And then post it online to turn them into the next memes!
Edited by TroperNo9001 on Apr 13th 2024 at 12:32:25 AM
"Rarity, are you okay? We gotta get you and your friends outta here soon!"> Record the slap fight, this is the stuff. The good stuff.
You know better than to get in the way of a good wimp fight, so you instead pull out your phone and record the spectacle in its full, vertical aspect ratio glory.
"The Water Temple is TRASH!" Ben yelled as he grabbed Joshua's flabby forearm and tried to twist it out of shape.
"YOU'RE TRASH!!!" Joshua screamed as he violently pushed Ben into the shelf full of the latest Playstation releases. You decided this was a good spot to stop your recording.
Ben eventually regained his composure and lifted himself back up. As the two men went back at it again, you looked over the footage you recorded. You had about a minute and forty-seven seconds worth of usable material. More than enough to post online. Just as you put your phone back in your pocket, Marcia returned to the checkout counter, looking at the ongoing fight with a sense of dull surprise.
"Nerd fight?
"Yep."
"Here, I'll ring you up. I can deal with those two later."
You handed over the game, which Marcia rang up at a price of 4.00. You paid in cash; there's no way you'd want your bank to be able to trace your Garfield Kart payments. As you walked out of the Game Hut, Eden burst through the door, Walgreens bag in hand.
"God, there you are! I had a feeling you'd be here." She looked over at Ben and Josh, who had stopped fighting for once to kneel exhaustedly on the floor in an attempt to regain their composure. "What the hell happened over there?"
"Zelda's tits, that's what happened. I'm ready to go now.
"Alright then." You and Eden head to her car as she puts the directions to Mitch's house in Waze. She puts the car in drive, officially leaving the Blake Street strip mall and beginning the thirty-minute drive to Mitch's neighborhood in Ferndale.
> Post it online to turn them into the next memes!
While you sit in the passenger's seat, you pull out your phone to post the fight to Twitter. You caption the full unedited clip, "look at these nerds going at it over the fucking water temple 💀," tagging it to maximize exposure: #cringe, #tloz, #Worldstar and the like. With the post made, all that was left was to let the algorithm do its work. The whole process of uploading gamer cringe to Twitter took about five minutes.
Only 25 minutes until you reached Ferndale...
- Current Time: 10:50 AM
- Current Goals:
- Go to Mitch Fuller's house and learn his hacker ways.
- Current Inventory: Phone, Wallet, Notepad and Pen, Screwdriver, Phone Charging Cable, Protein Bar (birthday cake flavor), Rust Buckets concert ticket, The Dork of House Fyodor, The Trap, Dune (shoplifted), Wrapping paper (technically paid for?), Vicarious, Garfield Kart (in Cooking Mama Sweet Shop case)
- Funds: $18.00 (loose change), however much is left on your credit card
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"So how was your shopping? I got a whole lotta good swag, even Sabrina's gifts! I sure hope she 'likes' 'em!"
Edited by TroperNo9001 on Apr 15th 2024 at 8:09:16 PM
"Rarity, are you okay? We gotta get you and your friends outta here soon!"
Tenth in line for the throne
"And with "like em", I mean "hate em". I'm mere meters away from Sabrina never visiting me ever again, this night is going to be my magnum opus, a night hard to forget, the cherry on the pile of shit, the final nail in the worm infested coffin. If this won't work I'll eat a broomstick. And that's an Arseman promise!"
Viva la je!> "So, how was your shopping? I got a whole lotta good swag, even Sabrina's gifts! I sure hope she 'likes' 'em! And by 'likes 'em, I mean 'hates 'em'. I'm mere inches away from Sabrina never visiting me ever again, Monday night is going to be my magnum opus, a night hard to forget, the cherry on the pile of shit, the final nail in the worm infested coffin. If this won't work I'll eat a broomstick. And that's an Arseman promise!"
"I dunno. I've met Sabrina before, and from what I can tell she has a pretty high tolerance for your bullshit. I picked up my prescription and a couple of other things. What did you get?"
"Well, I got her a copy of The Dork of House Fyodor..."
"Didn't think she was into YA schlock..."
"I don't either. The book just happened to be on sale. I also stopped by the Game Hut and, on recommendation, got her what she'll think is a normal copy of Cooking Mama, but when she opens the game case... she'll be greeted with Garfield Kart instead!"
"Oh, man, that is diabolical!"
"I know, right?"
The two of you exchange a few seconds of laughter. When everything settles down, Eden asks you another question. "By the way, I went into Good Greetings to get some gift bags and there was this old lady who wouldn't stop yelling about some jackass who hit her over the head with a porcelain cat. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"
"..."
Eden turned to look at you, raising an eyebrow in disappointed suspicion.
"...I plead the fifth."
"Alright then." Ferndale was now 20 minutes away...
- Current Time: 10:55 AM
- Current Goals:
- Go to Mitch Fuller's house and learn his hacker ways.
- Current Inventory: Phone, Wallet, Notepad and Pen, Screwdriver, Phone Charging Cable, Protein Bar (birthday cake flavor), Rust Buckets concert ticket, The Dork of House Fyodor, The Trap, Dune (shoplifted), Wrapping paper (technically paid for?), Vicarious, Garfield Kart (in Cooking Mama Sweet Shop case)
- Funds: $18.00 (loose change), however much is left on your credit card
Edited by Pogakure on Apr 18th 2024 at 8:23:51 AM
"Hmm... it appears that browsing this wiki doesn't seem to violate any school rules. Continue." | My Wall
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> Jam to a Vicarious song on Spotify in celebration of buying the physical album.
"Rarity, are you okay? We gotta get you and your friends outta here soon!"> Jam to a Vicarious song on Spotify in celebration of buying the physical album.
What good is listening to him on Spotify when you had the album in your hands? You took the cling wrap off the CD and inserted it into Eden's stereo.
"Vicarious?"
"Yeah. Bought one of his albums at Conway."
"I think he's opening for the Rust Buckets at that concert. Did you hear he put out a Christmas record?"
"No shit!"
"Dude, you have your phone out, go onto Google and look up the cover. It's so bad!"
Being the connoisseur of awful album covers that you were, you put "Vicarious Christmas album cover" into a Google search, and it did not disappoint. Vicarious had decided to show his support for the holiday season by dressing up in tryhard bondage gear and a Santa hat! How ridiculous!
"Dude, the things I'd do to see him perform at Felicity Square in this!"
As the last song on the (relatively short) Vicarious LP came to a close and you had finally left the freeway, Eden turned to look at you. "You hungry?" she asked.
"I had breakfast a few hours ago. Why do you ask?"
"Well, if Mitch doesn't get off until noon, there'll still be time to kill by the time we get to Ferndale. I was thinking we could go to lunch or something.
"Good point... Give me a moment to think about this...
You could see Ferndale in the horizon, a mere five minutes away...
- Current Time: 11:10 AM
- Current Goals:
- Go to Mitch Fuller's house and learn his hacker ways.
- Current Inventory: Phone, Wallet, Notepad and Pen, Screwdriver, Phone Charging Cable, Protein Bar (birthday cake flavor), Rust Buckets concert ticket, The Dork of House Fyodor, The Trap, Dune (shoplifted), Wrapping paper (technically paid for?), Vicarious, Garfield Kart (in Cooking Mama Sweet Shop case)
- Funds: $18.00 (loose change), however much is left on your credit card
Braids From S286 Not Included
"Yeah, I could go for some grub right now. Gotta refuel 'fore I learn how to hack shit from Mr. Nerdy Hacker Guy himself. So where's the nearest resto?"
Edited by TroperNo9001 on Apr 23rd 2024 at 5:44:03 PM
"Rarity, are you okay? We gotta get you and your friends outta here soon!""Yeah, I could go for some grub right now. Gotta refuel 'fore I learn how to hack shit from Mr. Nerdy Hacker Guy himself. So where's the nearest resto?"
"Why don't you look it up yourself, Jackass? I kinda got my hands full... you know, driving a car and shit.
You put "restaurants near me" into a Google search and several local spots come up: Bosconi's, a local family restaurant chain, a McDonald's (which needs no introduction), Mega Malts, a 50s-inspired fast food joint, and Sweet Maria's Southern Eats, a soul food spot with an all-you-can-eat buffet. You could also scrounge the ValuBox for free samples...
"You find anything tasty-looking?"
[Pick a Restaurant!]
"Hmm... it appears that browsing this wiki doesn't seem to violate any school rules. Continue." | My Wall
Braids From S286 Not Included
"Bosconi's, only to see if there are Karens that I can roast there about their SHIT-ASS parenting!"
"Rarity, are you okay? We gotta get you and your friends outta here soon!""Bosconi's, only to see if there are Karens that I can roast there about their SHIT-ASS parenting!"
"God, what is it with you and Karens today?"
"I dunno, maybe I'm just in the mood to GRILL some white women!
"And you're gonna find said white women at Bosconi's?" Eden asked as she punched the coordinates into her GPS.
"As a white man myself, I have only ever seen other white folks at Bosconi's. If we're looking for Karens, they're gonna be there."
Ferndale was one of the more affluent areas in Irving County, full of places where the middle class would retreat whenever they wanted to feel fancy. Bosconi's was one such place, a family restaurant that served Pizza and other Italian cuisine in a marginally upscale environment. A poor man's Olive Garden, but with pizza — good pizza, at that.
Eden parked the car in the Bosconi's parking lot and the two of you walked into the restaurant's lobby, leaving your bags in the car. Several people were seated in benches out front, presumably waiting to be seated.
"Table for two."
"That'll be a 15 minute wait." Almost as if on cue, the baby of a woman sitting in the front lobby started crying hysterically, unceasing as their mother tried desperately to calm them down.
You huddled closer to Eden. "Should we-"
"Depends." She pointed over her shoulder at the frantically crying infant. "You willing to put up with that for fifteen minutes?"
- Current Time: 11:18 AM
- Current Goals:
- Go to Mitch Fuller's house and learn his hacker ways.
- Current Inventory: Phone, Wallet, Notepad and Pen, Screwdriver, Phone Charging Cable, Protein Bar (birthday cake flavor), Rust Buckets concert ticket, The Dork of House Fyodor, The Trap, Dune (shoplifted), Wrapping paper (technically paid for?), Garfield Kart (in Cooking Mama Sweet Shop case)
- Funds: $18.00 (loose change), however much is left on your credit card
Braids From S286 Not Included
"I can definitely spend 15 minutes telling that momma to tell her baby to SHUT THE HELL UP!"
"Rarity, are you okay? We gotta get you and your friends outta here soon!""I can definitely spend 15 minutes telling that momma to tell her baby to SHUT THE HELL UP!" You yelled, turning to point at the woman and her crying baby. Raising your voice only made the baby cry even louder. The woman cradled her baby's head towards her and stared at you in disgust.
"Sir, if you can't keep your voice down, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave," The woman at the front counter said dryly.
[input command/dialogue]
"Hmm... it appears that browsing this wiki doesn't seem to violate any school rules. Continue." | My Wall
Braids From S286 Not Included
"Then why don't you send these two to the crybaby room?!" you tell the receptionist, just barely maintaining your volume below the maximum loudness this establishment allows.
Edited by TroperNo9001 on Apr 29th 2024 at 11:05:00 PM
"Rarity, are you okay? We gotta get you and your friends outta here soon!""Then why don't you send these two to the crybaby room?!" you tell the receptionist, just barely maintaining your volume below the maximum loudness this establishment allows.
"We don't have a crybaby room here, sir. You're more than welcome to wait outside if you'd find that less unbearable."
[input command/dialogue]
"Hmm... it appears that browsing this wiki doesn't seem to violate any school rules. Continue." | My Wall
Braids From S286 Not Included
> You'd hate to stoop down to the level of the Karens you sooooo wanna roast here, but it has to be done. "Fine, may I speak to the manager, miss? But if you're the manager... then what kind of SHIT-ASS manager doesn't even bother to build a crybaby room for these two literal benchwarmers?!"
"Rarity, are you okay? We gotta get you and your friends outta here soon!"
"Okay, enough about the Zeldas, let's talk about the games themselves. So you know the Water Temple in OOT? Well, I didn't have a problem with it at all! Totally a breeze, you guys are just too wimpy to make it through! And by the way, the Dark Link battle SUCKS ASS!"
"Rarity, are you okay? We gotta get you and your friends outta here soon!"