The Rambling Old Man Monologue Game

Basically we do a big Rambling Old Man Monologue. I will start, then the next people will continue it on.

Not too many rules here, just try to put something somewhat relevant to what the previous poster put (you can, of course, go off-topic, but try to continue on from the previous poster in some way). And don't worry about contradicting yourself/other people - in fact, it'll probably be funnier if you do contradict yourself from time to time.

I'll start:

"Jobs today pay too much. Why, back in my day, they only paid us a penny a day. They gave it us after a hard days work, and it came wrapped in tinfoil and coated in motor oil so we could get back home on our autogyros. 'Course, if you were slacking off that day, you wouldn't get paid and wouldn't be able to get home, 'cause you had no motor oil, so you had to sleep in the stables with all the horsies. You'd get fleas, but it built character, dammit! 'Course, back then, pennies were square, and had pictures of Bugs Bunny on them! They had to decide on a president to put on the back, and it was a three-way tie between Jerry Washington, Abradolf Lincler, and that one president who borrowed my dad's tie during his inauguration speech. So, to decide, they had the three former presidents fight to the death! The winner ended up being..."

“The one and only Theodore Roosevelt! Now I don’t know about you, but he was no chipmunk. He strangled those men to death, I tell you. Never seen it before or since! There’s a reason why he could’ve taken over the world. Although back then in my time the Earth was run by…”

Edited by CanuckMcDuck1 on Dec 4th 2023 at 3:16:52 AM

...Richard III, who really did a good job. I miss him, I really do. The young people today have no idea how to govern a country. Back in my day, they used gum packets in place of money, and we were provided undiluted wine. Good times, those. Until that rabid chihuaua came along and...

...killed the best gol-durn vice-president this country has ever seen. I forget which one exactly. I'm pretty sure he was vice-president when women got the vote, the same year my oldest brother Victor got married. Where was I? Ah yes, the rabid chihuahua. Back in my day, there were only five chihuahuas left in existence. The one responsible for the incident was bred in the same town my grandfather grew up in. Back then, dogs cost a penny, and they'd throw in a year's supply of dog food and flea powder for free. 'Course, back then, pennies were square, and had pictures of Bugs Bunny on them. And back then dog food wad made of...