Gods for Hire

The Unknown God surveyed the ragtag pantheon standing before him and smiled. "Gentlemen. Ladies. Abominations. I have called you here for one simple reason: I suck at life, or at least the creation of it. Which is why I've hired all of you to help me. Want to conjure some chairs and brainstorm?"

Maliv studied the Nameless God, flipping a coin as he always did, his mists lapping at his heels just as they always did. "Well, I'm always up for a chance to create new life. It means I get to meet such interesting mortals." The cloaked figure snapped his fingers, and a soft armchair appeared behind him. The deity fell back into it, tossing his coin as he did so before catching it on the way down. "Nice to meet you, Nameless. Call me Maliv, if you'd like."

The Mistwalker appeared to be about to say more, but he paused as his ringtone sounded. Withdrawing his phone, Maliv flipped it open and put it to his ear, making the cosmic gesture for 'one moment, please.'

"What spells does Avalin need?" The deity asked, pausing to listen to the reply. "Alrighty, one Cure Critical Wounds, coming up. Make sure he's got enough energy to cast it. Thanks, Syl." Maliv drew a symbol in the air which glowed brightly for a moment, before vanishing, at which point the deity shut his phone, grinning ruefully as he put it away.

"Ah, I do love me some mortal shenanigans... Although adventurers need a place to live. You got any base plans for this universe?" Maliv queried with a smile.

"Well, the pantheon who lead me to all of you did give me this." The Unknown God reached into thin air and pulled out a flash drive. "According to them, it's the sum total of every piece of popular media they've ever consumed, plus their interpretations, derivatives, and notes thereof. It clocks in at somewhere around nine exabytes, and frankly I don't have the millennium needed to peruse it all, but what I did read gave me some ideas." The air behind him shimmered, and a sketched-out map faded into existence. "Who here can make a giant impact crater?" Kallas somberly raised his hand, stoic as ever. "Excellent, that's your first job. As for mortal races, one of the conditions they gave me for assistance was, and this is a direct quote, "There will be NO ELVES. Everything else is fair game, though."

Xilantes, who had been uncharacteristically silent up to this point, now spoke up. He had placed his rather bland looking avatar on a chair of what looked like flesh, while his true form lurked behind like a predator in the depths of the ocean.

sHaMe. tHe eLvEs mAdE a lOvElY sQuIsHiNg nOiSe. I aM Xilantes, aS yOu sHoUlD cAlL mE. I aM, uNfOrTuNaTeLy, iN cHaRgE oF wArFaRe aNd dEaTh, bUt I mAy hElP cReAtE lIfE iF I cAn eRaDiCaTe iT lAtEr. sO, wHaT iS rEqUiReD oF me, nAmElEsS oNe?

edited 3rd Dec '17 9:46:24 AM by Enirboreh

"Well, first things first we need humans. Almost everyone else does it that way and who am I to question them? After that, though, I want to be more creative. We obviously need minotaurs as a token of appreciation for Kallas. At the very least I want something draconic, not sure if they should be humanoid. Also, insectoid species are woefully underrepresented, so we should put one of those in."

Maliv laughed. "Humans are so commonplace because they are so interesting! Everyone makes them, because they can do almost anything given time." The deity glanced at Xilantes with a raised eyebrow, but he didn't say anything. He wasn't sure why the creature had been invited, but politeness meant that he wasn't going to object.

"As for draconic creatures... well, I'm fond of Fae creatures," he volunteered. "While I certainly wouldn't object to having other draconic species, I'm thinking perhaps... Faerie Dragons," he finished.

The Mistwalker raised a hand and drew a misty outline of something with wings, a long tail, and a rather draconic form. "Maybe the size of... horses. Other dragons might be larger, but these guys are small, but happen to be faster. And of course... luckier." He grinned. "Maybe pair them with some kind of smaller race; halflings, or kobolds. Get some dragon riders. Everyone loves those."

edited 8th Oct '17 8:45:09 AM by Cwest5538

Xilantes grinned sadistically at Maliv's suggestion, fingers drumming on the arm of his fleshy chair.

hOw pErFeCt. dRaGoNs wItH rIdErS? I cAn pRaCtiCalLy tAsTe tHe dEaTh rIgHt nOw. wHaT lEvEl oF tEcHnOlOgY aRe wE aImInG fOr hErE?

edited 8th Oct '17 9:45:44 AM by Enirboreh

"Definitely throw in kobolds. I've seen dozens of universes where they're just basic adventurer fodder, and they're capable of so much more. And modern tech. It would be a waste of Kallas's abilities, and I love air conditioning as much as the next guy."

edited 8th Oct '17 9:48:28 AM by Thewizzardpineapple

Maliv snickered. "Looks like I know who's going to be my chosen people. Calling dibs on Faerie Dragons and kobolds, just so you know- and that means I get their souls, Mr. Evil Squid person," the Mistweaver quipped. "Unless they forsake me, of course."

Xilantes grumbled disappointedly, his true form behind the avatar writhing and twitching. He glared at Maliv for his 'affectionate' nickname he came up with.

fInE tHeN. I'lL tAkE tHe hUmAnS. aNd iNsEcToIdS, iF tHaT's sTiLl a tHiNg wE'rE dOiNg.

The avatar's face suddenly brightened.

wElL, aT lEaSt I hAvE nUkEs tO pLaY wItH.

edited 8th Oct '17 10:58:32 AM by Enirboreh

"Dibs on the indecisive ones. It fits me. And I hope there are no objections to Kallas getting the minotaurs?"