Funny kid stories

I forget the exact year, but I was still in elementary school and we were learning about batteries. The class clown took one of the batteries, shoved it up his butt, and shouted, "I've got the power!" He had to go to the nurse's office.

I have a zoo kid story of my own: My mother and I were visiting the zoo, and eating cupcakes. A little girl and her father were next to us, and the girl saw us eating cupcakes and wanted one too.

Her father said no. Perhaps he was one of those dads who didn't want their kids to eat any sugar, but I didn't get that vibe off him — I think he was just in a hurry to see the animals since maybe they'd only just arrived and the girl was hungry so they'd had to get lunch before seeing any animals.

Anyway, he said, "You can have a cupcake or we could see some animals", and she pointed out the option of having the cupcake first and then seeing the animals. I found it funny and kind of cool how this girl of about four already could recognise that her father's question was a False Dichotomy and there didn't have to be an "or", even if it was a tricky moment for him.

According to my mom, I used to call animals after Disney characters when I was little, like I keep calling lions “Simbas”.

When I was about 5, my dad and I were going to Six Flags together, and at one point we were visiting the waterpark section of the theme park. One of the areas of the waterpark was a pool where you had to jump across some lilypads, and I was just swimming around in the pool instead. I'm pretty sure I wasn't allowed to do this, and then I figured out why...

I then got hit in the face with one of those lilypads and knocked out a loose tooth. My dad had an "Oh, Crap!" moment, but I was more concerned about what the Tooth Fairy was going to do, given that I lost the tooth in the water. My dad figured that since this was a rather traumatic way to lose a tooth (even if I wasn't that upset about it), I probably deserved more than a quarter, so we went to the gift shop and I picked out a plush owl.

I've been falsely accused of swearing twice when I was a kid.

The first time was when, on the playground, a boy and I were kind of horsing around and he threw my hat off, so when I got it back, I did it back to him. I yelled, "Fetch!" (as in, the thing you say to a dog), and he accused me of having said a bad word. I said, confused, "All I said was 'fetch'," and he said, "Yeah, that's a bad word". A girl then walked up and also accused me of swearing.

Another time, it was at school, and I said, "For goodness' sake!", and another girl insisted "sake" was a bad word.