sword of promised halp
B—b-but... Anyway, Bazett lives at my place! was what Shirou would have blurted out. And who are you, and -
A beat.
"...Ilya, why are you in a meido costume?"
That was the only thought he actually managed to get out before realising that he was about to get punched in the head by a Magical Girl of Truth, Love, and also Justice. But Justice was his schtick.
"T-Trace... On!" His Magic Circuits fired up and his head went into frantic overdrive mode, all while the fist of Truth and Love sped towards his forehead in slow-motion.
Judgingtheconceptofcreation hypothesizingthebasicstructure duplicatingthecompositionmaterial imitatingtheskillofitsmaking sympathizingwiththeexperienceofitsgrowth reproducingtheaccumulatedyears excellingeverymanufacturingprocess
NowIbindthatimageandmakeitasword! His hands closed over twin flashes of light.
He crossed Kanshou and Byakuya in time to deflect the Phantasmoon Punch. Which would be rather badass by itself, but he was Shirou and the universe would never let him do anything badass without being horribly injured in the process. So the blades shattered into a million pieces and he was lacerated horribly in a rather comical fashion. Which was to say that his top was completely obliterated and he wasn't injured at all.
The dust cleared. Neco-Chaos smirked, Saber Lion temporarily forgotten. "Oh my. This is certainly unexpected."
Shirou noted his bare chest, tattered remains of blue-white cotton fibre still clinging to it. Shirou noted the considerable amount of females in the area, his half-sister and the not-Saber included. Shirou noted the fact that he was standing in the middle of the street, various passers-by gaping in various states of shock.
Shirou turned an interesting shade of green-white in sheer horror. He opened and closed his mouth, as if to say something.
And then, conveniently, a truck with a temple gate loaded on it zipped past him and he was whipped screaming (and shirtless) down the road at about sixty miles an hour.
"Ahaha!" The purple-haired, extremely Japanese man with the headband laughed in delight, somehow missing the terrified screams of the boy being scraped down the road behind him. "We're free, partner! Now no-one can stop us being married!"
The Ryudou Temple Gate, being an extremely Japanese gate, didn't say anything.
Assassin grinned. "Don't worry, partner! I can see the love in your eyes from here!" The fact that the Ryudou Temple Gate didn't actually have eyes was, apparently, a trivial matter.
He stepped on the gas. "Next stop, Hawaii!"
As for our resident Incompetent Magus, chains had been wrapped around the Gate's cover. When Assassin had raised the cover in an attempt to show his love the fresh, wind-blown scenery of Fuyuki City, one of the chains had come loose, trailed behind the semi for about five minutes and then somehow whipped past Ahnenerbe with enough precision to miss everyone except Shirou, whom it had caught exactly around the ankle. So there was that.
Naturally, he was exceeding the speed limit.
edited 23rd Jun '13 1:34:22 AM by troydenite
'Being around you guys makes me go "wtf" instead of pondering the ever increasing dread of time' - EchoingSilence, 2023
Figure of Hourai
Saber Lily, still with a girl clung onto her waist and not much idea of who it could be, was about to ask Shirou why he was so insistent that she was the wrong Saber when his shirt exploded and he got dragged away.
... She needed to ask him questions!
Taking off, Saber Lily spotted a nearby car and, somehow, worked open the doors. Her suitcase was tossed into the back, the girl that had attached themselves to her into the front passenger seat, and she herself got into the driver's seat. Then the car was started and she was off, chasing Assassin through the streets.
The taxi driver had also been consequently divested of his taxi, taken by a Servant.
Medea... well, Medea was rather annoyed at Sasaki. Having teleported into the Gate, she was now not entirely sure how to go about stopping him. She needed him and the gate back at the temple in order to keep her protections up to scratch... but if he was going to run like this, maybe she should make it more exciting there? Maybe if she built some special stalls she could get a festival going in the area.
Then the witch, dressed up for magic shenanigans but with the hood down, saw the original Saber and all plans went out of her mind. Carefully jumping out of the speeding temple (say what you like about every Noble Phantasm beating magic, but it was good at cushioning falls), Caster carefully manoeuvred herself to be behind a lamppost and produced a camera. Clicking sounds ensued.
Avatar Source
"Of course, Satsuki-sama."
All her surroundings shunted aside in favor of focus entirely on the stuffed lion, Saber was almost entirely unaware of what was going on around her, instead eyeing the stuffed toy. She... wanted it. She would not say so, but it was obvious, given her reaction to it. After a few more moments of this, she paused, and tore herself away from the stuffed lion to look behind her.
Saber's eyes fell on the lamppost. Were clicking sounds coming from it?
... Wasn't she supposed to be looking for Shirou so they could collect good ingredients for food? The stuffed lion had completely sidetracked her... it had caused her to fail in her duty!
A look of determination came to her face. She would resume her mission!
She turned to face the lion once more.
... After buying this, first.
... And identifying those clicking sounds.
"Oh, dear. The toad, the monkey, and the dog have all screwed up."
Who are you calling short?!
Thank goodness for Shirou bodily blocking that punch. Thanking his good luck for one, Shiki breathed a sigh of relief...until Shirou was taken away by something. Leaving him face-to-face with Phantasmoon. Oh, shit.
Falling to his knees, he grovels like a dog.
"PLEASE DON'T KILL MEEEEEEEEEEE."
Master of the Cliffhanger! Fire Emblem Elibe LP!
Wielder of the satireKind Abstratus
Kuro blinked in surprise as all the events transpired. Nii-chan wasn't supposed to have magic, that was new... and apparently she was now in some car, as the white Saber girl had dragged her along (thank goodness for Heroic Spirit Endurance). Well, letting nii-san get dragged along would be horrible, so...
Kuro summoned Kanshou and Byakuya, throwing them at the chain in hopes of cutting it.
Exist, pursued by bear
Jin received a phone call from his Iphone after he gave his order.
"Hello..." Jin answered the call.
"JIN! WHAT'S THIS THAT I HEARD ABOUT YOUR DRIVING!"
The taxi driver was a bit nervous when he answered the call. It apparently came from his manager.
"What do you mean?" Jin calmly replied. "Surely that I relieved them of their high tension..."
"I GOT LAWYERS CALLING UP KEIO TAXI AND THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT A FRICKIN' LAWSUIT!"
Meanwhile, someone with a fedora hat and a trenchcoat entered Ahnenerbe. This particular customer was heading straight towards Jin. *
edited 24th Jun '13 3:46:48 AM by Ominae
sword of promised halp
On the Streets of Shinto; Way Past the Speed Limit
"Hm?" The very Japanese man glanced in the rear-view mirror. From this angle, it looked like a white-haired girl throwing swords at his life partner.
A white-haired girl throwing swords at his life partner?!
There was a purple-edged flash. Kanshou and Bakuya were deflected with the sound of ringing steel. Shirou seemed to be in a bit of a glazed-eyed, tumbling daze by now, being dragged across the asphalt at sixty miles an hour with no seatbelt, but that was fine. If they tried hard enough, they might hear him squeaking slightly.
Sasaki Kojiro stood on top of the Ryudou Temple Gate, on top of the speeding truck, on top of the road. He faced down Kuro, ridiculously Long Sword in hand, t-shirt on chest, headband on... head.
"Trying to interfere with true love, girl?" He brushed a strand of his purple hair away from his very Japanese face and gave a confident smirk.
"Very well. I shall grant you your just desserts. Those who attack innocent lovers on the way to their honeymoon cannot be forgiven. Come!"
He raised the nodachi in challenge. Stanceless movement, impossible swordplay. That was the only skill of Sakaki Kojir-
"Oh, don't worry, partner." He grinned at the gate beneath him, giving a thumbs-up. "I'll defend your honor."
He raised the nodachi again as if nothing had happened. "Come!"
The truck began to veer dangerously, nearly missing a pedestrian, an ambulance, a stray dog and a random chicken. It was clear that in his desire for honorable battle he had completely forgotten that he was actually supposed to be driving the truck. And the pedal had jammed when he leaped off it. Cars skidded all around them. Pedestrians gaped. The speed limit gave up and committed seppuku.
More importantly, they were heading straight towards a roundabout.
Outside Ahnenerbe
Neco-Chaos scratched his chin, looking at Shiki and Phantasmoon and Saber Lion.
"My, my. If you all calm down, I can invite you in for some coffee." He seemed serious enough.
'Being around you guys makes me go "wtf" instead of pondering the ever increasing dread of time' - EchoingSilence, 2023
As Assassin prepared to defend his wife's honor there was a mighty explosion in the background, this was followed by a thunderous roar crumbling road.
Lightning lit up the road.
ASSASSIN!
There it was, rushing out of the smoke and surrounded by prana in the form of lightning- ISKANDER in his gordius wheel.
I DECLARE THIS TO BE A RACE! CONQUER! VIA EXPUGNATIO!
Outside Ahnenerbe
Saber Lion's ears perked up as she heard mention of coffee.
"Gaoooo?" she purred, curiously, as she looked up at Neco-Chaos with an expectant, demanding look on her face.
Just another guy
At a certain corner of a certain Cafe shop handled by crappy Neko version of certain important characters, lies a certain psychopathic maniac who's deeds consist of many immoral acts that can outshine even the greatest of criminals and torturers...
But that time has long passed, for he has found a new purpose in life!
Pouring champagne in his glass, he raised it up in contemplation for his next choice of words. He has to choose it carefully however as this will certainly be marked as an important day for a certain group.
He then brought the glass forward and stood up, as though expecting others to do the same. "For many years, I have dedicated my life to a worthless cause, for my life had been scripted by none other than the butcher known as Gen Urobuchi himself, directing me to become a mentally unstable individual like I am today. But now, after the end of my screentime in the Fourth Holy Grail War and paying a little visit to the Einzbern Consultation room, I have finally opened my eyes to the truth! A truth far greater than the truth of the Akashic Records, for I am destined for many great deeds and accomplishments in the future. But to achieve that dream of mine, I have to take matters into my own hand! Though it has a humble beginning, but I believed that this club will stood out among the many, many of such similar clubs created by the fanatics of the Nasuverse, a club that can and shall stood against the very test of time itself!"
"And so I, Gilles de Rais, President of the Saber Appreciation Club, shall happily declare that this wondrous club of mine is now... OPEN FOR MEMBERSHIP!"
And he drank and sat down, followed by a thunderous clap from the members of said club.
There, the deed is done. Now all he has to do now is to wait for the general audience's responses.
As he waited, he looked at his current check list to see if there's any improvements during the last few days.
Checklist
Founded by: Bluebeard
Total No. Of Members: 1
Total No. Of Events Held: None
Approval Rating: Rejected Independently Approved
Looks like he'll be having a LOOOOONG road ahead of him.
edited 29th Jun '13 4:03:14 PM by JustSomeGuy732
"A post per day keeps the GMs away!"
The next thing Jin knew, he was grabbed from behind. He turned his head around and he saw that a Japanese man in his 50s or maybe 60s (Jin wasn't sure), dressed up in Tiger camo with a green headband and a combat knife placed near his throat.
◊ He apparently had taken off his disguise since he had no need for it.
"Where is she?" The Japanese man said when he snarled at Jin, still having the knife's blade pressed against his throat.
"W-what are you talking about?!"
"What have you done with the boss?!"
Bazett nodded sharply at Neco-Chaos, marching back inside. She turned to Tamamo, offering a menu. "Do you need anything?" she asked - well, it was probably a question. Her tone didn't exactly seem to encourage the possibility of Tamamo answering 'no.'
Outside Ahne - uh, the cafe, how about that
Kuro glanced up at Shiro. "Oh, Bazett's had to take all kinds of jobs since Luvia froze all her acc - wait, how do you even know her? All the fighting and stuff went down at Luvia's place, and the only time you ever saw her was when she was selling ice pops at the beach."
Ayaka glanced up at the mention of 'wrong Saber.' These girls were supposed to be Saber? But, they were girls, very clearly so. She continued trying to sneak through the crowd to the door.
Exist, pursued by bear