Experience growing up with Asperger's

Its more not learning to do something will make you miserable.

I suppose not learning something will make you miserable, but learning something will not necessarily make you not miserable.

edited 26th Dec '12 6:10:00 PM by ohsointocats

I agree, but IF think the author's main point was that you have to be good at delivering something that people want is necessary in order to be taken seriously by other people.

Since you asked for personal experiences with all kinds of mental illnesses, I guess I'll give my two cents.

Being severely clinically depressed is hard. Every morning, when I woke up, I felt exhausted enough by the act of opening my eyes to just collapse again. Every night, I would cry because I had forgotten what it was like to be happy. There was never any joy, never any relief; only fine gradations of agony and torpor.

Some people told me it was my fault. Other people said I just had to ride it out. Nobody was helpful. It seemed like no-one knew what they were talking about, and that I was lost in a depth of feeling alien to the rest of the world.

I never wanted to die, exactly. But I hated living enough to seriously consider the alternative. It seemed like my illness was monolithic and implacable. I didn't want to talk about it to anyone. When things got better, they did so slowly.

It's interesting to read everybody's experiences. Really sheds light on how different people deal with essentially the same problem. As a young child, I was the picture of an Asperger: weird, socially awkward, and fixated on a few random subjects that I would talk to people about, even people who didn't care about them at all. My obsessions were Pokemon and geometric shapes. I'd collect Pokemon cards and random objects shaped like the shape I was interested in that week - octagons, hexagons, or whatever.

As I got older, though, I learned that it was innapropriate to blabber on to people about things they couldn't care less about, and a few other rules of social etiquette. However, this didn't fix my social awkwardness, and I became much more nervous in social situations because now I was worried about messing up. Being a teenaged girl with all the stuff teenaged girls worry about didn't really help me either in talking to boys, making friends, or anything. I was bullied throughout middle school and here and there through high school. I was pretty much a social outcast. Then, when I got to college, weary of my social failure in high school, I pretty much avoided socializing and was kind of a loner. But now, in my junior year, I've found a small group of friends that are like me, and that's helped me out a lot. I've opened up and have become a lot tougher in dealing with would-be bullies. I'm somewhat indifferent to social interaction now - my experience with it in the past has been all across the spectrum from delightful to horrifying, so when I go into a social situation, I expect the worst and am always at the ready. But normally they go ok. I somehow pledged a sorority - and all my sisters know me as "that quirky girl who makes us laugh". I'm accepted and well-liked for it. But you always get that feeling that the moment you stop being their little entertainment... hmmm. But anyway, I don't think I have AS, because I'm easily able to read people's facial and body movements to tell their emotional state. But I swear, judging by the way people seem to so easily make friends and socialize, and for me it's like writing with the wrong hand, I'd swear I have a disability of some sort.

edited 28th Dec '12 12:53:47 AM by TrueRuby

Growing up, I wasn't diagnosed and at first I thought I was just being 'bad', and my parents didn't know what to do so they would punish me for some infractions that I didn't know I had committed. Thing is, I was smart, and learned to read fairly early, and also would memorize stuff I heard on TV, like the Public Television voice-over listing all the counties of California that had that service, when I was maybe two or three years old. Later on, in first grade, I was reading above my grade level and even reading the teacher's manual. Luckily, the teacher was very understanding and was one of my favourite teachers.

For entertainment, I would often watch instructional shows, many of which were targeted toward people older than myself. I didn't make very many friends, and sometimes, the kids at new schools would be friendly for awhile, but then they would start becoming mean later on. That was especially prevalent in fifth-grade summer school and then fifth or sixth grade. They would either make fun of me or treat me like a freak, and the teachers would think I was making up stuff when I mentioned 'Panagea' and 'Gondwanaland'.

I was homeschooled for a few years and loved it, though I wanted to be in a 'regular school' because I felt weird. In most regular schools, though, the kids were jerks. Often, only one student would even treat me halfway decently.

Work has also been hard, because at times I would get overwhelmed or just not know what was appropriate and what wasn't, and sometimes it seemed as if I was defying my managers or whatnot, but really, I just didn't have this 'common sense' that others had, and thought that certain rules only applied to one or two things.

It wasn't until very recently that I was officially diagnosed with aspergers, but back when I was still in highschool, my mother's friend was visiting one day and said to her, "You know that [your daughter] has aspergers, right?"

My parents didn't know about that condition, and back when I was young, almost nobody knew about it. There were few if any facilities where they could help people like myself. Now I'm 32 years old, and have been going to counseling for a few months. My parents and counselor have said that I've improved, but I wish that there was more knowledge of aspergers as well as ways to help people with that condition function in this society back when I needed them the most. My childhood was sort of a mixed blessing, really - there were times I was happy, but I did suffer depression and suicidal thoughts, and it's really hard growing up when your parents think your neurological condition is a behavioural problem.

Teachers not knowing about Pangaea?! Face Palm. I saw kids books years ago with that word. School Library Books even!

Sometimes I wonder how many historicl figures had Asberger's, and how prevalent it may have been.

It's hard to tell. Sometimes you hear someone mention that 'X notable person' has Asperger's, and based off their behaviour and works and achievements it's entirely believable, but it's not something people really talk about that much, so you can never truly find out for sure.

not as bad now when i was 13-18 but the people who had adhd or Asperger's i was with at college were some most jerkiest i've ever been with.

This might be an odd question, but I've always wondered about this one: how does growing up with Asperger's differ from country to country? I know of my experiences growing up as an Aspie (diagnosed age 8) in New Jersey, USA. If anyone here grew up with Asperger's outside of the US, mind telling me what was like? Was bullying still an issue? How did you teachers handle it, seeing as school systems greatly differ from country to country? Those are just a few examples, but I'd be curious to know anything!

All these different stories from people like me warms my heart. Its nice to know you're not alone...

As for me, I was diagnosed with aspergers when I was five(and reaffirmed during middle school). The thing is, I had no idea I had aspergers until I was 18, because my parents decided to treat me like my other three, normal siblings. While I now understand my parents's intentions, it occasionally backfired.

For the rest of my life, I tried and failed to make and keep friends, while wondering what was wrong with me. No one else seemed to find things as funny, or sad, or maddening as I did. I remember telling a bus driver lady once she reminded me of the fat lady in the portrait from Harry Potter and honestly believing that was a compliment.

Then I got to middle school, where I was met with bullies that hated I was different and thought I was gay(I'm not). I plunged straight into a depression I have yet to totally get out of. Wound up doing a few things I'm not proud of.

Now that I know myself, as an adult, I realize I have to take responsibility for my behavior and my life, aspergers or no aspergers. And I am a genuinely a bright and nice guy, or so I've been told. So yeah, life moves on and I do have some friends.

I'm one who grew up with Asperger's outside US, in Ukraine, or so I think. I actually first learned about the existence of this syndrome on this site... then I looked it up in Wikipedia, read some other articles... It's just not known here. I know self-diagnosis is silly, but most of the medical symptoms and common side effects (like being bullied without any comprehensible reason and not understanding how people are able to socialize so easily) describe me pretty well, and some of the symptoms I thought I didn't have were confirmed by my mom when I got her to read the articles - I just didn't think anything was wrong or weird about my behavior in that regard while my mom and probably everyone else did.

I'm really grateful that I learned about my condition. It helped me a lot. I remember making up weird theories about myself and society when at school... of course they were ridiculous. I just didn't know what was wrong. And now I do. I know what I lack, what I must try to fit in and that there are others like me out there. My story is not really different from others' here. I was bullied ever since I was four years old - I had no older siblings but for a short time I went to a kindergarten for children that small, and it was hell. I remember very little from that time but the clear image was me trying to put on my shoes and get from the carpet where everyone was playing, being the last one as usual, being scolded by the teachers and laughed at by my peers. Then there was a private nurse, she looked after four to six (I don't remember exactly) children in her own flat. It was better there since she actually looked after us and stopped bullying as soon as she noticed it, so I was able to quietly play in the corner by myself, still not understanding why I was so different from the rest who played together. Later it got better, I started making friends. One of them later, when we both grew up and went to school, started laughing at me and calling me too clinging. It was probably affectionate but I took it as an insult - I just imitated what I percieved to be the norm, that is, to follow your friend everywhere you can and try to always be together. The other yet later, as I realised after we broke up, was shamelessly manipulating my need for someone to call a friend, often getting me to do things I wouldn't do otherwise by asking if I was really her friend. I'm not that stupid, but I was so desperate for someone close to me that I ignored the symptoms. She said she didn't have any other friends too, and I wonder if she was lying... if she wasn't, I can see why she didn't have any. There were other friends too, but I think that at that time I was ready to call anyone who was ever nice to me a friend. I was friendly with everyone who wasn't actively insulting me at the moment, and I know that was how I screwed up my chance to get at least some higher-than-the-abyss status. I was often asked to help with homework and tests, often by people who had casually abused me fifteen minutes earlier, and I always did help without differentiating. I listened to my mom's advice to just ignore the bullying (or tried to; there were times when I would just attack the bully with my fists, and given my measly physique and close tears I just ended up being a laughing stock) since it was the best I could do. By the eights grade I was being bullied by my classmates, by the kids of the parallel class, by older guys and even by younger girls. They insulted my hair, called it a wig; the idea was that my hair was so dense and curly there was no way it could be my own. I failed to understand why that was even an insult rather than a compliment, but I reacted painfully to the intent of communication - to taunt. Then my parents finally realized that something was really wrong and wasn't going to get better so I switched schools. I had a friend (my parents' friends' daughter who I've been spending holidays and going hiking with since early childhood) there and knew better to not try to interact with anyone else. One of the girls made an attempt to bully me, but that was one time when I was able to counter it - probably my reaction after all previous experience with bullies was too weird for her to process. I actually was able to find another friend in that school, a girl who's five years younger than me but possesses the same interests (if she knew English she'd be a dedicated troper too). It was when I started to understand the concept of happiness, it was also the time when I discovered internet for myself and was able to find buddies, people with similar interests other than my parents and some means to prove myself good enough for something there. I actually feel quite comfortable in text conversation, unlike meeting a person face-to-face or worse even, using a phone... guess that's explained by Asperger's too... when I'm on the internet I'm actually smarter and more polite than many and there are people who recognise it and compliment me on it. I still manage to insult people from time to time, so I learned two reliable patterns of conversation: casual "flood" talk with making jokes, telling about your life and asking questions to others whenever I can find a base for them in what they tell about themselves; and a highly polite and formal talk whenever I'm actually discussing some impersonal topic with apologising all the time whenever I contradict someone (unless I actually feel like insulting them, of course - that happens too). I'm in the college now, I have yet another friend with very similar personality and problems (she probably has Asperger's too) and that younger girl is still by my side, and I've learned and told my parents just what exactly I am and what I need to learn to be happy. In fact, I am happy now. Whatever happens to me right now is going to be so much better than my childhood that I'm going to be happy even if I end up a jobless hobo with no friends (highly unlikely, I guess) - at least now I know I'm not an alien.

So growing up with Asperger's in my country sucks, and sucks hard. To push someone there to give you a mental diagnosis or at least recognise that you are objectively different and have objective problems you need to be completely insane, and having a mental illness sounds like a synonim to being completely insane. That's one reason I'm not going to tell anyone but my closest friends and immediate family that I have Asperger's; I've already got one reaction of "don't talk nonsense, you're not insane at all!". I was lucky to climb out of it and find my way of life, with my amazing and best ever family and incredibly sweet friends who share my interests.

Wow, that sounds tough. I wish you luck.

I think it's really hard to determine how it's affected me, since I have no way of knowing what it's like if I were "normal" or how things might have been different. Maybe I'm better off. I've been pretty successful so far.

I think the most obvious effect was my first semester of 1st grade. I was constantly getting in trouble, and especially at first it seemed like a list of arbitrary rules that could only be determined by trial and error. What was really frustrating was that each week, there was a party for the kids who had gotten less then 4 "warnings" that week. No matter how hard I tried, I never got in, while nearly everyone else did so seemingly effortlessly. I also got sent to the principles office three times that semester, though it wasn't always my fault. By my second semester, I had gotten a lot better at fitting in and frequently went to the parties.

It came up again in fifth grade, when they also did the party thing. By that time I was a lot better, but the requirements were much stricter (something like only 1 warning in six weeks), so I never managed to go to any of those. I think the biggest problem was that I was outspoken. When I thought the teacher was wrong, I was not afraid to say so, but most teachers don't like constant interruptions and are more concerned with maintaining discipline.

In sixth grade, they also did parties, but the requirements were much laxer and the teachers more friendly, so I had no trouble getting in. I didn't have any troubles in middle or high school. For a long time, I thought that I didn't have a problem or had outgrown it, but a coworker at a place I interned informed me that the other interns secretly hated me. It's really frustrating because there's no way to actually know how you're doing.

I never experienced bullying, though I did get into a fight once or twice in elementary school. I've never been depressed either.

I also went through various forms of therapy from 1-3rd grade, but I don't know if it had any effect. The longest one involved brushing my feet periodically.

edited 30th Aug '13 6:34:31 PM by storyyeller

The character backstory:

The twins Harmone and Darby Ferris were born on Altair IV (yes, that's a Forbidden Planet reference) one of the "rich" inner colonies, the older colonies that are more cosmopolitan that the outer settlements. Their father was a businessman who was murdered, and their mother had died in childbirth. Their dad's political enemies ensured that the estate was auctioned off, leaving the kids homeless as well as orphaned.

Darby always knew something was off about her twin, Harmone, and protected her throughout their childhood and coming of age in the ghetto streets below the highrises of Altair IV. She helped Harmone navigate the social hierarchies she didn't understand, and at the same time learned that Harmone had an incredible talent for mathematics.

Eventually they stowed away on a transport, drifted for a few years while Darby apprenticed with a starship engineer and Harmone with the pilot. When Harmone had earned enough, she purchased a cybernetic implant that allowed her to pilot ships more effectively. This made her a valuable commodity as a pilot, who came with a genius engineer sister. Eventually they made the acquaintance of mercenary Captain Dejon De Marco, and became his chief engineer and flight control officer.

Harmone is not only talented at math and piloting. Her beautiful, intricate murals decorate the interior of the ship.

Asperger's is never mentioned... the characters refer to her as a "Verbal Savant" (closest translation many thousands of years from now).

When I grew up I was diagnosed with high-functioning autism in my middle school years, although I don't know if it completely accurate. While I do engage in very odd behaviors (like talking to myself incessantly), and unknowingly making socially inconsiderate comments, I'm able to maintain some eye contact with my peers and have some awareness of basic unspoken social nuances to prevent any embarrassments. I'm terrified of any major changes in my life and daily routine, but who doesn't fear that happening to them?

Continuing: when my eldest brother was growing up, his preschool diagnosed him with an unspecified mental disorder due to his odd behavior, mainly his refusal to talk to most of the other students and teachers, and his tendency to disobey orders (such as lying on the ground in the classroom). The most infamous incident was that time when he started attacking a random lady screaming "GOD IS DEAD!" over and over again. However, he is now married, a successful lawyer, and an engaging speaker. This makes me think of those self-fulfilling prophecies in education, where the actions of teachers can affect the performance of students that mirror the teachers' expectations. I wonder to myself if my brother would come out differently if he took those diagnosis to heart.