No, no worries. It was a long time ago, and if I couldn't handle it I wouldn't bring it up.
I fully agree that parents, even well-meaning parents, can engage is passive-agressive abuse. I know that, firsthand. I have also seen, firsthand, what happens when parents don't want to "upset" their children, and don't want to "stifle their personalities". It can yield some horrific results, like sisters that get killed in petty arguments before they hit 19.
I have to raise my child the best way I know how. I can't shirk or shy away from that responsibility. I intend to teach my children that Dad isn't the end all, be all. I intend to tell them that while they're my children, they'll follow my faith, while training them to think for themselves and eventually follow paths of their own choosing when they're adults.
I don't know how to do it perfectly, but I'll do the best I can.
And if so, have you considered how one might avoid that scenario with a hypothetical gay or even just effeminate son?
I find it best to speak to your child as you would an adult. Don't be all abusive and be like "Starship, Jr. I don't know where I found a faggot girl like you." Don't be passive abusive and be like "Starship, Jr. it's okay. You're a gay freak because I failed as a father."
I'd simply say, "Son, I don't agree with boys acting as women. I believe it's a sin and I don't believe it's good for your development." "But Dad, I like it/it feels right/didn't God make me this way?."
"Well I understand you may like it/it may feel right/I don't agree God made
you that way. But the thing is, you're my boy. I love you. And I'd like you to trust I know better in this instance. Now I need you to follow my wishes, cause I'm the parent. Of course, as you get older, if you still feel this is a path you want to explore, I won't stop you. I won't approve it, but I'll always love you, and I'll be there for you. But...for right now, you're going to do this because I asked."
edited 18th Oct '12 12:26:24 PM by TheStarshipMaxima