Needing some feedback for my story "The Poem of Jordis"

I've been working on this story for some time now and I would like to hear some feedback from anyone who has visited this thread and is interested. I have to tell you that my story's heavily based on Norse Mythology and I'm unsure if I could add some new races that I've made for the story alongside the races that appeared in the original mythology. Of course, they are relevant plot-wise. Is it okay to take some creative liberties of it? (I actually did research on Norse mythology, just that there are certain aspects of it that has to be changed in order to suit the setting of my story.)

Basically in my story, the people in each important country worship one of the gods in Norse mythology and have different backstories of how they were defeated and all that. Which leads to many arguments between different countries (sometimes political, occasionally religious) as the backstories differs to a certain extent, depending on who a person may ask.

My story begins with a housewife around her thirties opening a book that transports her into a fantasy world. The fantasy world is mostly 18th/19th century-ish in terms of its technology, fashion, politics (not totally) and architecture but medieval in several aspects. Before that, we get to see the housewife's little wish of being a hero like the knights in shining armors she reads to her son in his bedtime stories.

So she unintentionally interrupted a ceremony and was luckily saved by a knight from another country, claiming the people in the ceremony that she's The Chosen One going to save the world from despair (as well as preventing another Ragnarok, which killed many of the gods from happening).

Okay, the story may sound a little overused; just to let you know the background of the story I'm talking about. As for the main protagonists (All of them actually have last names. I'm still trying to find appropriate last names and will be revealed in future):

• Jordis: The housewife and the heroine of the story. She was teleported into the alternate world after she found an old book while spring cleaning. As a new hero, she has to fight. Uses a saber to fight, though she has a spare spear given by Halvard at some point. Is a little naive and idealistic. Derives from the name HJÖRDÍS; Jordis is just the modern rendition of the former.

• Halvard: The first person the housewife befriended and teaches her the ways of the people in his world. Came from a place where his people worshipped a trickster god. As such, he manipulates his way to reach his goals. Uses magic to fight (via magic gloves), uses twin chakrams should he be unable to use magic in a fight. He is the captain of Squadron 126 in his country's army.

• Valrdis: A vampire queen ruling in her era for 150 years and counting. Was thought to be an enemy of the Allied Foundation but joined the housewife after realising that she is also needed to find a way to find stability to the world. Alternate long-ranged weapons; a chain whip (a shout-out to Castlevania) and darts to fight.

• Trygve: A strange and silent guy who saved the main characters from the brink of their deaths after being taken in by people claiming that they are taking the characters to an important city (though the housewife was warned about this as she met him in passing). Is always silent, saying only 'choose wisely' when prompt to saying something other than his usual gibberish. However, he's pretty friendly with everyone, which Halvard tends to mock of his lack of social skills. Uses his fists to fight, though he uses a faulty magic gun in his first appearance. (Uses another magic gun that is better than the one he first wield later in the story).

• Raul: A light-hearted old man who is young at heart. Met Jordis and Halvard several times before joining them at one point. Uses two scythe-like (war scythe) weapons in battle. Was known to be in charge of an anti-vampire and anti-frost giant supporter in his younger days but realized of his mistakes as he grew older. Earned the nickname The Hunting Wolf in his younger days.

• Runa: Joined Jordis and her team for a while looking out for Halvard before taking him back to their hometown. Little did she realised that she's a vessel of the trickster god she and Halvard's people worshiped. Realized it later and is willingly to let the trickster god to use her body to communicate unless it's an emergency. Uses a magic skateboard to fight (also used more as a vehicle, of course) as well as carrying two iron fans, which are her mostly used weapons. She usually sees everything in a serious light, being a serf and all when she was younger. She is the lieutenant of another squad in the army.

• Stigandr: Half-human, half-frost giant. Uses a bow and arrow in battle, using potions of different sorts in certain situations. Is on a journey to find a certain person, but does not reveals the identity of the person he is looking for. Acts as the comic relief of the group, behaving like a child wise beyond his age (despite outer appearance make him look older, being half-frost giant and all). Has hints of being dependent towards the person he is looking for, since all he ever talks about is the person to Halvard's dismay. Over the course of the story he learns to be independent and distancing himself from that certain person.

• Dagny: A girl about sixteen or seventeen years of age, who introduces herself as a traveling musician. Her family has good relations with light elves and has lived with them for the majority of her childhood. Has a strange thinking process. Uses throwing knives in battles, but also uses common magic (Halvard and Runa uses their own style of magic to fight) she learned from the elves by using her guitar (18th century Spanish classical guitar) to amplify her magic.

So guys, what do you think? Feedback is greatly appreciated.

edited 21st Jan '12 7:33:03 AM by MrHollowRabbit

Do you have any actual text for it?

Not yet. I'm still working on it. I don't want to reveal too many spoilers as I would like to turn this into a web novel one of these days this year.

The premise sounds nice enough, this could be written to be a good story, one would have to judge the execution, which is why you should probably post up some actual text to judge.

Edit: ahh, ninjad.

edited 21st Jan '12 7:47:06 AM by fanty

To be frank, I was wondering if it's acceptable for me to add my own ideas and remove some elements from the original mythology. I would like to avoid Did Not Do The Research and based on what I read about the entire mythology, there are some aspects that I would not want to put in the story, as well as adding some new ideas of mine to compensate the ones that I have removed.

Writers generally mess around with legends and mythology so much that I don't really think that anyone would have any objections to you doing too. I mean, I have a retelling of Arthurian legend on my bookshelf where he's just a dumb warlord who never achieves anything and just makes enemies all the time, and that book received an award. So you're totally safe adding and removing stuff.

edited 22nd Jan '12 6:04:57 AM by fanty