Children's Letters To Santa

Dear James,

I can replace the toys, but I'm not bringing your brother here. I'm sure you think this will be like Elf, but let me assure you, that was an accident.

-Santa

How go things in Christmas Town? I'd love to come visit again sometime, but I can promise you that I will not let the "Nightmare Before Christmas" incident happen again.

-Jack Skellington

dear skellington,

please stop giving my husband letters. i will get a restraining order.

from, ms. santa.

dear santa,

i want one of your reindeers for christmas! pretty please?

from bob, age 35.

Dear Bob,

I cannot give you one of the reindeer I use to pull my sleigh. But you can have this one that never learned to fly for more than a few minutes. I was going to send it to the slaughterhouse field where the reindeer who can't work go anyway.

—Santa

P.S: It's "reindeer", not "reindeers". You're 35, you should know this. Or did you not even finish elementary school?

Dear Santa,

I want all the toys you have in your sack! All of them! And if you don't give them to me, I'll have my dad, who's a cop, arrest you!

—Danny Bratt

Edited by Elec-1 on Dec 9th 2021 at 12:25:26 PM

Dear Danny Bratt

Ho Ho Ho your funny but I'm above the law, punk.

- Santa

Dear Santa

We at the Elf Worker Rights wish to be paid for our work and for break times to be added

Thank You

The Elf Worker Rights.

Dear Elf Worker Rights,

I will do that. In order to do that, we'll be using more robots for more automated work. So you can have breaks and the work you will be working on will mostly be robotics.

- Santa

I want to be the ruler of all reality.

Sincerely,

Frieza

Frieza was subsequently found and then deleted from existence.

Dear santa,

Please help cure master roshi of his porn addiction. We need it gone just for the tournament of power.

Love, Yamcha.

Edited by AlicornGaia on Apr 25th 2022 at 8:11:20 PM

Dear Yamcha,

I will do that. In addition, I'll find him a true Love Interest for him to be with.

- Santa

I wish for endless chaos in the cities.

Best regards,

The Joker

Dear Joker:

On it! I've already blown up the state of Ibiza. That's what you wanted, right?

Dear Santa:

I want a manual so that I can improve my skills in making electronic music.

Dear Whatsyourname.

You could just look up a You Tube video on how to do it, there’s a tutorial for anything.

From Santa.

-

Dear Santa

All I want for Christmas is you!

From Anna Barkley.

Dear Anna Barkley

I only bring presents.

From Santa.

This Christmas I want a free copy of Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing.

From Little Timmy.

Dear Little Timmy,

If you say so. Don't go screaming at me if it arrives less than half-baked.

I need a monstah to clobbah dat dere Kirby!

Signed: King Dedede

Edited by Berrenta on Dec 12th 2022 at 8:48:46 AM

Dear King Dedede,

Here's Krampus and some coal for being naughty as you want to harass a nice, innocent pink boy.

From, Santa

I want to be a flapper! Bobbed hair, knee-length dresses, cloche hat and all!

From, Sayre.

Edited by Cutegirl920fire on Dec 12th 2022 at 8:59:32 AM

Dear Sayre,

Here's the Bible instead. It's called Christmas for a reason. You don't act like that on the Lord's birthday. Be a good Christian girl now, and don't disappoint your parents or else you'll be on the naughty list! Maybe you can ask for something more respectful next time. Don't worry, one bad request doesn't mean bad all the way!

Sincerely, Mr. Santa Claus

I really need your help. My home, Nevada, is full of violence. Can you please sort it out? It would be a great Christmas gift!

Lovingly, Jebediah Christoff, otherwise known as Jebus

Dear Jebus,

Thanks for reminding me to update my naughty list! Some may end up there permanently.

-Santa

As head maid, I want to reward the fairy maids under my supervision something nice. Can you help me?

Signed,

Sakuya Izayoi

Dear Sakuya,

Here's a giant vacuum cleaner that can suck out fairies easily and quickly, so you can rule over them through fear from now on. Isn't that the most lovely of rewards ?

Sincerely, Santa Claus.

___

Dear Santa,

Can you bring Ms. Pacman back ? I'm kinda depressed since her forced separation from me by those guys at AtGames and her replacement by a cheap knockoff who don't care much about our family called "Pac Mom". The kids especially miss their mother and ask me about her wellbeing everyday. Even the ghosts confessed that they miss her too. Our family is empty without her.

Signed,

Pac Man.

Edited by Coock-atoo on Dec 12th 2022 at 10:18:19 AM

Dear Pac-Man,

I am sorry for your recent separation and current predicament, but unfortunately I can only bring gifts, and not control the will of others. As a fellow married man, I understand the pain of not being with your family at this time of year. However, through a few loopholes, a gift will still come from her this time of year. One hopefully to hold off the sadness and bring back happier times.

Happy Holidays from your old friend,

Santa Claus

Dear Santa,

Why don’t you replace your elves with Artifical Intelligences? That way, I can get more toys like the new Apple VR set!

From, Austin.

Edited by CanuckMcDuck1 on Nov 7th 2023 at 12:16:46 PM

Dear Austin,

I'm afraid that if I replaced all my elves with AI, they'd be out of a job. However, I will look into getting you that technology for Christmas, but only if you're a good boy.

Sincerely, Santa.

Dear Santa,

I would like a unicorn, a dragon, a life-sized statue of me made of chocolate, and a baby doll.

Sincerely, Addie.

Dear Addie,

You know none of those are real, right? I might be able to do that last one though.

Sincerely, Santa.

DEER SANTA

WHY DID YOU TAKE MY NAME FROM ME YOU ASSHOLE

IM GONNA SUE FOR IDENTITY THEFT

SINCEERLY SATAN

P.S. UR WIFE IZ HOT

Dear Satan,

"Santa" and "Satan" are different names. Although they have the same letters, they are ordered differently. I do look forward to seeing you in court though, considering that the identity theft in question seems to be nonexistent. And thanks for the compliment about my wife!

Sincerely, Santa.

I'd like to have some presents this year that surprise me in a good way. Nothing boring, just fun stuff.

Best regards,

Mina Ashido

Dear Mina

You are being too vague, so expect a surprise of unexpected quality

Dear Santa

I want to see my bike again : (

(Santa looks at the letter, feels bad for the kid who lost their bike, but notices that they haven't written down their name)

To Anon,

I'm sorry about your bike, but as you haven't given your name, I can't give you anything.

From, Santa.

My wife has lost her mind. She'd been obsessed with becoming the prima ballerina even though that's impossible for her, so developed a habit where she trains non-stop to the point of exhaustion and the doctor that arrived at the scene called her crazy. Please, do anything to fix her and make her feel better.

From,

F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Edited by Cutegirl920fire on Nov 10th 2023 at 1:53:56 AM

Dear F. Scott Fitzgerald

We will send over a psychiatrist to help, we wish you hell

From, Santa

~~~~~

Dear Santa,

Can i have a Lego set, one of those plain build whatever ones?

Yours,

Jake Jark

Dear Jake,

I will gladly oblige, but when you say “plain”, it isn’t specific enough for most of the elves. LEGO has expanded in the last few years and I’m losing track. I will try my best, but nevertheless things will work out.

From, Santa.

Dear so-called Santa,

Please stop breaking into my house. I no longer have kids since I stopped paying alimony. They sued me into being single again. I am not in the mood for sorries, btw.

- A very concerned man with at least one gun.

Dear Concerned Man,

Thank you for bringing this information to my attention. I have informed my routing team that your residence is to be taken off the registry. If I end up at your home again by accident though, you have to cover my shift for the rest of the year.

From,

Santa

All I want for Christmas is for Christmas to not be hijiked, in jeopardy , and you to not be kidnapped by aliens again.

From,

Zach Sherman

Dear Zach,

Tough shit you were naughty this year

Dear Santa

This year I want to kill everyone

sincerely,

Mr Hryyzg