Idea for a mystery

I've actually written five pages of this story. Here's a summary I wrote up on the spot. Tell me what you think.

Young Mickey is living in a nameless city that, by day, is covered by a dense mist that leaves the whole city looking gray. But a night, the mist departs, the lights come on and the fun starts.

All is fine as Mickey and his friends go through the routine of going out every night... Until he spots a young woman dressed up in victorian clothing, being lead around by some guy like a child. They peak his interest. Nick naming them "Baby Doll" and "The Master", he decides to ask around about them, despite vague warnings from friend and stranger alike.

Is it coincidence that the same time Baby Doll shows up, warnings are painted all over town?

Reveal a truth you cannot bare, for soon we will all be cleansed

Now secrets of his friends are being brought to light, some that should be kept hidden away.

Show us the five pages instead. No need to complicate matters.

SHOW ME YOUR MOVES, TIDAL.

edited 15th Dec '11 3:37:03 PM by Schitzo

@Leradny: If Tidal wishes for our feelings about an overview, it's fine. We don't need to get lost in the trees for the forest.

That could possibly work if there was nothing written yet, but Tidal has already written the material so an overview seems a little late.

The overview so far sounds like a non gory Silent Hill... thing.

I need elaboration.

It seems like a neato ontological mystery - where secrets about the village he lives in gets unveiled. The atmosphere seems to invoke Southern Gothic with a mix of western - like True Blood. Will there be cult-ish stuff involved?

Nameless village.. maybe it's a pocket dimension they're all in, if noone has dared to venture out? And maybe these visitors are heralding big change to their closed-off life?

It was actually going to be more of an Durarara type thing.

I have a sort of prologue written and posted on Deviant Art if you want to read it. Its actually not much different from that little summary I wrote...