Death

Marq's grandmother just died (my sincerest condolences) and it got me thinking; How do you cope when someone really close to you die?

The closest I had was having my elementary school teacher dying from medical allergy, kinda like what could have happened to Tendo. Still, I was at the verge of forgetting him (even though I was really close, we just didn't met for a long time) and was living far away from him so his death didn't strike me hard.

Death is a bitch. I mean, it always hurts people who care about you more than yourself. It's one of those things that you just can't avoid for long.

Really, fuck heart attacks, cancers, and other diseases.

I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.

Rage, mostly.

Fuck death itself. With a chainsaw made of chainsaws.

edited 4th Oct '11 12:42:17 AM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

My grandmother died last year when I was abroad. I was devastated, but somehow I got over it. It's gonna take some times before you get over the death of a loved one.

Bite my shiny metal ass.

I'm lucky enough to have never lost a friend or very immediate family member, although there's been some close calls.

While I miss the grandparents I've lost, I remember just moving on, even if it was a bit melancholy. Recently, an auntie of mine died. I wasn't that close to her, but it was kind of sad spending some time in her house. All the same, I just sort of moved on. Her funeral was very beautiful, though.

I suppose thus far, I've dealt with death quite well. What I don't think I could deal with, more than anything, is the death of my younger brother. In many ways, I consider him my responsibility and my prime student. Even if I fail at things, I can teach him about my mistakes and push him towards a better future.

Thinking about that, I think the hardest deaths are almost always going to be those under your care and guidance. If a parent or my older brother died, I'd feel horrid for quite some time, but I'd move on. But losing someone you are responsible for seems like the most horrible thing of all.

Swordsman Troper — Reclaiming The Blade — Watch

When it's someone old and sick, death is a relief to the immediate family, frankly. One's already grieved them, already dealt with it.

A brighter future for a darker age.

I'm worried. Grandparents from both family, except maternal grandfather who passed away before I was born, are both alive. They are over 80. Jesus fucking Christ, at this rate I will have to accept their deaths before I die. I don't think I can take that.

For some reason, I find people's reactions to their precious people's deaths far more heartrending than the deaths themselves.

I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.

Yeah. I'm not afraid of death that much, but thinking about the people you will leave behind when you die makes it really unbearable.

edited 4th Oct '11 12:50:21 AM by Nightwire

Bite my shiny metal ass.

I suppose that might be an explanation for how I've dealt with death. Seeing it coming makes it somewhat easier in the end, especially if it brings an end to suffering. I remember waiting for my grandfathers to die, and hoping it'd be soon, because I hated that they had been stripped of so much dignity and personal capacity. They were wonderful, lively men in my memories.

One of my grandmothers is still alive, and the other died shortly after I was born. The living one is going reasonably strong at the moment, and death seems pretty distant.

Swordsman Troper — Reclaiming The Blade — Watch

@OP Death is a bitch and losing someone is so hard.

But life goes on and we must move. We can't stay sad. Live to honor those who have gone.

edited 4th Oct '11 12:50:24 AM by djmaca

...a little brother should belong to his older sister, right? - Orimura Chifuyu

I guess in a sense, I can say that no one (really) close to me died. One of my friend's classmate, one of the most hardworking, talented, and overall decent person according to him, died on the way home from the school. By falling on his face. Everyone's consensus is that it shouldn't even be possible. Logical or not, he just died.

That incidents made me think that death may come in the most random and unpredictable form possible whenever the hell it wants.

I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.

What do we say to death?

Not today.

Swordsman Troper — Reclaiming The Blade — Watch

Heh, nice.

I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.

That incidents made me think that death may come in the most random and unpredictable form possible whenever the hell it wants.

That's actually death's true nature. A random end ruled only by probability and chance.

edited 4th Oct '11 12:58:14 AM by djmaca

...a little brother should belong to his older sister, right? - Orimura Chifuyu

I cry a lot and talk to people about it occasionally. Mostly I try to move on and not dwell on it. It's something that happens and I can't do anything to destroy the whole "stuff dies" thing so I have to accept that fact and look it in the face.

I've lost a number of pets to death. And a dance teacher who I respected quite a bit.

edited 4th Oct '11 1:01:31 AM by Aondeug

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah

I don't know about that. I think that when you get striken with long term diseases, like some variants of cancer, you would at least see your death coming and start to prepare yourself. Of course, there's no way you would see the cancer or such coming, but...

edited 4th Oct '11 1:01:25 AM by dRoy

I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.

Of course, there's no way you would see the cancer or such coming

Well that's just it.

In the end, no one really knows when they will die. Half the people I am in good terms with in high school, there aren't much, is dead. It shocks me to think I was just in College for 2 years and this shit hits me.

Disease, accidents, crime and natural causes. No one is sure when and why they will die.

...a little brother should belong to his older sister, right? - Orimura Chifuyu

Vaguely related...Candles and incense are burned on Visakha Puja; a day celebrating the birth, Enlightenment, and death of the Buddha, to remind oneself that you and everything else around you can't exist forever. You will die. Flowers are offered to the temples with similar sentiment.

Flower offerings are very common at least in Thai temples for this reason. Flowers are pretty, but they tend to wilt fast so you get to see the whole death thing in action. Also they're pretty and make the wat look nice.

There's a number of traditional meditative objects. Most of which consist of a dead body in various states of decay. Again to remind yourself that it will happen and to keep yourself aware and understanding of the whole death thing.

The abbot gave a talk once. He told us a story about a Bodhisatta who lived in a village. He was bite by a snake and died. He was also the only child of his family. The funeral was a quiet affair and not filled with loud grieving. A passerby thought that odd and went down to investigate. He asked if they hated their son and the father told him that they did not. In fact they loved their son very, very dearly. But they knew that death would befall him at some point and felt that to fall into grief for too long would be a dishonor to their child.

There's many similar stories told. The moral being "You can love, but don't cling. When things go away, let them go. Move on and live. Control yourself."

If someone wants to accuse us of eating coconut shells, then that's their business. We know what we're doing. - Achaan Chah

My auntie died in 2006 and it really unexpected but I didn't cry because I was comforted by the fact that I felt I didn't have regrets. However, I was angry with the system though

Dutch Lesbian

"You" didn't have regrets? Or do you mean "she"?

...a little brother should belong to his older sister, right? - Orimura Chifuyu

I mean that I didn't have any shoulda/woulda/coulda moments

Dutch Lesbian

I don't know if I actually register death in my mind.

That's an universal truth...that is so, so, darn HARD to accept...

I'm a (socialist) professional writer serializing a WWII alternate history webnovel.

@Moby: That actually makes perfect sense. There was nothing you could have done to stop it, so there's no reason to dwell on it.

I must say, I really disagree with this mindset. Death, as I see it, is deeply, profoundly unnatural. It should not be. It is an enemy. It is to be destroyed, and it will be destroyed, although, I think, not through human forces alone.

When people die, I will not spend the rest of my life crying for them — I agree, that would bring them dishonor. But I will not "move on and live" either. I will remember that death hurt someone I cared for, and, indirectly all of their loved ones. I will remember that death is the enemy. I will remember my duty to fight it, in me and in others, through all the means that are at my disposal.

And when the time comes and death itself is defeated, I will personally take the time kick its bony arse hard enough to dislodge its teeth from the inside.

edited 4th Oct '11 3:05:34 AM by Carciofus

But they seem to know where they are going, the ones who walk away from Omelas.

I tend to avoid dwelling on it beyond a short period of mourning.

So, in the U.S., randomly stripping is a signal that you want to sing the national anthem? - That Human