"I'm Helping!"

The idea of rendering assistance to people in distress is a common one, but how far can it be pushed before it becomes obvious interference/control over someone?

Lets start a discussion here about how far we can/should go to assist other people, and how far assisting others simply becomes self gratification.

>how far assisting others simply becomes self gratification.

You can go with the argument regarding altruism in that nothing can really be purely altruistic, as a nice act may make the helper feel good (self gratification) as well as help their social standing.

This isn't an easy question to answer because there is no one answer. There are many answers that may apply at certain times and not apply at others.

In the end it depends.

A lot.

At least this is from what I have observed.

For myself a great deal of the helping I do is self-gratifying. It feels good to help others and I have a very strong drive to do it. I want to be everyone's friend and to help everyone.

edited 22nd Aug '11 3:54:08 PM by Aondeug

Help should be given to those who want it but it shouldn't forced on people over and over who have made it clear they don't it. Imo, the state should help the most amount of people because it usually has the resources do it whereas a poor person doesn't.

It becomes intrusion when the person tells you to stop. Maybe they're trying to explain about an obscure medical condition that your attempted aid threatens, maybe you're risking triggering a flashback, they don't have to tell you why you should stop, just that they want you to.

@OP Depends on the person.

Perhaps it becomes harmful when it is stunting the person's growth. For example, feeding wild animals might seem like a helpful and kind thing to do, but in reality it makes them dependent on you and then they're doomed if you stop feeding them.

Generally you should abstain from helping those who don't want help. Those that want to be left alone have the right to.

But what if not helping them causes harm to others?

As to the OP, it's far too general a question to come up with anything approaching a hard and fast rule. Pretty much every individual case is unique.

I beleive that Jos. Bugman started this thread based on discussion in another thread. Therefore, I will cross-post part of what I replied over there:

"When someone is depressed or otherwise experiencing something that may affect their judgement, they may not be able to determine their own best interests. A friend expressing suicidal thoughts is the classic example. The appropriate response is to try to help them, and then observe their reaction. If they accept the help, or at least don't reject it too strongly, you continue the intervention. If they strenuously object, you stop. If they suffer harm, you try again."

Loni brings up a good point about the wild animals. One, not everyone who asks for or accepts help needs it, in which case your altruism may be doing more harm than good Two, you should try to address the root of the problem if you really want to help. Don't give a man a fish, teach him to fish. Maybe people tend to reject the superficial forms of aid because they feel like handouts more often than the substantial, root solutions.

There's nothing wrong with doing good for selfish reasons, the important question is only you're deluding yourself into thinking you're doing good, or really doing good.

edited 23rd Aug '11 2:34:20 AM by SlightlyEvilDoctor

@Comraid: Then help those other people, assuming they want to be helped.

Who cares if someone is helping only because it gives them a sense of self-gratification. That doesn't change the fact that they're helping.

But that could be more intrusive or costly. For example helping adults provide for themselves and their children would surely be preferable to taking the children into care, even if you have to use a little coercion in getting them to except that help.

If somebody doesn't want your help, you first have to assume that they have more information about their situation than you do and may be rejecting your help for entirely rational and informed reasons.