Zoofights

Hello, tropers. I'm here to ask you a question:

(from the Zoofights home page)

"Have you ever lain awake, wondering who would win in a fight between a gorilla and a bear? Did you imagine the gorilla had a sword on the end of a rope, and the bear was juggling molotov cocktails? Have you ever wondered if a hippo with wheels could fend off six tigers that could shoot their heads like rockets? Have you ever wished someone would devote years of their life to answering these sort of questions? If the answer is no, there's something seriously wrong with you. Report to the termination chambers. If the answer to any of the above questions is yes, or if you just like animals fighting, then you are in the right place.

Welcome, one and all, to ZOOFIGHTS."

I'm making this thread on behalf of the Major, and this is possibly my favorite internet series anyway, so it's win-win. I was a bit worried that this would be a narrow topic, but we have other, already thriving threads for individual series, so here goes.

(Most of this stuff you can find out by reading the archives on the Zoofights website, but I'll sum it up here, too)

Zoofights is a yearly series born of the the mind of Something Awful member Major Failure and that most enduring of questions; which animal would win in a fight?

Though it started out as a text-only forum game on Something Awful, it has ballooned into something much more. Starting with Zoofights III, people began contributing pictures to illustrate the fights, and even a video to cap off the ending. Now in Zoofights VI, we even have videos and music for every fight, not just the beginning and end of the tournament.

Every year has its own theme. Zoofights III was set in Victorian London, Zoofights IV was sci-fi and time travel-based, and Zoofights V was post-apocalyptic. This year, we're going to the decade of mullets, megabyte-sized supercomputers, arcade machines and TOTALLY RADICAL saturday moring cartoons. That's right, folks, the 80s.

How Zoofights works: Every year, 16 contenders are introduced, animals from across space and time, all of which are given horrendous and magnificent modifications. They then beat each other senseless in pursuit of the title of KING OF BEASTS. For the losers, they are not given the sweet embrace of death. Instead, the ZF corporation's crack team of surgineers reconstitute whatever's left of defeated contenders for the second chance at glory (and revenge) in the Loser's League.

The losers from round one fight for their last chance to remain in the tournament, before the survivors and the losers from round two face off in the Royal Rumble, a free-for-all where the last beast standing moves on to the three-way match for the title with the other two finalists.

Zoofights has given us such great contenders as: Oh the Huge Manatee, Steamcrab, Croctopus (for only 6 billion rupees!), The Walrus, Wolfbike, Bisontrain, and The Snapture.

What you do to participate: Over at the main Zoofights forums, or on the Something Awful thread, you cast your vote for which beast you think will win. The votes are tallied and the contender with the most votes wins (usually). What about that "usually" you ask? That's thanks to the Tractor Factor. After the votes are counted, a random number generator is run, and if it produces a number lower than the number of votes the would-be loser received, that contender will pull off an upset, stunning or otherwise. So vote for who you want to win, don't bandwagon. Just four fights into Zoofights VI we've had two fights like this, one where the tractor helped one contender push through to round two against 2:1 odds, and another where the victorious contender won by a single vote. Votes containing videos, fanart, or just a particularly spirited debate in favor of your chosen fighter will give your vote extra weight in the counting.

The forums aren't the only place for shouting, though. There's also the IRC channel for keeping up with fite nite live with your mates.

Schedule (Saturday Night's Alright For Fightin'): The fights are weekly. The latest match-up is announced on Mondays, and you have until friday to vote. The votes are tallied, the tractor factors, and the fight is uploaded live on saturday evening (going by U.S. eastern time). Then you have sunday to discuss the results of the fight and get drunk, whether in celebration, or to lament your loss, before the next match is announced.

Roleplaying: Yes, Zoofights has that too. The spectators, like the fighters, can come from anywhere you can think of. We've already had Gezora, Hella Jeff, Widow Maker (a previous Zoofights contender in a filler fight), a german man with an Accordion for a head, a gentlemanly t-rex, the Anti-Spiral, a gooper blooper from Super Mario, a ROB (totally mute, definitely not alive, I assure you), and various eldritch abominations. I could go on, but that list is long enough as it is.

Between the bouts of biffing, yelling, and rioting, you can stop by Gezora's bar for some refreshing drinks, such as the Pineal Colada, the Bisontrain, the Long Island Miced Tea, and the ever popular Thousand Rats (literally a bucket of a thousand rats. Bring a big straw and friends.) If you get peckish during a fight, you can stop by another Zoofights staple, the Hot Drugs stand to get your fix.

As of this writing the current match-up is MANGOLIN' PANGOLINS vs. HIPPOS WITH AN EATING DISORDER

Here's the voting thread.

So come one, come all, to Zoofights! Feel free to discuss the current tournament, to debate your own matchups, and of course, to get drunk and punch each other.

edited 3rd Jun '11 12:04:57 PM by Mokari

Hello there. Red Spy here, long time TV Tropes lurker, first time poster. I, too, have joined the entertainment with these fights. However, unlike most others that will give their testimonies, I am a complete newcomer to the series. So here is Zoofights in a nutshell, from the eyes of a new member

I first found the official Zoofights forums under construction, as it was not yet time for the fights to begin. I headed over to the bar, run by everyone's favorite squid Gezora, and decided to get acquainted with the community. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were one of the nicest communities I've ever found on the internet. The members were very often clever and funny with their roleplaying as various spectators, each eager for the battling to start.

The fights did eventually start come May, about two months after I discovered the forums. Every Fight Night was more enjoyable than the last as spectators put in more effort with each fight on voting for their chosen brutes. Pictures, videos, parody songs. Hell, there was even a plush version of one of our first fighters, The Berlin Walrus. And through all of this I never felt like an outsider. Unless you are a troll or an asshole you'll find that the other Zoofights spectators are quite accepting of you and whatever weird gimmicks accompany your spectating. Hell, the more original gimmicks tend to be the most well received.

The fights themselves are some of the most drama-packed battles I've seen in a while. There are no curb stomp battles that leave the viewers unsatisfied (With a few exceptions that mostly occurred during the earlier years' brawls. Looking at you, Father Mc Garry.) Each battle always features numerous twists and turns, and until the letters KO appear you never know who will take home victory.

So if you're interested in seeing tense battles with a community that would make most forums jealous, feel free to take a look at Zoofights.

I'm anticipating which competitor will become a god-like beast and end up being the Big Bad of Zoofights VI. Even though the full roster isn't out yet.

So far, I'm thinking it'll be either Bull Market and the Gecko or the Hippos. Hell, while I'm here, I might as well look at the personalities and prospects of the contenders revealed so far. Spoilers on fight results ahead.

The Berlin Walrus: Probably too busy bickering between his heads to be a hero or villain. However, he did get a skull and spine ripped out. Maybe his next incarnation will have only one head and represent unified, post-cold war Germany. At the moment, it's doubtful he'll be more than fodder.

Huggles: RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! Enough to carry him into round two , but I don't think he has the personality to make it much further, unlike his opponent:

Monster Truck: Also rage, but more at the cruel world that created him rather than just indicriminate hate like Huggles. I'd like to think the pre-fight interview by Ironic Hide is canon: "The talking stripey vehicular atrocity lies on its back, pawing at caterpillar tracks hung from the ceiling with a sadness in its eyes that suggests it can see beyond this arena and in to the vast, dark soul of consciousness." I think Monster Truck is my favorite contender so far, and I'm hoping he gets more substantial character development than rage.

Croaka Cola: He was a cold, nearly emotionless killing machine, and now that he's been splattered, there probably won't be enough left of him to rebuild a functioning personality. I'm kind of hoping that he gets the Ultraphant treatment, coming back as nothing but a stitched-together, fully dead husk kept alive by the refreshing taste of CROKE. It's not out of malice for the frog, I just think it would be cool.

Bull Market: Clear villain material, represents every corrupt businessman in 80s media. Of course, he's down one head, but he's got enough money to fix that. I wouldn't be surprised if the gecko takes his boss' death as an opportunity to move up the corporate ladder (slimy little git that he is). It's well within the realm of possibility for the bull himself to demoted to hired muscle for the gecko.

Murducken: I can definitely see her in round two, having been given her own personal Kitchen Brutalizer, applying her talents and love of wrecking stuff to the culinary arts, in the process learning about all the best cuts of meat. In short, I'm seeing a "brutal chef" character in her future. Debatable whether she'd be able to take the tournament on that. Additionally, her culinary training will likely focus on seafood due to her opponent...

Cray Fish: He's shown himself to be much more clever than he was initially given credit for. In Zoofights, it's a fine line between practicality and cheating, and I think in round two he'll have access to even greater processing power to aid him in his tactical abilities. Possible hero this year.

Playing Mantis: Along with Cray Fish, she probably could have swept any other contender in round one, but now she's in the Loser's League. Given her popularity and the fact that she merely took a bullet in the brain, means she could still go very far in the tournament.

Hippos With An Eating Disorder: Also obvious villain material. However, previously the villain either showed up out of nowhere or came out of the Loser's League, where these Hippos have a very good chance of moving on to round two. I personally think it would be hilarious, if extremely sad, if the final this year was between evil contenders like the Hippos, Bull Market/ Gecko, and Huggles (or some as-yet unseen contender who's just as evil or moreso). However, I don't think it's likely. The Hippos probably won't last long, but they won't go down without a fight.

Mangolin' Pangolins: Totally radical, great at teamwork. Could be hero characters if they're the helpful types. They've escaped from Zoofights before, and may not want to see the other contenders remain (even though most of the contenders are either an outright menace to society or enthusiastic about being in Zoofights). Otherwise, they'll be out to escape, not necessarilly to win.

edited 2nd Jun '11 6:48:59 PM by Mokari

I still say, if they can overcome the hippos, the Pangolins have a chance to make it all the way. A team of loyal friends, expert at teamwork, with tools for hands/being anthromorphic animals? What could BE more 80's?

Hey guess what. IT'S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG.

Pangolins with the power of being streetwise, smart-talking animals in the 80s vs. hippos that will eat anything, with desperation enough to do so.

Update: Fight's over, and it's been posted on its own page here. So awesome.

edited 6th Jun '11 5:40:02 PM by Mokari