Should people meet halfway in social interactions?

More it's that there's more people who are in the general middle, slightly one or the other. That's different from being exactly in the middle, as in literally neither introverted nor extroverted.

As a very belated nod to the OP, I think this whole mess is why it's impossible for me to give a good answer to the matter. Because IMHO the divide isn't actually introvert/extrovert, it's "people who are good at and/or enjoy social interaction" vs. "people who aren't and/or don't".

edited 25th Apr '11 9:54:00 PM by Jeysie

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"Because introversion/extroversion takes the whole picture into account. In general, do you prefer to stay at home or go out with friends? If you are more regularly inclined to stay at home, you lean towards introverted. If you more regularly go out with friends, you lean towards extroverted."

The whole picture is taken into account only if you factor in every facet, no? If, say, during vacation-time, I prefer to go out every night, while during a school semester I prefer solitude because of the way my time is managed, can you really make some sort of conclusion about the mechanism behind these patterns if they are so heavily informed by stress levels, hours worked, hours spent in the company of others, etc? And even when there are fewer outside pressures, things like "who is attending the party" or "how far is it" will affect not only your decision to go, but your willingness to be there in the first place. I suppose that you could generalize and say that an extrovert has a general tendency to want to go, while an introvert functions the opposite way, but in my personal experience, my desire to go is usually influenced by knowing that people I enjoy spending time with will be there.

"You're probably only slightly one or the other, and most people are the same way."

Not that I treat the Myers-Briggs test as any sort of gospel, but I've taken the test several times, around four or five, and I clock in at 51% routinely, either E or I. Depends on my mood, I guess.

And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?

@kashchei I think, if you really want to clear things up, it would be far more illuminating/helpful if you answered the questions in this post: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/posts.php?discussion=13034268190A83644200&page=4#80 rather than constantly focusing on just the not-helpful matter of enjoying/not enjoying socializing.

edited 25th Apr '11 9:56:06 PM by Jeysie

Apparently I am adorable, but my GF is my #1 Groupie. (Avatar by Dreki-K)

If you think that my own appraisal of what I am is insufficient, we have nothing to talk about, since you evidently believe me to be either dishonest or too stupid for basic self awareness and pattern recognition.

"rather than constantly focusing on just the not-helpful matter of enjoying/not enjoying socializing."

Extroversion and introversion are about socializing. I've already said that I find the "recharging" idea ludicrous, for the simple reason that, in my experience, everybody is drained by too much solitude or too much social contact.

edited 25th Apr '11 10:05:07 PM by kashchei

And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?

@Kashchei: It's probably safe to assume that you lean towards extroversion then, since you go out and enjoy yourself if you have the option to do so. Those who lean towards introversion tend to stay at home more often than not, even if there's no external reasons preventing them from going out.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

This is getting infuriating. I guess by that dichotomy I think you're stupid, then, because you keep going on and and on and on about things you've been told repeatedly are irrelevant, and whenever we try asking you things that are relevant, you dodge.

Why can't you just answer my questions? Why do you have no problem telling us in detail about how much you like social interaction, but when we go, "Actually, that doesn't matter, this over here is what's relevant", you suddenly clam up and refuse to answer?

edited 25th Apr '11 10:05:31 PM by Jeysie

Apparently I am adorable, but my GF is my #1 Groupie. (Avatar by Dreki-K)

Dude, I think that you might be getting a bit too worked up over this. Chill, it's not that important.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

^^ Because I'm not interested in proving anything to you. Everything you've said so far convinces me that, even if I gave you specific responses, you will argue to hell and back about how they cannot be true because I am being oblivious or disingenuous about some particular.

"It's probably safe to assume that you lean towards extroversion then, since you go out and enjoy yourself if you have the option to do so. Those who lean towards introversion tend to stay at home more often than not, even if there's no external reasons preventing them from going out."

In the aspect of going out if I have the opportunity to do so, sure, but the amount of time I want to spend with others, or the type of interaction I require to draw me out of my house to begin with would push me back on the scale. Which is, again, why I don't think the dichotomy is accurate, because it does not take into account a vast number of factors that should not be dismissed from the equation.

"because you keep going on and and on and on about things you've been told repeatedly are irrelevant, and whenever we try asking you things that are relevant, you dodge."

Who is we? I don't find your definitions accurate or relevant, and you reiterating their putative relevance without any attempt at evidence or analysis is not going to convince me one bit.

edited 25th Apr '11 10:16:10 PM by kashchei

And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?

If that's what you think, and you think that's why I've been pestering you, then yes, I guess I really do think you're stupid. Congratulations.

If you'd rather be ridiculously obstinate and continue to focus on irrelevant things and not get the hint, than just answer simple questions that would actually get us all the same page, then fine, whatever. It's like trying to talk to a brick wall with an attitude problem.

edited 25th Apr '11 10:13:41 PM by Jeysie

Apparently I am adorable, but my GF is my #1 Groupie. (Avatar by Dreki-K)

Dude. Psychology is complicated. Chill out.

There's a bunch of other factors that play into it, but in general, if you enjoy going out and go out when you have the chance, then you are at least slightly extroverted.

I'm severely introverted, but because I have a job and other commitments, I tend to go out more than some of my friends. I'd just rather not.

edited 25th Apr '11 10:15:34 PM by DrunkGirlfriend

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

^^ It's been pleasant. You take care as well.

^ Sure - I'm [slightly] extroverted, but the problem is that I'm introverted to the same degree. Basically, the dichotomy does not work for me because the presence of too many factors precludes it from being a true spectrum. If I were to graph it, it would look like an EKG.

edited 25th Apr '11 10:26:00 PM by kashchei

And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?

@Drunk Girlfriend I am chill, just exasperated.

It's not a problem with psychology, it's a problem with reading comprehension. It's kind of annoying having a conversation where someone gives reasoning that's not relevant, they get told it's not relevant, they repeat the reasoning, they get explained why it's not relevant again, they repeat the reasoning yet again, they get told "Look, this is what's relevant, can you focus on that", they go "No, I won't" and continue repeating yet again the thing they've already been told isn't relevant, etc.

It's exactly like talking to a brick wall.

Apparently I am adorable, but my GF is my #1 Groupie. (Avatar by Dreki-K)

You have to realize that telling someone that something is not relevant holds no weight in itself. Prove why it's not relevant, and then we can move on.

And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?

And you're just getting frustrated instead of examining where the problem lies. Not a lot of people want to get deep enough into it, and there's a lot of misconceptions and misinformation floating around that you have to work past.

Edit: Also, as Kashchei said, you've not been very clear in explaining why things aren't relevant.

edited 25th Apr '11 10:22:30 PM by DrunkGirlfriend

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

You've got to be shitting me. I've just spent something like a dozen posts explaning in detail why socializing is not relevant, stating very clearly why introverts might enjoy socializing even though it's draining, and why extroverts might not enjoy a certain type of interaction even though interaction as a whole energizes them, among many many other things.

How in holy hell is that not "very clear in explaining"? Again, am I really like, speaking Spanish or French or something and I just have some brain fart that makes me think I'm speaking English when I'm actually not?

Now I'm starting to get not chill. This is fucking ridiculous.

Apparently I am adorable, but my GF is my #1 Groupie. (Avatar by Dreki-K)

Well, I've been lurking and skimming, but I've seen you jump to several conclusions about Kashchei, and when she tried to correct you, you got a bit huffy. Also, words like "draining" and "recharge" are very subjective.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

I may as well say that you've been told why your paradigm is not relevant. Introversion and extroversion are about social interactions, and both are, in excess, draining, so I think my definition works better than yours.

And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?

Actually, I'm pretty sure that neither of you have the right definition here.

edited 25th Apr '11 10:44:18 PM by DrunkGirlfriend

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

I have to backpedal a little. While I think my definition makes more sense than the recharging one, I still don't think it's accurate. While within my paradigm, I can say I fit aspects of both, within the draining/recharging one, I see nothing but an attempt to impose a pattern of circumstances on a pattern of personal predilection.

And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?

The only conclusion I jumped to regards kashchei was that she was an introvert, and that was because "I'm recharged by solitude" is the only reason she's stated that has anything to do with something other than social interaction.

No I haven't been. You haven't humored me and just addressed my questions regards my definition of intro/extrovert, and explained in detail why you think my reasoning irrelevant.

Meanwhile, I've explained in detail why I think your definition is irrelevant, but you keep repeating it over and over again like that will magically counter my rebuttal. I've explained in full detail how an introvert can still enjoy socializing, and an extrovert can still shy away from it.

I mean, guess what? I'm exactly like you, based on what you've said here. Sometimes I enjoy going out, sometimes I don't, based on where I'd be going out to and who might be there. You know what? I'm still introverted, based on completely different criteria. (Socializing takes a lot of mental effort for me, I need solitude to recharge, I tend to internalize things and focus on myself, etc.)

So why should I consider socializing relevant when whether or not I enjoy it has no bearing on how much mental energy and effort it takes me to do it?

edited 25th Apr '11 10:44:25 PM by Jeysie

Apparently I am adorable, but my GF is my #1 Groupie. (Avatar by Dreki-K)

To clarify

and

Or, to rephrase, extroverts tend to seek out others and enjoy their company, while introverts tend to not enjoy extracurricular activities and prefer to be alone.

It has nothing to do with how "draining" something is, and it also has nothing to do with specific activities. It's a general description for part of one's personality. It's also completely possible to be fairly middle of the road, since most extroverts enjoy some quiet time to sit and relax, and most introverts enjoy companionship.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

I guess my thing is, by my definition I'm extremely introverted in that, like I said, it takes a lot of mental effort for me to socialize and deal with other people, even when it's people I actively like being around, and I tend to be almost entirely concerned with my own mental life and self-reflection, even when I'm around others. I also almost always internalize things/focus inward (heck, my feeling of "Look, what am I saying wrong that what seems perfectly clear to me isn't?" is kind of a good example of that.).

And yet, by kashchei's definition, I'd either be smack in the middle or even slightly extroverted, since I enjoy being around people I like far more than I enjoy being alone, even though that's more work for me. I feel cast off and isolated when alone too long. I also fluctuate between silent when I don't have anything to say, and extremely motormouth-y when I do.

edited 25th Apr '11 10:58:03 PM by Jeysie

Apparently I am adorable, but my GF is my #1 Groupie. (Avatar by Dreki-K)

@Jeysie: Perhaps you're not quite as introverted as you'd think? There's also a very large difference between being introverted and simply being shy, although they do tend to go together. If you prefer to go out with friends, but have a hard time meeting friends, you might just be slightly introverted with a side order of being shy.

"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian

"It has nothing to do with how "draining" something is, and it also has nothing to do with specific activities."

I don't believe I've actually said it has? I'm using roughly the same definition that you are - and the reason why I don't find it accurate is that even the activities you might consider solitary and inward-gazing (such as reading, listening to music, praying, being on this very forum, etc.) are still on some level contingent on an engagement with minds other than your own. For this reason, specifically social interaction is what makes the difference.

"(Socializing takes a lot of mental effort for me, I need solitude to recharge, I tend to internalize things and focus on myself, etc.)"

Okay, this clarifies things. Our misunderstanding probably lies in the fact that I feel no cognate of this. To me, these types of hang-ups are associated with issues of self-image rather than preferences for social interactions.

And better than thy stroke; why swellest thou then?

It's not really quite like that, though. Like I said, even if I enjoy the people I'm interacting with, I still feel mentally sluggish/drained afterwards because I have to actively concentrate on socializing.

My best friend, on the other hand, thrives on performing/showing off to people. When the both of us would go to a party with friends, I'd go home feeling like a zombie mentally, while he'd be physically tired but mentally wired and excited. Even though both of us enjoyed ourselves in a general sense and had a good time.

To me, calling myself an introvert and him an extrovert seems like the easiest way to explain why we have such different mental results from the matter.

Um. Except that it has nothing to do with hang-ups or self-image issues. Even if I'm around someone I feel totally at ease with where I know what to say, I know they like me, etc. it still takes mental effort. It's just the way I am.

edited 25th Apr '11 11:09:55 PM by Jeysie

Apparently I am adorable, but my GF is my #1 Groupie. (Avatar by Dreki-K)