Go away.
No thoughts, then?
Always touching and looking. Piss off.
This doesn't need it's own thread
. Which is probably why the no replies. All in all, your description is good, nice and short, which is the way I like it personally. No getting bogged down in the exact shade of brown something is, and so on. The younger one's spine popping was strange. As a pipe smoker, snail shell pipes strike me as a dumb idea. Wrong shape for filling, smoking or cleaning. The fire lighting up inside the shell was a cool image though. I'll give ye that. If they say 'shit' and 'piss' your tall man's thorny beard thing doesn't work as a curse. Curses have to be short, because we exclaim them. You can't exclaim something that long. A sudden switch in narrative styles, and you don't pull off the sarcastic narration well at all. I'd stick to the neutral voice. You're good at that. Also any narrative using brackets must be shot on sight.
21. Is the kind of narrative voice you really want to stick to. Largely neutral, with the last sentence not actually jarring, like the other ones did.
Less of the swearing, outside of characters saying/thinking it. In fact, none of that. You want to stay in the neutral voice, because that paints effective images, and leave the sarcastic voice well alone, with the exception of the kind of brief remark like "Standard procedure for drinking this kind of booze." Which should be used sparingly. They are, I must stress, MUCH weaker than your neutral narrative comments.
Description of Gecko Man customs is nice, and gave us an insight into our hero's thought process, and hence character.
All in all, it's a good opening to a story. I'd like to read more of this story, but I'd inevitably give up on it if it strayed too much towards the bad sarcastic narration, especially considering that your neutral voice is good.
Ahr river
Ahr river
Kind of an exercise in descriptive narration. Tell me what you think.
http://pastebin.com/kRYyH76L
Always touching and looking. Piss off.