ITT: We are all Pokémon Trainers

-To Echo-

Yeah, and then the next year I saw the sky tear open for the first time.

Eating a Vanilluxe will give you frostbite.

A Kitchen, The Present, But Also The Present

Karliah: <Okay and now you mix in about three cups of grated ash yam.>

-Pent stopped what he was doing and looked up quizzically at the little Murkrow, sleeves covered in flour-

I'm starting to doubt that you're reading the recipe.

Karliah: <The recipe was far too plain, I've been recounting an old ancestral recipe.>

That would be fine if it wasn't for the fact that we don't have ash yam and I'm not about to go cross dimensions just to buy some.

-At that moment a Weavile steps from the shadows of the doorframe-

Bryn the Weavile: <Perhaps you should of asked me to get some when you sent me out for sugar lad.>

-He plonks down a brown leather of something granular on the kitchen bench-

Bryn: <The finest sugar I could find for your girl>

... That you could buy for a fiver? Also why's it in a leather bag?

Bryn: <Well I had to... Free up some funds for the transaction I suppose. The caravans wouldn't accept paper money anyway.>

-Pent is now super concerned and checks the bag. Okay yep that multicolored powder is definitely not the plain old sugar he asked for-

This is Moon Sugar Brynjolf!

Bryn: <Yes? It's very thematically suitable for the lass you're treating.>

Yes but Moon Sugar is drugs! I can't make cookies out of drugs!

Gallus the Gallade: <Vhy not? Edibles are all ze range in this world lately>

-Pent crinkled his nose a little at the oh so fake Kalosian accent and Karliah seemed to match the reaction in her own birdy way-

Okay, okay. We're starting over. Again. Do you still have the fiver I gave you?

Bryn: <Yeah I didn't find somewhere to spend it anyway>

Alright, fine. Karliah, what type of sugar does the actual recipe call for?

Karliah: <Plain white sugar.>

Alright, Bryn this time I need you to buy that specific type of actual not-drugs sugar.

Bryn: <Alright.>

Gallus: <Ve're out of flour too.>

-Pent grumbles and rummages in his wallet for another note-

And for this we just need white, all-purpose flour. Not self-raising!

-Taking a moment to think Pent hastily scrawls the sugar and flour he needs onto a piece of paper and hands it off to the Weavile-

Bryn: <Alright, anything else or can I be off?>

Nothing else.

-Pent just sorta walks over to a wall and leans against it head-first as the Weavile ducks back into the shadows-

At least the cookie cutters aren't failing me today...

It's clearly a case of backroom political albumizing.

Jamie: <I'm not Daydre...>

-Jamie's putting two and two together, but for now he looks up a Tamamo.-

Jamie: <Are you two related?>

"Dang that sure is totally poggers my good bitch"

-Phoenix saunters back in, in his suit and top hat.-

Finn: <Finally get those Ducklett off your trail?>

edited 23rd Dec '17 7:10:43 AM by CorvusAtrox

"life is just a series of increasingly canon-eluding ao3 tags" ~ everydunsparce "Keep your hellfruit away from me, tempter" ~ also Every

Clavis... Hallway?

“My trainer never really carries Awakenings, Antidotes or any of that stuff,” Amaterasu mused as the kanji shifted to “気”. Rowan was getting a little bit heavy for this form, so she removed the scarf, now replaced with a Shiny Ninetales lifting a kitsune to the conservatory.

Waiting on Tamamo, of course - she wasn’t rude.

edited 23rd Dec '17 7:53:43 AM by AbsentCoder

[Insert Unoriginal Stinger Here]

Inside is a gated community, countless shelters, with doors locked, numerous floating bubbles of unreality around. If anyone pays attention, they can here a demented giggling coming from some of them.

<Alright Tuff come on!> A Golem guard is seen dragging a growlithe away from the gate.

The members of the trial step out, and are treated to stinging cold, Revali is seen there, <Did you get the engine? Things just got worse out here!>

The Airidos is seen talking with one of the beedrill guards, <We... may have a solution that will let you humans enter. It's based on old magic but it should help.>

edited 23rd Dec '17 8:19:39 AM by EchoingSilence

-The Growlithe is being dragged-

Tuff: <Ah, hey! I was just messing around!>

"life is just a series of increasingly canon-eluding ao3 tags" ~ everydunsparce "Keep your hellfruit away from me, tempter" ~ also Every

Vali Mountain

Cynthia: "Gah! It's getting colder! We have to hurry!"

Dominion Forest

Spinme is using a makeshift parachute.

Spinme: "What would that even be? Transforming ourselves into Pokemons?"

What's the use of money if you ain't gonna break the mold? Even at the center of fire, there is cold All that glitters ain't gold

Tamamo shakes her head. “Nope! Never met him before in my life☆”

She fishes around a bit more, eventually pulling out an Antidote. “Fortunately, then, that I do☆“ She follows Amaterasu into the conservatory, hoping that by virtue of Rowan’s borked transformation Antidotes still work.

All are significantly abnormal in a normal world... All are significantly normal in an abnormal world.

Vali Mountains

“Ya think it became worse because we claimed this?” Colt asked as he drew the orb.

Then he paused.

“You got the engine, right?” He asked Phaz. “‘Cuz I don’t know if this is the engine, or some sorta thingy I should have never touched.”

Clavis Conservatory

<Sylveon!> Amaterasu hollered into the conservatory, the Fairy-type's ears flicking, having her Quick Claw fall out. She walked to the fire-type, Claw carried in one of her feelers.

<Wassup?> She spat.

<This man is blackout drunk,> she summarized.

Sylveon raised a paw to her head and summoned Heal Bell.

edited 23rd Dec '17 8:36:06 AM by AbsentCoder

[Insert Unoriginal Stinger Here]

Shaun: "This bodes well. Nothing like the demented laughter of the damned."

"Dang that sure is totally poggers my good bitch"

-possibly after some dancing, Ever has curled up in a corner somewhere, possibly with Mezzo. He's currently vaguely awake, and talking to Muninn-

Ever: You know, something always bothered me about you.

Muninn: <The murder attempts, or, like...>

Ever: I mean I didn't appreciate them but they made sense. No, what I'm not getting is your overarching plan.

Muninn: <My what?>

Ever: So, the first time I met you, you wanted to...what, give Latii control of the earth again?

Muninn: <Oh dear.>

Ever: But, like, you and your sister are the reason Latii are an endangered species in the first place. So what gives?

Muninn: <You're very persnickety.>

Ever: It feels like a major snag in the tapestry of your life, Muninn. So, are you going to explain, or do I need to get Pleth out of the box?

Muninn: <No need for threats.>

Ever: Fact check: Mostly false.

Muninn: <My sister and I destroyed the Moon Civilization in a fit of pique. I couldn't tell you how she felt about it, we parted ways soon after...but I've always had cause to regret it. And when Orochi and Yami destroyed the Celestials...>

Ever: My sympathy is limited but I suppose I can empathize.

Muninn: <I've learned not to expect sympathy from you at this point.>

-he frowns, the Latios head bobbing up and down-

Muninn: <By a few hundred years ago, Latii were all but a myth. You travel with the J-team, so you may not know this, but there aren't many left. I think I thought...if I could make Earth like the moon, everything existing in its proper place, I could bring my people back.>

Ever: See you're saying a whole lot of very sad things but with context I'm still not inclined to be impressed.

Muninn: <You asked.>

Ever: I suppose I did.

-he pets Muninn-

Muninn: <...It's heartening seeing the young ones.>

Ever: Even if they hate you.

Muninn: <...Yes.>

Ever: I think that's a good thing to realize.

Vilkas: ...Team Banana?!

Vilkas: What now? Are you going to claim you're actually Team Magma?

Vilkas: ...

Vilkas: ...What a strange universe we've arrived in, Ricky.

-he snaps his fingers-

Nonetheless, it won't stop me from defeating you! Nero, Ice Beam Atan!

Nero: <You think I'll let you melt my beautiful snow and live?>

-he flares out his tails, and breathes a stream of ice towards Atan-

Duirel: <Oh, Nero. Never change.>

Bark!

-and Duirel appears in front of Atan, intercepting the attack. He winces, as he's been taking a lot of attacks this battle, but so far they've all been Ice-type at least-

Duirel: <Don't make me regret this, Tropius.>

Vilkas: Good work, Duirel. Ryklys, I hope you're as capable as your counterpart from this reality.

edited 23rd Dec '17 10:26:18 AM by memyselfandI2

Dunsparce didn't stop being a thing or anything.

Atan: <Appreciated, Arcanine, but I've got this.>

-to Nero- <Bum-bum! You're as cold as ice!>

-Atan leaps off the ground, gliding over Duriel's cover with glowing leafwings-

Atan: <Bum-bum! You're willing to sacrifice our love!>

Atan used Steel Wing on Nero! The Ice/Fairy Nero, not the Fire one!

Atan: <Hmmm, I've seen it before.>

Grace: Buzzzz! <Heh! Take THIS!>

Grace used Ice Beam on Atan!

Atan: <It happens all the time,>

Atan's Yache Berry reduced the damage!

Atan regenerated his Yache Berry with Harvest!

Atan: <Closing the door! You leave the world behi-ind!>

Do you highlight everything looking for secret messages?

Artoria and Mordred have acquired food and moved into a corner for Artoria to process her feelings while Mordred relentlessly taunts her about them.

Artoria: "Mordred please"

Mordred: <Fine, if you want a change of conversation, remember that one April Fools back when you were still the one guy's 'mon and he taught you to drive?>

Artoria: "... Yes, why?"

Mordred: <And how absolutely terrifying it was?>

Artoria: "... No?"

Mordred: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Artoria is driving like all of the drivers on closed courses do in commercials.

Artoria: "This is fantastic!" :D

Artoria's trainer: -holding onto one of those handles above car doors for dear life- "Artoria please slow down!"

Artoria: -drifts around a corner- "Why has nobody told me how fun this is?" :D

Artoria's trainer and Mordred: "AAAAAAAAAAAA"

Artoria: "... What, I am an excellent driver. Remember when you tried driving?"

Mordred: <Yeah, I'm so much better a driver than you.>

Artoria: "... Not how I remember it"

Mordred is driving like, well, Mordred.

Mordred: "HAHA ARTORIA I SEE WHAT YOU MEANT!" -The car jumps off of a hill, slamming down hard.-

Artoria: "Mordreeeeeed."

Mordred: "THIS IS FANTASTIC!"

Artoria: "Mordreeeeeeeeeed!"

There's a loud thunk as Mordred jumps the car again.

Mordred: "... That sounded bad."

Artoria: "Mordred please stop breaking the car."

Mordred: "WELL THEN WE NEED A STURDIER CAR!"

Artoria: "The only thing that could stand up to your driving is a tank!"

Artoria: "Yes, I distinctly remember you trying to kill us both with your driving."

Mordred: <Well you nearly sent us flying off a cliff!>

Artoria: "At least I did not break the car! We had to walk back!"

All are significantly abnormal in a normal world... All are significantly normal in an abnormal world.

Duirel: <Good choice in berry!>

Nero: <I won't let this insult go unanswered, Atan! You'll—>

No, he won't.

Nero: <Damned Steel-types.>

-he topples over. Vilkas smirks-

Vilkas: Can't take the heat, Glacier?

Vilkas: Don't you dare bring weather puns into this, Magma. Hela, even these odds! Icy Wind!

-he hurls his next Pokeball high into the air. There's a flash, and an indistinct shape forms-

💗!

-and a Jynx teleports to the rooftop-

Hela: <Hello Hoenn!>

-she does a twirl, as the temperature drops, and a sheet of frosty wind whips across the field-

Duirel: <...Alright, we've all got limits.>

Duirel fainted!

Vilkas: ...Frustrating. But very well.

-he glances at Grace-

Vilkas: Bloodworth! Give Grace a lesson in the food web with your Double Kick!

-the Blaziken hits the field, cracking her claws menacingly-

Bloodworth: <Is it Christmas already?>

Vilkas: ...Yes.

Bloodworth: <...You know what I meant.>

-she dashes at Grace, feinting at her before dropping to the ground to twist and send two swift kicks behind herself-

Dunsparce didn't stop being a thing or anything.

-Sometime after the party at Clavis Manor, the woman in the black suit has been joined by a nervous boy in a scruffy hoodie firing off words like an Octillery with a stutter.-

Liam: ...again, I'm s-sorry about dragging you into this. I just didn't know who else to ask because I know you two used to be super close and this is the second time he's done this in a month and I don't even have his number this time and I've already asked Kai the first time and he has a bunch of my Pokemon and I'm just freaking out...

Woman: It is concerning, if depressingly in character for him. Still, these days I specialise in gathering information. We'll find him, don't you worry.

-Liam relaxes somewhat.-

Liam: T-thank you, Alice.

Trans rights are human rights. JK Rowling preaches hate. If you sit at a table with five bigots and say nothing, there are now six bigots.

Celadon City

-Kai has taken some time to wander the city after a bit too much fancy party stuff, and catches sight of a familiar duo.-

Kai: Oh, Liam! Hey! Nice to see you! And...

-She looks at the Mysterious Woman, blinks to try to recognize her, and goes wide-eyed.-

Kai: ...Holy shit, you're a sight for sore eyes. Alice?

Clavis Manor — Definitely The Past Now Probably

Echo: Oh dear. That should really stop happening, shouldn't it?

edited 23rd Dec '17 11:02:27 AM by BittersweetNSour

-The woman in the black suit gives Kai a rare smile.-

Woman Alice: The very same. It's good to see you again. I must say, you're looking very different.

-She gestures to Liam.-

Alice: Liam and I were just discussing Lucius's conspicuous absence from the party - and from any other means of contact, it would seem.

Liam: Um, y-yeah...

-Liam is doing what he usually does in the presence of two or more attractive people, which is to say slowly retreating into his hoodie.-

edited 23rd Dec '17 11:04:04 AM by Herbert40k

Trans rights are human rights. JK Rowling preaches hate. If you sit at a table with five bigots and say nothing, there are now six bigots.

Atan reduced the damage with his Yache Berry!

-Grace attempts to buzzzzz! out of the way, but Bloodworth has presumably sparred with her on many an occasion before, so the feint is rather effective-

Grace: <...ah. You worked out my pattern.>

-since she hasn't taken much damage yet this battle, perhaps she'd normally be able to withstand it, but cycling out characters helps keep battle banter fresh-

Grace: <curse you narrative expediency>

Grace was knocked out!

Ryklys: Arr... we need to actually clear out the Sunny Day.

EDWARD! RAINDANCE!

-a Blastoise leaps onto the field, breakdancing in a manner so cool that when he spins on his shell it actually triggers condensation in the sky above-

It began to rain!

Atan's Harvest did not activate!

Atan: -curses in Draconic-

Atan used Dragon Pulse on Hela!

Consequential Tranquill: <...so as you can see, I should have totally made the Pokéringer team and it was pure neopotism that prevented me from making the cut>

Tang: -swirling around in a Whirlwind, among their mons-

Yes, yes, you make a good point but WE ARE LATE FOR OUR FLIGHT!

-they are dropped to the floor-

Consequential Tranquill: <I see how it is. HMPH!> -flies off-

Tang: -stands up dizzily- Come on everyone, RUN! Past the U-Shaped Pillow Store, gate on the left!

Cephas: @_@ <My left or my other left or my third left...>

Basket: @_@ <Just hold on to me, Headpet>

Headpet: @_@ -chirps-

Pankaja: ++(@_@)++

Tang: Or... walking... fast... works... too..

edited 23rd Dec '17 11:05:19 AM by Tangent128

Do you highlight everything looking for secret messages?

Celadon City

Kai: You're looking different yourself, what with the black hair and suit. It's a good look on you!

-She smiles, but upon mention of Lucius, the smile falls.-

Kai: ...Right, you guys have been out of contact with the J-Team as a whole, so you wouldn't have gotten the memo. How blunt do you want me to be about the bad decisions he's up to this time?

-Alice nods at Kai.-

Alice: I could say the same for you. Given my current line of work, I felt that this sort of attire would be more appropriate. There is some business you cannot conduct in a sweater, more's the pity.

-Her expression becomes more serious.-

Alice: Let's be blunt. I think we can take it.

-Liam nods from somewhere within his hoodie.-

Liam: Y-yeah. He's my b-brother, I... I know what he, uh, what he's like sometimes.

edited 23rd Dec '17 11:25:10 AM by Herbert40k

Trans rights are human rights. JK Rowling preaches hate. If you sit at a table with five bigots and say nothing, there are now six bigots.

Clavis Manor

-Ludmilla is sitting in place, idly making bubbles in her water with a straw, when suddenly her eyesight goes narrow.-

Ludmilla: ... Woah, that's weird. I wonder what that-

-And then her brain suddenly explodes. Metaphorically.-

-The emergency patch on her activates Doomsday's Pokeball.-

Doomsday: <Huh? What?>

-She turns to Ludmilla, who now has her face to the table and her arms wrapped around her head.-

Ludmilla: Uuuuuuuuung...

Doomsday: <Sweet Dwight D. Eisenhower! What happened?!>

-Ludmilla at first tries to talk, but it comes out as mumbling. Then she tries to use telepathy, but it comes out as something akin to radio static being pulled down a bathtub drain.-

Doomsday: <Hold on, champ, I got this!>

-She fires a Heal Pulse at Ludmilla's head, which helps a little.-

Ludmilla: aaaaaaaaagh what happeeeeeeeened

Doomsday: <Oh, wait, hold on, I think I might have an idea.>

-She forms a Soft-boiled in her hands before lifting up Ludmilla's head and popping it in her mouth.-

Doomsday: <You don't need to chew, but you can't spit it out.>

-Ludmilla just groans as it melts in her mouth. The nice, warm feeling migrates into her skull and she lets out a long, deep sigh once it gets in and takes away the pain.-

Doomsday: <Better?>

Ludmilla: Uh huh.

Doomsday: <Figured. You, my little IKEA Psychic, just had your first migraine.>

Ludmilla: A mi-what?

Doomsday: <Let me go down the checklist. Was light bugging you?>

Ludmilla: Not until after the fact...

Doomsday: <Sense of nausea?>

Ludmilla: Not really...

Doomsday: <Hm. Did your vision get blurry before the headache happened?>

Ludmilla: Oh, yeah.

Doomsday: <That's called an aura. Lowercase A aura. Also, congratulation! Welcome to puberty.>

Ludmilla: Puberty is painfuuuuuul.

Doomsday: <Sweetie, that's just the start.>

Bloodworth: <Edward! It's been too long!>

-she pounds her fist into her palm-

Bloodworth: <Let's have some fun!>

Vilkas: High Jump Kick!

Bloodworth: <I'm coming in hot!>

-she leaps off the ground, completing a full flip in the air as rain swirls into mist around her, and then plummets towards Edward-

-Hela, meanwhile, takes the Dragon Pulse gamely-

Vilkas: Good work, Aqua! Hela, demonstrate our refreezing techniques with an Ice Beam!

Vilkas: Oh, you do refreezing projects?

Vilkas: Is this the time?

-Hela giggles-

Hela: <Oh, Atan. Some people just never learn, do they? When they say "It's not over 'til the fat lady sings"...that's me.>

-she belts out an earsplitting note, along with a stream of frosty air, the rain turning to sleet in its path-

-PEFE!Every and Rotary are teleporting around the house, slightly on edge-

Rotary: <You know, if you're trying to find someone, shouldn't you stay in one place?>

PEFE!Every: No, we just need to cover the entire manor as quickly as possible.

Rotary: <...Okay.>

PEFE!Every: Hey, weird question.

Rotary: <Shoot.>

PEFE!Every: Why do different teleports make different noises? It's all the same thing, right?

Rotary: <...I'm not sure.>

Dunsparce didn't stop being a thing or anything.

Celadon City

-Kai looks at the two flatly.-

Kai: Lucius broke all ties with the J-Team and joined Team Iron, our newest aspiring-godkiller enemies.

edited 23rd Dec '17 11:38:00 AM by BittersweetNSour