The New Touhou Character Alternate Interpretation Compendium!

Firsthand Account of the Situation in Bhava-Agra

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Hard as this may be to believe, long, long ago, the surface of the earth had more land than water!

"Well, that's preposterous!" is what thinkin', isn't it? But I swear it's true, on my honor. Way, way back, one o' the gods decided "Why's there so much land here? Water's WAY more important." So they just dotted along a border of the land and ripped a huge old chunk out, filling the rest in with water. The gigantic lizards living near the border didn't like much, but that's the gods for ya.

Anyway, when all that was said and done, the god who ripped the earth out didn't really know what to do with it, so they just handed it over to another god, who was lookin' for a way to reward those who had reached true understanding. Of course, this was millions, no, BILLIONS of years after the earth got ripped a new one, but what's that to a god?

The god who now owned all that land placed it on a slightly shifted plane; it didn't really exist in our realm anymore, but it really wasn't that hard to get to. Just climb any sufficiently magical mountain, and BOOM, you're in Heaven, or Bhava-Agra if you wanta get technical, since there's more than one heaven.

While any old mountain climber can get to Bhava-Agra, to stay there as a welcomed one, you need to reach Enlightenment, or as some call it, Nirvana. It's the state of ultimate harmony, they say, though I personally think it's more like the ultimate apathy. Basically, you need to accept that nothing really matters, and drop all connections to anything. You do that, and you'll get hauled on up to Bhava-Agra, to spend the rest of eternity in perfect contentment. That's supposed to be the only way, but there was another, for short bit of early history; a clan of worshipers of the God of Enlightenment won them over, and the patriarch and matriarch of the clan, as well as their eight children, all got in without attaining Nirvana. And since they are immortal now, all ten of them never will.

Aside from the previously mentioned ascenders, the Hinanawi clan, the rest of Bhava-Agra spend their time just kinda existing, never really thinking much of anything. Every now and then, one of them gets sent down to earth to make a big proclamation that the gods don't feel like doing themselves, but otherwise they just eat the never-ending trays of peaches and ambrosia the servents of the God of Nirvana bring out, and imbibe the same wines and nectars and such the gods themselves enjoy. And the worst of it is, none of them give a damn!

As for the Hinanawis, they actually maintain a household, which really stands out from the rest of Bhava-Agra, an immense Japanese-style mansion, surrounded by endless mist-covered fields and rocks. Odd sight. Within they keep ten bedrooms, three kitchens, and about a bajillion other rooms all to themselves. Oh yeah, and their army of servants, waiting on them hand and foot.

So, what do I think of the place? Bo-Ring! If it weren't for the quality of the soil, I wouldn't even bother to grow my hops there. Everyone there is just SO LIFELESS. It makes me wonder if I should call for another big bash up there, if only to make up for everyone else's stuffiness.

Well, that's my rap, hope ya enjoyed it. Cheers!

~Suika Ibuki

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Suika's totally gonna give Akyuu a run for her money.

edited 9th Jul '11 12:50:16 AM by Pulse

I sure said that!

Suika should write travel guides.

Forever liveblogging the Avengers

I can imagine it'll be a guide of the best places to drink or have parties at.

That awkward moment where Kyoro is one of Satan's Generals.

To be honest, I wouldn't call the Celestials' dispositions 'apathetic' but ineffable. I sometimes think their activities are more like those of the Exalted Celestials and their Games of Divinity, which would really suck a mortal in if he or she could just see things from their perspective but to the uninitiated would be either nonexistent or physically brain-blowing. At the very least, they probably project themselves to higher planes while meditating in order to annoy the entities there but all we'd see is them sitting stone still.

Perhaps they simply don't care for the unenlightened, not out of rascism, but out of the fact that an unenlightened person could not understand the things an enlightened person would say, therefore making contact and conversation pointless. Remember, Tenshi was an unenlightened Celestial. That's why her family is looked down upon.

Not to start a flame war, but I wonder if regular Celestials have the same power level as Tenshi. If so, they might have other reasons for not meddling in the realms of the uninitiated.

edited 8th Jul '11 10:08:58 PM by Horselesshorseman

I have no horse, and I must ride. I accomplish unlockments.

voting Iku here.

KYAA! IK, IK, IKU!!!!

edited 9th Jul '11 3:43:10 AM by Pulse

I sure said that!

Don't make fun of Iku's name. Make a "Saturday Night Fever" joke instead. That's marginally less hackneyed and distasteful.

I'd make a mecha joke about that pose, but it would probably be entirely too obscure.

YEAH! DISCO FISH!

Heart of Stone

And all of those posts have just gone straight over my head.

Well let me do it for you then THUNDER! BREAK!

Excuse me. The moment I found out about this one, it just kinda burned at the back of my head. I had to do it once. Once, and never again.

I sure said that!

Iku's pose when she calls a spellcard looks a bit like this: <(^_^)/ (but flipped, I can't type a backslash), hence the Thunder Break/Saturday Night Fever jokes. Hand on hip, finger in the air, DISCO FISH!

As for Pulse's comment, it's not my place to say.

EDIT: Also, the 'fish' in Disco Fish is because she's an oarfish. But you probably knew that. Sorry if I sound patronising.

edited 9th Jul '11 8:48:18 AM by asterism

Heart of Stone

I still don't get it.

It's a disco dancing pose. Left hand on hip, right arm in the air, right pointer finger extended. Checkout Iku's page on the Touhou wiki. Also, watch some You Tube videos of some Iku fights.

The Thunder Break joke works even better, since Iku's spellcards are all lightning based.

Heart of Stone

I know what Iku's spellcard pose is, that doesn't mean I'll automatically get the jokes.

It's the same pose, basically. Saturday Night Fever/Thunder Break/Iku Nagae.

Heart of Stone

...Uhmm.....

...anyway, I don't get some of her attacks though I have sene them (drill in particular.) Or should we leave this until it's officially discussing her/

Shining Haven from an Impure World Bhava Agra

Appearance: We refer you to the "scenery" portion of Tacitus's picdump.

Themes:
Bhava Agra as Seen Through a Child's Mind*

Write-up:
According to the Child of Miare, Bhava Agra beautiful land without worries or cares, created specifically for the kind of people who wouldn't yearn for it. Its inhabitants are immortals and the enlightened dead, whiling away the centuries dining, fishing and playing go. They can apparently be annoying or even frightening when they pay a visit, but at least they're generally not as careless and wildly destructive as the one that Touhou players met.

So how do you picture this fabled land? Marble cities? Austere mountaintops? Jungles or forests above the clouds? A rumpled white landscape with lakes of blue sky? How often do you think the shinigami come calling, and do you think there are any particular conditions that set a Celestial up for reaping? We know it's above the netherworld, but what is its relationship with the other planes? And come to think of it, if it's above the netherworld, how did we get there by climbing Youkai Mountain? (Perhaps either the Touhou wiki or Akyuu is mistaken.)

We're pressing into the haze around the borders of ZUN's handiwork, fellows. Reveal the heavens in your minds!

Alternate Setting Interpretations:

Firsthand Account of the Situation in Bhava Agra
by Suika Pulse

edited 9th Jul '11 9:49:17 AM by Durazno

Death comes for everyone and everything, eventually, it's just that some people have found ways to delay the natural course of things. A shinigami comes when someone's lifespan is up and defeating them earns one an extension, though I'm not sure if this means an entire lifespan is added to their current one.

Why is Bhava Agra above the Youkai Mountain? I blame Yukari's portal power.

Heart of Stone

I would like to remind future people who are reading this in the future that the Bhava-Agra discussion started in the Tenshi discussion.

I'm just assuming the in the future it will be linked to this page.

I agree

edited 9th Jul '11 11:14:41 AM by Horselesshorseman

I have no horse, and I must ride. I accomplish unlockments.

Well heaven is known for being high up in the sky, I thought it was common knowledge.

That awkward moment where Kyoro is one of Satan's Generals.

But it's also above the Netherworld, which isn't really in Gensokyo.

Also, can someone tell me where that fact comes from? I know I read it somewhere, but I can't remember where.

I have no horse, and I must ride. I accomplish unlockments.