It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion. It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed, the hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning. It is by caffeine alone that I set my mind in motion. - The Arabica Mantra
The Handy Handbook
1)Check what side of the door the locks are on.
2)Always, always, always, bring a towel^ and some Duck-tape.^^
3)If it's stupid but it works, its not stupid.
4)If it's not stupid but it doesn't work, its stupid.
5)Trust no one, not even yourself.
6)Always cheat, always win, the only unfair fight is the one you lose.
7)Don't drop your guard.
8)Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
9)Obfuscation is you friend.
10)The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
11)You don't have to outrun what's chasing you, just your slowest accomplice
12)Stay on your guard.
13)If resorting to violence wasn't your last resort, you failed to resort to it sufficiently.
14)Scan for threats 360
15)Stay determined, because a failure who burns with determination will always beat a success who doesn't try.
16)“Semper Paratus,” you will only be considered crazy until you are considered a necessity.
17)Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way. In light of this, nothing is that predictable.
18)Honor never saved anyone.
19)Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
20)Have a plan.
21)Have a backup plan for when the previous plan fails.
22)There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
23)The faster you finish a fight the less dead you will get by the end.
24)Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to kill.
25)Hands do the killing, pay attention to them.
26)Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragement, and impossibilities: it is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak.
27)Weather ain't neutral.
28)It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
29)A scar just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
30)Get a hat or helmet (non face concealing) and put a symbol or slogan on it, this might be the only thing they remember you by.
31)Never tell the leader you have nothing to do.
32)Silliness is the last refuge of the doomed.
33)Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
34)Regardless of whether justified of not, you will feel sad about killing another human being. It is better to be sad than to be room temperature
35)Know your strength and direct it against the weakness of your enemy.
36)Alternate hard and soft approaches. This means a leader must be both benevolent and awe-inspiring according to what is appropriate.
sub section A: The thirty six stratagems
1)Deceive the heavens to cross the ocean (瞞天過海／瞒天过海, Mán tiān guò hǎi)
Prepare too much and you lose sight of the big picture; what you see often you do not doubt. Yin (the art of deception) is in Yang (acting in open). Too much Yang (transparency) hides Yin (true ruses).
2)Besiege Wèi to rescue Zhào (圍魏救趙／围魏救赵, Wéi Wèi jiù Zhào)
When the enemy is too strong to be attacked directly, then attack something he holds dear. Know that he cannot be superior in all things. Somewhere there is a gap in the armour, a weakness that can be attacked instead.
3)Kill with a borrowed knife (借刀殺人／借刀杀人, Jiè dāo shā rén)
Attack using the strength of another (in a situation where using one's own strength is not favourable). Trick an ally into attacking him, bribe an official to turn traitor, or use the enemy's own strength against him.
4)Leisurely await for the laboured (以逸待勞／以逸待劳, Yǐ yì dài láo)
It is an advantage to choose the time and place for battle. In this way you know when and where the battle will take place, while your enemy does not. Encourage your enemy to expend his energy in futile quests while you conserve your strength. When he is exhausted and confused, you attack with energy and purpose.
5)Loot a burning house (趁火打劫, Chèn huǒ dǎ jié)
When a country is beset by internal conflicts, when disease and famine ravage the population, when corruption and crime are rampant, then it will be unable to deal with an outside threat. This is the time to attack.
6)Make a sound in the east, then strike in the west (聲東擊西／声东击西, Shēng dōng jí xī)
In any battle the element of surprise can provide an overwhelming advantage. Even when face to face with an enemy, surprise can still be employed by attacking where he least expects it. To do this you must create an expectation in the enemy's mind through the use of a feint.
7)Create something from nothing (無中生有／无中生有, Wú zhōng shēng yǒu)
A plain lie. Make somebody believe there was something when there is in fact nothing.
8)Openly repair the gallery roads, but sneak through the passage of Chencang (暗渡陳倉／暗渡陈仓, Àn dù chén cāng)
Deceive the enemy with an obvious approach that will take a very long time, while surprising him by taking a shortcut and sneak up to him. As the enemy concentrates on the decoy, he will miss you sneaking up to him.
9)Watch the fires burning across the river (隔岸觀火／隔岸观火, Gé àn guān huǒ)
Delay entering the field of battle until all the other players have become exhausted fighting amongst themselves. Then go in at full strength and pick up the pieces.
10)Hide a knife behind a smile (笑裏藏刀／笑里藏刀, Xiào lǐ cáng dāo)
Charm and ingratiate yourself to your enemy. When you have gained his trust, move against him in secret.
11)Sacrifice the plum tree to preserve the peach tree (李代桃僵, Lǐ dài táo jiāng)
There are circumstances in which you must sacrifice short-term objectives in order to gain the long-term goal.
12)Take the opportunity to pilfer a goat (順手牽羊／顺手牵羊, Shùn shǒu qiān yáng)
While carrying out your plans be flexible enough to take advantage of any opportunity that presents itself, however small, and avail yourself of any profit, however slight.
13)Stomp the grass to scare the snake (打草驚蛇／打草惊蛇, Dá cǎo jīng shé)
Do something unaimed, but spectacular ("hitting the grass") to provoke a response of the enemy ("startle the snake"), thereby giving away his plans or position, or just taunt him. Do something unusual, strange, and unexpected as this will arouse the enemy's suspicion and disrupt his thinking.
14)Borrow a corpse to resurrect the soul (借屍還魂／借尸还魂, Jiè shī huán hún)
Take an institution, a technology, a method, or even an ideology that has been forgotten or discarded and appropriate it for your own purpose. Revive something from the past by giving it a new purpose or bring to life old ideas, customs, or traditions and reinterpret them to fit your purposes.
15)Entice the tiger to leave its mountain lair (調虎離山／调虎离山, Diào hǔ lí shān)
Never directly attack an opponent whose advantage is derived from its position. Instead lure him away from his position thus separating him from his source of strength.
16)In order to capture, one must let loose (欲擒故縱／欲擒故纵, Yù qín gū zòng)
Cornered prey will often mount a final desperate attack. To prevent this you let the enemy believe he still has a chance for freedom. His will to fight is thus dampened by his desire to escape. When in the end the freedom is proven a falsehood the enemy's morale will be defeated and he will surrender without a fight.
17)Tossing out a brick to get a jade gem (拋磚引玉／抛砖引玉, Pāo zhuān yǐn yù)
Bait someone by making him believe he gains something or just make him react to it ("toss out a brick") and obtain something valuable from him in return ("get a jade gem").
18)Defeat the enemy by capturing their chief (擒賊擒王／擒贼擒王, Qín zéi qín wáng)
If the enemy's army is strong but is allied to the commander only by money, superstition or threats, then take aim at the leader. If the commander falls the rest of the army will disperse or come over to your side. If, however, they are allied to the leader through loyalty then beware, the army can continue to fight on after his death out of vengeance.
19)Remove the firewood from under the pot (釜底抽薪, Fǔ dǐ chōu xīn)
If something must be destroyed, destroy the source.
20)Catch a fish while the water is disturbed (混水摸魚／混水摸鱼, Hún shuǐ mō yú)
Create confusion and use this confusion to further your own goals.
21)Slough off the cicada's golden shell (金蟬脱殼／金蝉脱壳, Jīn chán tuō qiào)
It's a strategy mainly used to escape from enemy of a more superior force. One use this strategy by slough off one's shell, which tricked the enemy to believe to have grasped one's essential. Mask yourself. Either leave flamboyant traits behind, thus going incognito; or just masquerade yourself and create an illusion to fit your goals and distract others.
22)Shut the door to catch the thief (關門捉賊／关门捉贼, Guān mén zhōu zéi)
To capture your enemy, or more generally in fighting wars, to deliver the final blow to your enemy, you must plan prudently if you want to succeed. Do not rush into action. Before you "move in for the kill", first cut off your enemy's escape routes, and cut off any routes through which outside help can reach them.
23)Befriend a distant state while attacking a neighbour (遠交近攻／远交近攻, Yuǎn jiāo jìn gōng)
It is known that nations that border each other become enemies while nations separated by distance and obstacles make better allies. When you are the strongest in one field, your greatest threat is from the second strongest in your field, not the strongest from another field.
24)Obtain safe passage to conquer the State of Guo (假道伐虢, Jiǎ dào fá Guó)
Borrow the resources of an ally to attack a common enemy. Once the enemy is defeated, use those resources to turn on the ally that lent you them in the first place.
25)Replace the beams with rotten timbers (偷梁換柱／偷梁换柱, Tōu liáng huàn zhù)
Disrupt the enemy's formations, interfere with their methods of operations, change the rules in which they are used to follow, go contrary to their standard training. In this way you remove the supporting pillar, the common link that makes a group of men an effective fighting force.
26)Point at the mulberry tree while cursing the locust tree (指桑罵槐／指桑骂槐, Zhǐ sāng mà huái)
To discipline, control, or warn others whose status or position excludes them from direct confrontation; use analogy and innuendo. Without directly naming names, those accused cannot retaliate without revealing their complicity.
27)Feign madness but keep your balance (假痴不癲／假痴不癫, Jiǎ chī bù diān)
Hide behind the mask of a fool, a drunk, or a madman to create confusion about your intentions and motivations. Lure your opponent into underestimating your ability until, overconfident, he drops his guard. Then you may attack.
28)Remove the ladder when the enemy has ascended to the roof (上屋抽梯, Shàng wū chōu tī)
With baits and deceptions, lure your enemy into treacherous terrain. Then cut off his lines of communication and avenue of escape. To save himself, he must fight both your own forces and the elements of nature.
29)Deck the tree with false blossoms (樹上開花／树上开花, Shù shàng kāi huā)
Tying silk blossoms on a dead tree gives the illusion that the tree is healthy. Through the use of artifice and disguise, make something of no value appear valuable; of no threat appear dangerous; of no use appear useful. This is the same stratagem as Potemkin villages.
30)Make the host and the guest exchange roles (反客為主／反客为主, Fǎn kè wéi zhǔ)
Usurp leadership in a situation where you are normally subordinate. Infiltrate your target. Initially, pretend to be a guest to be accepted, but develop from inside and become the owner later.
31)The beauty trap (honey trap) (美人計／美人计, Měi rén jì)
Send your enemy beautiful women to cause discord within his camp. This strategy can work on three levels. First, the ruler becomes so enamoured with the beauty that he neglects his duties and allows his vigilance to wane. Second, other males at court will begin to display aggressive behaviour that inflames minor differences hindering co-operation and destroying morale. Third, other females at court, motivated by jealousy and envy, begin to plot intrigues further exacerbating the situation.
32)The empty fort strategy (空城計／空城计, Kōng chéng jì)
When the enemy is superior in numbers and your situation is such that you expect to be overrun at any moment, then drop all presence of military preparedness, act calmly and appear disrespect of the enemy, so that the enemy will think you have hidden huge power and you want to trap them into the fort with your calm and easiness. This has to be used when in most of the cases, you do have huge power hidden under the disguise and you only play the real empty rarely. Use this against people who are really smart[4].
33)Let the enemy's own spy sow discord in the enemy camp (反間計／反间计, Fǎn jiàn jì)
Undermine your enemy's ability to fight by secretly causing discord between him and his friends, allies, advisors, family, commanders, soldiers, and population. While he is preoccupied settling internal disputes, his ability to attack or defend, is compromised.
35)Inflict injury on oneself to win the enemy's trust (苦肉計／苦肉计, Kǔ ròu jì)
Pretending to be injured has two possible applications. In the first, the enemy is lulled into relaxing his guard since he no longer considers you to be an immediate threat. The second is a way of ingratiating yourself to your enemy by pretending the injury was caused by a mutual enemy.
36)Chain stratagems (連環計／连环计, Lián huán jì)
In important matters, one should use several stratagems applied simultaneously after another as in a chain of stratagems. Keep different plans operating in an overall scheme; however, in this manner if any one strategy fails, then the chain breaks and the whole scheme fails.
37)If everything else fails, retreat (走為上／走为上, Zǒu wéi shàng)
If it becomes obvious that your current course of action will lead to defeat, then retreat and regroup. When your side is losing, there are only three choices remaining: surrender, compromise, or escape. Surrender is complete defeat, compromise is half defeat, but escape is not defeat. As long as you are not defeated, you still have a chance.
^A towel is about the most massively useful thing any one can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth; you can lie on it; you can sleep under it beneath the stars; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of things you'd rather not see; you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough. More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if another person discovers that you have a towel with you, he will automatically assume that you are also in possession of a toothbrush, soap, food rations, compass, map, ball of string, bugs spray spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, he will then happily lend you any of these or a dozen other items that you might accidentally have "lost". What he will think is that any man who can go the length and breadth of the dangerous world(s), rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.
^^Duck/Duct/Gaffer-tape is useful to.
Wile your at it get a bag of marbles, their never hurt in a pinch.
(on the back back)
