History Quotes / HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday

->Okay, I'll make friends with [Weasel] again just to tell him, but then I'll break up with him again. Not break up like we're going out or anything! I'm all man, I tellya!

->"Rico, my close but strictly heterosexual war buddy, I've fallen in lust with a hot space pilot with amazing hooters!"

->''"Hi Aunt Wendy! It's so great to see you. This is my heterosexual girlfriend [[GorgeousGorgon Stheno]]. We're heterosexually dating and are heterosexually attracted to each other, but [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial we definitely haven't had heterosexual sex]] because that's something you don't do until heterosexual marriage. Heterosexually."''

-->--''[[https://waitingforthet.tumblr.com/post/725086408480522240/the-summoner-hey-an-actual-appearance-of-aunt The Summoner]]

->Yes, there's nothing like a good-smelling man," said John dreamily. Suddenly we were all very uncomfortable and there was a lot of throat-clearing and coughing and we all walked a few paces farther apart. (I haven't told you about John yet, have I?) Then John started to make a great and pathetic show of noticing the women as they passed. "Why, that little heifer would give a man some strong sons," John said in a booming and falsely masculine voice. "A man could surely plant some seed there, he could."
-->-- ''[[Literature/LambTheGospelAccordingToBiff Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal]]''

-->-- "Little Miss Perfect"

-->-- ''Little Miss Perfect''

Little Miss Perfect, thaaat's me.

[[AC:Webcomics]]
->''Social Link, Go!''\\
'''Yosuke:''' Hey, let's go to your room. But, like, not in a gay way or anything.
-->-- '''Webcomic/{{Hiimdaisy}}''', parodying Yosuke's HaveIMentionedIAmHeterosexualToday attitude in ''VideoGame/{{Persona 4}}''

->- Straight married men have gay sex '''all the time'''!
-->-- ''Webcomic/MenageA3''

->- I'm so mad, I'm going to go have sex with my girlfriend so I won't be mad!
-->-- '''[[Franchise/SonicTheHedgehog Sonic]]''', ''Webcomic/TailsGetsTrolled''

->I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo heterosexual!
-->-- '''[[Series/MysteryScienceTheater3000 Tom Servo]]''', mocking Watney Smith in ''[[Literature/{{Gor}} Outlaw Of Gor]]''

->"Ice! I like ice! Heterosexuals like ice!"
-->--Ellen Morgan (played by [[Creator/EllenDegeneres Ellen DeGeneres]]), ''Series/{{Ellen}}''

->''"My '''usband'' put the 'eatin' in. Or 'ad it put in. My sister Sharon, 'er 'usband, used to work with my 'usband sometimes. They worked together, our 'usbands."''
-->-- '''Tracey Stubbs''', ''Series/BirdsOfAFeather'', "[[Recap/BirdsOfAFeatherS2E1GettingAGrip Getting a Grip]]"

'''Evan and Connor:''' We're close, but not that way!

-->-- '''Mr. Garrison,''' WesternAnimation/SouthPark

->I like girls!
-->-- '''Tyler,''' WesternAnimation/TotalDrama

-->-- '''William Murderface,''' WesternAnimation/{{Metalocalypse}}

->I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothing, but...(increasingly homoerotic statement).

->Lest you think either star is gay, the film [''Film/ShowdownInLittleTokyo''] goes out of its way to dissuade you of such a notion. Earlier in the film, Johnny Murata and Chris Kenner visit a social club in which naked women are decorated with sushi. Murata [[DistractedByTheSexy loses his composure]] and is extremely hornt. Kenner even beds a woman right before the big "[[GayMoment hey, I kinda like your big penis]]" line. This provides cover for both characters and, frankly, both actors from accusations of being gay. A "no homo" turned up to 11.

-I'm so straight that when I bought my house, the first thing I did was board up the back door! Know why? Because MY asshole's JUST for shitting!

-->-- Music/JonLajoie, [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xC03hmS1Brk "I Kill People"]]

'''Brittany:''' Wait, you're still dating Sam? But you [[AnguishedDeclarationOfLove told me you were in love with me.]]\\

I'm not gay, though''\\