History Main / HonorThyAbuser

* One of the Ten Commandments in ''Literature/TheBible'' is to 'Honor Thy Parents', with no qualifier on whether they are being abusive or not. [[DeconstructedTrope While this makes the verse]] a perennial favourite for abusive parents, [[ReconstructedTrope one interpretation is]] how one can be defiant and refuse to submit, while still honouring their abusive parents. A common example for the latter is how Daniel's friends in the Old Testament refuse to submit to the king's orders on pain on death, and yet they open their speech with 'Long live the king.'

** Subverted with Albus Dumbledore. He claims to Mc Gonagall at the very start of the story that one of the reasons that he will let Harry live with the Dursleys is that it will make him more humble and willing to sacrifice himself. The thing is that 1) how abusive this household turned out to be wasn't even something that he could have expected and 2) it turns out [[spoiler: that this was just an excuse and the real reason lay behind the belief that Harry would never be safe in the magical world as there were agents of the Dark Lord everywhere.]]
** An individual in-the-heat-of-the-moment violent episode happens with the most tense couple in the series. When Ron returns from his departure in ''Deathly Hallows'', Hermione beats the crap out of him. Even though his actions were partially under the influence of a Horcrux, Hermione was so heartbroken and over this that she refuses to cut him any slack, and Ron on his part thinks he deserves it and tries to win her back. This was thankfully removed from the movie. Hermione instead verbally chastises him, and Ron has a DudeWheresMyRespect response.
** It turns out some of Snape's actions were all [[spoiler: a "jerkass act" to help Harry kill Voldemort]]. While [[spoiler: killing Dumbledore made sense since he was dying anyway and it was an assisted suicide]], that doesn't justify his years of bullying Gryffindors because of a childhood grudge. Harry (after years of spitting at his name) forgives him and gives him some respect and even [[spoiler: names one of his children after him all the while still seeing him as flawed and wrong about lots of things]].

* The abuser [[TroubledAbuser being]] [[FreudianExcuse abused themselves]].
* The abuser believes MiseryBuildsCharacter or that it was ToughLove.
* The abuser legitimately reformed and is trying to be TheAtoner.
* The abuser was [[HonorThyParent a parent or other family member]] who was [[ParentsAsPeople flawed but trying their best]].
* In fantasy stories, their actions were just an act as part of a BatmanGambit to lead the hero in the right direction.
* A severe case of ValuesDissonance (a lot of Japanese media will be on this page).

[[folder:Anime and Manga]]

* ''Heavily'' {{defied|Trope}} in the ''WebVideo/DreamSMP''. [[spoiler:After Tommy finally gets the upper hand on Dream, the man who exiled him from his home, trapped him alone on a deserted beach, physically and psychologically abused him for weeks, and [[ForcedToWatch nearly murdered his best friend in front of him]], Dream tells Tommy that he ''knows'' he won't kill him, since they're such "good friends". Tommy is having absolutely ''none'' of this, and forces Dream to hand over all of his gear ([[IronicEcho using the same line Dream would use when forcing Tommy to give up his armor and tools every day during Exile]]), backs him into a corner, and proceeds to take ''two'' of his three lives, and would have [[KilledOffForReal killed him off for real]] if Dream hadn't told him about his ability to bring people back from the dead.]]

* ''Heavily'' [[DefiedTrope defied]] in the ''WebVideo/DreamSMP''. [[spoiler:After Tommy finally gets the upper hand on Dream, the man who exiled him from his home, trapped him alone on a deserted beach, physically and psychologically abused him for weeks, and [[ForcedToWatch nearly murdered his best friend in front of him]], Dream tells Tommy that he ''knows'' he won't kill him, since they're such "[[StockholmSyndrome good friends]]". Tommy is having absolutely ''none'' of this, and forces Dream to hand over all of his gear ([[IronicEcho using the same line Dream would use when forcing Tommy to give up his armor and tools every day during exile]]), backs him into a corner, and proceeds to take ''two'' of his three lives, and would have [[KilledOffForReal killed him off for real]] if Dream hadn't told him about his ability to bring people back from the dead.]]
-->'''Tommy:''' [[spoiler:Dream, you have caused me nothing but pain. And now... ''[[PreMortemOneLiner Now it's your turn]].'']]

* A DoubleStandard of [[WesternAnimation/TheSimpsons The]] [[WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy Big]] [[WesternAnimation/KingOfTheHill Three]] is the use of TheChainOfHarm. The BumblingDad is treated as a TroubledAbuser with the abuse they suffered from being PlayedForDrama while the abuse they subject their child to being PlayedForLaughs. Taking it a step further, when the BumblingDad stands up to or punishes their father it is treated as a CatharsisFactor, while their child is MadeOutToBeAJerkass if they try to retaliate.

* ''Manga/BloodOnTheTracks'' centers itself around the toxic relationship of Osabe and his overbearing and eventually manipulative mother Seiko. She not only emotionally abuses him, but is revealed to have tried to kill him as a child and is all too willing to abandon him when he finally breaks. He actually ends up spending his adult years away from her and actively refuses the opportunity to reconnect with her when his father posthumously gives him her contact information, but he's roped into it anyway when the authorities call him to take care of her as her only living familial contact and she is [[ScatterbrainedSenior in no way capable of living on her own anymore]]. Thus he spends the rest of her life caring for her, although the nareative makes clear that he's only doing so out of familial obligation, and not because he forgives her.

* ''Series/{{CSINY}}'': In season 9, it is revealed that Adam's father Charles had been verbally and physically abusive to Adam, his brother, and their mother; that Adam's brother had left their home (in Arizona) because of it; and, later, Adam had threatened to kill Charles if he ever hurt his mother again. Now grown & living in NYC, Adam has moved Charles, who is suffering from Alzheimer's, to a nearby facility so he can keep an eye on him. In the course of his visits, Adam learns thru Charles reverting to his own childhood that he and *his* brother had been abused by their father as well. When Mac asks Adam why he visits the man, Adam answers, "Because I'm his son," and explains that he feels no emotion towards his father and is concerned by that. Choked up and on the verge of tears, he says, "You're supposed to honor your parents. What does that say about me as a person?" Mac tenderly replies, "Looks like you're feeling something now."

* ''Manga/JojosBizarreAdventure:'' George Joestar never gets reprimanded for constantly berating Jonathan and acting oblivious to Dio's bullying towards him. Instead, he tells him [[spoiler:in his dying words]] that he acted that way to make Jonathan a better person. Though, considering it took place in the 19th Century, it could be DeliberateValuesDissonance.

* ''ComicBook/RobinSeries'': Any time Tim so much as questions his parents' neglect and abuse of him he feels like he's overstepped and is ashamed of it, and right before Jack's death their relationship is suddenly much improved after Jack follows through for once on a few of his promises to Tim. Tim's memories of his parents after their respective murders tend to be rather rose-tinted, as he loved them and accepted that they were flawed people.

* ''Franchise/{{Naruto}}''

Compare TroubledAbuser, InformedWrongness, TheComplainerIsAlwaysWrong, and NoSympathyForGrudgeholders.

[[folder:Film]]

* ''LightNovel/{{Durarara}}'' has a scene where Izumii's father breaks his nose for his room being set on fire, under the belief that he was smoking. However, Izumii entirely holds a grudge against Aoba, who set his room on fire just to get back at him for hitting him. The reason why Izumii hit Aoba in the first place was that he believes his parents favor and spoil him.

[[folder:Comic Book]]

* ''Film/{{Whiplash}}'': Andrew does this to his teacher Fletcher, but the effects of this trope are discussed multiple times. Fletcher mistreats every single one of his students, verbally berates and bullies them, picks on their insecurities, and hits them (including throwing things at them). He also drove one of his past students [[DrivenToSuicide to suicide]]. However, Andrew actually agrees with Fletcher's perspective and ends up giving in to Fletcher's abuse, supporting Fletcher's belief that he needs to push his most dedicated students, and ends up producing an amazing performance. Depending on your perspective, this is a straight example of this trope (as Fletcher and Andrew are both finally happy), or an EsotericHappyEnding (given the potentially horrific consequences of his treatment).

** Subverted with Albus Dumbledore. He claims to Mc Gonagall at the very start of the story that one of the reasons that he will let Harry live with the Dursleys is that it will make him more humble and willing to sacrifice himself. The thing is that 1) how abusive this household turned out to be wasn't even something that he could have expected and 2) it turns out [[spoiler: that this was just an excuse and the real reason lied behind the belief that Harry would never be safe in the magical world as there were agents of the Dark Lord everywhere.]]
** An individual in-the-heat-of-the-moment violent episode happens with the most tense couple in the series. When Ron returns from his departure in ''Deathly Hallows'', Hermione beats the crap out of him. Even though his actions were partially under the influence of a Horcrux, Hermione was so heartbroken and over this that she refuses to cut him any slack and Ron on his part thinks he deserves it and tries to win her back. This was thankfully removed from the movie. Hermione instead verbally chastises him, and Ron has a DudeWheresMyRespect response.

** The alternate universe in ''Anime/NarutoTheMovieRoadToNinja'' Flanderizes Kushina's HairTriggerTemper into physical and emotional abuse. However, Naruto learns to accept this reality over time.

* ''Film/TheSavages'': While we never find out exactly how, dad Lenny was abusive to siblings Jon and Wendy, which left them with clear emotional scars (and it's heavily implied that there was at least some form of physical abuse). However, the film is about the siblings learning that they ''should'' care for Lenny because it's the right thing to do, and they need to be better than him.

* ''Heavily'' [[DefiedTrope defied]] in the ''LetsPlay/DreamSMP''. [[spoiler:After Tommy finally gets the upper hand on Dream, the man who exiled him from his home, trapped him alone on a deserted beach, physically and psychologically abused him for weeks, and [[ForcedToWatch nearly murdered his best friend in front of him]], Dream tells Tommy that he ''knows'' he won't kill him, since they're such "[[StockholmSyndrome good friends]]". Tommy is having absolutely ''none'' of this, and forces Dream to hand over all of his gear ([[IronicEcho using the same line Dream would use when forcing Tommy to give up his armor and tools every day during exile]]), backs him into a corner, and proceeds to take ''two'' of his three lives, and would have [[KilledOffForReal killed him off for real]] if Dream hadn't told him about his ability to bring people back from the dead.]]

* Handled rather maturely in ''WesternAnimation/GodTheDevilAndBob'', as Bob's father passes away, having always been an unrepentant JerkAss with his son, and Bob is disturbed to learn that he actually went to ''Heaven'' instead of Hell. At the end of the episode, God and Bob play a round of pool.
-->'''God''': Look, I know your father [[AbusiveParents was a jerk to ya]], but you don't know what was in his ''[[JerkWithAHeartOfGold heart]]''.\\
'''Bob''': Don't do this, [[ShutUpKirk don't gimme that crap]], I don't care ''what'' was in his heart - [[JerkWithAHeartOfJerk he never shared it with me]].\\
'''God''': [[JerkassHasAPoint You're right]]. And you're right to be mad at him. But it's not your job to forgive him, [[GodIsGood it's mine]]... Did you know your grandfather?\\
'''Bob''': What? No. He never talked about him.\\
'''God''': Now ''he'' [[TroubledAbuser was a scary guy]].\\
'''Bob''': Oh, [[FreudianExcuseIsNoExcuse so that makes it okay for my dad to treat me bad]]? Feh, liberals.\\
'''God''': No, that's not what I'm saying. Look, Bob... okay, picture this long line of fathers and sons stretching from Adam all the way down to Andy. Now, [[TheChainOfHarm they're all passing down this punch]], [[SinsOfOurFathers from one generation to the next, father to son]], and the trick is to pass on a softer punch. [[ParentsAsPeople Your father passed on a softer punch]].

* ''WesternAnimation/FamilyGuy'': "Seahorse Seashell Party" has Meg give her family a big ReasonYouSuckSpeech after one act of abuse too many. This leads to them going at each other's throats. Meg learns that her abuse was the only thing keeping her family from falling apart, [[StatusQuoIsGod so she decides to continue putting up with them]].

* ''Manga/MyHeroAcademia:'' Endeavor's redemption arc plays with this. On the one hand, Fuyumi accepts Endeavor's redemption and just wants the Todoroki family to be whole again, but Natsuo isn't as quick to forgive him and gives him a ReasonYouSuckSpeech. Shoto, who arguably suffered the most by his hands, takes the neutral ground. He doesn't quite forgive him for what he had done, but he acknowledges that he's trying to improve himself. In the end, Endeavor [[spoiler:says that it's fine for his children to not forgive him, and arranges for them to live in a separate house, both for their safety and because he acknowledges that it would be best for him to remove himself from the picture]].

Compare TroubledAbuser, InformedWrongness, and TheComplainerIsAlwaysWrong, and NoSympathyForGrudgeholders.

* ''Manga/AssassinationClassroom'' reveals that Nagisa's mother was horribly abusive towards him, she doesn't care what Nagisa thinks, wants or needs, if he doesn't achieve what she didn't achieve in her whole life. However, their subplot ends with Nagisa forgiving her and her being a KarmaHoudini.

** In [[Manga/{{Naruto}} the manga itself]], Shikamaru questions why his dad married his overbearing mother, and Shikaku's answer is that mothers are supposed to be hardasses. He takes this advice to heart and [[spoiler:marries Temari]], who subjects him and [[spoiler:their son, Shikadai]] to some abuse that's PlayedForLaughs.

* ''ComicBook/RobinSeries'': Any time Tim so much as questions his parents' neglect and abuse of him he feels like he's overstepped and is ashamed of it, and right before Jack's death their relationship is suddenly much improved after Jack follows through for once on a few of his promises to Tim. Tim's memories of his parents after their respective murders tends to be rather rose tinted, as he loved them and accepted that they were flawed people.

* In ''Fanfic/NewHopeUniversityMajorInMurder'', Ashley openly recognizes that her father was abusive toward her, and even calls him a "fucker" and an "outright psychopath," but says he treated her that way because he saw her potential and believes it made her better than her classmates. Saya, who had a poor relationship with her own father, is flabbergasted by this attitude. [[spoiler:Of course, this is complicated by the revelation in the final trial that that Ashley killed her father.]]

* ''Film/{{Whiplash}}'': Andrew does this to his teacher Fletcher, but the effects of this trope are discussed multiple times. Fletcher mistreats every single one of his students, verbally berates and bullies them, picks on their insecurities, and hits them (including throwing things at them). He also drove one of his past students [[DrivenToSuicide to suicide.]] However, Andrew actually agrees with Fletcher's perspective and ends up giving in to Fletcher's abuse, supporting Fletcher's belief that he needs to push his most dedicated students, and ends up producing an amazing performance. Depending on your perspective, this is a straight example of this trope (as Fletcher and Andrew are both finally happy), or an EsotericHappyEnding (given the potentially horrific consequences of his treatment).

** An individual in-the-heat-of-the-moment violent episode happens with the most tense couple in the series. When Ron returns from his departure in ''Deathly Hallows,'' Hermione beats the crap out of him. Even though his actions were partially under the influence of a Horcrux, Hermione was so heartbroken and over this that she refuses to cut him any slack and Ron on his part thinks he deserves it and tries to win her back. This was thankfully removed from the movie. Hermione instead verbally chastises him, and Ron has a DudeWheresMyRespect response.

* In ''Literature/TouchingSpiritBear'', One of the things Cole learns on the island is to forgive. He forgives his dad for abusing him, since he was abused himself and knew nothing but cruelty.

* ''Series/BrooklynNineNine'': Jake's neglectful dad, who has obsessively slept around with almost everybody in Jake and his mom Karen's life, returns and Jake's parents gets back together. He tries to blackmail him into breaking up with her, but this ultimately fails and concludes in an {{Aesop}} that Jake should trust his mom to make her own mistakes...and support his parents to have a happy relationship. This overlooks how traumatic the experience was for Jake himself.
* ''Series/{{CSINY}}'': In season 9, it is revealed that Adam's father, Charles, had been verbally and physically abusive to Adam, his brother and their mother; that Adam's brother had left their home (in Arizona) because of it; and, later, Adam had threatened to kill Charles if he ever hurt his mother again. Now grown & living in NYC, Adam has moved Charles, who is suffering from Alzheimer's, to a nearby facility so he can keep an eye on him. In the course of his visits, Adam learns thru Charles reverting to his own childhood that he and *his* brother had been abused by their father as well. When Mac asks Adam why he visits the man, Adam answers, "Because I'm his son," and explains that he feels no emotion towards his father and is concerned by that. Choked up and on the verge of tears he says, "You're supposed to honor your parents. What does that say about me as a person?" Mac tenderly replies, "Looks like you're feeling something now."

* ''VideoGame/FinalFantasyX'': Tidus harbors resentment towards Jecht because he often verbally abused him (in particular, always calling him a "[[CatchphraseInsult crybaby]]"). However, the game later reveals that it was all a [[spoiler: lot of overcompensating on Jecht's part to keep Tidus at a distance for his own good; Jecht thought of himself as a pretty worthless person and figured there was no way he could be a ''good'' father, so he didn't want Tidus to grow up emulating him and thought it would be for the best that Tidus resent him and try to be ''better'' than his crap dad]].
* ''VideoGame/Persona5'' is a huge deconstruction of ItCantBeHelped and depicts most of the main characters abused by the authority figures in their lives and how both of these tropes are often little more than excuses to let those in powers walk all over those around them.

* In volume 6 of ''Webcomic/EnnuiGo'', it's revealed that Izzy and Adelie placed their [[AbusiveParents abusive]], [[AddledAddict drug-addicted]] mother into an expensive hospital when she got older and needed more care. This, despite the fact that she tried to ''[[OffingTheOffspring kill them]]'' at some point in their youth. Downplayed in that, once Izzy finally visits her, she admits that she doesn't forgive her for all the pain she caused her and her sister but feels no actual resentment toward her either; she just needs to let her mother go in order to move on with her life.

'''God''': No, that's not what I'm saying. Look Bob... okay, picture this long line of fathers and sons stretching from Adam all the way down to Andy. Now, [[TheChainOfHarm they're all passing down this punch]], [[SinsOfOurFathers from one generation to the next, father to son]], and the trick is to pass on a softer punch. [[ParentsAsPeople Your father passed on a softer punch]].

* ''WesternAnimation/SouthPark'': At the end of "Doubling Down", not only does Heidi accept Cartman's abuse, but has began to adopt his personality.

* ''Manga/LoveHina:'' Despite all the years of Naru beating Keitaro to near-death for every minor infraction, he not only forgives her but [[spoiler: marries her]]. To make matters worse, the series ends with Keitaro [[spoiler: accidentally ripping Naru's wedding dress]]. [[UnprovokedPervertPayback Three guesses what that leads to]].
* ''Franchise/{{Naruto}}''
** In [[Manga/{{Naruto}} the manga itself]], Shikamaru questions why his dad married his overbearing mother, and Shikaku's answer is that mothers are supposed to be hardasses. He takes this advice to heart and [[spoiler: marries Temari]], who subjects him and [[spoiler: his son, Shikadai]] to some abuse that's PlayedForLaughs.
** The alternate universe in ''Anime/NarutoTheMovieRoadToNinja'' Flanderizes Kushina's HairTriggerTemper into physical and emotional abuse. However, Naruto learns to accept this reality over time.

** Tohru forgives [[spoiler: Akito]] for the various atrocities she committed against the Sohma clan, and most of the other Sohmas either forgive her or have moved on to the point where they stopped caring. The only one that doesn't forgive her is Rin, but even she feels rotten for not being able to.

* ''Manga/JojosBizarreAdventure:'' George Joestar never gets reprimanded for constantly berating Jonathan and acting oblivious to Dio's bullying towards him. Instead, he tells him [[spoiler: in his dying words]] that he acted that way to make Jonathan a better person. Though, considering it took place in the 19th Century, it could be DeliberateValuesDissonance.

* ''Manga/CaseClosed'': Heizo Hattori's actions during the Tiger Scroll Murder Case are this. When Heiji gets a little too careless during the investigation, he punches and belittles him. It is then later revealed that it was all a BatmanGambit to enrage Heiji enough to act as bait for the culprit, which could have very well killed him if there were a SpannerInTheWorks. His actions are in no way considered reprehensible by the cast, and even his underlings in the Osaka Police Department considered it an act of ToughLove.
* ''Manga/FoodWars'': Azami Nakiri submitted his daughter Erina to a TrainingFromHell to refine her God Tongue, which included verbally and physically abusing her, as well as isolating her from everyone else so she would have no friends or people to rely on. However, at the conclusion of the Central arc, upon seeing the reasons for his actions, Erina quietly thanks her father for everything he did for her sake and she apparently doesn't hold grudges against him.

* In ComicBook/TeenTitansEarthOne, Tara's mom is a verbally and physically abusive addict. Later, however, she is one of the few parents to care about and help her children and shares a load of helpful exposition and advice in a tearful goodbye to Tara.

* Inverted in ''ComicBook/Batgirl2000'', where Cassandra Cain starts out genuinely loving her horrifically abusive father and not truly understanding how bad he was, but by the end of the book has come to despise him for how he treated her.

* ''Literature/HarryPotter'' Subverted with Albus Dumbledore. He claims to Mc Gonagall at the very start of the story that one of the reasons that he will let Harry live with the Dursleys is that it will make him more humble and willing to sacrifice himself. The thing is that 1) how abusive this household turned out to be wasn't even something that he could have expected and 2) it turns out [[spoiler: that this was just an excuse and the real reason lied behind the belief that Harry would never be safe in the magical world as there were agents of the Dark Lord everywhere.]]

** After which, [[spoiler: God brings down the spirit of Bob's father so they could have a potential heart-to-heart, which [[RealMenHateAffection they only manage to do by relating it in hockey terms]]]].