History Funny / Sneakers

-->'''Mother:''' Were you still in C.I.A. in '72?
-->'''Donald:''' Yeah, why?
-->'''Mother:''' Did you know the Deputy Director of Planning was down in Managua, Nicaragua the day ''before'' the earthquake?
-->'''Donald:''' ''Now'' what are you saying, the C.I.A. caused the Managua ''earthquake''?
-->'''Mother:''' Well, I can't ''prove'' it, but...

-->'''Mother:''' Cattle mutilations are up.
-->'''Donald:''' '''''[[NoIndoorVoice Don't.]]'''''
-->'''Mother:''' Sorry.

--> '''Martin''': Where'd you get the fifty bucks?
--> '''Carl''': Took it from Mother's wallet.
--> '''Martin''': ''Good''.

-->'''Abbott''' ''(to Liz, in complete exasperation)'': What about you?
-->'''Liz''' ''(waving a hand casually)'': Oh, I'm fine.

--> '''Martin''': If you love him... if you really ''love'' him... then just keep on, loving him. And never let him [[IKnowYouKnowIKnow know, that you]] ''[[[[IKnowYouKnowIKnow know]]'', [[IKnowYouKnowIKnow what he thinks you]] ''[[IKnowYouKnowIKnow don't]]'' [[IKnowYouKnowIKnow know, you know]]. You ''know''?

--> '''Martin''': If you love him... if you really ''love'' him... then just keep on, loving him. And never let him [[IKnowYouKnowIKnow know, that you ''know'', what he thinks you ''don't'' know, you know]]. You ''know''?

-->'''Mother:''' Did you know the Deputy Director of Planning was down in Managua, Nicaragua the day before the earthquake?
-->'''Donald:''' Now what are you saying, the C.I.A. caused the Managua earthquake?

--> '''Martin''': Good.

--> '''Martin''': If you love him... if you really love him... then just keep on loving him. And never let him [[IKnowYouKnowIKnow know that you know what he thinks you don't know you know]]... y'know?
--> '''MissionControl''': And give him head whenever he wants.
--> '''Martin''': And give him heh... help. Be a... be a beacon in his sad and lonely life.

--> '''Martin''': Give him head?
--> '''MissionControl''': Be a beacon? ''(They bust out laughing.)''
* Bish realizes "SETEC Astronomy" doesn't mean anything, then he and Liz spend a few minutes with the ''TabletopGame/{{Scrabble}}'' board trying to decode it...

-->'''Abbott:''' What?!

-->'''Abbott:''' It's not a car dealership, pal!

-->'''Abbott:''' Tahiti is not in Europe!

-->'''Abbott''' ''after another beat)'': Fine! Tahiti!

--> '''Abbott''': No. I will not do this.

--> '''Abbott''': NO!!
-->'''NSA Girl:''' Wait a second. You can have anything you want, and you're asking for my phone number?

* Early in the movie, when the team is staking out Dr. Janek's apartment, Dr. Janek's girlfriend Dr. Rhyzkov shows up and tries to have sex with him. Carl promptly (afterhilariously popping into the frame behind Martin) asks if he can watch, and the others exasperatedly tell him to "grow up!".

-->'''Mother:''' Uh, Crease. ''[beat]'' [[OhCrap Where's Whistler going?]]
* Early in the movie, when the team is staking out Dr. Janek's apartment, Dr. Janek's girlfriend Dr. Rhyzkov shows up and tries to have sex with him. Carl promptly (after a hilariously popping into the frame behind Martin) asks if he can watch, and the others tell him to "grow up!".

--> MissionControl: And give him head whenever he wants.

--> MissionControl: Be a beacon? ''(They bust out laughing.)''

* The repeated blackmailing of Mr Abbot at the end of the film, which turns a serious negotiation into farce.

-->'''Abbot:''' What?!

-->'''Abbot:''' It's not a car dealership, pal!

-->'''Abbot''' ''(after a beat)'': All right. A Winnebago.

-->'''Abbot:''' I'm sorry to hear it. Give me the box.

-->'''Abbot:''' Tahiti is not in Europe!

-->'''Abbot''' ''after another beat)'': Fine! Tahiti!

--> '''Abbot''': No. I will not do this.

--> '''Abbot''': NO!!

-->'''Abbot:''' ''I'm'' going to be ''sick''.

-->'''Whistler''' (speaking to where Abbot was previously standing)'': I want peace on Earth and good will toward men.
-->'''Abbot:''' [[YouHaveGotToBeKiddingMe Oh, this is ridiculous.]]

-->'''Whistler''' ''(facing Abbot now)'': I want peace on Earth and good will toward men.
-->'''Abbot:''' We are the United States government! We don't ''do'' that sort of thing.

-->'''Abbot:''' All right. I'll see what we can do.

** And at the last, when everyone else has gotten their "concessions" from Abbot:
-->'''Abbot''' ''(to Liz, in complete exasperation)'': What about you?

* Martin faces an unpickable keypad lock, but is told there's one thing he can try… kicking the door in. It works.

'''Entire Team:''' [turns and stares in the fuck you doin']

--> '''Crease and Whistler''': (''as MissionControl'') If you love him...

--> *girlfriend leaves*

--> MissionControl: Be a beacon? *bust out laughing*

-->'''Abbot:''' [''beat''] All right. A Winnebago.

-->'''Abbot:''' [''another beat''] Fine! Tahiti!

-->'''Bish:''' Y'know, Carl, excuse us. [''drags Carl aside''] This is the brass ring. Now you've got to think bigger thoughts.

--> '''Martin''': [''to Abbot''] How about a lunch? You can chaperone.

--> [''The other NSA agents crack up laughing, it's that funny.'']

-->'''NSA Girl:''' [''smiles''] 2739164, area code 415.

-->'''Whistler:''' [''speaking to where Abbot was previously standing''] I want peace on Earth and good will toward men.

-->'''Whistler:''' [''facing Abbot now''] I want peace on Earth and good will toward men.

-->'''Abbot:''' ''(to Liz, in complete exasperation)'' What about you?
-->'''Liz:''' ''(waving a hand casually)'' Oh, I'm fine.

-->'''Bish:''' ''[after knocking out Buddy]'' Carl, what the hell kept you!?
-->'''Carl:''' ''[indignantly]'' That's not easy, what I just did!