It was a cold winter morning, brought by Mother Nature. The warmth of the sun’s rays, shining down upon the village of forsakenness. Under a veil of darkness I tremble, wondering if I might survive the onslaught of these killing creatures. In my quaint shelter I created from cobblestone, a fearless fortress with the century’s highest standards in protection. Yet, even knowing this, I still felt unsafe… And then the next thing I knew, I saw a green figure hissing and moving towards me, and it exploded, knocking me out cold.
Yep, that's the first chapter, the Prologue. A single paragraph. There's being lazy, and then there's this. The words themselves are nonsensical, contradictory, and at times just plain made up. Let's go through bit by bit and see exactly what is wrong with it.
It was a cold winter morning, brought by Mother Nature.
Yeah, we know. Mother Nature always brings these 'Cold Winters' you speak of. As well as the 'Hot Summers' and the 'Wet Rainy Days'.
Also, is it just me, or does this sound like an advert for a shampoo or something.
Cold Winter Morning, the latest of products brought to you by Mother Nature.
The warmth of the sun’s rays,
Hold up hold up hold up! Wait, what? But you just said... I... Buh... What? You just said it was a cold winter morning. How the hell is it suddenly warm? I don't... Nevemind. Let's move on.
shining down upon the village of forsakenness.
Forsakenness isn't a word. And fun fact: This village will never be mentioned again. How fun!
Under a veil of darkness I tremble,
...Sunshine. Bright. Darkness. What.
wondering if I might survive the onslaught of these killing creatures.
And I'm wondering what they are. And hoping you don't.
In my quaint shelter I created from cobblestone,
Quaint: Attractively unusual or old-fashioned.
Cobblestone is not attractive, unusual, or old-fashioned. Therefore it's not quaint.
...Hold on, it's dark. In your house. WHY?!
a fearless fortress with the century’s highest standards in protection.
...Iron, gold, diamond, emerald, water and obsidian all have higher blast resistance than cobblestone. And I can guarantee you that he at least have iron. Trust me.
Yet, even knowing this, I still felt unsafe…
Face, meet Desk. Get very well acquainted.
How do you feel unsafe in the supposed highest protection possible?! HOW?!
And then the next thing I knew, I saw a green figure hissing and moving towards me,
You have three guesses as to what this is, and the first two don't count.
and it exploded,
Please be dead please be dead please be dead please be dead please be dead please be dead please be dead please be dead please be dead please be dead please be dead please be dead please be dead please be dead please be dead.
knocking me out cold.
DAMN IT!
Anyway, what a prologue. I'm not sure how you can screw up a prologue any more than that, and I really don't want to try. Onwards, to Chapter 1.
