Staring down what had to be nine feet of muscle and rage, I had to wonder who the hell thought it would be a good idea to put an unhinged Super Saiyan in an important position. Gym Leaders are important, right? I guess they'd have to be if they can put stupid limitations on what I'm allowed to do.
I released my full team, lamenting that I would have to sacrifice Greg just after I had earned the badge to make him obey me. Oh, and the other meat shields Pokemon as well. Ah, shit. Broly is a Saiyan. He'll probably eat Greg and leave nothing left for me!
While I was mourning the loss of bacon (Oh, damn! Some parts of Greg are even still crispy from that Houndoom attack! Why didn't I eat them when I had the chance?), the trainers from the Gym joined me.
Jocelyn: Fear not, challenger! All of us have trained in anticipation of this event!
Me: Wait, so you knew that this might happen - no, you expected it - and you thought it'd just be fine if you trained for it? For fuck's sake, your humans, and not even the Dragon Ball Z laser-hand kind at that. You're fucked.
Jocelyn: That's not true! Together, we can defeat him! Here, take these: it's the Dewford Gym badge, and the TM for Bulk Up! Use it to increase the strength of your Pokemon, and together we can take on Broly!
Me: Uhhh... no. You just gave me what I came for, so I don't really have any interest in this fight now. Ciao!
Recalling my Pokemon, I exited the Gym. It was easy to find my way back to the entrance with Broly's aura filling the building with light. And thanks to the Gym trainers, I didn't have to sacrifice my team to stall Broly for my escape! Those buggers would live so that they could die for me another day.
Back at the docks, I caught up with Mr. Briney, and told him that it was time for us to set sail again, before Broly destroyed the island.
Mr. Briney: Don't you still have a letter to deliver?
Me: Fuck. Well, I checked the houses and he wasn't in any of them. He must have moved on, let's get the fuck out of here.
I tried to move past Briney and onto his boat, but he stopped me by placing his hand on my chest. And then leaving it there for an uncomfortably long time before he finally spoke.
Mr. Briney: You haven't explored the lower floors of that cave yet. You had best go do that. After taking care of Broly, of course.
Fuck.
My.
Life.
Dewford Gym had already been destroyed, it's trainers easily overwhelmed by Broly. * With nobody left to distract him, he had his sights set on me. Balls.
I knew it would be a waste to call on my Pokemon for this battle. If Pokemon were capable of standing up to Broly, the Gym trainers would have called on theirs. I had to do this on my own.
Drawing the Quick Claw out of my pocket, I settled into a stance. All my training would come to this. All 60 minutes of it.
Me: Claw-sensei, give me your strength.
Broly: KAKAROT!!
Me: No, I said CARROT TOP!!
I lunged forward, ducking under his arms and plunging the Quick Claw into Broly's abdomen, expecting the attack to be completely ineffective.
Instead, Broly's whole torso exploded. Neat.
Out of the wreckage of the Gym, Jocelyn appeared alongside the other trainers.
Jocelyn: You did it! You defeated Broly, and you didn't even use your Pokemon!
Me: Well, yeah. I figured if you guys didn't, they must not have been able to help.
Jocelyn: We didn't use our Pokemon because you killed them all beforehand.
Me: Oh... right. Well, all's well that ends well.
Jocelyn: Indeed! By defeating Broly, you have become the new Legendary Super Saiyan!
Me: I... don't think it works that way. Isn't it a genetic defect?
Jocelyn: A genetic defect you have earned!
Me: Yeah I'm... just going to leave that. I have other matters to attend to.
Walking off in the direction of the cave I was exploring earlier, my ringtone went off. Answering the phone, I was surprised to hear Roxanne's voice greeting me.
Me: Wait, how the hell did you get my number? Don't tell me Mr. Br-
Roxanne: Mr. Broly? He's not that old!
Me: What. How is he still alive? And how did he get my number?
Roxanne: You'd have to ask him that yourself! Anyway, I was just calling to tell you that I'm preparing my Gym for a rematch with you! Hopefully you're looking forward to the battle as much as I am!
Suddenly, I was having flashbacks. So many Geodudes. Struggling not to break down into tears, I hastily replied that I would be happy to have a rematch once I was not so busy, and hung up, registering her number in my phone.
Then, I entered Granite Cave. With Brawly's badge, I could finally use the Flash HM to light up the lower floor. I decided that I would teach it to Porygon, who seemed to be the best fit for that kind of move. Releasing him... it... from it's Pokeball, I took out the Flash TM and opened up Porygon's CD tray, inserting the HM and loading the software onto Porygon.
Once that was taken care of, Porygon shined brightly and lit up the entire cave. Moving forward, I ran into a Kingler and caught it with the help of Teddiursa (fuck yeah, Lick triggered paralysis!). Which is funny, because I then replaced Teddiursa with the same Kingler.
But it was a no brainer, Kingler just had so many advantages. He wasn't another Normal-type, he was evolved, he had a nickname, and was probably much tastier. Unfortunately, he also had really crummy moves. Bubble, Vicegrip, Leer. Wonderful.
I named him Riley, and he was level 10 with an Impish nature. After training him up to level 15 to be in line with the rest of the party, I continued onward.
After reaching the end of that tunnel, I found a ladder leading down further and climbed down them. Where was this place taking me? Fortunately, the next two ladders I came across both lead up, and soon I came across a cavern room that another man was occupying. On seeing me, he introduced himself as Steven.
Well that's convenient.
Steven babbled on about rocks and shit, until I shoved the letter into his face. In return, he gave me a TM for Steel Wing and his phone number. He also mentioned that I might be able to become the Pokemon League Champion, before leaving. Which was a little random.
No matter, the letter was delivered and I was done with Dewford! After a quick trip to the Pokemon Center and the PC, I returned to Mr. Briney's ship and set sail for Slateport, having a celebratory feast with my team for my recent achievements.
Zangoose meat tasted better than I had expected.
