I stormed out of the Gym, pissed off that I had wasted my time obtaining a badge that had no effect on Greg's disobedience. At least Roxanne had told me that I'd be able to control him with the badge from Dewford town.
As soon as I turned away from the Gym, I saw my pirate friend rushing past, pursued by the businessman from the forest. Now's my chance! I gave pursuit, catching up to the businessman at the entrance to Route 116. He wanted to team up with me to capture the Thief which had gone up to the tunnel ahead, and I knew I had to think fast if I were to prevent him from fucking up my plan to join the pirates.
Me: No, it's too dangerous for a non-trainer such as yourself! I had better face him alone.
Businessman: Why don't I ask the Gym leader to come help, then? I hear they're pretty tough!
Me: NO! I must go alone... because... it would be dishonourable. Yeah, that's it. Ganging up on him would be wrong.
Businessman: But he's a thief!
Me: NO HE'S A PIRATE YOU STUPID FUCK I mean yes, but we must not sink to his level. I will handle this myself.
I strode off, blessing my razor sharp mind for getting me through that one. I lead through Route 116 with Teddiursa, and had no troubles with the trainers on this route. Ran into a wild Cloyster, which was weird. Alas I had already caught Kevin on this route so I pressed on.
Teddiursa learned Fury Swipes after a few battles, but I used up all the PP taking down MORE FUCKING GEODUDES. When will it end?!
Outside of the tunnel, I ran into an old man who was wailing about his missing "Peeko", but I ignored him and continued into the tunnel. Once inside, I felt an overwhelming desire to use this Repel Teddiursa picked up outside.
Finding the pirate in the tunnel was easy enough, for it was more or less a straight path. He had a Wingull with him, which I assume was the old man’s.
Pirate: I'll kill it if you get any closer!
Me: Do it, then.
Pirate: Trying to call my bluff, eh? It's not a bluff! I'll really do it!
Me: Okay. So do it.
Pirate: Don't you care what happens to this Wingull?
Me: Why would I? It's not even mine. Are you going to kill that thing or what?
Instead, the pirate sent out his Poochyena and ordered it to attack. Tsk. I figured I'd have to beat him to get him to calm down and listen to me, so I sent out Teddiursa.
Me: Come to think of it, his Poochyena is the first Pokemon I've seen in his area. Can't let a potential capture go to waste!
I chucked a Pokeball at the Poochyena, but the pirate knocked it away.
Pirate: Don't be a thief!
Me: That's awfully hypocritical of you. Oh well, I already said I wouldn't stoop to that level, even if it was just a lie.
Luckily, I had taken a quick trip to the Pokemon centre before entering the tunnel and so Teddiursa was free to spam Fury Swipes all the way to victory. The pirate took my victory the wrong way, and tossed the stolen goods to me before running down the length of the tunnel.
There was no way he could outrun me with my RUNNING SHOESTM, but before I could give chase the old man caught up with me and latched onto my arm, vigorously thanking me for rescuing Peeko. By the time I got away from him, the pirate had vanished, and my my path was blocked by some dangerous looking pebbles.
I sighed, accepting that I would have to join the pirates another day. At least now I could use the goods as a bargaining chip for joining. On the way out, my repel wore off and I encountered a male Machop. After catching him, I decided to name him Trevor. He has a naughty nature.
Back on Route 116, I taught Teddiursa cut to clear the trees leading to some more trainers. I was challenged to another double battle, and since they weren't close enough to punch both at the same time I was forced to actually take part in it. Kevin and Teddiursa made short work of their Pokemon, though, and I continued on my way back to Rustboro City.
The Businessman was waiting for me, and was ecstatic to see that I had the goods. He tried to exchange another Great Ball for it and invited me to join him at the Devon Corporation where he works, but there was no way in hell I was going to part with the goods.
Me: Not a chance, pal. I'm hanging onto these goods, and I have no intention of going with you to-
Businessman: We're here! This is the Devon Corporations third floor!
Me: God fucking damn it.
I was in luck, though. The businessman needed the package delivered to Slateport, and he was dumb enough to trust me with it! I agreed, and he took me to see the Devon president who asked me to deliver a letter to someone in Dewford.
Me: Do I look like your errand boy?
President Stone: I'll give you a smartphone.
Me: Score!
I accepted the gift and exited the Devon corporation building, bumping into May on my way out of Rustboro. She noticed my new smartphone and took it off me to put her own number in. Clearly she's got the hots for me. Clearly.
May: How about a friendly battle?
May lead with her Torkoal, and commanded it to use Curse. Repeatedly. While her Torkoal sat there spouting profanities, Teddiursa just kept spamming Fury Swipes until it killed the vulgar tortoise. Next, May sent out her Mudkip, and since Teddiursa just reached level 15, I switched him out for Kevin. Totally forgot to put the battle system on set. Kevin took her Mudkip down easily, but when I gave him the order to kill it, he simply sat on his ass instead. Foiled again, this time by that blasted Truant ability!
May congratulated me on my win, and told me of a seafarer that lived near Petalburg Woods named Mr. Briney. Hey, that was the old guy with the Wingull! Looks like I found out how I was getting to Dewford. I exited Rustboro and marched through Petalburg Woods, using Cut to go a different route and pick up a few new items. I guess that Mysterious Weirdo was right about its usefulness after all.
After leaving Petalburg Woods, I found Mr. Briney's house and entered. He was chasing his Wingull around the table and giggling to himself. I chose to ignore that.
Me: Mr. Brin-
Mr. Briney: Say no more. You have to deliver a letter to Dewford and a package to Slateport!
Me: That's... that's right. But how do you-
Mr. Briney: I've been watching you, my boy. Always. Shall we set sail?
Me: I... I think I should have some adult supervision if I'm going to get onto a boat with you.
Mr. Briney: Didn't I just say that you already have my... supervision?
Me: I wish I was with Birch right now.
But I wasn't, and Briney dragged me onto his ship while singing merry tunes to himself. Halfway there, I felt my phone ringing. I answered it, and was surprised to hear my Dad's voice.
Me: How in the hell did you get my number? I only just got this phone!
Dad: Mr. Briney gave it to me, but that's not important right now. Corey, your mother is missing 30 dollars from her wallet. Do you have any idea what happened to it?
Me: Uhh... No?
Dad: Don't lie, shithead. I know you stole it. But I hear you've also obtained your first Gym Badge. Congratulations.
Me: ...thanks. I guess you heard that from Mr. Briney, too.
Dad: Sure did. Tell you what; you won't get in trouble for this-
Me: Awesome!
Dad: -if you can defeat me and claim my badge.
Me: Fuck.
Dad: I recommend you get three more badges, and then come to Petalburg Gym to challenge me.
Me: Heeeeell no, I'm not stupid. I'll save your Gym for last!
Dad: There are three Gyms you won't be able to get to without my badge.
Me: Fuck.
Dad: I'll be waiting, Corey.
Once Dad had hung up, the boat arrived at Dewford. I scrambled off the ship and and tried to put as much distance between Briney and myself as possible. I cleaned up the trainers outside the nearby cave and entered. Inside, I caught a female Gloom with a Quirky nature, giving it the nickname Doom. Finally, something I can teach Bullet Seed to!
I soldiered on through the cave, finding a later and climbing down it. Unlike the level before it, this area of the cave was extremely dark, making it hard to see. Something in the darkness growled menacingly.
Me: Fuck this noise, I'm going back up!
Climbing back up the ladder, I was met with a heavyset hiker who was quite jovial with me.
Hiker: If you want to be exploring the lower floors, you'll need to light them up with this Flash TM!
Me: Sweet, thanks! Time to teach this to...
Hiker: However! You'll need Dewford's Gym Badge in order to use it.
Me: Of course I do. Oh well, thanks anyway, Mr...?
Suddenly a dark realization just dawned on me. If the guy with the Cut TM was Cutter than that meant this guy would be...
OH GOD.
Hiker: The name's Lighter. Rick Lighter. It's funny, since I have the TM to light up dark places!
...wow. That was a more fortunate turn of events then I was expecting.
Exiting the cave, I decided that I might as well head over to the Gym now. Inside, I was reunited with Jim Gai. He didn't look so good.
Jim: Greetings, Saiga. Aw'll keep this shawrt, as I have a cawld.
Me: You looked fine when I last saw you earlier today!
Jim: Yes, well... in order to get here befawe you, I swam as fast as I could. Hawly hell, the water was cawld.
Me: Uh... huh. Well, what can you tell me about this gym?
Jim: The Gym Leader's name is Brawly. He trains fighting types. Nawrmal types don't stand a chance against them.
Me: Blast! That's like, half my team!
Jim: Psychic types are super effective, though.
Me: Sure would be nice if Greg would fricken' listen to me, then.
No matter. Porygon at least had Psybeam, although he might be too slow to pull that off before getting KO'd. Doom would be able to resist the Fighting-type moves, and Trevor at least is neutral to them. It was time to challenge Brawly.
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