Somewhere along the line I’m shooed out of the spare room where my PS 2 currently resides. I come back later, load up my save file and find that it’s put me back at the start of the mission. Dick move game, dick move. I can see myself becoming very frustrated with this element of the game in the future. Well, at least I wasn’t half way through a particularly long and arduous mission when I discovered this mechanic. Around the same time I find a statue depicting a god of time that essentially acts as an item shop.
Having collected all of the red orbs a second time, I proceed through the red door and deeper into the castle. It’s been twenty minutes and I haven’t gotten to shoot anything yet. What gives?
I happen across what looks like a medieval servant’s eating area and totally by accident (and my circle-button-happy-thumb) find that you can smash shit up for red orbs. That’s useful though I do question the morality behind gaining currency from vandalism. There’s a couple of weird lookin’ rag dolls lying around here. I try to swipe ‘em with my sword to see if they give any red orbs but they don’t even appear to be destructible.
Around this time the camera guides me to a hole in the ceiling. I see a shiny, shiny red orb through it, just waiting to be absorbed by Dante. So I merrily hop up through it and come across a still marionette holding something gleaming. A rusty key! Say, would that be the same kind of rusty key Dante suggested I use on the blue door next to the red door that was previously glowing ominously? I think it is, so I head back. But then the camera zooms in and lingers forebodingly on the marionette I had so happily taken that rusty old key from. The marionette comes to life and OH HOLY BALLS THERE’S MORE OF THEM AND I HAVE TO FIGHT THEM! AND BULLETS DO NOTHING! AAA!
A panicked button mash later the marionettes are down. I take a few moments to collect myself, head back down the hole to the lower floor and THERE’S EVEN MORE OF THEM! AAA!
After my circle button has be thoroughly pummelled, I return to the main entrance and use the rusty key on the blue door. Surprise, surprise, the door opens. In this room I see A WHOLE LOT OF HANGING MARIONETTES, AAA-but wait, they’re not moving. I cautiously edge Dante into the room, expecting them to spring to life and unceremoniously wreck my shit up any moment. Nothin’. Hm. Oh hey! Another door! The door informs me that the hanging marionettes are its master and that NONE SHALL PASS so long as they’re still ‘angin’ aboot. Oh look a plane! And a ladder to get onto the plane. Sadly, the plane is in no state to fly. I spend a good while just jumping off it and trying to bring the marionettes down with me with no luck. Then I spot the seal at the back and the Dutch angle my whacking at it induces in the camera. Dante comments that it responds to his powers. This seal is important! I whack it a few times but nothing happens. I grow impatient and try dive bombing from the plane a few more times. Sometime during this my eleven year old sister comes in to watch me play (I know, I’m a horrible big sister). She suggests I go back and hit the seal again. This time I notice how the signs around the seal light up each time I hit it. I keep at it until they’re all lit up and the platform in front of it descends, taking Dante to a lower level.
The fight music starts. OH GOD, NOT MORE MARIONETTES AAA! After some more frenzied sword swiping, the marionettes on this lower level are taken out. At least, that’s what I think until some doors open up and EVEN MORE MARIONETTES START POURING OUT OF THEM AAA! So I take those out too, Dante taking quite a beating in the process, and the music returns to that same old eerie castle music. After looking around this underground arena I return to the surface only to be confronted by EVEN MORE MARIONETTES AAA!
Not gonna lie, I died pretty badly here. Using up one of my precious yellow re-try orbs, the game puts me back in the underground arena (minus the mob of marionettes, thankfully). Ascending one again, I decide to press R1 and hammer on the ‘x’ button. This time, the bullets do something and I pick off the three marionettes so neatly lined up close to the seal and the platform. Using a combination of Dante’s sword and guns, I dispose of the other marionettes with minimal loss of health. Feeling mighty pleased with myself I head through the door and finish the mission. Figuring out the basics took nearly and hour and gets me a D ranking at the end of it all. Ugggh. ONWARDS!
