Oy gavalt have I fallen behind. Don't worry guys an update has been coming and I'll be writing it up now.
Once again we start a new chapter in the book and get given a new bit of lingo: IOI apparently it means "indicator of interest" though "Indication of imbecility" is the more meaningful version. And apparently having the ability to go "I wasn't asking to kiss you" after you have tried to kiss someone, and looking like a social awkward goombah anyway, is part of the course.
Style is writing all this down in a notebook and he appears to be surprised that "no one had ever told me how to kiss a girl before". Apparently it’s in the same league as shaving or car repair. Given that kissing is a really basic biological function, and would have been really easy had you ever tried it, I doubt you really need to work on it that much.
Then there is poetry. Oh GOD is there poetry. Its entitled "Sexual Frustration" and it makes our protagonist look and sound like a whiny tool, so it’s factual. Wilfred Owen, he is not. Lord Byron He is DEFINETLY not. Apparently it was college poetry and, to be honest, I am surprised this guy became a writer when lines like "When you’re best lover is your right hand, when your life-giving fertilizer is wasted" need to be brought to the masses via poets.
At the final line of the chapter he says that "even the wise man dwells in the fool’s palace". This shows us that he REALLY hasn’t read Plato’s Republic.
Opening onto Chapter 5 and I am greeted by horror "He used the same lines and routines on them and… some women were even reduced to tears" makes me want to retch into a bucket. "Even if they were with their boyfriends" makes me just want to bash my head on the desk and say "Are you guys really so desperate for attention that you have to bugger someone’s relationships?" I mean is it just me who finds this kind of tawdry, like it’s an extra incentive to steal someone’s girlfriend? And oh God the hats. Apparently Style is wearing a large red Cowboy hat. He then decides to go and flirt with a girl whose "bouncing between two guys like a cartoon character", I would presume daffy duck.
He then opens with the line "If I weren't gay I would be so into you". Now the guy in the red foam cowboy hat being gay, I am sure no-one will buy that. But the worst thing is *sigh* it seems to work. Presumably the lady has had a few because the form of address she chooses is the screech. After getting thumbs up from his fellow pickup artists (which is apparently a bad sign, as they are “distracting”) and a curtsey from the lady he proceeds to "but his arm around her" which to me sounds comically like that thing you see in 1950's movies on dating.
Apparently when they get into the limo he got "the number close" too easily, and he should have behaved more like a string for a cat. Presumably because cats=women and women are easily entertained by tassels and dead mice. Apparently he should have "punished" her for ignoring him when he failed to put his arm round her the first time. Yes. I did just write that and YES I do feel unclean for saying punishing, thank you for asking. This chapter then ends with Mystery and Sin going "Your one of us you are going to be a superstar" which I must just have a giggle at, if only because "superstar" is not how I would describe someone whose not actually DONE anything with his/her life well without being a lounge lizard.
