So at the Coliseum, I realize that this game is going to be a design nightmare. I meant I thought Square Enix-esque Sora and the others looked out of place right next to Donald and goofy, how weird will things be now in the quite swirly and gangly world of Heracles Hercules. I enter the lobby to find my favorite cynical mentor, Philoctetes sprucing things up it seems. I'm asked to move a rock because... Sora totally sounds like Heracles Hercules, right?
Phil finally turns around and MY GOD HE'S HIDEOUS! I take back everything I said I about this game's artistic and graphical quality, it clearly did not stand the test of time like I thought it did.
I keep listening to him talking but all I can think about is that horrendous and poorly rendered face. It makes me physically ill.
so yeah something about heroes gathering to fight monsters yadda yadda, I go through Phil's trial, easy as pie, but apparently no Coliseum for use because of Two Words "We ain't heroes". Good ol' Phil and his inability to count. I decide, oh well, time to go to Wonderland. I mean at least I got a thunder spell out of it, right?
Oh hai Hades, 'sup? Good seein' you in your blue glory again.
NO HADES! DO NOT WANT!
No wait.. It's just a pass to the tournament. My god man, don't scare me like that, do you gave any idea how many people have tried that stunt to Sora in just the beginning of the game alone? Okay I'm just going to let Hades go on his merry way while I go to Wonderland.
Is Blizzard really worth going through two more Gummiship stages and Wonderland? I doubt it.
I float down the red passageway to the trippy and tasteless wonderland where you need three doors for one wall and hossenfeffer run around in nice suits screaming about being late. I still can;t get over the gaudy pink wallpaper and floor tiling, i mean wonderland can be as trippy as it wants but it can't be tasteful too?
So I somehow push a bed int the wall which reveals a hole that I can't reach so I talk to the lazy door knob on a door that's too small that tells me to drink the potion he made appear out of the floor so I can be small enough to fit. And that's what she said
I can't believe that this is so mundane that I don't have a crazy reaction from all this. Even the heartless that attack me while I'm bite sized are no trouble, except that now there are flying heartless that shoot fireballs at you and wear red and orange clothes.
Heck, I enter the Queen's bullspit trial, accusing Alice of stealing her heart and sending her to be beheaded. This place is effed up man. You know, Alice is smiling an awful lot for someone about to die. And The Queen.. her voice acting is terrible, I mean you call that shouting? She emotes so poorly...
And I can't believe the white rabbit's only role is to blow a trumpet, it's silly how one can be so desperate to fulfill such a minuscule role.
And Isn't wonderland all just a dream anyway? Why does this matter here and now?
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