Chapter 23 - Sidetracked
Last time, that blonde guy wouldn't let us into B4F and won't let us pass until we go to the Senatus and get a letter or something. We could just go and get the letter and blaze through the floor, but there's more important things to do at this time: sidequests.
[Back at the Plaza...]
A quick stopover at the inn to save our game...
Aman: Welcome back! How'd your adventures in the Labyrinth go today?
Report: Terrific. We met a hot-blooded ninja and dropped a Raging Tyrant in less than twenty minutes.
One in-game hour is equal to about 30 steps, so each step is worth two minutes of time. Each turn that passes in battle, one "step" passes (FOEs on the map get to move around and such. If you time it right, you can get night to fall and dawn to break in the middle of a battle). The Raging Tyrant the party fought after meeting Agata went down on the ninth turn, equaling nine "steps", or 18 minutes.
Aman: A Raging Tyrant? At your level? That's pretty fast. All that in one day?
Report: We would've gotten further, but a certain person blocked us from exploring the fourth floor.
Ere: Ooh, don't even get me started on him!
Axel, [deadpan]: Then don't get started.
Aman: Wow, you've been to B4F already? Doesn't the Senatus have a hard mission down there...?
Ranko: That's probably why we weren't let through.
Aman: I feel like someone from some guild told me that if you accept the mission, they let you through. But I'm sure it'd be a piece of cake for you!
Gabe: Hmm...
[As we try to leave the Inn...]
Aman: Oh, right, there was someone who wanted to talk to you. I'll be back with her in a sec!
Aman leaves and returns with Hypatia
Hypatia: Ah, hello everyone. It's dangerous to stay in the Labyrinth for too long, so please be careful.
This...this line right here...It's...well, it's obvious; it is bad for your health to stay in homicidal mazes full of homicidal things for extended periods of time, especially when those homicidal things are constantly trying to homicide you every minute of every hour. However, such a conclusion should already have been reached by the end of the second floor, well before you even meet Hypatia. However, my nature forbids me to be a douchebag to fictional characters, so...
Thanks anyway.
Hypatia: Um, I hate to nag, but have you seen Agata anywhere?
>Tell her you found Agata?
The game actually does give you a choice here of whether or not to tell her, but I have no reason to lie right now. Besides, Axel's nearly incapable of not answering a direct question that he doesn't not want to answer.
>>Yes.
Axel: We ran into him near the end of the third floor. He...enlisted our help in avoiding a Raging Tyrant, though that quickly became a battle against a Raging Tyrant.
And eighteen minutes later it stopped being a battle.
Hypatia: Huh!? He made you do that!?
Actually, Hypatia says "Huh!? He went after you!?" here, but I had no idea what she meant by that.
Hypatia: I'm so sorry for all the trouble he's causing...I'll give him a good talking-to later.
Ranko: Actually, that wasn't so much his fault as Lil' Miss Crossbow over there.
Ere: It's an Ooyumi! Also, Hey!
Hypatia: I still apologize for his rashness. He's just so hot-blooded.
Gabe: Don't worry, that's just how some boys are. Give him some time; he'll grow out of it. [glances at Axel] Though sometimes, that leaves them a silent, stoic, stick-in-the-mud.
Axel: I saw that. [Violences Gabe]
Hypatia: Ehm...you're probably right; he'll grow out of it someday. But for now, I'll wait in our room for Agata to return. Thanks for all your help.
Axel: [Pauses and looks at Hypatia] You're welcome. [Resumes violencing Gabe]
Hypatia: Well the, if you'll excuse me... I'll pray for the stars to guide you on your journey.
Hypatia leaves, and the only sounds to be heard were a solid hit by Axel and a grunt of pain from Gabe.
...
As Aman pointed out, taking the mission is what "That Guy" told us to go to the Senatus for. When we accept it and go back to B4F, he'll let us through. But we're not ready to do that yet.
It's time for...that.
>>Inver Port
[Inver Port - Your point of embarkation]
Report: Look at the ships! [Drools]
Gabe: Dude.
A middle-aged man with grey hair and beard, and wearing a captain's jacket and a pimpin' tricorne approaches. This guy is Harbormaster, the harbormaster.
Harbormaster: Ah, members of TV Tropes. This is Inver, Armoroad's largest trade port...Or, what's left of it.
Report: [Drool]
Harbormaster: When the Calamity struck a century ago, the topography changed, and commerce ended.
Report: [Drool]
Harbormaster: Since then, many have worked to reopen trade routes, but nobody can get ships out past these currents.
Report: [Drool]
Harbormaster: That's why the...what's the matter with him?
Ere: He likes boats, I guess. Not much different from normal, 'cept his mouth's open this time.
Axel: Continue.
Harbormaster: Er...right. As I was saying, the Senatus and I are asking explorers to set sail and create new sea charts.
Gabe: Will rewards be involved?
Harbormaster: The rewards are handsome indeed. If you can chart a course from here to the north, it'll be worth it.
Report: [Stops drooling and wipes his mouth and chin off] Sounds fun. I like it.
Gabe: When do we start?
Harbormaster: Right now. I've even gotten them to lend you a ship, exclusively for TV Tropes's use.
Report: Score!
Ere: Whoa, hang on. That old lady at the Senatus already said she was giving us a boat.
Harbormaster: She may have said "boat", but what you were lined up to get was a dinky little dinghy. Lined with raw meat and explosives.
Gabe: Why raw meat?
Harbormaster: To attract the sharks incase any of you survived the explosion.
Ranko: Why would the respected Senator want to do something as gruesome as that?
Harbormaster: When Flowdia has a bad day, people start having a bad day. Even so, I admit that it was overkill; you must have done something to piss her off.
Ere: I interrupted her once.
Harbormaster: ...
Harbormaster: Sleep with one eye open.
A deafening roar echoes through the town as an explosion rocks the harbor.
Report: Holy cow, what was that?
Gabe: Judging from the magnitude of the sound, the luminosity of the flash and the speed and size of the shrapnel, I'd say it was a normal-sized lifeboat with about 147 pounds of gunpowder packed under the boards. Probably set on a timer fuse, given the smell on the air.
Gabe knows explosives.
Ranko: All I smell is barbecue.
Ere: Ooh, that sounds good. Dammit, now I'm hungry.
Ranko: Ooh, same here. I hear that the Butterfly Bistro has tillapia that's to die for. You game?
Ere: Definitely.
Gabe: Ladies! I shall accompany you!
Axel: The hell you will.
[Violence]
Axel: You're staying here with the captain and Boat-Man over there. I'll go with them.
Axel walks to the ladies, and the three begin to leave.
Ranko: What's all this about?
Axel: I'm hungry, too. Besides, Missy always gives me discounts and generous portions.
Ere: If that's so, then you're footing the bill. And I'm ordering everything a la carte.
Axel: Fine by me. Just don't ask about the sweet rolls. Or get the roast salmon.
Ere: Whatever. The best fish is explosion-charred, anyway.
Ranko: I don't think I want to know how you know that.
Axel: It's a long story. See...
By this point, the three are too far away to be heard.
Gabe: Oog.
Harbormaster: That...that looked painful. You okay, kid?
Report: This kind of thing happens all the time with him. He'll be fine in a minute or two. Now, you said something about a new boat.
Harbormaster: Of course. As you can see, the boat Flowdia tried to supply you with was a crafty deathtrap under the guise of a shoddy boat. [Points at the harbor] This is boat I acquired for you.
Report: What, behind the big one?
Harbormaster: It is the big one.
Report: Double score! [Runs to the boat]
Upon closer inspection, though large sturdy, and well-put-together, the ship seems quite lacking in furnishings. Report hugs it anyway.
Report: Mmmm...briny.
Harbormaster: Got a name in mind?
This is where the result of the first poll comes into play: naming our ship. Please excuse me while I tally the votes out-loud.
...One.
And the result is in: In first place, "Index", with a whopping...vote.
Only one person ever suggested another name.
Report: Oh, yeah. The Index...
Harbormaster: You're not the first guild we've given a ship to, but most seem to care about the fishing money.
Report: Bo~at...
Harbormaster: You're different, though! We'll be counting on you to restore Armoroad's name as the Ocean City!
Report: Uh-huh...
Harbormaster: I'll...I'll just leave you two alone.
The Harbormaster walks back through the arch, pausing to look at Gabe and wince before continuing.
Several hours later, Ere, Ranko, and Axel come back to the port, still chattering.
Ere: I can't believe you actually fronted the entire bill.
Axel: I said I would, and I did.
Ere: Yeah, but...I mean, seeing you actually doing a gentlemanly thing; it makes you seem...respectable.
Axel: That's a scary thought.
Ere: What makes you say that.
Axel: Think about what exactly you said.
Ere: ...Oh. That is scary.
Axel: ...
Ere: Speaking of scary, what was up with those black-and-green ball-thingies?
Axel: Those were the sweet rolls.
Ere: What? But they moved, and had freaking tendrils!
Axel: Sweet rolls. Missy can cook a lot of things, but sweet rolls isn't one of them. In fact, it's explicitly on the list of things she can't cook.
Ere: They can't taste as bad as they look, though.
Axel: Eating one sends your mind spiraling down a path of fear and despair, a ride that cannot be stopped once it starts. A ratty 30's movie projector plays back your life as a series of grainy, sepia-toned clips to which the music is replaced by the sayings, whispers, and screams of the damned. From the river an inky-black wave engulfs you and becomes a fanged serpent that coils around your arms, legs, chest, and throat; and as it constricts the life from you it turns and stares into your eyes, two golden flares against the black. As the air leaves your lungs, the snake's visage morphs to that of the executioner, dragging white-hot metal across your abdomen while you are chained to a cross on the wall; though the serpent is gone from your neck and chest, you still cannot breathe through all of your screaming. Behind the executioner's black mask is one of white, and without uttering a single word he runs your stomach through with white-hot spear; as your life fades away so does the man and his chamber, and you fall backward into that same inky river, unable to speak, think, hear or move, only watch the darkness seep in through the edges of your eyes to converge at the center of your gaze. To consume one is to risk being consumed yourself.
Ere: That's...grim. It's little jarring to hear anything poetic coming from you, but that's an interesting story.
Axel: Not to mention real.
Ere: Seriously?
Axel: I woke up in the back of an ambulance while Gabe was trying to defibrilate me with his hands * . The last thing I remembered before that was eating the sweet roll, which was apparently 3 days earlier.
Ere: Maybe it just exaggerated your preexisting fears, like Fear Toxin #98.
Axel: I'm only afraid of one thing , and she wasn't there.
Ere: Yeesh. I'm glad I didn't try one.
Axel: A good thing you didn't.
Ere: Just looking at it nearly made me lose my appetite.
Axel: ...
Ere: ...Speaking of losing appetites... [to Ranko] You barely ate anything in those whole two hours.
Ranko: I ate enough. You two went through twelve courses in a row!
Axel: Don't forget the "Captain's Challenge".
Ranko: How can you two pack so much away like that and still be so lean?
Ere: Magical powers.
Ranko: ...No, seriously, where does it all go?
Axel: Straight to her boobs.
Ere: What.
Axel: They're so large, they're the only place all of that food can go to. It's a wonder you don't have severe balancing issues.
Ere: Look, you, I- [trips and falls]
Axel: I was just making a joke; I didn't mean for you to actually have trouble standing up.
Ere: [stands up] For your information, I didn't fall, I tripped.
Ranko: Over what?
Ere: From the looks of it, Gabe.
Gabe's still in the same spot he was at two hours ago.
Gabe: *snores*
Asleep.
Ranko: Has he been asleep this whole time?
Axel: Probably. He often says that the sea air makes him drowsy, but I didn't actually think it was true. [hoists Gabe and drapes him over a shoulder] Come on, sleepy, time to get moving.
Harbormaster: There you kids are.
Axel: Harbormaster.
Ere: Where's Report? I'd have thought he'd be staring at all of the boats while drooling.
Harbormaster: Your other friend? He's probably on the boat, drooling.
Ranko: Which boat?
Harbormaster: The one all the way on the west end.
Ere: Behind the large one?
I've already done this joke, so...
[By Guild TvTropes's ship...]
Ere: Report! You up there?
No response
Ere: That's it, I'm going up.
Ere and Ranko climb the rope ladder onto the ship's deck. Report is standing at the ship's bow, wearing a storm-grey captain's jacket and staring off into the sea.
Ere: This is...surprisingly low-key. I'd expect you to be off drooling somewhere, or at least fangasming.
Report: Drooling? Such acts go against the code aboard The Index. Also, any fangasming to be done has already been done before setting foot upon my vessel.
Ere: "The Index"? Really, Report? That's-
Report: Stop right there! Aboard my ship, you shall address me as "Captain"! Such is the rule aboard The Index.
Ere: Cap...no. Leave me out of your stupid fantasies, idiot.
Report: I am the Captain! Address me as such!
Ere: Whatever, Captain Baka.
Report: I shall allow that.
Ranko: Hey, where are Axel and Gabe?
Axel still remains on the dock, having managed to wake Gabe somewhat percussively. Neither make any attempt to board The Index.
Report: You two! Climb aboard!
Axel: No thanks. I have doubts about the ship's integrity.
Ere: The thing looks brand new. What's there to worry about?
Axel: For one thing, we-
Report: Just hop aboard, landlubbers!
After a moment of deliberation, the two Eht-Ecas hop aboard The Index. As in, literally jumped aboard. The Index rocks slightly as the two land on the deck.
Ranko: You guys didn't have to land so heavy.
Axel: It's not a matter of choice. Increased bone and muscle density equals increased body mass, which in turn equals increased weight. It's a price to pay for not being fully human.
Do remember that most of the Eht-Ecas' Marty Stu-level abilities come from them being descended from dragons. Unlike their elemental powers, their body structures remain unaffected by the planet — which is the explanation I am using for why I don't need a Hoplite right now.
Report: Think ye The Index a derelict? It can not be hindered by mere weight!
Soon, the load the ship will be carrying regularly will utterly dwarf the Eht-Ecas' extra weight.
Gabe: Whatever, whatever. We get it; two more for the crew of The Index.
Report: Excellent! Now we must decide roles!
Ere: Wait, let me guess:
- Report: Captain
Report: Close, but actually:
- Axel: Quartermaster/Boatswain
Ere & Axel: Wait, what?
Report: Alright, crew, time to shove off!
Wow, that was a CREATIVE LIBERTY-heavy update. The Index is gonna be hella short-staffed when it shoves off, but what can ya' do.
Next Time: Take to the mighty seas!
