I figured what the Hell, there's only one issue left (and the Weapon X Noir one-shot) before I move on to another series, so let's give it a go.
Oh, uh, if anybody actually starts reading this, I'd appreciate suggestions regarding what series to do next, since I'm having a hard time deciding. Conventional wisdom would suggest Spider-Man, but I don't know. Besides Spider-Man and its sequel, there's Wolverine, Daredevil, Iron Man, Luke Cage, and Punisher Noir. So if you've got a preference, drop a comment. If there aren't any comments, I'll improvise (translation: Spider-Man ahoy)
And we're off with the final issue of X-Men Noir: Mark of Cain and the finale of the X-Men Noir saga (since Weapon X Noir is a prequel).
As we begin, Wanda pulls up by the Blackbird in her car, meeting the "shady girlfriend" Robert had mentioned last issue: Kitty Pryde (Er, she's Kitty Pryde), a thief so speedy and silent she practically walks through walls. Ms. Pryde also swears like a sailor, by the by. Kitty has, or possibly thinks she has, stolen the gem undetected from the Blackbird. Wanda thinks about Robert - after he's done screwing over Logan and his crew, are she and Kitty next on the list? Kitty says the only surefire way to keep that from happening is to run off with the gem right now. Their conversation is interrupted by an odd sound, and... it's hard to describe, but imagine a bulky old bomber plane. Now cross that with an airliner, and add a giant helicopter rotor to the top. That, whatever it is, is landing near the Blackbird. Cyclops herds his cohorts into it at gunpoint.
When they're airborne, Cyclops says he's trembling at the sight of pure, distilled money in his hands. It brings him back to when he used to boost jewelers with his brothers Alex and Gabe (Havok and Vulcan in mainstream Marvel continuity). Robert asks if Cyclops had always been loyal to Xavier first, and Cyclops notes nobody ever asked him not to be. He says he learned and earned more under Xavier's tutelage than he ever would have outside. And besides, the Professor has friends in high places.
This is a breathtaking sight, and I wish I weren't really really bad at describing things. Take the biggest battleship you can dream up. Now strap about seven Hindenburgs to the keel and put it way up in the sky. This, according to our old pal Robert Kelly once everyone's on board, is what the Army Air Force calls "the Dirigi-Carrier." He welcomes the X-Men, new and old, to O*N*E: The Office of National Emergency (Rather than the Sentinel O*N*E squad of mainstream Marvel, a military unit designated to protect the 198 known powered mutants after the events of House Of M). They're also greeted by Professor Xavier. Logan calls him "Wheels", which I see as a Mythology Gag to the first X-Men movie. It turns out that Kelly was the one who had waterboarded Robert back on Genosha, but this raises a question - what does he care about the Crimson Gem of Cyttorak? Xavier says it should be obvious, and Robert agrees: They've been working for O*N*E all along.
Through Marko, that is. Xavier contacted his half-brother, knowing that his familiarity with Madripoor made him perfect for the job. But, since Marko knew Xavier wasn't exactly Mr. Nice Guy, he wasn't going to take his chances. After double-crossing Logan and his crew, he put the gem on a slow boat to New York - and until he got paid, he wasn't telling which one. This turned out to be a bad idea. O*N*E G-Men tried to beat it out of him, but he slipped away. Unfortunately, he didn't know where he was because they'd tied a hood on his head. He tried to jump ship, but he wasn't on the water... he was on the Dirigi-Carrier.
It's no wonder, then, that his body was found in an open field looking like it had been crushed by some mythical "juggernaut." Robert asks how he's doing with The Summation so far, and Xavier says he could be doing better. Xavier thinks Robert has an overly romantic view of Marko, and insists he had been double crossed; Cain held out on the gem's location until Xavier tripled his fee. I'm going to remind you again that this is 1938. If his fee were as little as a thousand dollars he'd be making off like a bandit by tripling it.
This put Xavier in a bit of a bind. His funds had been strained in his training of his new X-Men, O*N*E's next generation of soldiers. He predicts, rather accurately, that "science's atomic engines of destruction will render traditional warfare not just obsolete, but unwinnable." There will be a definite need for trained, directed, antisocial personalities like the X-Men in "the upcoming shadow struggle with the Bolsheviks."
Xavier tries to put this another way: Marko wasn't just refusing to tell him where the gem was. He was defying America. Logan says he couldn't give a rat's ass about America (after all, he's probably Canadian), and asks what any of this has to do with the gem. Robert tells him it has little to do with the gem itself, so much as what it represents. It's very important to Prince Baran of Madripoor. Since Genosha Bay has become a political flashpoint, O*N*E needs to transfer its training facilities to a new, even more secret extraterritorial location. Prince Baran can provide them with one - if they give him the gem.
Robert says this plan hits a little snag right about here, because while he was keeping the X-Men busy on the Blackbird, a friend of his stole the gem and replaced it with a... special copy. He presses a button on some remote hidden in his jacket, and the gem explodes in Cyclops' hands. Robert says now he has the gem, and if Xavier wants it, he has to find him and be ready to deal. He makes a break for it, sheds his clothes to reveal the Angel costume, and jumps out of the Dirigi-Carrier.
Logan's pissed. He's just going to leave them there? Xavier launches into an in-depth psychoanalysis of Robert, essentially saying that there's nothing of Logan's friend Tommy left in him. Logan smiles and tells him he's not so sure about that.
Surprise of surprises, Robert has somehow managed to survive diving out of a flying battleship at 30,000 feet. He checks in on Wanda, who tries to sell him on the idea that the gem Kitty took was also fake. He's not having it - he can tell when someone's trying to con him. He starts throttling her, but Kitty shows up and... launches a weird Street Fighter-kick at him. Then she tells Robert to suck her cock. As much as I'd like to see that, this is getting kind of bizarre. Anyway, in the ensuing melee he breaks her nose and knocks her out cold. Anyway, Robert says the crack Wanda claims to have seen in the gem doesn't mean anything. It probably really is glass. It's important because of the religious and political significance it holds.
But he doesn't have to tell you - Professor X probably knew all along. Xavier arrives at Wanda's apartment, saying one day he'll learn to stop underestimating Robert. Robert surmises that Wanda's been working for Xavier, and that this was never about the gem. It was about him. Marko was used as bait - Xavier had deliberately had him tossed out of the Dirigi-Carrier to lure Robert out of hiding. This was all another one of Xavier's social experiments. Xavier thinks Robert, due to his altruism, may be exemplary of a whole new type of pathology: heropathy. This was an exercise in studying an angel rather than a demon. But he was disappointed; the Angel fell all too easily.
Or did he? Tommy, and it really is Tommy, says he was faking. FBI agents burst into the room, acting on a tip given to them by Tommy. They heard Xavier confess to the murder of Cain Marko, and arrest Wanda as an accomplice and Kitty on six outstanding warrants in three jurisdictions. Tommy says Xavier is probably going to tell them all about O*N*E to save his skin, and takes his leave.
We now see Logan and Eugene being interned at Genosha Bay, where Emma Frost seems to be giving them the exact same speech she gave Tommy at the beginning of issue #2. Logan isn't worried. They've got an Angel looking out for them.
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