Happy New Year, TV Tropes Wiki! I've decided that, in order to see all the Entrails Animals inside Kaede's house in this episode make up for all the slacking I've been doing in regards to this Liveblog, review another episode today! So, without further ado, let's dive headfirst into the depths of Kämpfer episode seven.
We begin as Male!Natsuru dresses up in his room, drooling over the fact that Kaede has asked him to come over - but dismayed that the person that she has chosen is his 'other [me]', the female Natsuru. Hara Kiri Tiger snarks a little and gets sat on as a punishment...after Natsuru changes into a girl. Does that really count as a punishment anymore? Wait a minute, is Hara Kiri Tiger a guy or a girl, anyway!? Sorry, that was a tangent. Just as Female!Natsuru walks out the door with Hara Kiri Tiger sitting on her arm (omg cuteness~), she sees that Akane and Not-Sakaki are out there, too - with their mascots sitting on their arms. ffff. They insist to join in on the excursion and make excuses that they all need to be together as Kämpfers, but really they all just want to get in Natsuru's skirt.
They arrive at the apartment of Kaede Sakura, whose parents are apparently overseas diplomats. Kaede lets the three girls into her apartment, and...it's filled with Entrail Animals swag! Posters, what appears to be an alarm clock, and, of course, more stuffed animals. Goddommit Fronk, I'll have what she's having! Also, this makes me wonder - is "Entrail Animals" some kind of media franchise in the Kämpfer universe? Anyways, the Entrail Animals mascots engage in drinking some juice (soda?) that literally goes right through them while Kaede sits the gang down for a snack, which includes delicious (snicker) Packy brand chocolate. This is all a setup for a sort of variation of 'spin-the-bottle' - two names will be randomly drawn and those two people have to eat a Po(a)cky stick from both ends, effectively pulling a Lady And The Tramp-speghetti-kiss. When the names are drawn (despite Sakura's obvious attempts to rig it) it actually ends up being Akane and Not-Sakaki, which is actually pretty funny since they're completely indifferent about each other. As we have seen, Not-Sakaki is a good kisser. I'll leave it at that. After more attempted rigging by Kaede, the next turn is Natsuru and Akane. It essentially boils down to "this looks like a blow job". Sakura then ends the game because her rigging attempts didn't work (!?) and decides to "show something to Natsuru-san". As you can imagine, I'm a bit frightened that this surprise is sexual in nature.
But it's not.
MAYBE IT'S A LITTLE SEXUAL TO ME THOUGH SINCE IT'S A ROOM FULL OF EFFING ENTRAILS ANIMALS EVERY-FREAKING-WHERE OMFG IT'S A HAVEN OF MORBID FABRIC WONDERS I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME I WANT ONE SO BAD
(Pirka apologizes to anyone who may have been disturbed by the above. Thank you.)
Kaede explains that she finds it hard to choose favourites, but the one she truly likes best is Burnt Alive Lion; apparently said lion is some kind of prototype Entrail Animal despite the fact she says she bought it at a store. Uh.
Before we can hear any more about this, Mikoto bursts into the apartment out of nowhere (the apartment is goshdarn crowded now) saying she was looking for Natsuru but he wasn't at home, so she decided to check Kaede's place instead. She also brought curry, because...she has a thing for curry, okay?! Maybe she's related to Kururu. After Not-Sakaki spills some curry on Natsuru, Natsuru now has to take a shower at Kaede's place! Can't wait to see the Entrail Animals brand shower curtain (though I'm sure the other girls want to see...erm, something else entirely)!
The eyecatch is — wtf, Mikoto in a Miku Hatsune outfit?! Srsly.
After that bit of wierdness, we return to our regularly scheduled lesbians. Natsuru undresses in the bathroom while Kaede tries to make excuses to barge in on her every two seconds. When she finally stops this, Natsuru realizes that he has no choice but to shower as a girl, because if Kaede sees his/her true form Natsuru will be royally screwed. Awkward ensues because Nats has no idea how to wash a girl's body, not to mention the fact that (s)he doesn't feel all that comfortable looking at...his?...own boobs. Didn't think it could get any more awkward? Well, you're wrong! This is Kämpfer, bitches! Sakura decides to enter the room anyway and begins to strip herself - seriously, Kaede, creepy stalking does not a love interest make - but, thankfully, she's only stripping down to lingerie. Not so thankfully, Akane is also in the room for some reason (?!) and is trying to get Kaede to reconsider her advances. Good luck, Akane, Kaede's rock-solid on this one. Makoto then enters and takes the direct route; she states that she just wants to go in there to see Natsuru's massive boobies. Hey, at least she's honest. I was expecting Not-Sakaki to burst in here, but instead we cut to a shot of her looking at Burnt Alive Lion. Hrmm, is there some connection? Nah, I doubt it.
We then cut - thank god, no naked Nats! - to the gang getting ready for bed. Gratuitous pajama shots abound, and Kaede's (no doubt forced) Natsuru into...wait, is that an Entrail Animals pajama suit?! fffff. Somebody's jealous. AND IT'S ME. To make matters worse on the jealousy front, a fight beetween the girls on who gets to sleep with beside Natsuru ends up with Natsuru sleeping alone - in the room full of Entrail Animals. Dammit, you lucky gender-swapper, you!
Unfortunately, awkwardness resumes momentarily when Natsuru turns back into a guy and, as if on cue, Kaede decides to crawl into the matress to cuddle naked. You can't make this stuff up, folks! She comes close to discovering Male!Natsuru, but Akane bursts in in her Kämpfer form to keep the show PG-13.
This is when it gets really weird. Out of literally nowhere, a random girl with pink hair that we've never seen before bursts into the room. She's not only a random girl, she's a random Kämpfer as well — instead of the established Red and Blue bracelets, hers is White. Oh dear lord, it's a Mary Sue! She's also got a scythe as her weapon, which is pretty badass. Not-Sakaki runs into the room and charges the mystery girl, which causes her to retreat before we can even find out why she's there. When Natsuru asks what was up with the chick with the white bracelet, Not-Sakaki cryptically answers "It's going to be a lot more fun from now on". Huh?!
As the episode ends, Not-Sakaki realizes that she's jealous of the attention Sakura got from Natsuru. UH OH I WONDER WHERE THIS WILL LEAD US
Hey, this episode wasn't all that bad! It focused a little more on the characters' actual relationships than straight-out smut. Even the random White Kämpfer didn't irk me too much. This may be all or in part due to the gratuitous amounts of Entrail Animal-service present in this episode. I'd take that over Les Yay any day of the week!
