Cakman is back! IT'S MY TURN TO DO STUFF.
Hey, everyone! For those who are long(ish) time readers of the liveblog, you will recognize me as AHR's suboordinate/superior in blogging. Unfortunately, since the switch to this new format, the drive to comment has been dulled, as it's sort of felt as though my comments are a bit hidden away and whatnot. AHR, however, has informed me that it is now my job to review the "El Goonish Shive: NP" strips, which I am unsure of the meaning, backstory, and purpose of. AHR gave me her password and whatnot, so I'll just be posting as her.
I will once again repeat that I have no clue as to what the El Goonish Shive: NP strips are. As I click the link to look at the first one (the image hasn't loaded yet), I notice the line below that states in emboldened print EL GOONISH SHIVE: NP IS A SUBCOMIC OF EL GOONISH SHIVE
. The following text says that "NP" stands for "Newspaper," because the format is similar to that of newspaper funnies. Now, on that very note, while newspaper funnies have had their gems- Gary Larson was an absolute genius, Bill Watterson still holds a place in my heart, Scott Adams has a funny strip every now and then, Charles Schultz gave us a kick-ass piano riff, and Aaron Mc Gruder
showed us that anime isn't just for Nipon- as a whole, Newspaper comics, well... Suck. They really suck. Beetle Baily never was and never has been funny, The Lockhorns seem to be in a loveless and tragic marriage, Close to Home is trying too hard to be The Far Side, Cathy is the comic equivalent of Norbit, Marmaduke makes my soul die each time I read it )though it HAS been made funny by external sources
, and to this day I have no idea why Hi and Lois even exists (besides the admittedly decent pornography made out of out one of the titular characters
). So if its inspiration is taken into consideration, I may very well be in for a difficult time.
But with that said, I would consider myself to be a fair man, and I will give this comic the complete benefit of the doubt, going into it with absolutely no pre-ordained notions about El Goonish Shive. I will set aside all of my Batemanesque tortures that I'd like to put each of its cast members through until it gives me reason to hate it so. In other words: Comic? This is your chance to convert me. Make me into a fan.
And I'd also like to state that it has nothing to do with the sexual aspects of the comic or some "die furry die" shit- I am a regular browser of pornography, and a regular masturbator. And I do not
discriminate. Short of feces and guro, I'm game. In fact, transformation can be quite hot if done well. And furry porn to me is pretty much the same as regular drawn porn. I never saw the big deal there. If I'm already jacking off to penciled representations of humans, what the hell does it matter whether they have fur or not?
But I'm getting off topic. My main point is that I am still open to being persuaded by the comic that it doesn't
suck. All it needs to do is convince me otherwise.
So let's get started! I now present to you all, the first ten El Goonish Shive: Newspaper strips!
- Ah, well, good to see that we're getting the sucky parts out of the way first. That way he can work on it getting better as time goes by.
- Besides, of course, the natural urge to question how Tedd didn't realize that he was a female when he was getting dressed that morning, when he was showering, or when he was urinating, Mr. Verres would never let his son go to school like that.
- And if anything, people would just be laughing at Tedd. They would think he was playing some kind of joke- like he had on fake breasts or something.
- And while I know it is AHR's bit, I think I'll just steal it from her and take it a step further. I will be keeping track of the backgrounds used in the comic strips- Circles, gradients, Nothing, and actual backgrounds, which, if my hypothesis proves correct, should be rather non-existant in the end result. So, for now, I will start the graph here, and present it at the end of each 10 strips.
- And we also run into the problem of characters not acting like themselves. Tedd, being the resident pervert, should be eager to go into the girl's locker room. But if I know anything about Dan Shive, I am calling right now that Tedd will end up not changing for gym or something, because Dan Shive is literally terrified of sexuality actually being featured in his webcomic.
- Well, first of all, it's good to see that Tedd's t-shirts are completely form-fitting.
- And I am glad that you covered the showering part. But that doesn't cover the getting dressed part. Or the urinating part. Or the fact that he would feel his breasts jiggling around as he brushed his teeth. From what I know, while breasts are aesthetically appealing, they're a bit of a nuisance in real life. The same thing with testicles- sure, they're weird to play with and kinda fun to tickle a bit, but they're cumbersome and very easily damaged. It's like walking around all day with a carton of eggs between your legs.
- Dat sidemouth...
- I used to post El Goonish Shive porn along with the following line, but alas, I have used it all up:
- Tedd is a pervert!
- There's something odd about a guy who is turned on by himself. It shows that you're a bit too... Proud.
- You can't fool us, Dan. Turning your circle into an angle doesn't make it any better.
- Susan's apparently stole Salad Fingers' hands in the final panel.
- Tedd's breasts are also apparently glowing in the second panel.
- Susan's hair annoys me. It's a solid color, so she always ends up looking like she's wearing a hijab.
- Girls love having the biggest tits out of all of their friends.
- Tedd's a pervert!
- Susan, that is not how you hold a pen. What the hell are you doing?
- Tedd's kind of an asshole here. I mean, he knows how and why Susan feels about how women are treated, and yet he continues to prove her point by behaving exactly how she believes men behave.
- First of all, it's sort of inappropriate for a teacher to be using a student's middle name. How the hell would he even know Tedd's middle name?
- And why would the teacher ask why the kid was slouching? Kids always slouch.
- And it is good to see my prediction pan out. Because even though the last five strips have all centered around the fact that Tedd is a pervert, Shive would never make his characters appear ACTUALLY flawed or realistic. I mean, what is worse? Changing people's genders against their will, or spying on a couple of girl's in their underwear? And Shive denies Tedd this at every turn- even the "canceling" of the x-ray goggles (which, at the time, I explained to be a load of bunk in the first place since that isn't how x-rays work). They all go completely against Tedd's personality. HE WANTS TO GO UP TO RANDOM PEOPLE AND CHANGE THEIR GENDER.
- Tedd's hands are mittens in the last panel.
- And actually, if we are to be fully honest here, a lot more people would be weirded out by Tedd. Any internet-savy student would recognize him as a furry.
- ...And why the hell would he want a tail in the first place?
- And even if he had a tail, it wouldn't be full of silky fur like that. It would like exactly like a third arm, but thinner and without a hand. It might have a tiny bit of hair along it, but that's it. It would... It would actually look pretty disgusting.
- And wouldn't "XYB" be misinterpreted as "Examine your back"? I mean, if I had access to Tedd's arsenal, the first god damn thing I would do would be to give myself wings. That'd be more likely for something to forget having.
- Dat sidemouth.
- Good Lord. Has Dan Shive played ANY video games besides Black and White?
- Take a look at the second panel for a moment. What the hell is going on with Tedd's upper body? Is he supposed to be in girl form? It doesn't look like it in the third or first panel... I suppose he could be crossing his arms, but even if he were, it would be stupid not to SHOW us that at least in one of the other panels.
- GRACE IS SO KAWAII
- Tedd's warning is a tad too specific. She'll have dreams about being a Goddess? Is that specific to Black and White? If you do anything for a while and then go to sleep, do you dream about the activity?
- And thanks for the grin sound effect. I wasn't able to tell that she was smiling at first.
- Aw. Shit.
- Just to let you know- your tribe would quickly get invaded and demolished if you only made healing miracles.
- Other than that, there is no joke here besides "I PLAYED A VIDEO GAME AND HERE IS WHAT I DID."
- ...Is there a joke here? I can't tell.
- I appreciate the backgrounds (75% ain't bad), but not at the expense of... Nothing happening.
- The editorial is chock full of hilarity, as per usual.
- So much for backgrounds.
- The joke isn't bad, but technically the girl was standing in the same place for twelve years too.
- But why would Grace wonder what pushing the alt key and the number 2, of all things, would do? Isn't that... Insanely specific?
Feh. No change here. No change at all. It's still Dan Shive up to his usual shenanigans. And glancing at the chart, he ''really'' needs to start drawing some friggin backgrounds.◊
And that silhouette thing? Where he doesn't fill in the characters? It's not artistic. It's lazy.
Ehh. Whatever. I'll see you all next time when I hijack AHR's account again. I'm sure the rest of El Goonish Shive: NP will be boatloads of fun.