Cakman's Writings: El Goonish Shive NP: I'm Only Doing Five Strips Today. So Just Think Of This As Either The Christmas Special or The Force Unleashed.
Heya. In college right now, and I have an hour before my next class starts. I have nothing else to do, so I might as well get some shive done. I don't have enough time to do the full ten strips so you'll have to settle on only five for now. Apparently, (THANKS TO AHR FOR RUINING IT FOR ME
), this arc is
indeed going to involve a Jumanji parody. Of all the Robin Williams movies to ruin, why couldn't you pick one that was already bad, like Old Dogs? Or at least one that I could relate you to, so it didn't get completly ruined.hour photo.jpg I'm thinking One Hour Photo. You sort of look like Robin in that movie.◊
Anywho, let's get this over with:
- Whoa! Four backgrounds! Off to an awesome start! They're all the same background, but that's all we need!
- I'm going to avoid my usual "Why don't you just make porn" sentiments for this one, and rather focus on another odd thing I noticed about this comic:
- The girl in the background appears to be attempting to shoplift a soda, but is then surprised when the shopkeeper notes what KIND of soda she sells. My problem is this:
- If you're a shoplifter, why the hell, barring complete kleptomania, would you shoplift a drink that you didn't recognize? I mean, even I have done some shoplifting in my time (and gotten caught after I made a retarded mistake), and I understand the urge to do it. But even I would hesitate taking this◊ upon going into an Asian Grocer. What the hell is it?
- Besides, that girl is a terrible shoplifter. First of all, if you're going to shoplift, you should be discreet about it, and not hunched over with an evil grin on your face like you've just tied the mayor's daughter to the train tracks.
- And besides the facial expression, if all you're shoplifting is a soft drink, there is no need to even put it in your pocket. It's inconspicuous enough to just hold in your hand as you walk out. Trying to cover a cylindrical lump in your coat, unless you have had a mastectomy, is rather difficult.
- Whelp, so much for them backgrounds, eh?
- I know that I just promised not to go into the porn thing, but I feel the need to relate a story to you all. Back in the early 2000s, when Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire first came out, I was into the series. This was at a time pre-puberty when my mind had not been corrupted by sexual whathaveyou. There is a chapter towards the end of the book when Harry is in the infirmary, and Hermione comes to visit him. While she is there, she shows him that she had a glass jar with Rita Skeeter (illegally transformed into a bug) trapped inside. Due to my young age and lack of knowledge on the subject of bondage, rape fetishism, and the like, I did not quite understand why I was so... Fascinated by this portion of the book. I read it several times. Sometimes I would grab the book off of my shelf just so I could read that portion of it. It really interested me. Sometimes, I would daydream about the moments of power Hermione had when she was explaining the situation to Rita. I would stew in it. Of course, looking back on this, not only am I embarrassed by it, I realize that all I was doing was entertaining my own personal fetishes. But I have grown up. I am no longer a child, and I understand the difference between the sexualized and the not. AND THIS IS SEXUALIZED.
- You can hide behind "It's part of the plot" all you want. The ONLY reason that the shoplifter was there, and was transformed, is because Shive probably masturbated to the thought of it at some point.
- And the shopkeeper is ignoring the judicial system. Putting that out there.
- And the girl in the cage just looks like Tedd. Same hair.
- By the way, if Tedd didn't have enough for the toothbrush, how much is he going to have to be able to afford the board game? How much is it going to cost? $15? Is she that greedy of a bastard?
- Oh, Dude, thanks for the first panel. I hadn't understood the joke yet.
- Do females really use the word "hunk" outside of Tabloids discussing Soap Opera actors and Dr. Steve Brule?
- And "Hunky movie stars" really makes him sound out of touch with what a girl would want. If it was out of continuity, I'd personally (though I am male) see just how well I could rape. I think Sarah would have something halfway interesting. But no. She is, and always will be, stark, naked, vanilla.
- OMIGOD I LOVE MONTY PYTHON AND I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE MAKE THE SAME FUCKING REFERENCES TO IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
- Ugg. I like Monty Python. But people take quoting it too fucking far.
- And way to explain the joke. This strip would have been funny if the third and second panels had no speech balloons.
- And "rules" is spelled with an 's'. Dick.
- I don't get it. What is the joke? What would Sarah have done to him? Being turned into a sex object seems pretty bad to me.
- And I don't get it. What does Tedd mean?! Can anyone explain this one? Seriously. I'm just puzzled now.
Class is starting now. I gotta go. There's your Masonic Code.◊
I believe it translates to "Go fuck yourself." I'm out.