My titles are incredibly original. Lemme just put that out there.
So, first off, before I go any further, I just want to congradgulate AHR and her liveblog for winning the 2010 Tropie award for best liveblog
. She won by six votes! AHR and I also won third place for Most Romantic Ship
Now, when we last left our heroes, Dan Shive had come up with some fantastic alternate interpretations of his characters. They were just as deep and interesting as Dan Shive's normal characters are, and had the same amount of vivid personality traits and emotional range. Let's continue the exciting adventures.
- Thank you Tess for setting back the female gender a few years with every panel you appear in.
- See, this is what annoys me about all of these new female characters: There's no middleground. Shive has either "DARK AND GOTHIC" for the alternate Sarah and Regular Susan, or "SUPER HYPER KAWAII" for Alternate Susan, Grace, and Tess. I guess you could make the argument for Regular Sarah being the middleground, but the only reason she's not "DARK AND GOTHIC" is because of Elliot!
- Once again, we have Tess being Grace. Because that is what Grace would do. Hug his tail.
- I should also point out that animal tails, being located directly above the anus, are frequently caked with feces. Just want to state that.
- There's also something annoying about how bothered Shive seems that you could possibly like the new versions of the characters he created. I mean, they're supposed to be ridiculous! Oi vey, he is a wet match in a dark cave.
- Well, I do need to give him credit for not including "Gay man" as pone of Justin's traits.
- DEM HAMBONE ARMS
- There really isn't much of a joke here. I guess you could say that because the comic book shop isn't really a "noble" destination that it counts, but really? That's doesn't even register on the humor scale. Was there anyone that chuckled at this? Anyone who smiled? Anyone who read this strip and "tittered"? I mean, I read Order of the Stick on a regular basis (thanks to AHR's reminders) and that webcomic manages to at least if not make me outright laugh at each strip, make me crack a smile or curl my face into a slight grin. Here... The punchline is more like a setup. Like it would be in the first panel.
- And fuck you. Clouds don't count as backgrounds.
- OH WOW IS NANASE A LESBIAN?!
- "Nancy" and "Elaine." Does subtlety mean nothing to you?! ''ANYTHING?!'"
- And besides, what friggin comic book store has a lesbian section?!
- That is the emptiest comic book store I have ever seen.
- Here's another thought: Could you imagine if the gender roles were reversed (I know, gender switching is hard to fathom in this comic, but bear with me)? Like, if Justin had just gotten out of a relationship with a girl because he was unhappy with the way she made him feel, and Nanase, a proclaimed lesbian, kept telling him "You know, you should try dating a guy. Try dating a guy. Maybe you're gay." And after typing that, I'm going to retract the statement, actually. Because it wouldn't make it any more or less creepy than it already is. Regardless of whether Nanase actually is gay, there is no God damn difference between what Justin's old girlfriend currently does to him and what Justin has been doing to Nanase. Their intent, regardless of the result or the actual status of the person's sexuality, is to convince a person who steadfastly believes themselves to be one sexuality that they are, in fact, another. There's no excuse. Justin's girlfriend is doing it "lovingly" just as Justin is doing it to Nanase. And yet, could you imagine the uproar if Justin ever ended up dating his girlfriend again? Of course he wouldn't do that. Shive has a fucking status quo to uphold. He needs one homosexual (SINGLE, OF COURSE, CAN'T HAVE ANY FANSERVICE OF THAT SORT 'ROUND HERE) male, and one homosexual female couple (COMPLETE WITH TONS OF FANSERVICE. GOOD THING).
- And Justin's legs are too long. Fuck you.
- First of all, screw you. You want a good fanbase? Let the kids come in and don't pester them. If you give them a place to hang out, they will pay you back for it eventually.
- Second of all, good. We did indeed need another scene of Nanase in revealing clothing. It adds to both the plot and her character.
- Third of all, HAHAHA NERDS! THEY CAN'T GET GIRLFRIENDS SO THEY'LL BUY STUFF FROM NANASE IF SHE'S A FAIRY!
- Fourth of all, didn't we already see that sales increase whenever Nanase is around? Because she pretty much prostitues herself? Technically, I didn't mind the fact that she was charging kids to flash them. Sexual harassment of minors is a-okay in my book, but isn't it inconsistent for her to now need to turn into a fairy?
- Fifth of all, what is Nanase holding in her hand in the second panel? Is it the fairy doll? Where did she get it, and why doesn't she still have pigtails in the last panel?
- Sixth of all, don't make that face, Justin. Don't make that face ever again. Please.
- Ah yes. The old standby of "CARDS" brand trading cards. That brings me back.
- There are... Massive scale issues with this strip. Either Nanase shrunk between panels, or those are some gigantic CARDS brand cards.
- Oh! Wait! Not only are they CARDS brand, they're from the limited edition "CARDS TO PLAY WITH ^_^" line!
- He can see up your skirt, you hussy.
- And why would he only buy one pack at a time? Why wouldn't he just say "I'll take two packs of cards."? I know that that's the joke, but the joke doesn't make any logical sense.
- It also occurs to me that, not being employed at the store, not only is it highly illegal for Nanase to be helping customers, but Justin is being an asshole and forcing his friends to do the work that he himself should be doing. He already said that there was nothing going on today. So he's just forcing Nanase to work because he doesn't feel like it. Of course, if Nanase were to ask for compensation, or if something were to happen and she were to get hurt on the job, Justin would be immediately fired and most probably held on charges.
- More scale issues: Nanase is less than the width of a stack of quarters, but also about the same thickness as a pack of cards. And the quarter is, to scale with the hand, the size of a dime. WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE.
- Ah. Remember that joke I made about Justin before? I was kidding. What the fuck, dude.
- And no, you truly do not understand subtlety. If you did, not only would you have not named the characters in the book Nanase was reading "Nancy" and "Elain," but you also would not have later felt the need to explain the joke.
- AND NANASE HAS A CRUSH ON ELLEN. DID YOU KNOW THAT?!
- Humans do not purr. I can attest to this. They do not purr.
- ...Wait a second. When the fuck did Nanase get a tail?! Why is she furry now?!
- Okay, just checked, she had a tail in the previous strips. WHY. WHAT IS SHE SUPPOSED TO BE. YOUR FETISHES DO NOT CONTROL THE FUCKING UNIVERSE, DAN. PICK SOME GOD DAMN CONSISTENCY AND STICK WITH IT.
- This still does not detract from the fact that Justin does not OWN the store, and could get in a shitload of trouble if the owners found out what he was doing.
- Look at Nanase's punching hand. It has suddenly grown to human size.
- COMIC BOOK NERDS HAVE NO SOCIAL LIVES AND DO NOT INTERACT WITH HUMANS. THEREFORE, WHEN THEY SEE A FEMALE, THEY LEAP TO DO WHATEVER SHE SAYS.
- If you used this joke once, Shive, I would forgive you. BUT THIS IS THE ONLY FUCKING PUNCHLINE WE EVER GET WHEN YOU'RE AT THE COMIC BOOK STORE. NANASE IS THERE. NANASE IS A GIRL. THE COMIC BOOK STORE'S CUSTOMERS ARE NOT USED TO GIRLS, SO THEY LISTEN TO HER. THAT'S ALL THAT HAPPENS. YOU MAKE THE CHARACTERS FROM THE BIG BANG THEORY SEEM DEEP, SHIVE.
- You know, of all the strips in which Justin has been working at the comic book store, there's probably been two or three in which he's actually been behind the God damn register. Otherwise, he just hangs out.
- And once again no punchline. Are we supposed to think that this is cute? Is that it?
- I'm sorry. There's really nothing else here to talk about. Besides the card game they are playing, which apparently only involves placing three cards down at a time.
- Once again, we have Dan Shive's habit of telling us "I DID SOMETHING POP-CULTURE RELATED LAST NIGHT!" In this case, he probably watched an episode of Futurama and enjoyed it. Therefore, he has to shoehorn in a reference.
- Why would they not just be arguing over which character would win, you may ask? Well, the reason is because Shive wants to seem like he knows even more about the show than us, so he starts naming the voice actors... I have no idea how that makes any sense at all, personally. That's just my take on it.
- And in case there's any confusion over who the Duck hat kid likes, Shive has kindly included a helpful reminder in the form of a "WEST RULEZ" t-shirt. I am almost positive (and google confirms my suspicions) that the voiceactor of Stimpy and Fry doesn't have a t-shirt informing us that he "rulez".
- There's really also something to be said for how simply turning into a female catapulted Elliot to being a side character. Who is apparently co-dependent.
- I ALMOST THOUGHT THAT WE WERE GOING TO GET THROUGH TEN GOD DAMN STRIPS WITHOUT JUSTIN REMINDING US THAT HE DOES NOT PREFER STICKING HIS PENIS INTO VAGINAS. WE GET IT.
- And Nanase has a crush on Ellen.
- Seriously, though. How did Nanase go from being a decently strong (if poorly-written) female character, into being a God damn Yandere?!
- And on that same note, when did she go from being shy about her feelings for Ellen to being OMG SO IN LURVE?!
Blurgh. This comic drains me. I write about it, and feel like I need to take a nap afterwards. Our chart◊
has taken an interesting turn, with the panels featuring "Nothing" now being at equal levels with "Circles," with "Actual Backgrounds" trailing behind in a distant third. Our next time together seems to feature Nanase, Justin, and Ellen at the mall,
and trust me when I tell you this: hi-jinx will ensue.
I'll be sure to be there to revel in its horrendousness. I need to go masturbate angrily to relieve some of this tension.