A Chronicle of Entry Pimping

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Batch 2

The first entry today is from Xanatos Gambit:

In Ayla and the Networks, in the Whateley Universe the principle is lampshaded. In the middle of a Thirty Xanatos Pile-up, the main star gets a smirk. "Xanatos Gambit?" "Xanatos Gambit." And it's just as planned.

It's like they're trying to pander to us, I swear. Also, given that Ayla and the rest of Team Kimba (the main protagonists of the series) are Mary Sues who never actually lose, I think that spoiler is a bit unnecessary.

Of course, the entry has some stubs:

Recently given a bit of insight in "Ayla and the Birthday Brawl" chapter 11, Ayla tells a minor character the truth on a detail. He then gives a little inner monologue on how this helps. Either it disarms the person, or he gains crucial details. Whatever happens, he gets out ahead.


Supervillain Dr. Diabolik lives by the Xanatos Gambit. His standard plan is to use his 'mind web' to take over an entire mid-sized city. If the heroes fail to defeat him, he walks off with all the goods of the entire town. If the heroes break through the power of the mind web, he still gets everything his forces have stolen by then, plus he achieves his real goal: he 'awakens' thousands of ordinary people and makes them more 'aware'.

But they aren't quite as easy to make fun of. So congrats.

Here's another one that isn't easy to make fun: the entry on Hero Antagonist.

In the Whateley Universe, the Reverend Darren England, protector of the planet from demonic threats for decades. He's now willing to deal with The Syndicate if it means the death of The Kellith, the descendant of a Great Old One, before The Kellith can destroy all life on earth. The only problem is that The Kellith is Carmilla, who is an Anti-Hero protagonist and is trying to go straight.

Hallelujah, it might not be concise, but at least the lack of concision is justified by explaining the context to all the people who do not care. In all seriousness, this isn't a bad entry. If nothing else, it's coherent. And Rev. Darren England sounds like a total bro. It doesn't help that I find myself disliking Carmilla from the entries here.

Alright, now let's see if I have this right - Sara Waite, aka Carmilla, is part of where the pseudo-Lovecraft crap comes in - she's the descendant of an Eldritch Abomination and she goes to the Whateley Academy. And just like Team Kimba, she is ridiculously powerful and beautiful. She also eats the souls of puppies. No, I am not making that up.

I might have a potential theme here. Here's the entry under Alien Geometries.

Carmilla's room in the Whateley Universe. It keeps changing size and shape. Its door moves from building to building. It's possible to walk in and out of it without using any known entrance. There's a reason the staff at Whateley Academy calls it the H. P. Lovecraft Room.

Because that is totally what H.P. Lovecraft had in mind when he envisioned things so thoroughly beyond the comprehension of the human mind that a glance would completely snap the mind.

Now for the next entry: Rape Is Okay When Its Female On Male

Sara simultaneously rapes and mind rapes Jobe, while transforming him into a female against his wishes. This is played for laughs.

So one of the protagonists of this piece of work is a rapist. Fucking lovely. Granted, the entry does have some more stubs:

It should also be noted that his survival chance and that he is able to keep his mind/Memories intact were pretty low. So it can be argued that she saved his live since her powers are based on Lust and Sex. She is also emotionally devastated and disgusted with what she did after the act. The creatures he creates to kill her before and after that Act are also one of the very few ways to grow strong enough to even have a any chance against her "relatives" when they arrive.

Okay. So, what I take from this is that she rapes him in order to piss him off so he'll make superweapons to try to kill her that might be useful for fighting the real bad guys or something...

Yeah, this is fucking retarded. I like how the next stub puts it:

In other words, this kind of crosses over into Rape Is Okay If It's Divine On Mortal / Omniscient Morality License territory, as in "it's OK because I'm a demon-goddess in training and my alien inhuman super-intelligence assures me that it's all for a good cause".

Well, that's one protagonist that I'd like to see die already. Let's see if the other characters are more endearing. Howabout we check the Benevolent Boss entry?

Entry has several stubs, most of them short, to the point, and... oh wait, here's one that fails the concision test, and it's about one of the protagonists! Ayla, again:

Ayla Goodkind/Phase is already a Benevolent Boss, despite being a freshman (technically he's repeating stuff that he's already done). He was being bullied for being transgendered, so he hired a security firm to dig up info on the bully's family, bought the debt that they owed, then threatened to ruin them financially. When the bully relented and apologized, he set up a way for him to free his family of debt just by acting as a source of information. When another student asked for a loan to save his family from bankruptcy, he offered to give him the money instead in exchange for a very particular (but not particularly hard) service. The family was so thankful they gave him a share of the company. He then proceeded in finding more business for the company.

Well, that seems just fi- Wait. So... a bully comes at him. His response is to use his vast resources to... threaten the bully's family?

What the fuck? That's not benevolent, that's extortion! That's the kind of thing I'd expect from a junior Lex Luthor or some shit like that. That's messed up.

Oh, and another one of the good guys apparently murders someone because a magic sword told her to... the Dao required it or something, I don't know.

What the fuck is wrong with these characters? Am I supposed to be endeared to them or feel bad for them? These entries sure as hell don't make me feel that way. Let's cap this off with Beware the Nice Ones.

  • In the Whateley Universe, Jade Sinclair (Generator) qualifies. Normally the cute, shy, wacky 'little sister' figure, when she's pushed too hard one day, and then attacked by Bloodwolf (an avatar of the werewolf spirit) and two fellow Ultraviolents, she snaps. Bloodwolf ends up nailed to a tree. With railroad spikes.
    • Lately she seems to be actively considering a potential career as the Psycho Babysitter From Hell perfectly harmless to her future charges, but woe to whoever thinks to threaten them.
    • It bears mentioning that, of those among her circle of friends who have killed other people (which include a terrifyingly powerful mage, a girl who wields a sword that can cut through anything, a soul-eating demon and Tennyo The Motherfucking Destroyer), Jade's kill count exceeds the rest combined by a factor of four. At the very least.
    • Speaking of which, Tennyo herself is a very kind, if somewhat somber, person who spends a lot of time worrying about accidentally hurting others with her powers. Considering how powerful she is, she has good reason to worry, so it is generally considered a very bad idea to give her a reason not to care about this.
    • In fact, let's put the entirety of Team Kimba, plus Carmilla, on the list.

That does it. I'm convinced that these characters are psychopaths.


Hate pimping? Vote Ron Paul 2012!

(Sorry, couldn't resist after a trip to reddit)
Jergling 30th Jan 12
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