Line #33 Literature/TheRealFrankZappaBook


1	[[quoteright:233:https://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/the-real-frank-zappa-book_5889.jpg]]
2
3	''The Real Frank Zappa Book'' is Music/FrankZappa's autobiography, published in 1989. Originally journalist Peter Occhiogrosso was invited to transcribe Zappa's actual words to paper, but when Zappa read the first draft he felt it was way too serious and dry. So he changed the entire style of the book in something that was more in line with his reputation for funny, sarcastic and bizarre entertainment. The end result is an amusing and insightful book that combines both autobiographical information, transcripts of song lyrics and letters, a transcript of the court case against Zappa by the Royal Albert Hall because of obscenity, touring anecdotes, and Zappa's personal opinions about various topics, including music, politics, education, religion, censorship, family and his own career.
4
5	'''Chapters'''
6	# "Introduction: Book? What Book?"
7	# "How Weird Am I, Anyway?"
8	# "There Goes the Neighborhood"
9	# "An Alternative to College"
10	# "Are We Having a Good Time Yet?"
11	# "The Log Cabin"
12	# "Send In the Clowns"
13	# "Drool, Britannia"
14	# "All About Music"
15	# "A Chapter for My Dad"
16	# "The One You've Been Waiting For"
17	# "Sticks & Stones"
18	# "America Drinks and Goes Marching"
19	# "All About Schmucks"
20	# "Marriage (as a Dada Concept)"
21	# "Porn Wars"
22	# "Church and State"
23	# "Practical Conservatism"
24	# "Failure"
25	# "The Last Word"
26	''''
27
28	!! The Real Frank Zappa Book provides examples of the following tropes:
29
30	* TheAlcoholic:
31	** One chapter is called "America Drinks & Goes Home" about America's fascination with beer commercials and the macho behaviour that goes along with it.
32	** Zappa also tells an anecdote about the time he met a very drunk Creator/JohnWayne.
33	* {{Biography}}: It's an autobiography, but at the same time everything is told in a sarcastical tone and Zappa spends more pages telling his personal opinions about subjects than revealing much about his private life. Former Mother member Don Preston and author Barry Miles have also [[UnreliableNarrator doubted some of the stuff Zappa presents as ''facts'']]. People who want to read more about Zappa's life would be better off reading an actual biography.
34	* {{Bowdlerize}}: Zappa tells an anecdote from high school where he doesn't tell the name of the woman involved in it, but writes this instead:
35	--> ''[name left out] - because I happen to be a nice guy.''
36	* CallBack and ContinuityNod: Two chapters are named after tracks from Zappa's albums, namely "America Drinks and Goes Marching", titled after "America Drinks And Goes Home" from ''Music/AbsolutelyFree'' and "Porn Wars" from ''Music/FrankZappaMeetsTheMothersOfPrevention''.
37	* ClassicalMusicIsBoring: Zappa often expressed the notion that to him most classical music before the 20th century was ''boring''. In this book he goes into more detail and explains that most classical music from previous centuries was written to please some king, duke or abbott who forced composers to make everything sound according to their wishes. In that regard it's not much different from mainstream pop music nowadays, only with record producers forbidding artists to make songs that clash with their conventional tastes. Despite these claims recent research has proven that Zappa did often listen to pre-20th century composers like Music/JohannSebastianBach, Henry Purcell, Music/RichardWagner,... too and was more knowledgeable about their music than he showed to the outside world.
38	* {{Cloudcuckoolander}}:
39	** The chapter "How Weird Am I, Anyway?" has Zappa debunking his reputation for being eccentric. He downright states:
40	---> ''I never set out to be weird. It were always others who called me that.''
41	** Zappa also tells several anecdotes about some weird people he met throughout the years, including Ronny and Kenny Williams who collected urine and nose boogers and were immortalized in "Let's Make The Water Turn Black" in ''Music/WereOnlyInItForTheMoney''. Crazy Jerry was a man who played piano by using a mirror "because it made the distance between the keys look smaller and it was a lot easier to learn that way." He also wore metal hat because he was afraid "people would read his mind", enjoyed getting jolts from electric meters and was once seen hanging by his knees from a tree branch - like a bat- right ouside Zappa and Gail's bedroom window. Another strange person was Wild Bill the Mannequin Fucker, whose name is ExactlyWhatItSaysOnTheTin. Laurel Fishman was a LoonyFan who once showed Zappa a a perfectly spherical ball of her own shit in a mason jar and spanked musician Music/SteveVai with a hair brush [[note]] there was also a banana involved, but let's not go there [[/note]], inspiring the song "Stevie's Spanking" from "Them Or Us" (1984). And then there were the Plasters Casters Of Chicago, who made plaster casts of penises of famous rock artists.
42	---> ''Do we really want to know how Music/MichaelJackson makes his music? No. We want to understand why he needs the bones of Elephant Man -- and, until he tells us, it doesn't make too much difference whether or not [[Music/{{Bad}} he really is bad]].''
43	* CorruptChurch: The chapter "Church and State" is devoted to organized religion, televangelists and the Moral Majority. Zappa also tells an anecdote about when he and a friend visited the Church of the Sub Genius and transcribes a typical telecast by money grabbing televangelist Robert Tilton.
44	* DareToBeBadass:
45	-->''If you wind up with a boring, miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on TV telling you how to do your shit, then YOU DESERVE IT.''
46	* DeadpanSnarker: Zappa's writing style.
47	* EpicFail: The chapter "Failure" deals with all the projects that Zappa spent time on, but never ammounted to anything.
48	* {{Epigraph}}: He points out that "[t]he epigraphs at the heads of chapters (publishers love those little things) were researched and inserted by Peter (Occhiogrosso, the co-author) -- I mention this because I wouldn't want anybody to think I sat around reading Flaubert, Twitchell and Shakespeare all day." Zappa's reaction to an epigraph quoting Flaubert is "How 'bout that epigraph, huh? Peter, you're cracking me up already."
49	* FaceOnTheCover: There are various types of book covers, but they all feature Zappa on it.
50	* GroupieBrigade: "The One You've Been Waiting For" tells several intrigueing anecdotes about groupies and band members.
51	* InThePastEveryoneWillBeFamous: Zappa recounts anecdotes where he met various celebrities, like Music/MickJagger (who pulled out a splinter from Zappa's toe in the years he lived in a log cabin) and Creator/JohnWayne (who was drunk and offensive to Zappa during a stage show). Zappa also wrote a letter to UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan about music censorship, which is printed in its entirety in the book, but he never received a reply.
52	* InTheOriginalKlingon: Zappa relates his Sicilian father's theory that everything was invented by Sicilians, up to and including UsefulNotes/TheRomanEmpire.
53	* {{Irony}}: Right from the start Zappa informs the reader that he actually didn't want to write an autobiography, but:
54	--> ''One of the reasons for doing this is the proliferation of stupid books (in several languages) which purport to be About Me. I thought there ought to be at least ONE, somewhere, that had real stuff in it. Please be advised that this book does not pretend to be some sort of 'complete' oral history. It is presented for consumption as entertainment only.''
55	* [[ViewersAreMorons Listeners Are Morons]]:
56	-->''The more your musical experience, the easier it is to define for yourself what you like and what you don't like. American radio listeners, raised on a diet of _____ ([[{{Disco}} fill in the blank]]), have experienced a musical universe so small they cannot begin to know what they like.''
57	* MyCountryTisOfTheeThatISting: Just like in his lyrics Zappa criticizes American politics and society frequently in the book.
58	* NightmareFetishist: Zappa recalls a man called [[NamesToRunAwayFromReallyFast ''Wild Bill the Mannequin Fucker'']] who had an [[{{Squick}} entire family of mannequin dolls whom he enjoyed having sex with and even invited people to come over and join in the "fun"]].
59	* NostalgiaFilter: He had no need for nostalgia and devoted a whole chapter in his autobiography ''Literature/TheRealFrankZappaBook'' about how people's tendencies to look over their shoulders and be TwoDecadesBehind caused progress to be slowed down.
60	* PunBasedTitle: The chapter "Drool, Britannia", a pun on the song "Rule Britannia".
61	* RealityIsUnrealistic:
62	--> ''The songs I write about women are not gratuitous attacks on them, but statements of fact. The song "[[Music/SheikYerbouti Jewish Princess]]" caused the Anti-Defamation League of the B'nai B'rith to complain bitterly and demand an apology. I did not apologize then and refuse to do so now because, unlike the unicorn, such creatures do exist and deserve to be 'commemorated' with their own special opus.''
63	* SchmuckBait: One chapter is entitled: ''All About Schmucks''.
64	* SelfDeprecation:
65	** From the section "Life on Stage" in the chapter "All About Music" in ''Literature/TheRealFrankZappaBook'':
66	--> ''As much as I would like to walk out there and 'be myself,' the fact is that the 'self' that I am- when I am just 'being myself'- would be utterly boring and unwatchable on a stage.''
67	** Zappa about the bad reception of ''Music/HotRats'' back in 1969:
68	--> ''The very idea! An all-instrumental album, except for one vocal cut -- and that had to feature Music/CaptainBeefheart! He's no singer! Why are you wasting America's precious time with this, you asshole!''
69	* TakeThat: Targets who get several pages devoted to them are the American government, UsefulNotes/RonaldReagan, Minister of Health C. Everett Koop, beer culture, televangelists, music censorship, organized religion, consumerism, MTV, the division between ''high'' art and ''low'' art, the Moral Majority and schmucks.
70	* TakeThatCritics: He devoted a few pages explaining the inaneness of most critics and argued that somebody may like an album, even if someone gave it a bad review. Zappa himself was a good example, because he discovered his main musical inspiration Music/EdgardVarese thanks [[BileFascination to a horrible review in a magazine and felt he had to check it out, just because of that]].
71	* TimeMarchesOn: Some of Zappa's lectures on politics remain fresh, some of his other opinions are very dated. In some of the chapters he advocates the abolishment of apartheid in South Africa, for instance, and he criticizes the Reagan administration.
72	* UrbanLegends: Right from the first chapter Zappa takes time to debunk some urban legends about his persona. No, he is not the son of Mr. Green Genes from ''Series/CaptainKangaroo'', just because the album ''Music/HotRats'' (1969) happened to have a track titled that way. Similarly he never [[GrossOutShow ate shit on stage during a concert]]. (That would be Music/GGAllin.)
73	--> ''I was in a London club called the Speak Easy in 1967 or '68. A member of a group called the Flock, recording for Columbia at the time, came over to me and said: [[ExcrementStatement "You're fantastic. When I heard about you eating that shit on stage, I thought, 'That guy is way, way out there.'"]] I said, "I never ate shit on stage," He looked really depressed —like I had just broken his heart. For the records, folks: I never took a shit on stage, and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at [[ForeignQueasine a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973.]]"''

Context Literature / TheRealFrankZappaBook