Line #10 Funny/AnneOfGreenGables


1	!! Anne of Green Gables
2
3	* Anne smashing the slate over Gilbert's head in DisproportionateRetribution for a comment about her hair. The book feels the need to clarify that it was the slate that cracked, and not Gilbert's head.
4	** Colleen Dewhurst's reaction to this in the film is priceless. She asks how hard Anne smashed the slate and [[ActuallyPrettyFunny smirks when Anne replies "very hard, I'm afraid]]."
5	** The fact that ''this'' is evidently the moment that caused Gilbert to be [[LoveAtFirstPunch smitten with Anne.]]
6	** The 1979 anime version is funny on its own, but the English dub of this scene does something interesting with the dialogue: Instead of having Anne call him a mean, hateful boy like in the book and Japanese version, the dub has her straight-out scream [[PrecisionFStrike "Go to hell!"]] Inaccurate? Yes. Still funny? Yes!
7	* Anne tries to dye her hair raven black. [[MyHairCameOutGreen It ends up green]].
8	--> "I thought nothing could be as bad as red hair. It turns out green is ten times worse."
9	* Anne and her friends acting out "Literature/TheLadyOfShalott". It all goes well until the boat sinks...
10	** [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZCyhQ5jsxtY In the miniseries]] Anne is clinging to a bridge piling when she notices Gilbert approaching in a rowboat. She makes the best expressions to indicate her exasperation and annoyance, then tries to compose herself so she can speak to Gilbert as cooly as though they were passing on the street. Sometimes it just isn't possible to "rise to the occasion", Anne!
11	-->'''Gilbert:''' Anne Shirley, what in the heck are you doing?
12	-->'''Anne:''' [[AskAStupidQuestion Fishing for lake trout.]]
13	* Anne accidentally getting Diana drunk. Though the consequences aren't funny, the event itself is. What she thought was raspberry cordial turned out to be currant wine, [[UnsuspectinglySoused and Diana drank three tumblerfuls of it]]. Note that homemade wine back then was much more potent than we would assume today, as they had no way of regulating the alcohol content...
14	** The title of the chapter that covers this incident: "Diana Is Invited to Tea with Tragic Results."
15	* Anne makes a cake for a guest, but accidentally uses muscle linement instead of vanilla extract. Anne had a cold and couldn't smell the difference.
16	* Anne's first attempt at praying. And remember that the book was published in 1908, when this kind of humor about religion was a lot more shocking.
17	** And Anne refuses to pray at first because God made her hair red ''on purpose''.
18	** Anne understands that part of a prayer is to ask God for something she wants. So she prays to him to let her stay at Green Gables... [[MoodWhiplash and to make her pretty when she grows up.]]
19	* Anne's BackhandedApology to Mrs. Lynde, making sure to slip in that all the insults she's apologizing for were true, but she still shouldn't have said them.
20	** The fact that Mrs. Lynde doesn't notice this...but Marilla does. She also realizes Anne's enjoying it, and yet figures she can hardly scold her for apologizing "too well".
21	* Anne explaining to Marilla her latest accident falling off the roof in Chapter 23 after Mr Barry has to carry her home.
22	--> '''Anne:''' Don't be very frightened, Marilla. I was walking the ridge-pole and I fell off. I suspect I have sprained my ankle. But, Marilla, I might have broken my neck. Let us look on the bright side of things.
23	* When Diana comes over to Green Gables for tea (just prior to the incident with the currant wine), she and Anne both initially make a valiant attempt of being dignified about the whole thing, making inane small-talk with each other...only for the whole charade to fall apart within a minute as Anne becomes excited talking about the apple harvest.
24	* In Chapter 15 Marilla finds [[DramaQueen Anne]] bawling her heart out one evening. It turns out that she's gotten herself upset from just imagining Diana getting married, and the sheer melodrama of her speech about it is funny enough on its own.
25	--> “It’s about Diana,” sobbed Anne luxuriously. “I love Diana so, Marilla. I cannot ever live without her. But I know very well when we grow up that Diana will get married and go away and leave me. And oh, what shall I do? I hate her husband - I just hate him furiously. I’ve been imagining it all out - the wedding and everything - Diana dressed in snowy garments, with a veil, and looking as beautiful and regal as a queen; and me the bridesmaid, with a lovely dress too, and puffed sleeves, but with a breaking heart hid beneath my smiling face. And then bidding Diana goodbye-e-e—” Here Anne broke down entirely and wept with increasing bitterness.
26
27	!! Anne of Avonlea
28	* Mr. Harrison, Anne's irascible new neighbour, tells her to stop letting her cow get into his garden. Shortly afterwards, Anne sees a cow that looks just like hers in his field, thinks her cow has escaped again, and goes to chase it. By the time she catches the cow, she's so thoroughly out of sorts that she promptly takes the opportunity to sell it to Mr. Shearer on the spot. Only afterward does she discover that her cow is right where it was supposed to be - the cow she sold was actually ''Mr. Harrison's own cow''. Fortunately, Harrison takes this all with reasonably good grace when Anne goes to explain and apologize.
29	** The film version changes this to Mrs. Lynde's cow. The scene in which Anne tries to chase it out of a muddy field is absolutely hilarious, complete with Anne covered top to toe in black mud.
30	* Anne, Marilla and Diana [[TwoRightsMakeAWrong all put a spoonful of sugar in the pot of peas]] because each was afraid the others would forget about it. They only discover the truth when Anne tastes the peas. The narration goes on to note (paraphrased), "There were no peas at dinner that day."
31	* The description of a schoolday, when Anne (the teacher) is in a very bad mood:
32	-->Nobody, except Anthony Pye, dared whisper a word. Ned Clay accidentally squeaked his pencil while working a sum, caught Anne’s eye and wished the floor would open and swallow him up. The geography class were whisked through a continent with a speed that made them dizzy. The grammar class were parsed and analyzed within an inch of their lives. Chester Sloane, spelling “odoriferous” with two f’s, was made to feel that he could never live down the disgrace of it, either in this world or that which is to come.
33	* Anne's comment to Marilla that, "If you went to your own room at midnight, locked the door, pulled down the blind, and ''sneezed'', [[NosyNeighbor Mrs. Lynde]] would ask you the next day how your cold was!"
34	* Young Davy isn't particularly excited about going to the FluffyCloudHeaven that is preached at church, being a scamp and full of energy. However, one week after his catechism lesson...
35	--->'''Davy:''' There'll be plenty of jam in heaven, that's one comfort.
36	--->'''Anne:''' Perhaps there will...if we want it. But what makes you think so?
37	--->'''Davy:''' Why, it's in the catechism.
38	--->'''Anne:''' Oh, no, there is nothing like THAT in the catechism, Davy.
39	--->'''Davy:''' But I tell you there is. It was in that question Marilla taught me last Sunday. "Why should we love God?" It says, "Because He makes preserves, and redeems us." Preserves is just a holy way of saying jam.
40	--->'''Anne:''' [[INeedToGoIronMyDog I must get a drink of water.]]
41
42	!! Anne of the Island
43	* The girls of Patty's Place trying to humanely chloroform a stray cat, by sealing it in a wooden box... which they totally forget to check for knotholes.
44	-->"Why in the world don't you come?" demanded Stella, appearing in the doorway. "We've got the grave all ready. What, 'silent still and silent all?' she quoted teasingly.
45	-->"'Oh no, the voices of the dead/Sound like the distant torrent's fall,'" promptly counter-quoted Anne, pointing solemnly to the box. (FYI, they're quoting "The Isles of Greece" by Creator/LordByron)
46	* Davy's letter to Anne. ''All'' of it. It's actually possible to pick out someone who's recently read the book by their laughing at the phrase 'Why, Anne? I want to know.'
47	* Anne writes a melodramatic short story called "Avery's Atonement", and sends it to a literary magazine, but it gets rejected. Diana (without Anne's knowledge) sends the story to Rollings Reliable Baking Powder Company's advertisement competition. Anne is shocked when she wins, because she didn't write anything about baking powder, and Diana explains:
48	-->Oh, I put that in. It was as easy as wink—and of course my experience in our old Story Club helped me. You know the scene where Averil makes the cake? Well, I just stated that she used the Rollings Reliable in it, and that was why it turned out so well; and then, in the last paragraph, where Percival clasps Averil in his arms and says, ‘Sweetheart, the beautiful coming years will bring us the fulfilment of our home of dreams,’ I added, ‘in which [[ProductPlacement we will never use any baking powder except Rollings Reliable]].’
49	* Anne is proposed marriage several times in the book by several different people, although none is probably so memorable as the first proposal, which came by proxy. Jane Andrews asks very matter-of-factly on behalf of her brother, Billy. This scene is so surreal to Anne that it takes up an entire chapter of the book.
50	* Anne finally gets the TallDarkAndHandsome man of her dreams...and he's dreadfully boring. Even his sister thinks so.
51
52
53	!! Anne of Windy Poplars / Willows
54	* The narration removes whole pages of Anne's letters to Gilbert when she starts waxing romantic about their future together.
55	* Anne's love-to-hate relationship with pumpkin preserves. When she's first invited out to dinner by a local family, they serve pumpkin preserves, and Anne, who's never had it before, finds it delicious and raves about it to her hosts. However, as she's invited to dinner by all the prominent local families in turn, every single one of them serves pumpkin preserves, because they've been told that Anne loves it. Anne quickly becomes very, very tired of the dish, but etiquette demands she eat it every time. It gets to the point where she's especially looking forward to dining with one family because she knows they hate pumpkin in all it's forms. When she gets there? They've asked the neighbors to provide some pumpkin preserves, especially for Anne, including a large jar to take home. Later that night, she enlists the housekeeper Rebecca Dew to help her bury the jar in the garden by moonlight. When she details this to Gilbert in a letter, she opens with 'Please, Gilbert, let us never, ever have pumpkin preserves in our House of Dreams!'
56	* Anne goes to the Taylor family's house for dinner, but Cyrus Taylor is having one of his infamous sulky fits and refuses to speak, which makes everyone too nervous to enjoy themselves since he just glares silently throughout the meal. Anne, who decides to trick him into speaking, asks the visiting Dr. Carter "Perhaps you would be surprised to hear, Dr. Carter, that Mr. Taylor went deaf very suddenly last week?", noting to herself that [[ExactWords she hadn't actually said Mr. Taylor had gone deaf]]. Mr. Taylor's children decide to play along, resulting in them telling ridiculous falsehoods about their father without actually saying he'd done those things, all so they can get back at him for his sulking.
57	-->"What would you think, Dr. Carter, of a man who makes his family live on fruit and eggs...nothing but fruit and eggs...just for a fad?"
58	-->"What would you think of a husband who bit his wife when she put up curtains he didn't like...deliberately bit her?"
59	-->"What would you think of a man who would give his wife a pair of goloshes for a Christmas present...nothing but a pair of goloshes?"
60	-->"Have you ever wondered, Dr. Carter, how awful it must be to live with a man who thinks nothing...nothing—of picking up the roast, if it isn't perfectly done, and hurling it at the maid?"
61	-->"What would you think of a man who would go to a funeral...his father's funeral...in overalls?"
62	** Mrs. Taylor then tries to defend her husband's honour by mentioning how he's very good at crocheting. This proves to be the last straw for Mr. Taylor, who pushes his chair back so violently that it knocks over and breaks a hideous old vase that the rest of the family hated. While at first he's quite angry about all the falsehoods being told about him, he soon [[ActuallyPrettyFunny starts laughing about it]] and admits that he deserved all of it except the part about crocheting.
63
64	!! Anne's House of Dreams
65	* A spot of HypocriticalHumor from Mrs. Lynde:
66	-->'''Anne:''' Then there are Phil and the Reverend Jo——
67	-->'''Mrs. Lynde:''' It sounds awful to hear you speaking of a minister like that, Anne.
68	-->'''Anne:''' His wife calls him that.
69	-->'''Mrs. Lynde:''' She should have more respect for his holy office, then.
70	-->'''Anne:''' I've heard you criticize ministers pretty sharply yourself.
71	-->'''Mrs. Lynde:''' Yes, but I do it reverently. You never heard me ''nickname'' a minister.
72	* Shortly after Jem's birth, Gilbert tells Marilla that Anne is furious at the nurse for telling her that Jem's hair will be red.
73	* Miss Cornelia relays the story of the birth of her baby brother. She had wanted a brother for a long time, and was ecstatic to find out she had one, but was greatly disappointed when she laid eyes on him and found out he was a ''baby.'' She'd wanted an older brother.
74	* Anne and Gilbert come to an agreement never to speak BabyTalk to their children, only for Anne to instantly contradict herself when Jem is born because she just can't resist doing so. Her baby talk is written phonetically in the narrative.
75	* When Miss Cornelia announces she's going to get married, Gilbert gives her the rules for marriage his grandmother told his mother when she married his father:
76	-->'''Gilbert:''' The first one is, catch him.
77	-->'''Miss Cornelia:''' He's caught. Go on.
78	-->'''Gilbert:''' The second one is, [[ThroughHisStomach feed him well]].
79	-->'''Miss Cornelia:''' With enough pie. What next?
80	-->'''Gilbert:''' The third and fourth are—keep your eye on him.
81	-->'''Miss Cornelia (emphatically):''' [[DoesNotLikeMen I believe you.]]
82
83	!! Anne of Ingleside
84	* Anne returns to Ingleside after a trip and Susan fills her in on the happenings at Ingleside. When Anne asks why the two ceramic dogs that decorate the fireplace (Gog and Magog) are gone, Susan informs her she removed them after Walter told an important guest that their names were "God" and "My God."
85	* Jem peppers his mother with questions, the last being "Mummy, are we really too romantic a family?" right before the narrative recounts the time Susan found the barn covered in splotches of red paint, which the children insisted they needed to represent the gore of the fake battle they were putting on.
86
87	!! Rainbow Valley
88	* Faith goes to the house of Norman Douglas, an atheist who hasn't been to church in ten years, to demand that he join the church so that her father's salary can get paid (they had just lost an important sponser). He turns her away and accuses her of being "put up" to it. Faith leaves the house crying... until she realises that she's very angry, and she goes back to give him a piece of her mind. The resulting speech is both a CMOA and a CMOF, and this actually convinces Norman to begin sponsoring the church again! (He himself finds it ActuallyPrettyFunny.)
89	--> "I have come back to tell you exactly what I think of you," said Faith in clear, ringing tones, "I am not afraid of you. You are a rude, unjust, tyrannical, disagreeable old man. Susan says you are sure to go to hell, and I was sorry for you, but I am not now. Your wife never got a hat for ten years - no wonder she died. I am going to make faces at you whenever I see you after this. Every time I am behind you you will know what is happening. Father has a picture of the devil in a book in his study, and I mean to go home and write your name under it. You are an old vampire and I hope you'll have the Scotch fiddle!"
90	** The narration points out that Faith has no idea what the words "vampire" or "Scotch fiddle" even mean (the "Scotch fiddle" actually refers to itchy skin from subdermal crabs) and just said them because they were the worst insults she could think of.
91
92
93	!! Rilla of Ingleside
94	* Miranda and Joe's wedding. Miranda's father, Mr. Pryor [=AKA=] Whiskers-On-The-Moon, doesn't want Miranda to marry Joe because Joe's a soldier and Whiskers is a pacifist, so Rilla organises their wedding at Ingleside. The wedding is eventful; during the ceremony Miranda's dog has a fit, and at the reception Joe's mother sits on a pie!
95	** During the preparations for the wedding, Rilla asks Susan to make a wedding cake... ''before'' telling her about the wedding.
96	--> "A wedding-cake!" Susan stared. Rilla had, without any warning, brought her a war-baby once upon a time. Was she now, with equal suddenness, going to produce a husband?
97	* Whiskers-On-The-Moon gives an anti-war prayer at a prayer meeting organised to pray for the soldiers. Norman Douglas objects: he gets up and shakes Whiskers-On-The-Moon.
98	--> "You blatant beast!"—shake—"You malignant carrion"—shake—"You pig-headed varmint!"—shake—"you putrid pup"—shake—"you pestilential parasite"—shake—"you—Hunnish scum"—shake—"you indecent reptile—you—you—" Norman choked for a moment. Everybody believed that the next thing he would say, church or no church, would be something that would have to be [[NarrativeProfanityFilter spelt with asterisks]]; but at that moment Norman encountered his wife's eye and he fell back with a thud on Holy Writ. "You whited sepulchre!" he bellowed, with a final shake, and cast Whiskers-on-the-moon from him with a vigour which impelled that unhappy pacifist to the very verge of the choir entrance door.
99	** Gilbert's reaction to this.
100	--> "...Norman's performance was utterly improper and scandalous and outrageous; but, by George,"—the doctor threw back his head and chuckled, "by George, Anne-girl, it was ''satisfying''."

Context Funny / AnneOfGreenGables