History Funny / Jaws

-->'''Brody''': THAT'S GREAT! THAT'S JUST GREAT! [[SoWhatDoWeDoNow NOW WHERE THE HELL ARE WE HUH?!]] YOU'RE CERTIFIABLE, QUINT, YOU KNOW THAT?! YOU'RE CERTIFIABLE!\\

--> '''Brody''': Slow it ahead. I can go slow it ahead. Come down and chum some of this ''shit!''

* Ben Gardner's roasting of the amatuer fishermen. His [[MotorMouth motor-mouthed]] delivery is what really sells it; he makes the whole diatribe sound like a single sentence.

-->'''Brody:''' On the water?!
-->'''Hooper:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Well, if we're looking for a shark we're not gonna find it on the land.]]
-->'''Brody:''' Yeah, but I'm not drunk enough to go out on a boat!
-->'''Hooper:''' Yes, you are!
-->'''Brody:''' No, I'm not!
-->'''Hooper:''' Yes, you are!
-->'''Brody:''' I can't do that!
-->'''Hooper:''' Yes, you can!
-->[[GilliganCut (Cut to a noticeably tipsy Brody on Hooper's boat.)]]

--> '''Ellen''': Martin, it's his birthday tomorrow!
--> '''Brody''': I don't want him out on the water!
--> '''Ellen''': He's not in the water! He's on a boat. I don't think he'll ever go in the water after what happened.
--> ''[She flips through a book filled with [[BlackComedy illustrations of sharks attacking boats and eating people]]]''
--> '''Ellen''': Michael! [[OpinionFlipFlop Did you hear your father? Out of the water!]]

-->'''Kid:''' (pointing) He made me do it! He talked me into it...

-->'''Quint:''' $10,000. $200 a day whether I catch him or not.
-->'''Brody:''' You got it.
-->'''Quint:''' Get the Mayor off my back so I don't have any more of this zoning crap.
-->'''Brody:''' You got it.
-->'''Quint:''' One case of apricot brandy, and you buy the lunch.
-->'''Brody:''' Two cases. You get dinner when you get back.
-->'''Quint:''' Champagne, pate de foie gras, Iranian caviar, and don't forget the color TV.

-->'''Hooper:''' I need to have something in the foreground to give it some scale!
-->''' Brody:''' Foreground my ass!

--> "Mary Ellen Moffett. She broke my heart"

-->'''Quint''': "Well, it proves one thing, Mr. Hooper. It proves that you wealthy college boys, don't have the education to admit when you're wrong."

--> '''Brody''': It doesn't make sense that they pay a guy like you to watch sharks.
--> '''Hooper''': It doesn't make sense for someone who's afraid of water to live on an island.
--> '''Brody''': It's only an island when you look at it from the water.
--> '''Hooper''': [[SarcasmMode That makes a lot of sense.]]

--> '''Hooper:''' He ate the lights.
--> '''Brody:''' [[DeadpanSnarker Terrific]].
--> '''Hooper:''' Excuse me.

--> '''Brody''': THAT'S GREAT! THAT'S JUST GREAT! [[SoWhatDoWeDoNow NOW WHERE THE HELL ARE WE HUH?!]] YOU'RE CERTIFIABLE, QUINT, YOU KNOW THAT?! YOU'RE CERTIFIABLE!
--> '''Quint''': Yeah, yeah, yeah...

--> '''Hooper''': Oh boys.... Oh, ''boys...'' I think he's come back for his noon feeding.

* If you listen carefully, you can hear little Sean angrily declaring, "Michael, I don't like you no more!" when the latter refuses to wait for him to catch up while they're playing at the beach.
* When the first shark sighting on the Fourth of July is revealed to be a practical joke by a couple of kids, the two boys pop up to see the entire Amity coast guard pointing rifles at them, prompting one of them to give this hasty excuse:
-->'''Kid:''' (pointing) He made me do it! He talked me into it...

* Hooper gets fed up with the Mayor's refusal to believe the shark is still out there:
-->'''Vaughn:''' I don't believe either one of you are familiar with our problems!
-->'''Hooper:''' I believe that I am familiar with the fact that you're going to ignore this particular problem until it swims up and bites you in the ASS!

* As the ''Orca'' departs, Quint teases the two with a bunch of nautical phrases.
-->"Up periscope! Rig for depth charge! Nor'easter coming! Bad news for Madison Avenue!"

* In that same scene, Brody is on the phone trying to get the situation under control. Outside, his deputy, Hendricks, is just standing there smoking. When Brody tries to get his attention, Hendricks cheerily waves at him.

** While they're talking, Hooper is just looking around Quint's home in awe at all the shark mouth bones.

* Brody's ''grumbling'' as he scoops bait into the water. [[MoodWhiplash Just before the shark pops up.]]
--> '''Brody''': Slow it ahead. I can go slow it ahead. Come down and chum some of this ''shit!''
* When the shark makes it's first appearance while the trio are out on the ''Orca'', Brody's reaction is to freak out, and Quint's is to prepare to harpoon it. ''Hooper's'' reaction is to excitedly grab his camera and start snapping photos, while demanding that Brody get closer to the shark in order to give it a reference point for size. [[{{Understatement}} Brody... is not pleased with this plan.]]
-->'''Hooper:''' I need to have something in the foreground to give it some scale!
-->''' Brody:''' Foreground my ass!

** The vandalization itself, with a spray-painted shark fin, in correct proportion according to Hooper, and a speech balloon coming from the beach bunny: "Help, shark!" Obviously these were particularly well-researched vandals.

* When Quint sees the shark cage, he doubts its reliability, saying, "You go inside the cage? Cage goes in the water? You go in the water? Shark's in the water. Our shark," then smiles and starts singing, "Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies! Farewell and adieu, you ladies of Spain!"
* At one point, Quint crushes a beer can in his hand,[[note]]which at the time were made from tin instead of aluminum, so crushing one barehanded was far more impressive[[/note]] and Hooper responds by doing the same thing with a styrofoam cup.
* "[[GonnaNeedMoreX You're gonna need a bigger boat.]]" Even funnier is how the audience knows ''exactly'' why Brody is [[OhCrap saying that]] when he finally saw the shark. And [[OverlyLongGag all through the rest of the scene]], Brody is babbling about [[MadnessMantra calling in a bigger boat.]] Quint keeps ignoring him all the same. Even the editor seems to get tired of it and fades to the next scene while he's still going. It's even more hilarious once you realize that line was completely ad-libbed. Both the book author and the credited screenwriter expressed jealousy at Roy Scheider just making that up on the spot.
** It's also funny, in a BlackComedy sort of way, that for all of Brody's kvetching about needing a bigger boat, he's ''right.'' They're in ''way'' over their heads; if they'd [[OnlySaneMan listened to Brody and gone in for a better-equipped boat,]] the hunt probably would have gone a lot more smoothly.
** Equally funny is the [[OhCrap face]] he makes when he spots the shark. You can tell his brain is calculating how close his hand just came to being bitten off.
* As Quint and Hooper drunkenly share battle scars from their various undersea encounters, Brody looks down at [[JustAFleshWound his appendectomy scar]] and decides to keep quiet.
** Hooper revealing his worst scar:
--> "Mary Ellen Moffett. She broke my heart"
** And the other two men cracking up as not only do they find his joke amusing, they can all empathize.
* Everyone treats Hooper like he's a fresh out of college kid. Dude has gray in his beard.
** Creator/RichardDreyfuss was 27 when the film was released, which isn't beyond college age depending on what degree is being pursued, especially in the sciences. Most Ph.D students don't finish their degrees until their late-20s, and even that can be prolonged depending on the research. Also, compared to Shaw and Scheider, he was relatively young. It is true, however, that this was a case of casting not matching the script as the script was adjusted for Dreyfuss. And people can start to go grey in even their late teens.
** Quint's treatment of Hooper, in particular, seems to have more to do with white collar vs. blue collar conflict than age. When Quint pejoratively refers to Hooper as a college boy, the implication is that Hooper has led a sheltered life, in contrast to the hard knocks that Quint has experienced. He then takes Hooper down a peg and reveals that just because he isn't as educated as Hooper doesn't mean he's stupid.
-->'''Quint''': "Well, it proves one thing, Mr. Hooper. It proves that you wealthy college boys, don't have the education to admit when you're wrong."
* Hooper [[TongueOutInsult making faces behind Quint's back]] after this rebuke (as seen in the image to the right of this page).
* Quint's continual rejection of Hooper produces some [[CrossesTheLineTwice infamous, yet memorable moments]]:
-->'''Quint:''' You have city hands, Mr. Hooper. You been [[GreedyJew countin' money]] all your life.\\
'''Hooper:''' All right, all right. Hey, I don't need this... I don't need this [[WorkingClassHero working-class-hero]] crap.

* Hooper watching some of the would-be shark-killers: "Ha ha, [[BrutalHonesty they're all]] [[BlackComedy gonna die.]]"
** Also when he describes the guys who are severely overloading their boat:
--->"You know those eight guys in the fantail launch out there? Well, none of them are gonna make it out of the harbor alive."
* In that same scene, Brody is on the phone trying to get the situation under control. Outside, his deputy, Hendricks, is just standing there smoking. When Brody tries to get his attention, Hendricks cheerily waves at him.

* In one scene, Brody is on Hooper's boat, drunkenly ranting about why he moved from New York to Amity. Hooper's barely listening:
-->'''Hooper:''' ''[mouth full]'' Fascinating. Want a pretzel?

* Quint and Brody ironing out the finer details of his payment for catching the shark.
-->'''Quint:''' $10,000. $200 a day whether I catch him or not.
-->'''Brody:''' You got it.
-->'''Quint:''' Get the Mayor off my back so I don't have any more of this zoning crap.
-->'''Brody:''' You got it.
-->'''Quint:''' One case of apricot brandy, and you buy the lunch.
-->'''Brody:''' Two cases. You get dinner when you get back.
-->'''Quint:''' Champagne, pate de foie gras, Iranian caviar, and don't forget the color TV.
** While they're talking, Hooper is just looking around Quint's home in awe at all the shark mouth bones.

* "That's some bad hat, Harry."
* The moment when Hooper visits the Brody household with some wine as a souvenir. Martin, fed up with the whole shark problem, starts filling his ''pint'' with the wine despite Hooper's protests that he should let it breathe. (Note that Brody's glass still has some whiskey and ice in the bottom when he fills it. [[{{Squick}} Imagine what that must taste like.]]) Then, he gives Ellen and Hooper the smallest amount imaginable.
** To be fair, Hooper did actually hold up two fingers as a way to tell Brody to stop filling his glass. Clearly, neither of them wanted too much, anyway. [[INeedAFreakingDrink Brody, on the other hand...]]
** And it's the red wine, even though they're having fish. And, considering Hooper's wealth and pained reaction, it was probably a pretty good vintage.
** And two scenes later, [[BrickJoke he's working his way through the other bottle]].

* Brody and his wife having a little argument about Michael playing in his boat floating on their dock. Brody freaks out and orders him off the boat, due to being still freaked about the death of Alex Kitner. His wife argues that he'll be fine in the boat... Until she flips through Brody's shark book and lands on an illustration of a large shark biting right through a whaling boat.
-->''"Michael! Did you hear your father?! Out of the water now! NOW!!"''
** Even better is Brody's confused expression when she shouts at Michael. He wasn't looking at the book, and this outburst clearly seems like a bizarre and random mood swing.

* The scene with the ''Welcome'' sign:
** Hooper doing his best to talk some sense into the town Mayor... but the Mayor is [[HypocriticalHumor more worried about the vandalized]] ''Welcome to Amity'' sign covered with shark graffiti.
** The vandalization itself, with a spray-painted shark fin, in correct proportion according to Hooper, and a speech balloon coming from the beach bunny: "Help, shark!" Obviously these were particularly well-researched vandals.

* During the scene with the tiger shark, we get this little gem from one of the fisherman:
--> '''Fisherman''': Well what kind? What kind of shark?
--> '''Hooper''': Tiger shark!
--> '''Fisherman''': A ''what''?
** For the last line, it's not so much the quote itself but the tone in which he says it.
*** It's also weird, in that these are people who have heard of the mako shark (they mention it earlier in the scene when trying to identify the species, but mispronounce it as "ma-KOW" rather than "MAY-ko") but have never heard of the much better-known tiger shark.
*** To be fair, the tiger shark doesn't normally range much further north than Virginia, while the mako extends to Nova Scotia. Still, the tiger shark is hard to misidentify.
* Also, as the journalist is trying to get the fishermen to pose for a picture, Quint can be seen cruising on by in the ''Orca'' snickering whilst tipping his hat slightly. Obviously he can tell that they've got the wrong shark!

* Hooper making faces behind Quint's back after this rebuke (as seen in the image to the right of this page).

-->"Up periscope! Rig for depth charge' Nor'easter coming! Bad news for Madison Avenue!"

** While they're talking, Hooper is just looking around Quint's home in awe at all the shark mouths.

* Also, as the journalist is trying to get the fishermen to pose for a picture, Quint can be seen cruising on by in the Orca snickering whilst tipping his hat slightly. Obviously he can tell that they've got the wrong shark!

--> "Well, it proves one thing, Mr. Hooper. It proves that you wealthy college boys, don't have the education to admit when you're wrong."

** Quint's treatment of Hooper, in particular, seems to have more to do with white collar vs. blue collar conflict than age. When Quint pejoratively refers to Hooper as a college boy, the implication is that Hooper has led a sheltered life, in contrast to the hard knocks that Quint has experienced.
* Hooper making faces behind Quint's back after a rebuke (as seen in the image to the right of this page).

-->'''Hooper:''' [[DeadpanSnarker "Well, if we're looking for a shark we're not gonna find it on the land.]]

--> '''Hooper''': That makes a lot of sense.

*** It's also weird, in that these are people who have heard of the mako shark (they mention it earlier in the scene when trying to identify the species, but mispronounce it as "ma-KO" rather than "MAY-ko") but have never heard of the much better-known tiger shark.